Chapter 4
God damn my head hurts. It’s like someone got into my brain and started prodding around. Someone was shaking my arm, but I couldn’t see or hear anything. Bright white blotches coated my vision and all I could hear was a powerful ring in my ears, courtesy of my pounding headache. I could feel myself let out a groan, but couldn’t hear myself do it.
Someone else started to tip me over onto my side. I began to thrash around, however, which allowed me to return to a laying position. My sight started to clear and I could see various types of medical equipment. I scanned the room from my position and saw a man and woman, whom I’d never met before, as well as Stark, Rogers, and the flying man from the night I was captured.
The woman started to snap her fingers by each of my ears as she looked over my face. Rogers was on my left, scanning over my face and Stark was standing next to the man I hadn’t met.
My hearing started to come back and I could hear the snaps in my ears. I reached my hand up to grab hers, but she pulled away before I could. I gave a large sigh and rubbed my eyes with my palms.
“Can you hear me, Y/N?”
I glared up at the woman. “I could hear that annoying snapping.”
My words came out incoherently but she smiled anyway.
“She’s ready and okay, Mr. Stark.” She looked behind her to where he was standing.
“Ready for what?” I started to sit up.
“To live a better life.” Steve Rogers smiled at me.
***
I don't ever remember my mind being this clear. The plane ride back to New York felt like I was finally seeing and hearing everything I was supposed to. It felt strange, but familiar. The flying man, who was introduced to me as Sam Wilson, sat up front with Stark. I was sat near the back with Rogers. He looked like he wanted to say something to me for a while now, but wouldn’t. I didn’t really feel like speaking anyway, so I rested my head back and started to doze off.
I was quickly woken up by the descent of the plan. I rubbed my eyes and looked out the window. The tower was just below us. Once we had landed and got out of the plane we headed to the elevator. My eyes began to close slowly during the long trip back down.
“You feeling okay, Y/N?” Stark cocked his head at me.
“Tired.”
I was far too tired to hold a conversation. I just wanted to sleep.
“You can sleep as soon as you’re in your room.” He went back to looking forward.
I hummed softly at this. My head had gotten better, but the dull ache surrounded me like a fog. All I could think about was how much I wanted to go to sleep. I hadn’t even experienced this amount of exhaustion in a very long time.
The elevator dinged, signaling that we’d arrived on the right floor. When the doors opened, I forced myself to open my eyes. There were many people I didn’t recognize standing in a group at a kitchen counter. They all looked toward us, but immediately furrowed their brows in confusion. All eyes trained on me. I groaned and began to lurch forward. The second I stepped too hard, my head was pounding again. I let out a large groan while Stark and Sam approached the group. They started to ask questions, but I couldn’t make any of them out due to their overlap. Rogers was quickly by my side, placing a hand under my elbow and leading me to the stairs.
“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna take her to her room and let her get some sleep first.” He spoke far too loud in my ear.
I pushed him away and lugged myself to the bottom of the stairs. “Too loud.”
“JARVIS, could you please ensure that Miss L/N gets to her room?” I could hear Stark shout.
I hummed in disapproval. Everyone was being too damn loud. I used the railing to drag myself up the stairs. It felt like I had been climbing for hours when I finally made it to the top. I started to walk along the hallway, only opening my eyes enough to gauge my surroundings.
“Your room is at the end of the hall, Miss. L/N.” A robotic voice spoke.
I hushed it before I even knew what I was doing. Too damn loud. I made it to the end of the hallway and to the door that held a plaque with my name on it. I walked in and made a straight shot for the bed. I curled up in the sheets quickly and found myself passed out before I knew it.
***
When I woke up the next morning I felt alive. I also felt immensely confused about where I was, why I was here, and how I ended up getting here. I sat up and looked around the room. It was quite barren and contained a separate bathroom area. I wasn’t in my apartment, though. I got up and opened the door to look down the hall. It was in an apartment-style, with rooms against both walls. I exited the room and walked down the hall and to the top of the staircase. I decided that the best way to rid myself of this confusion was to go downstairs and ask.
I could hear people from below, chattering loudly. I walked down the stairs quietly and was met with seven very unfamiliar faces. Well, not all of them were familiar. I could discern Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Sam Wilson. They were the people who brought me here yesterday.
“How’re you feeling?” Steve inquired.
“Why am I here?” I said in a monotone.
“Why don’t you sit down so we can tell you and introduce everyone?” Tony came over and gestured to the couch.
I walked to the couch, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room as they also made their way over to the living area. I sat down the furthest away from anyone.
“Do you remember when we captured you?” Sam said from the other side of the couch.
“A little bit. I remember coming here yesterday, you three brought me here.” I pointed at them.
“Let’s just cut to the chase.” Tony clapped his hands. “Before we captured you we had Natasha here say your special words which made you come with us. Then you agreed to be rehabilitated here with us because Nick Fury sent you on a mission. You no longer have that in your head though, because we got rid of all the bad stuff in your head.” I looked at him with confusion. “I think that was dumbed down enough.”
“I’m not stupid, Stark.” I snapped at him. “What the fuck do you mean by ‘bad stuff’ what’s gone?”
“The Winter Soldier. It’s gone. I’m sure you’ve been able to feel it since yesterday.” Steve spoke up.
I stayed quiet after that. They didn’t pry me for any more answers or force me to talk to them. I didn’t want to talk. They did, however, introduce me to everyone. They also allowed me to be on a first-name basis with everyone.
Natasha was ‘The Black Widow’ and she was, apparently, the one who slightly reprogrammed me the last couple of days which I’m not too happy about. Bruce was a scientist and also the Hulk?? He didn’t actually live in the tower, though. He was just over all of the time. Clint Barton went by ‘Hawkeye’ and he seemed to be a really laid-back guy. Best friends with Natasha though. So maybe he can’t be trusted, either. The last man was quiet. He barely even looked at me. He had long brown hair and his name was Bucky. He seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I knew him from.
As the day moved on I mostly stayed silent in my room. I still had Super Soldier abilities, but my mind was clearer. The robotic voice called me down for dinner. As I was making my way down the hallway, I heard two people talking at the bottom of the stairs. I stayed at the top so that I could focus my hearing on the two.
“I think she could really use your help.” It was Steve’s voice.
“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” It was a voice I didn’t recognize. I peeked my head down, but couldn’t see anything.
“You’ve been through this too, and I don’t think she knows what she’s in for. It took you a while to feel more normal and even now you still have nightmares.” Steve again.
“So I can’t help her. I’m not ‘cured’ I’m just getting used to it.” The other voice spoke harshly.
“You’ve been wiped long enough to know a thing or two.” The other voice sighed at Steve’s comment. “Look, at least introduce yourself, okay? Tell her who you are and tell her about what she can expect.”
The other voice made no comment after that. I started to make my way downstairs, feeling that I had snooped enough. Once I had made it halfway down I could see that the other voice belonged to Bucky.
Our eyes met for only a second before he made his way to the dining room. Steve looked at me and gave me a grim smile. He ushered me into the dining area to where the table was. There was one seat that didn’t quite look like the rest. Maybe they only had seven chairs before. I took a seat in the mismatched chair and crossed my hands in my lap. One by one, everyone started to get seated around the table.
Clint made tried to look at me, but I wouldn’t let him make eye contact. “Sorry about the chair.” He said. “We’re gonna get another one, this is just temporary.”
I nodded back to him. Once everyone was settled, a lively tone filled the room. Everyone was conversing and it was a nice feeling. I had finished my meal before everyone and got up to clean my plate and head upstairs. No one questioned me.
My room was empty, so there wasn’t much to do. There was a large box in front of my bed and a few books on a shelf, but I decided to just lie down and try to relax.
I was beginning to drift off when there was a knock on my door. I got up leisurely and opened the door to see Bucky standing in my doorway.
“Can I help you?” I said in the same monotone I’ve been using.
“I’m not here because I want to be.” His tone was harsh. “Steve wanted me to give you advice.”
“What advice could you give me that would be helpful?”
“Can I come in?” He finally looked at me. “Then I’ll talk, and get out.”
I opened the door wider and he sat on the chair by the window. I placed myself at the foot of the bed and waited for him to talk.
“Have you had any memories come in yet or is everything still pretty foggy?”
I frowned at him. “It feels like my mind is racing with words that have no meaning to me.”
“Yeah, that’s the fog.” He cleared his throat. “Do you know who I am?”
“You seem familiar, but I can’t figure out where I know you from.” I looked at him harder, hoping I could place him.
“You would know me as The Asset. The soldier that escaped.”
The Asset? HYDRA’s best soldier? This is where he went?
“This is what happened to you? We all assumed you had been, miraculously, killed.”
“When you say ‘we’ you’re talking about the rest of the soldiers, yes?” I nodded.
There was a long pause before he spoke again. “Your memories will come back to you in dreams. Everything before the serum will come first and then the nightmares will come.” He started to get up. “There’s a lot that’s new since 1942. You’re right next to Clint, so if you have any questions I’m sure he can answer.”
Then he made his way out of my room and shut the door behind him. What the hell? The Asset, -The- Winter Soldier was just here. Not only that, but none of his words made any sense.
I got up to turn off all the lights and crawl back into bed. As soon as I drifted off, I had a dream.