mirrorball

Peter Parker dreamed of having the softness Ben and May have. Their strong hands filled with love for the world around them. They both acted as guiding lights to anyone in contact with them.

Peter forced their kindness into every crevice his body could fit. Molding himself after them to the best of his abilities. He wanted to be more than the anger that courses through his veins. He had felt like he was doing a good job of it.

Then the spider bite happened.

He had gained control of himself in a way he hadn’t thought possible. His old sickness that had stuck with him for his entire life was gone, he no longer needed his glasses, and he felt strong. It was addicting.

Ben had been laid off not long after that. Bills piled on the kitchen table and a permanent frown seemed to overtake his face. Peter had felt like he could finally help. For once, he didn’t feel like a burden.

He worked his way to joining the underground fight clubs. He knew if Ben ever found out it would feel like a kick in the teeth, so he would make sure he never found out.

He won fight after fight. It felt almost too easy. Apparently, the guy sponsoring him thought so too. His pay docked to almost nothing, definitely not enough to make a dent in the ever-growing pile of bills.

The anger over took him. It felt like a vicious victory to let the man be robbed. He didn’t deserve the money when he couldn’t hold his end of the bargain. Peter could live with this small act of pettiness. It’s not like anyone got hurt, he had thought to himself.

Ben had found him not long after. Minutes of lecturing feeling like hours. He could feel the rage steadily building in him. He had done this for them. His voice raised above Ben’s soft worry. His desperate pleas of how he had just wanted Peter to be safe, to be at home with May and him. He didn’t have to worry about these adult things because he was their kid.

It fell on deaf ears.

The man who had robbed the fighting ring had moved onto other targets. Cut off mid fight with Ben because he was the true hero. He wouldn’t let anyone be hurt where he could see. There’s no more argument waiting for Peter when he gets home, it ends with as soon as Ben is shot.

His hands are painted red with blood, he can hardly make out Ben’s face past the tears building in his eyes. He screams until his voice is hoarse, pleading for help. For God, for anyone to save him.

In the end, Ben clenches the hand he's is using to put pressure on his wound. He doesn’t say anything but Peter can see it. The love is endless in his eyes and it leaves him gasping for breaths.

“Please, please, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please, I love you, please.”

His pleas go unanswered as Ben goes still.

The aftermath of his death leaves May and him reeling. They lose most of their savings on his funeral, May takes on more hours, and they’re forced to move into a smaller apartment. It's a long time before they feel stable again.

The guilt of it all falls heavy on Peter’s shoulders. He takes up the mantle of Spider-Man. He works for his neighborhood, fighting for the little guy. He replicates the dedication Ben held for his community.

His anger would almost be stagnant if it wasn’t for the outlet Spider-Man gave him. Quips taste like blood on his lips. The way he pulls his punches just enough to not truly hurt anyone but still leaves them dizzy. How he throws himself off of high buildings, let’s himself almost hit the ground before catching himself. It’s still steeped into his core but he won’t let it keep him from doing good.

Tony Stark finds him and its like a shot of adrenaline is pushed into his veins. He feels the need to be bigger, to help more. He doesn’t see the way he’s fallen back into old patterns. Taking on more than he could control.

He gets a reality check real fast.

The Spider-Man suit he'd been given taken away from him and an entire building crumbling on top of him. He’s close to giving up but he knows its not an option. So he pushes through, raising the building so he could get out while pleading with himself for the strength to do it.

He stops Tomb without the help of Tony, rejects his offer of becoming an Avenger, and works for his community once more. He feels at peace with his decision. Truly regrets his mistakes and works on making right by the people around him.

Then he dies in Tony Starks arms.

Their relationship had been based on understanding, even after May’s intervention. They had gotten closer but there’s still a bridge they wouldn’t cross. No hugs, no true talk of feelings, just them as mentor and mentee. Happy had actually been closer to him than Tony. Though, to be fair, May and him had started dating so he was around a lot more. Peter knew he cared for him but that was the extent of their relationship.

So imagine his surprise when he’s brought back to life and the first thing Tony does when he sees him is hug him. It’s warm, comfortable and everything he had wished for in the beginning of their relationship. Something deeper and closer than the carefully crafted barrier created between them.

It ends there because Tony dies. Peter almost wants to blame himself. It’s like he’s poison to the people he loves. His parents, Ben, and Tony gone just like that. He mourns what could have been and what was. It leaves him feeling fragile.

He gets betrayed not long after that. Mysterio taking the mantle of his mentor and Peter knows he should have seen the signs but he was so desperate for someone to see him. To understand how lost he felt without Tony. He can feel his anger burn once more but it’s more distant, almost lost in the fear of having someone he trusted manipulate him just to ruin his life.

Mysterio dies and he's perseveres once more. It’s easier with Ned, Mj, Happy, and May backing him. He finally feels content with all the loss in his life, like he can finally truly move on.

He feels the delicate kindness of everyone pass through him, bringing back the need to stuff himself with it again. Let's the hazy red clouding his eyes slowly remove itself.

He should have known his happiness could only last so long. He watches as Mysterio accuses him of murder and leaks his name as Spider-Man. It’s a whirlwind of lawyers and denying. It seems almost fast as it comes to a standstill. There's nothing anyone can truly do to him physically since it's proven false.

He feels okay to move on, even if everyone looks at him differently.

It’s not till it affects MJ and Ned that he gets desperate enough to ask Dr. Strange for help. It bites him in the ass big time. Multiverses crash together because he can't shut his god damn mouth. Villains captured as they cause chaos from his mistake.

He loses everything this time. Everyone forgets him but that’s not even the worst part.

May is gone. Dead, and it might as well be by his hands. They never seem to lose the red painted on since Ben's death.

She had looked at him, seen him, and still fought for him. She was his as much as he was hers and she was gone. She had been his North Star for as long as he could remember. She had pushed past everything to create something good in this world. She looked at everyone Peter deemed unworthy and made them worthy.

It took everything in him not to diminish her work. To follow through with the plans to cure everyone. Even then it took the screams of the other Peter’s to make any difference but he still couldn’t make himself stop. Not until one had thrown himself at his feet, pleading for him to be better than them.

Then it was over.

He had gone to create his little family with the few remaining members. It took him hearing they had gotten into M.I.T to make him step back. It wasn't until he saw MJs cut that he dismissed the entire idea of helping them remember him.

He wouldn’t be the one to ruin their future. He couldn’t mark their grave like he had so many others. He could learn to be alone if it meant they'd never be hurt again.

And so, Peter Parker was truly gone from the world and he would make sure he wouldn’t revive.