Welcome to the world, Joe Hawley
It was exactly 3:37 am, everyone was snoozing their lives away. Just then Jimmy barged in and screamed at the top of his lungs "THE BABY IS HERE!!!" Everyone immediately followed Jimmy into the Delivery room. There it was....their bundle of joy who mysteriously was born with a red tie. May Parker hung down from the ceiling on a web as she reached towards the newborn. "Yes May, friend!" cooed Peter B Parker. "What are your pronouns little one.." asked Jimmy Urine crying tears of joy. "He/Him" said the Baby. Suddenly the baby began to....SING?!?!
♪ It's Now & Never, a reverie endeavor.... ♪
"He's perfect! We shall call him...Joe Hawley" said Jimmy Urine. "Can I hold him?" asked Ming Doyle. "Of course, you are the godmother" said Colleen, handing over baby Joe Hawley. He began to sing even more shitty tallyhall discography until he was interrupted by crying. "I'll go get her.." said Ming. She handed Joe to Jimmy and went to get her own child. She picked up Darcy trying to sooth her "You're supposed to be sleep silly!" said Ming in a baby voice but nothing was working. She knew the real reason she was crying, she missed her father. "No Darcy...that man is no longer a part of my- our lives" replied Ming. Darcy only started bawling more. Luckily Pekorin flew over and gave Darcy a donut, which stopped her from crying...well at least for now.
As Ming walked back into the delivery room, a red pentagram appeared on the ground. The impish creature made himself visible...it was none other than THE Lemon Demon. "Ming....Doyle...." growled the little spawn of Lucifer. "Oh hi Citrus Satan" said Ming. "IT'S LEMON DEMON! Whatever I've come here to retrieve Darcy on the behalf of Mr Cicieriega" huffed Lemon Demon. "Well he no longer has custody, now leave i'm tired of hearing his name" said Ming. "I didn't come up all the way to the mortal realm to leave empty handed, if I can't take Darcy then I'll have...that one" said the lemon head pointing to Joe. "You can't have him!" said Jimmy, balling his fists and gritting his teeth. But before anyone else could react, the Lemon Demon snatched the newborn and returned to the underworld from whence he came.
"OUR BABY!" cried Colleen. "DO SOMETHING PUSSIES" hollered Jimmy glaring at the Spidermen. "These watches only allow us to go through and to spiderverses, unless there is some sort of satanic Spider-Man there's not a chance" sighed Miguel. "AND YOU BITCHES?!?" asked Jimmy, glaring at the Anarchy Sisters. "We're angels dickhead, the fuck are we supposed to know about hell" retorted Panty. "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" scorned Jimmy. "Well there might be someone, the name's Adam" said Panty. "As in first man Adam?" asked Stocking. "Yeah he goes down to hell all the time! Plus I diddled him real good" said Panty proudly. "Not sure how that's relevant" Stocking said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure Adam will let us in, a good fuck lasts a lifetime" pipped Panty. "Panty are you slow, we're fallen angels there's no way heaven's gonna let us in" groaned Stocking. "Who gives a shit about heaven, let's go" replied Panty. "Lets fucking do this!" chimed in Jimmy.
After the Anarchy Sisters summoned a portal, everybody soon arrived at heaven's pearly gates. "Fuck, Saint Peter" fumed Stocking. "You don't have to tell me twice" said Panty as she headed towards his podium. "Hello there! I don't see your name on the list..." said Peter examining his golden scroll. "How about this, you let me enter heaven and I let you enter my pearly gates" smirked Panty seductively. The twink's pale skin began to fade to a pinkish color. "I appreciate the offer but I can't let you in, I can't imagine what the elders would do to me" said Saint Peter. "Come on, how about a BJ~" exhorted Panty. "I'm sorry but I really can't! Rules are rules" replied the angel. "Bullshit" huffed Jimmy Urine. "Eh worth a shot" said Panty, sticking her tongue out. Suddenly, a familiar seraphim flew down from above them. "We're not having any trouble Peter, are we?" asked Emily. "Yes we are actually! One of those fiendish demons abducted my baby!" cried Colleen. "And the Dickmaster is our ticket to hell" added on Panty. Emily's eyes began to fall onto the Anarchy sisters. "Panty and Stocking?!" gasped Emily. The truth was she developed a soft spot for fallen angels after Lucifer had been cast out, her friendship with Charlie had only strengthened her belief. "Aww you poor things, tell you what, you all can have day passes!" said Emily as she poofed day passes onto everyone's wrists. "It will only last a few hours so be quick, everyone will also be given temporary halos to help blend in, good luck!" smiled Emily. Now it was onto finding adam.