Stay (Week 3 - Wednesday)
It was a busy day at San Edistor’s transition center. The center served as a critical hub that facilitates smooth and effective transitions for residents that have crossed over.
For Ryan, who had an appointment at the center today at 9:00 am it was a reminder that her time was ending. She was excited about having a second chance at life, but she was also terrified. The fear of the unknown. Dying. There was always a chance the procedure could go wrong. There have been some cases where it happened. So, there was a chance she could actually die.
Unlike others who found solace in the idea of an afterlife, Ryan didn’t. She didn’t believe in heaven or hell; she felt when you die, you cease to exist. For her, death was the end, the cessation of existence, and that scared the hell out of her.
She pushed through her fears and arrived at the transition center to review her paperwork for her upcoming set date. Adam, Ryan’s case worker, greeted her as she entered his office.
“Ryan, it's good to see you again. Please have a seat.”
Ryan walked over to the chair in front of Adam’s desk and took a seat. “It’s good to see you again, too Adam. Is all my paperwork in order?”
“Yes, it is. Once you cross over, you will arrive here at the transition center. We will have your keys to your house and a car. There will be some more paperwork you must sign, and then you're free to leave.”
“That’s it?” She questioned.
“Yes, that’s it. “
Adam stood and shook Ryan's hand. There was nothing further that needed to be done. She couldn’t believe her time was almost up.
______
It was noon when Ryan headed over to Mary’s and Luke’s house. She wanted to share the good news with them that she picked San Edistor as her place of residence.
She knocks on the door, and Mary answers shortly after.
“Oh my god Ryan, I'm so delighted you came by. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again."
Ryan walks inside and hugs Mary.
“I wouldn’t do that to you or Luke, especially if I chose a different town.” Ryan smiles.
Mary's eyes widened, and a bright smile slowly spread across her face. “Noooo, you're going to be a resident here?”
“Yep.”
“LUKE!” Mary screams. “Ryan chose San Edistor!”
Luke rushes out of the kitchen. “That’s great, Ryan.”
Ryan told the two about her meeting with Adam and the process of her transition. Mary already knew the process. She, too, arrived at the transition center once she crossed over. Luke was different; he already had a destination place. All his paperwork was done before he crossed over. So, when he transitioned, he arrived at Mary’s house.
Sophie was in Mary’s backyard listening to music. She was waiting on Mary to return with drinks and playing cards. They had planned to play a couple of games of Blackjack, but it had been several minutes, and Mary hadn’t returned.
She decided to see what was taking Mary so long, so she walked into the house and heard voices. As she got closer, she realized that one of the voices was Ryan. Sophie wasn’t sure if she was ready to see Ryan again. But her feet continued to move until she found herself in the living room.
Ryan was so busy talking to Mary and Luke about her transition that she didn’t notice Sophie standing in the living room until she looked in that direction.
The smile on Ryan’s face suddenly transformed into a solemn expression. A flicker of surprise and hurt passed through her gaze as she locked eyes on Sophie.
“Hey, Ryan.” Sophie felt nervous seeing Ryan for the first time in a week. It actually felt much longer.
“Hi,” Ryan responded coldly.
The tension in the room was palpable. Mary looked back and forth between her two friends, who hadn’t said another word but continued to stare at each other.
“Luke, I think it's time for us to go for a drive and give these two useless lesbians a chance to talk.”
“But I don’t want to go out.” Luke objected.
Mary grabs Luke’s hand. “Come on; we're leaving. We will be back in an hour.”
“But Mary –”
“Let's go, Luke.”
Luke grudgingly allows Mary to lead him out the door. He looks over his shoulder as he closes the door.. “No sex in our house.”
Ryan wanted to roll her eyes at Luke’s comment, but she was fixated on Sophie. Immediately after the door was closed, Sophie walked towards Ryan and placed her hand on Ryan’s arm.
“Ryan, I’m sorry –”
“I met your girl, Deja.” Ryan interrupts and removes Sophie’s hand from her arm, putting distance between them.
Sophie looked down where her hand once touched Ryan’s arm. She missed the connection. Her eyes widened as they registered that Ryan met Deja. “You were in Oslo?”
“Yes. So, what did you tell her about me?”
Sophie looked confused. “I.. I didn’t .. wait, what did she say?”
“Nothing! She left the club before I could ask her how she knew I knew you.”
“Oh..” Sophie sighed. “That was my fault. We were” – Sophie lowered her head, looking at the floor — “making out, and I called her Ryan.”
“So, not even a week after we had sex, you’re making out with some chick?”
“Ryan, she’s not some chick. We had history. We used to –”
“I know she told me… “ Ryan walks past Sophie, a storm brewing within her. The tension between them hung thick in the air, making it difficult for her to meet Sophie’s gaze. “Look, it’s not my business what you and Deja did. We aren’t together. We aren’t.. anything. “
“We didn’t have sex if that’s what’s going through your mind. All I could think about was you. Ryan.” She closes the distance between them.
Ryan turns around and faces Sophie. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not like you are going to stick around.”
“You know the reason why, Ryan.”
“Yes, I do. It’s because of your sister. Is that the only reason? Cause it seems to me you blame yourself for her death.”
Sophie took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to share. “I do blame myself, “ she said. “The embassy contacted me when Jordan came down with Malaria. I was busy working and well… I don’t know what I was thinking.. I should have taken the next flight out. They assured me it wasn’t severe. So, I informed them I would be there by the end of the week.” Her breath hitched. She looked at the ceiling trying hard not to cry. She hated reliving Jordan’s death. “Two days later, I received a call that Jordan passed due to complications. “
“Sophie.. I’m so sorry. But this wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was! I could have prevented her from going to Africa on that mission. She asked me if she should go. I was so wrapped up in my work it had been almost a year since Jordan and I spent time together. I thought if Jordan took this trip, it would free me of the guilt I had been feeling for not setting aside time for her. Two more months and the project would have ended. Jordan would return, and we could resume hanging out together.”
Sophie could no longer hold back the tears that cascaded down her face; each droplet bore the weight of her emotions. “You know what hurts the most? I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to her. I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her. She died alone, and I will never forgive myself for that.”
Ryan reached out and gently took Sophie’s hand in hers. “Soph, I understand the pain and loss you’ve endured. Remember, I lost my brother, and it tore me apart. But shutting yourself off from a chance at happiness isn’t the answer.”
“I don’t deserve happiness,” she lets go of Ryan’s hands.
Deciding to take a leap of faith, Ryan took a deep breath and gazed into her eyes. “Sophie, I’m in love with you.”
Sophie's eyes widen. “Ryan, I –”
“Please let me finish.”
Sophie nodded.
“From the first day we met, I felt a connection I couldn’t understand. Your laughter lit up the entire room, and your genuine kindness to a person you didn’t know touched my heart in ways I never thought possible. I love how your eyes sparkle with an enchanting mix of curiosity and understanding whenever we talk and how your presence has brought a newfound joy and purpose to my life.”
Ryan paused, trying to control the overwhelming emotions that swelled within her chest. “I know we have only known each other for a short time. But somewhere between visiting towns and just being together, I got to know you, Sophie. I realize that love doesn’t always abide by conventional timelines. Sometimes, it flourishes in the most unexpected and fleeting moments.”
After Ryan's heartfelt declaration hung in the air, she awaited a response. Sophie's gaze turned somber, her eyes reflecting the pain hidden within. “I feel the same way you do, Ryan… but it doesn’t change my decision. How can I live for eternity when she missed out.”
The glimmer of validation swiftly shattered Ryan’s hopes by Sophie declaring she wasn’t changing her mind. Ryan shook her head. “I honestly don’t think your sister would be ok with you choosing the alternative over a second chance at life.”
“You don’t know what my sister would have thought.” Sophie’s face slowly transformed, displaying a myriad of intense emotions. Her brows furrowed deeply, forming a creased ridge across her forehead. “If you want to spend forever in this fucken place, that’s your decision. But I’m not. I’m out.”
“But Sophie, please just give it a chance,” Ryan begged. “If you don’t like it, you can remove yourself like that.” She snaps her fingers. “It’s not a trap. Please stay.. stay with me.”
“No, Ryan!” Sophie yelled. Her voice thundered through the air with an intensity that startled them both. She walks towards the door. “I’m done with this conversation. Please tell Mary and Luke I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.” Without another word, she opens the door and walks out.