Walls
The next day, Vi confidently walked to the upper decks, past Mr. Andrews, who greeted her friendly, towards the ship’s chapel.
“I need to talk to somebody for a second”, she asked the two men guarding the door, but they wouldn’t let her in.
“Please, I was just here last night. You don’t remember me?”, she continued to try and persuade the men. That’s when Mr. Lovejoy, Cal’s strange bodyguard, walked through the door of the chapel. “He’ll tell you”, Vi said and pointed at the grumpy man.
“Mr. Hockley and Mrs. DeWitt Bukater continue to be appreciative of your assistance. They asked me to, uh, give you this in gratitude.”
The man pulled a banknote out of his pocket and handed it over to Vi, who refused, looking past him confused. This had to be Cal’s doing, or maybe Cait’s mother, because Vi was sure Cait wouldn’t send her away.
“I don’t want your money”, she told Mr. Lovejoy. “Please, I just –“
“And also to remind you that you hold a third-class ticket and that your presence here is no longer appropriate”, the man interrupted her.
“Please”, Vi tried again. “I just wanna speak to Cait for –“
Mr. Lovejoy interrupted her again and handed the money to the servants. “Gentlemen, would you please see that Ms. Dawson gets back to where she belongs and that she stays there?”
“Yes, sir”, one of the men answered and guided Vi to the lower decks. She thought about fighting them to get to Cait, but that would ruin her last shot at ever getting close to her again.
Vi started to see through the rich people. After their time at the chapel, they would surely stroll along the deck, Cait included. So Vi climbed back up to the first-class deck, smoothly took a dark coat and a hat and pretended to be some gentleman watching the sea. And then she waited.
It didn’t take long for Cait, her mother and her fiancé to show up. They were getting a private tour by Mr. Andrews. Patiently, Vi waited and listened.
“Mr. Andrews, forgive me”, Vi recognized Cait’s sweet voice behind her. “I did the sum in my head, and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned, forgive me, but it seems that there are not enough for everyone on board.”
Vi grinned and raised her eyebrows. Cait really was a smart girl.
“About half, actually”, Mr. Andrews answered. “In fact, I put these new type davits which can take an extra row of boats inside this one, but it was thought by some that the deck would look too cluttered. So, I was overruled.”
“Waste of deck space as it is on an unsinkable ship”, Cal threw in and hit one of the lifeboats with his cane. Vi really hated this arrogant and manipulative know-it-all.
Vi looked over her shoulder as the fine people passed, and spotted Cait walking a bit behind the others. Vi took her chance and pulled Cait into an empty room.
“I can’t see you”, Cait said and immediately headed for the door again, but vi stopped her.
“I need to talk to you.”
“No, Vi, no”, Cait started stuttering. “Vi, I’m engaged. I’m marrying Cal. I love Cal.”
All of a sudden, Vi’s heart felt heavy, and she tried her best not to show it. Cait was clearly lying, but not primary to Vi, but to herself. It was sad, as if the beautiful smile Vi got to know faded forever and was now replaced by faked promises of love, affection and righteousness. As if Cait lost the war she was fighting her whole life. Vi decided she had to change that. Or at least try to.
“Cait, you’re no picnic. All right? You’re a spoiled little brat, even, but under that you’re the most amazingly astounding wonderful girl…woman – that I’ve ever known and…”
Cait looked to the ground, avoiding eye contact, and tried to turn to the door once more.
“Vi, I –“
“No, let me try and get this out.” Vi would not let her go without speaking her feelings. Who knew when they’d get her next chance at talking?
“You’re…you’re”, Vi sighed and searched for the right words. This whole conversation had been easier in her mind. “I’m not an idiot. I know how the world works. I’ve got ten bucks in my pocket. I’ve nothing to offer you, and I know that.”
Cait looked up again and finally met Vi’s gaze. Her expression was…torn.
“I understand, but I’m too involved now.” Vi took a step closer. “You jump, I jump, remember? I can’t turn away without knowing you’ll be all right.” Her voice turned into a whisper. “That’s all that I want.”
Cait blinked once, twice, her eyes avoiding looking at Vi’s face too long. “Well, I’m fine.” Her voice was shaking, and again, Vi knew immediately that she was lying. “I’ll be fine, really.”
“Really?”, Vi repeated, hoping Cait would overthink it and finally see what Vi was seeing. “I don’t think so.” She raised her arm and pointed at one of the windows, referring to the world outside of this room.
“They’ve got you trapped, Cait. And you’re gonna die if you don’t break free, maybe not right away because you’re strong, but…” Cait’s eyes started watering, and Vi raised her hand to gently touch Cait’s cheek. Her skin was soft and warm and Vi almost imploded at the thought of Cal being that close to her. “…sooner or later, that fire I love about you, Cait, that fire is gonna burn out.”
Cait blinked her tears away and swallowed before opening her mouth to answer.
“It’s not up to you to save me, Vi.”
Again, Vi’s heart crumbled a little bit. “You’re right. Only you can do that.”
Vi lowered her head a bit, waiting for Cait’s response, hoping she’d made her realize. Cait took Vi’s hand in her own and lowered it gently.
“I’m going back. Leave me alone.”
When she turned for the door, Vi didn’t stop her. Cait went back on deck and left her alone in an empty room, her heart sinking like a stone thrown into the sea. Suddenly, Vi didn’t feel free anymore. Now she felt as if the walls were caving in.
*
Another senseless tea party, more meaningless chatter over the smallest things and no way out. Cait stared into the distance, lost in her thoughts again. Only her body was present, her mind was wandering, only this time it wasn’t with the creatures of air and water, but with a certain short-haired renegade.
A little girl, no older than ten, caught Cait’s attention. She was wearing a horrible dress, a ridiculous hat and received lessons in behaving properly by her mother. Cait would’ve liked to jump up, grab the girl’s arm and yell “Run while you still can!”, but she couldn’t. It was already to late for her.
She excused herself from the gathering, not being able to spend any minute longer in this room, surrounded by those people. She’d done a mistake. Telling Vi to leave her alone was a mistake. Vi was a woman of honour, so she would undoubtedly do as Cait wished, so it was Cait’s job to fix this.
She wandered from the upper levels to the lower ones, searching for Vi, until she spotted her two friends, the Italian and the Irishman. They told her to go looking for Vi at the front of the ship, where Cait actually found her, leaning against the railing and staring at the sea. Cait quickly made her way towards the woman, but slowed down before she reached her.
“Hello, Vi.”
Vi immediately turned around, the wind messing with her hair and the sunset behind her making her silhouette shine golden.
“I changed my mind”, Cait confessed and smiled, feeling in her heart that this was the right decision. Vi gave her a warm smile, and Cait slowly stepped closer.
“They said you might be up here…”
“Shh”, Vi interrupted her. Cait had planned out a whole speech in her head, and Vi shutting her up was not on her list for things to happen during this conversation, but she accepted that. Not everything has to go according to plan.
“Give me your hand”, Vi said and held out her arm.
Smiling, Cait took it.
“Now close your eyes.”
Cait wished, she could, but she was too fascinated by Vi’s beauty. Cait never knew people could feel what she felt right now, and she was sure to have never felt it before. This was were she belonged.
“Go on”, Vi chuckled. Slowly, Cait closed her eyes. She wasn’t scared, but curious. She trusted Vi.
Then Vi gently led her arm to the railing and instructed her to step on it. Okay, maybe Cait was a little bit scared, but not in a bad way.
“Hold on, and keep your eyes closed.”
Cait felt Vi step up behind her, her hands on her waist.
“Do you trust me?”
Yes. More than that.
“I trust you.”
Vi’s hands wandered upwards, along Cait’s arms, and held her hands as she spread them like wings. Suddenly, Vi’s hands were back around Cait’s waist.
“All right, open your eyes”, Cait heard her whisper close to her ear, Vi’s warm breath against her skin.
Cait opened her eyes, and almost forgot to breathe. She felt the wind in her face, the sky above her and the sea below her. She was flying, exactly like did in the daydreams Cait liked to escape to. She was free.
“I’m flying, Vi”, she thought out loud, earning a chuckle from behind her. Vi’s hands were in her own again, intertwining fingers, as she softly started to sing.
“Come, Josephine in my flying machine going up, she goes up, she goes…”
Cait smiled, her feelings almost overwhelming her. She’s never felt so happy and so at peace in her whole life. She turned her head to the right to face Vi, whose blue eyes reflected the sunset before them. Her gaze jumped from her eyes, to her lips and back, and Cait slowly leant closer. Vi did the same. The distance between them got smaller and smaller and Cait’s heart beat faster and faster. At first, their lips only brushed softly, in a silent question for consent. The question seemed answered as none of them retreated, and Cait finally felt Vi’s warm and soft lips against her own.
She reached for Vi’s neck with one hand, while the other still held Vi’s. She didn’t know how long they stood there, kissing, but when Cait opened her eyes again, the sun was gone from the horizon and the stars where shining above them.
Cait felt as if the walls around her had finally been broken down.