It's Fate

When Tony woke up he felt his head pounding painfully, which he expected, he felt dizzy, which he also expected, what he didn’t expect however, was to feel anchored —to wherever he was sleeping— by a crushing weight above him. It took him some minutes to locate himself; the living room at Rhodey’s place, Rhodey’s sofa, Steve sleeping almost completely above him…

“Steve?” He said, brows furrowed and blinking rapidly, trying to adapt to the daylight that was just too much right now. 

“Hmm?” The blonde said sleepily, lifting his head slightly to search for Tony’s eyes. “Morning honey, how are you feeling?”

“Like a bus ran me over.” Everything hurt, maybe because of the hangover, maybe because he slept on a tiny sofa with his beef-cake boyfriend squashing him. “What are you doing here?”

Steve let go of him and helped him to sit properly before standing up and walking to the bureau. “Rhodey responded your phone last night and told me you were here” He walked back with some pills in hand and a glass of water that he offered to Tony. “He also told me to give this to you once you woke up before he left.”

Tony gulped down the pills without a second thought, his head hurt too much to think.

“He left so early in the morning?”

“Tony, it is almost noon.”

“Shit.”  Steve was sitting now, in front of him. Posture tense and watching him closely. “Steve I–”

“What happened?” There was no heat behind the blonde’s voice, just a deep frown of worry which was infinitely worse. “I went home and you were not there, you didn’t tell me you were going to be out for the night and then I found you here, passed out on Colonel Rhodes's couch-”

“Carter was there.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “At the Gala- She was there.” It was not a real explanation but it said enough.

If it could be possible, Steve went stiffer at that. “She is following you now?”

“No.” He couldn’t meet Steve's eyes even if he tried, gaze locked on some point on the floor. “She is the sub-director of SHIELD, she was a special guest.” 

Steve stood up, and Tony could see him pace around the living room from the corner of his eye. The tension could be cut with a knife and Tony didn't like that, there was never tension between them. Was Steve mad? 

“I am sorry, Tony”

“What? Why?” Steve was looking at him now, like a kicked puppy.

“Because this is bothering you, because she is bothering you.”

Tony shook his head. “Steve, I am not mad at her.”

The blonde stopped pacing.

“What?”

“I am not angry at her,” Tony repeated, now with more force.

“How can you not be angry?”

Tony tried to meet Steve’s eyes. “She is just a woman who found his fated one and she was rejected.” 

Tony didn’t mention that he felt guilty, like a thief. He didn’t want to say out loud that he didn’t feel he could be angry at someone that he had wronged so badly. Stealing what was rightfully hers.

Steve chuckled but he looked defeated. “You are so much better than me.”

Tony doubted that.

—

They had met in a business meeting, which now sounded funny. Tony wanted to work closely with soldiers for the Veterans Assistance Program, another branch of the Maria Stark Foundation, one that Tony opened once work on advanced prosthetics began in SI. Of course, the Army had sent Captain Rogers to deal with it, and it was hate at first sight. 

Steve couldn’t stand him and his larger-than-life personality. And Tony was instantly irritated with what seemed to be the most perfect American man he had ever seen. He could have punched him in his perfect teeth that day. 

Steve was all his father had wanted him to be.

But to his surprise, they worked together just fine, more than that, they were the best team. And before Tony could realize what was happening between the fights and the banter, he was in love. It was hard not to fall for a man like Steve, even when said man hated him. 

Then, Steve surprised him by asking him out.

Slowly, but surely, their relationship progressed after that. 

Steve was the person he trusted the most in the world. The kindest man he had ever known, with the brightest smile he had seen. Tony showed him everything about himself, gave himself entirely even though he did not mean to. The only thing Tony failed to mention was that, in reality, he had always feared fate. He didn’t say how he feared every move he made, terrified that destiny would catch them. Punish him.

—

“Resentment is corrosive and I hate it.” Pepper startled, like he had seen a ghost. “How are you doing Ms. Potts?” He smiled at her surprised expression, he couldn’t stay away from her, she was his anchor in so many ways.

She visibly melted. “Tony, I am so sorry,” Pepper said, soft and regretful, it was weird watching her like that.

“Don’t mention it.”

“No, I shouldn’t have said what I did. Steve loves you, he adores you, and I know it.”

Tony felt something horrible, something akin to skepticism. He decided to clam ir down immediately. “Come with me for coffee and I’ll forget about it.”

“Deal.” She smiled and they walked together under the soft sun.

–

It would be easier, Tony thought, if Peggy Carter wasn’t at every corner nowadays. It seemed like she was a new unblocked character in their lives because he started to bump into her all the damn time. The worst part was that it didn’t look intentional at all, every time had been genuine. 

“Margaret Carter?” Pepper had asked, stunned, when he told her.

“You know her?” He had asked.

“She works very closely with technology and advertisement, she is close to SI. Well, SHIELD is.” 

“Fantastic.” Sarcasm had not lacked in his voice. 

But it was fine, he could deal with her every now and then, right?

The problem started when Tony realized he was not the only one who was constantly bumping into her. 

“My magazine accepted to cover a SHIELD article in the next publication.” Steve had blurted in the middle of dinner. 

Tony looked at him, visibly confused. Steve had to take some fortifying breaths under his gaze. 

“Carter is in charge and she will be working with m- my team.”

Tony blinked and nodded. 

“I didn’t have a say in this, it was a great deal that the company couldn’t reject.” 

Tony understood, he really did. 

—

He found out in the worst way possible. In front of prying eyes. 

Steve and he had never been public, which was a hardship when he was Tony Stark. But they managed, since he had stopped being a playboy and weapon-manufactured the public had stopped paying too much attention, he wasn't that interesting anymore. That meant the woman who was just trying to introduce him to Steve Rogers, the editor-in-chief and her direct boss, wasn’t aware of what she was doing. 

“Mr. Rogers is pleased, Mr. Stark. He is the best at what he does, SI would never find better publicity than in our magazine.” She said as she walked him to Steve’s office. He was a little distracted, being private meant no visits to each other's offices, and he had never seen the place Steve loved so much. 

He was pulled away from his amazement by the woman complaining under his breath. “I am sorry Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers seems to be having an unscheduled visit with his partner.” 

“What?” He felt his heart dropping to his feet. “W-What do you mean?”

She stared at him, a little strangely, maybe because he seemed too distressed by something that should be meaningless to him. 

“Ms. Carter came to visit him.” She plastered a smile that was so wrong in Tony’s eyes. “They are a fated couple.” 

He didn’t respond at all, and the woman —like the other office workers now watching him— might have interpreted that as if he was upset by the delayed meeting.

“I am so sorry Mr. Stark, I could interrupt them if you want.” She was quick to apologize.

“No- I-” He hadn’t had a panic attack in years, he had been better. But he remembered the feeling just right. “I need to go- I can’t have the meeting today.” 

“Mr-” 

Tony didn’t flee, he liked to think he didn't. 

—

“Tony, let me explain.” 

“What do you want to explain now, Rogers?” Steve flinched like he had been punched and Tony regretted it instantly. “I don’t want to deal with this. Not right now.” 

“D-Don’t do that, please, love.” The blonde eyes were so so blue. “Don’t shut me down.” 

“I am not.” 

“Yes, you are. Haven’t you noticed?” Steve looked older now, older than Tony had ever seen him. He looked tired. “You never used to go back on a fight, if you were angry, you said it. You talked my ear off each night with all the thoughts running in that genius mind of yours.” Steve smiled, softly, just a little sad. “You have not talked to me in weeks. Not more than a few sentences.” 

Tony couldn’t deal with that, not with the tears in Steve's eyes, because Tony is a weak, weak man. He reached for Steve, cupping his face with his hands.

“I go to sleep wondering if you will be here in the morning. Come home asking myself if you packed your things and left.” Steve's calloused hands felt atop his, holding them still. “It feels like you are leaving. And I- I wouldn’t blame you because I have been a horrible boyfriend all these years, I haven’t shown you how much I love you. And I am so sorry for that, I really am.” Tony’s hands felt wet, sodden in Steve’s tears. “Are you leaving? Are you-? 

“I am not, Steve. I am not.”

Steve watched him, hopeful. “Do you still love me? Am I too late?” 

“I love you dumbass.” Tony felt like sobbing, suddenly. 

“How can I make this better then? How- I want to see you happy, smiling again.” 

“First…explain.” 

Steve gathered him in his arms. 

“Her- my name is in her forearm. I asked her to use long-sleeve blouses but she rolled them up once and someone saw.” Tony nodded, encouraging him to continue. “We were working together so they assumed- Nothing happened, it was all gossip taken for fact and I didn’t know what the office was saying behind my back until today.”

“That’s all?” 

“That’s it.” 

The blonde put their foreheads together, staring into his eyes. “I know this situation is awful, but the contract will end soon and we can- we can continue with our lives.” 

The brunette didn’t feel as positive. 

“Tony talk to me…how can I make this better?” 

“I don’t know Steve.” And he really didn’t, Steve had been making an extra effort but he couldn’t feel better. “Maybe time?” 

“Time?” 

“I will feel better in some time.” Hopefully. “Just, give me some time.” 

Steve nodded. “All the time you want.” 

—

Unfortunately, the rumors spread like fire on a cornfield. They didn’t say by who, but everyone knew Carter was “ taken .” She had found her fated and he was a good one they said. 

Tony swore to himself that the comments would not get to him and that he would stop his horrible thoughts when he caught them but, it was hard. 

At night, Steve would cling to him and kiss him. He would hold him tightly and Tony would repeat to himself that they belonged together. 

Despite what everyone said.

Despite what Howard had said. 

—

Carter asked him to meet her at a discreet cafeteria on a Saturday noon. And Tony owed her at least the decency of respecting the secrecy of the arrangement.

She showed up a little later than him, in a brown fancy attire that made her eyes shine. She looked flawless as always.

“Thank you for coming.” Carter sat in front of him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

“You are welcome, Ms. Carter”

“Call me Peggy.”

“Peggy?” He said as if tasting her name on his tongue. She just nodded. “Alright.”

It was windy, outside, and a few droplets of rain began to fall dampening the window. Peggy stirred her tea with a spoon watching the breeze intensify.

“I like to say I am a respectable woman.” She said, he watched her. “I have worked to earn it.” And for the first time, in all this mess, Tony saw the woman in front of him less than utterly composed. He saw her fear . “That’s why I would never do something without your consent first.” 

“What do you want to do?” He asked, so very carefully. 

“A lot of time has passed Mr. Stark, and even now, I don’t know what to do with myself.” She smiled, but it was a broken thing. “Steve is my fated one but I have come to understand that he loves you, I know it, but-.” Her voice cracked a little, and her eyes fell on him, except that Tony had this feeling, that she was not really looking at him. “I need to be sure. I need to be sure this will not happen and I will get out of your lives for good.” 

“And how will you know it?” Her head was down, looking ashamed and guilty. 

“There is this trip to California that SHIELD wants me to do, mostly for vacation.” Carter took a sharp inhale. “I want Steve to come with me, just the two of us.”

The implication was there, loud enough even when left unsaid. 

To see if something could happen, to test the waters.

Alone. 

“You don’t have to agree, I will never do it if you don’t want to.” 

“If Steve-” He almost couldn’t say it. “If Steve agrees, I will not get in the way.” 

She thanked him, profusely, and Tony had wanted to disappear. 

– 

Steve was talking on the phone when he came back. He surely didn’t hear him arrive, he didn’t see him standing just outside the living room. The blonde sounded distressed, eerily still in the middle of the living room.

“I don’t know Buck- I don’t know anymore.” Tony hid, he didn’t know why but he did. “Maybe we do are interlinked.” 

He couldn’t hear what Bucky responded through the phone, he couldn’t hear anything at all. Suddenly, he could only hear his own thoughts. 

Howard was right.

–

He returned a few hours later, hopefully, Steve would not be talking with Bucky anymore. 

“I am back.” He announced, as normally as he could.

“Love, you had me worrying there.” Steve was not faking the relief or the bright smile on his face at seeing him, always so honest. 

Maybe not always. 

“We have to talk.” If he didn’t do it now, he would not do it at all. Steve’s smile faltered and Tony cursed at how easily this man could read him. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I think you should give it a shot with Carter.” 

The silence was deafening.

“What?” Steve said, in barely contained disbelief. Like he was seeing Tony for the first time in his life.

“She wants to go on a trip, just the two of you to give it a shot.” He explained like he would in a press conference. “And I think you should do it.” 

He waited.

“What the hell Tony?” Of all the reactions he had expected, Tony hadn’t expected pure fury. “Are you serious right now? Are you seriously asking me to cheat on you?” 

“It would not be cheating!” Tony defended. “It doesn’t have to be that, it’s just to see if you feel, you know, something-” 

“Something like what Tony? Attraction? Love? That is not going to fucking happen and you should know it. Damn, you should be the first to know it”

“Oh, but you said the same about feeling interlinked with her, didn’t you?” Tony accused, just before he realized what he was saying. That happened a little too often now.

“What?” 

“You- you like her. I know you do because she-” The brunette felt anger moving inside of him. Like a kettle that finally boiled. “Because she is so much like you! The same fierceness, and unmoving principles. The same selflessness and compassion for everything. The same look in your eyes. She is your fated for God’s sake! She is perfect for you!” When did he start yelling? “If I was not in the picture you would have been long gone for her!” 

“Tony-”

“You hated me! The moment you saw me, you recognized I was rotten inside and-” And I don’t want to ruin you, not anymore. 

“I have loved you for ten years Tony, ten years of never even doubting my feelings for you. And now you want to test me?” Steve shook his head, stressed. “I know is my fault, for being such a lacking partner. But I am trying to be better, you can’t ask me to do this.” The severity of Steve’s tone –the plea hidden inside– almost shut him up. Almost. 

“I think you will love her more.” 

Steve looked at him like Tony had just stabbed him. 

“Okay then.” Steve eventually said. “I’ll give it a shot with her.” 

Tony would have never labeled Steve as a man who packed his bags and ran in the middle of a fight, that was more Tony’s thing. He would have been wrong. 

There was a storm outside.