An incoming call from Miguel’s watch pulled him out of the light sleep he was finally getting. He let out a sigh and sank his claws into the pillow as he dragged it over his face and held it there.
The orange glow of the AI popped up near Miguel’s head, “Boss?-”
“Tell them I’m dead Lyla.”
With a dramatic sigh, Lyla fizzled away.
Miguel took in a long breath and let himself relax again. He hadn’t gotten much sleep recently, taking on a mentor role to the four younger spiderlings, helping them train in areas that they weren’t as comfortable in. He was also trying to take on more work on his own to help ease the stress of the other spiders in the society.
Overall, coffee and determination was what was keeping him awake, but it would always eventually get to the point where he had no choice but to crash. But to everyone’s frustration, he’d never sleep for more than a few hours before he was up and going nonstop.
It was only a few minutes before his watch was ringing again and Lyla had popped up again with a neutral look bordering on nervous. “Miguel-”
“Lyla! I told you to tell them I’m dead!”
“Miguel!” Lyla grew in size and hovered over Miguel’s chest. Her arms were crossed and she looked angry. “One of your kids needs you! Answer your shocking watch!”
That grabbed Miguel’s attention. He threw the pillow to the ground and sat up, feeling even more awake now. He swiped on the watch and saw Pavitr’s face pop up. “Prabh- Pavitr.” He corrected as he saw the forlorn look on the young spider’s face. He wasn’t used to seeing the young spider looking anything besides happy.
Normally the overly cheerful mood would annoy Miguel, making him wish that he would turn
down the radiating happiness he always seemed to give off. But now? He would give anything to see him smile again. He looked lost, tired, no life in his eyes. He looked so vastly different from his typical appearance.
Pavitr didn’t respond, he just looked away from the hologram.
“Kid- Pavitr. Look at me.”
Pavitr’s eyes went slightly wider, “A-Ah- Sorry Miguel. I didn’t mean to bother you…”
“Kid, it’s okay, I don’t mind-”
“I’ll let you get back to work! Bye Miguel!” He plastered on a fake smile.
“Pav-” Miguel let out a growl as the hologram shrunk and disappeared. “Mierda… Lyla! Was he calling from his dimension?”
Lyla popped up above where Miguel still held his arm up. “Yup! Thinking of heading over to help your kid?”
With a look of frustration adorning his face, Miguel just glared at Lyla. “I just want to make sure he’ll still be coming in for his next scheduled mission. It.. It would be very inconvenient to have to move things around and find another free spider for the mission.”
“Right, right. Of course. Purely out of concern for a possible inconvenience. Silly me, thinking you had a heart.” She was checking her nails and filing them as she gave a coy grin. “Well, since you don’t seem too bothered by it, I suppose you can find your way to him instead of me giving you his direct coordinates?”
Miguel’s eyes snapped to Lyla’s form and he opened his mouth and closed it, trying to find the right words to say. “Can you… Please. Give me the coordinates for Prabhakar’s location?-”
“Yeah, already did it Boss Man.” She said while blowing the nail dust off of her nails and grinned evilly. She loved getting a rise out of Miguel by getting him to use his manners even when the task was already done.
“Shocking AI… This is what I get for letting you grow as a person.” Despite the growl in his voice, there was no actual heat behind it.
“You love me! Now go see what’s up!”
Miguel nodded and opened the portal with the coordinates that were already in the watch, waiting to be used.
Miguel stepped through the portal and found himself deposited on the top of a building. There were crates deposited everywhere, some covered in tarps for protection against poor weather and a fence around the edge of the roof. It appeared to be where the shops below stored extra items.
Looking around, Miguel couldn’t locate Pavitr. “Lyla. You better not have messed with the location-”
“His watch is still reading as here. Besides. I wouldn’t mess with something so serious. I’m not that cruel. Try walking around and not just standing in one place.”
Swatting away the projection, Miguel walked around, looking for the spider to ease the worry building inside. “Prabhakar? Are you here Pavitr?” He peeked behind crates that were stacked up that could hide the boy if he were to crouch. “Mierda… Spider-Man, if you are hurt, there are medics at HQ that can help you. I… Can call one for you if you are too injured to move, but I didn’t get a report of you receiving any injuries-“
”O’Hara! Look!” Lyla popped up and pointed to a point that was almost obscured. Boxes were stacked against the fence, blocking most of the other side of it, but the fluffy hair could be seen blowing slightly in the breeze.
Miguel felt his heart drop. A cold fear seized him, making him feel like someone was squeezing his lungs. He slowly began walking closer, fearing what he might end up seeing.
As he got close enough, he could see that Pavitr was dressed in his civilian clothes. No trace of Spider-Man on him. He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t find any words. He, as quietly as he could, climbed over the fence, trying not to startle the younger spider.
Pavitr didn’t move, he just continued to stare out over the city, knees to his chest, arms circled around them. There were dark bags under his eyes, and upon closer examination, his hair wasn’t as pristine as it usually was.
Miguel sat down on the ledge, giving a good amount of space to the younger teen. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but he didn’t want to startle him, especially if it was something serious. While most Spider-Men didn’t fear heights, he knew that with Pavitr not being in his spider gear, if he were to fall, it would be disastrous.
He gave him a once over before trying to speak to him again. “Prabha- Pavitr… You called me in the middle of the night.” He really needed to think before speaking.
”Sorry about that Miguel. You don’t have to stay here. Everything is going to be fine.”
Quickly picking up on the wording, Miguel used that as a stepping stone into the conversation. “So things aren’t fine right now.”
Pavitr didn’t react. He just continued to look ahead before looking vaguely downwards.
Lyla appeared next to Miguel, looking as concerned as he felt by the unusual behavior. Normally she’d give some witty remark and go back and forth with Pavitr, but she knew that it really wasn’t the time.
”Pav… You called me in the middle of the night for something. What was it? I’m not… Upset by that. I want you and the others to feel comfortable coming to me when there’s something going on.-“
”Is it always this hard?”
Miguel froze. He just stared at Pavitr. “What?-“
“I thought everything would be easy because I’m Spider-Man. Everything should be easy because I’m Spider-Man.”
”Kid, what are you talking about?” Panic was searing through Miguel, he was worried about what was being said, how he looked, where they were sitting, everything.
”I know everything is okay now, the whole multiverse was saved, my World was saved but… It almost wasn’t. And I couldn’t do a thing about it. My world started falling apart. And I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t do anything.”
Miguel frowned and he tried to find the right thing to say. “Pavitr…”
“I feel like it’d be better if someone else was Spider-Man and not me. Everyone else makes it seem so easy.” He leaned forward and looked over the edge of the building. “I’m tired, Miguel. I don’t want this responsibility anymore.”
“What made you start thinking like this, kid?..” He started edging his way closer to Pavitr, worried that he was going to do something regrettable.
Pavitr shrugged, “I want to save everyone, but I couldn’t. What good am I as Spider-Man if I couldn’t save a little girl? I don’t deserve to be Spider-Man.” Tears threatened to spill.
Realization hit Miguel in that moment. He thought back to Pavitr’s last mission. He had sent him on a solo mission against a Lizard anomaly. He read the mission report but thought nothing of the casualty that came from it. All that he cared about at the time was that the anomaly was stopped. Now he knew that was a mistake.
The teen sitting next time, dangerously close to toppling forward, with no way to catch himself, was suffering on his own while no one knew what had happened. Except for Miguel. And he hadn’t done anything to ease his pain. The casualties are just an occupational hazard. One that Miguel should have known that Pavitr hadn’t come across yet.
“I’m sorry. Pavitr, I should have sent someone with you, or checked in on you at the very least-”
Pavitr interrupted the older man with a yell, “If I can’t handle a mission on my own, I’m not meant to be this great hero that everyone looks up to! I shouldn’t even be here!” Tears began to roll down his face. “I don’t want to be here, Miguel!”
Lyla looked at Miguel with intense worry across her face. “Boss…”
“I know Lyla.” He turned his attention back to Pavitr. “Kid, Pavitr… Can you look at me?”
Pavitr shot him a look before focusing his attention downwards again. “I-I can’t-”
“Yes. You can. It’s just you and me. Well, and Lyla, but she doesn’t count.”
“Hey!-”
Pavitr let out a wet laugh. “Hah… You have to be nice to Lyla, we all know she’s the real brains behind the operation…”
“Hey now. I’m the one trying to comfort you and you’re bullying me?” Miguel froze when he saw Pavitr shrink back. “Mierda, kid, I was just teasing. I’m not actually upset with you.” He hesitantly placed a hand on the teen’s back. In that moment, he secretly wished that he had the same stickiness that a majority of other Spider-People tended to have. He did have his claws that he could use to grip the back of Pav’s shirt, but he hoped that it wouldn’t come to that.
“Kid, I want you to know, you’re not the only one to feel like this.”
“What?...” Pavitr’s head shot up and he looked at Miguel with wide eyes.
Miguel nodded and he moved his hand to grip his shoulder. “Yeah…” He took a breath in. “I felt like that. I still do sometimes.”
“But… You’re… You! You’re so strong and you’ve done so much! Saved so many people!”
Letting out a small, sad laugh, Miguel shook his head. “Pavitr, I felt like you when I first became Spider-Man. I… Tried to do something regrettable before I realized I didn’t want that, half way down.”
“Y-You mean-”
“Yeah. I am- Was, a monster, or that’s what I thought at first. I jumped. But. I didn’t want that. I saved myself. I don’t want you to have to feel that fear, that’s something I never want you or any other Spider-Person to feel.”
Pavitr shuffled backwards from the edge a bit, leaning his back against the fence. He reached out hesitantly towards Miguel.
The man got the message and awkwardly held the boy’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re not alone, Pavitr. You’re Spider-Man. You’re never alone, you have everyone at HQ. You know that Miles, Gwen, and Hobie would jump at the chance to help you.”
“I don’t want to burden them with all of this.-”
“Hey. It is not a burden. And if you don’t want to share any of this with them, that’s fine. But I want you to share it with me at the very least. I won’t judge you.” He looked over his shoulder back towards the rooftop. “Do you want to move to the center of the roof, or do you want to stay here a little longer? You’re choice.”
“...Can we actually go back to HQ?”
Miguel gave a small smile. “Yeah, we can do that too. Lyla, portal?”
Lyla rolled her eyes, “Why even bother having an interdimensional watch if you’re just going to use me as your personal portal maker, huh? I guess I really do do all the heavy lifting around here. You’d be lost without me.”
“Pleaseee Lyla?” Pavitr gave Lyla a genuine smile.
“Thank you,” she glared at Miguel, “for saying the magic word. Of course I can make a portal for you, Pav! And Miguel too, I guess.”
Both Miguel and Pavitr got to their feet and climbed over the fence, back to the center of the roof. They were no longer holding hands, but they were still close together, arms touching.
As Lyla finished opening the portal with a flourish of her hands, the two stepped through the portal, one after another.
Stepping back into Miguel’s office, Pavitr felt himself deflate a little.
“Hey, Miguel?”
“Yeah, kid?” Miguel was making his way over to the large couch and began pulling out blankets and pillows he had started keeping behind it after Gwen had crashed there the first time.
“I’m sorry for making you worry about me. I’m… Glad you came.”
Miguel tossed a blanket to Pavitr. It was a softer gray one, that he knew the young teen would like. “Is that why you called me?”
Pavitr shrugged and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. “I don’t know. I think I just wanted to talk with someone. Or… Someone to stop me? Maybe? I don’t really know what I wanted. But when I saw you, I just felt guilty for bothering you when you already have to deal with so much.”
“Pavitr, I’d rather you talk to me. I don’t want to lose another kid.” Miguel gently led Pavitr to the couch and had him sit down. “You can relax now. We can talk more about this later, but I want you to get some rest.”
With a nod, he curled himself up by the arm rest and leaned to the side. “Will you stay?”
“Of course. I didn’t plan on going anywhere.” Miguel also sat down, but on the other side of the couch to give Pavitr space if chose to stretch out. But he froze as Pavitr dramatically flopped over onto Miguel’s lap.
As the boy felt Miguel freeze, he in turn froze. “I-Is this okay? I can move!-”
“No, no. It’s fine, Pav. Just get some rest now.” He awkwardly set his hand on Pav’s head and gently ran it over his hair in a soothing manner. “I’ll be here when you wake up. Buenas noches pequeña araña…”
“Night, love you.”
“...Yo también te amo.”