Chapter 7
The first time you’d gotten drunk in college was on a bottle of coconut flavored Bacardi. It tasted like nail polish remover that had been manufactured in the vicinity of a resort island, but after three shots it had a nice burn to it. After six, you were starting to realize the appeal of the hard liquor that held a torch next to the candle that was cheap beer.
The next morning was filled with cotton-mouth and regret. You were curled up on a recliner in a frat house, having pulled a throw pillow over yourself to preserve some type of heat. Every part of your body ached and if it weren’t for America stirring on the couch, you would have panicked.
You sat up much too fast and reached for a football helmet that was idling on the floor next to crushed beer cans and emptied chip bags. You had retched into it and woke MJ up too. She was on the floor, having found a blanket. She’d bite off your hand if you were brave enough to reach for it, but you were too preoccupied with dry heaving to give a damn.
All three of you were mortified that you’d stayed the night in a frat of all places. Silently you gathered your things and ate in silence in the campus cafeteria. You could only stomach eggs. America nearly passed out into her hashbrowns, still having her sunglasses over her gaze.
It was the worst hangover you had ever experienced. It knocked you out of commission for the next two days. Yet, somehow, this was much worse.
The first thing you tasted was dirt. It mixed disastrously on your tongue and made you want to hurl again, but you’d learned your lesson. Swallow it down and wait until you make it outside, or to a bathroom because football helmets were expensive to replace.
Every muscle ached, and as you came to, you realized that you weren’t exactly where you had started your night off. There was a throbbing pain at your wrists, at your ankles and your throat, but nothing bolstering you to the wall. And you knew for a fact that Kate had done everything in her power to keep you restrained.
There was a warm body underneath you, chest rising and falling in a cadence that mirrored a deep slumber. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It was as dark as ever in the cell that they’d placed you in. Just like the structure kept moonlight out, it did the same for the sun. The only indication you had that it was day was the chirping of birds forcing it’s way past the walls. If not for your advanced hearing, you’d be left wondering.
In a pained effort, you lifted yourself onto your elbows. You were marred in dirt, and saliva and russet streaks of what you could only imagine was blood. Your blood. Because you’d dutifully pulled out of the chains that had entrapped you. Not by ripping them from the wall but pulling hard enough to break the clasps.
Still, the cell held in its integrity, keeping both you and Kate locked up for the night. A sigh of relief escaped you as you tucked your chin and realized that you were, in fact, entirely on Kate. Your bodies were slotted together. Bare skin was against bare skin and the contact filled you with warmth. The sense of home.
Her arms had been wrapped around you, holding you close to her chest until you’d stirred yourself, her own dropping to the side. She was still asleep, and painfully unaware of how nude the both of you were. You didn’t want to disturb her by moving, but your skin was on fire at the thought of being this close to her while you were this naked.
As carefully as you could, you started to maneuver yourself off of Kate. She let out a small whimper of displeasure and tightened her grip around you in her sleep. She seemed to be a heavy sleeper to begin with, but with the werewolf hangover coursing through her veins, it strengthened.
She shifted to her side and took you with her, pulling your cheek flush against her chest. You stiffened at the sudden movement but relaxed almost instantly. How were you this comfortable, yet mortified at the same time?
Kate’s rhythmic breathing had lulled you back into a state of calm. You listened to each ex-hale that was punctuated by a small, barely-audible growl. Eventually, you had fallen back asleep in her grasp, breathing in her earthy scent.
You weren’t sure how much time had passed before you startled at the sound of a lock falling to the earth, the outer doors yanked open gracelessly. Mid-day sunlight flooded the cell. Kate’s snarl was more pronounced now, the two of you moving to cover your eyes from the assault.
Kate moved to cover you with her arm, pressing the length of it over your chest with a dark glare at the second door. She relaxed only slightly when she realized it was Yelena. The woman lifted both of her eyebrows but didn’t say a word when she let the duffel bag fall onto the packed dirt floor.
“I knew we were forgetting something,” Kate rasped.
Yelena smelled of sage, her hair damp from a shower. She was clad in a flannel shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants, still as barefoot as ever despite just getting clean. Her arms were over her chest, inspecting the vacant chains and the untouched sedative.
Kate unzipped the bag and gently handed you a pair of pants that were way too long before she reached for her own jacket and handed it over. You didn’t object. The material was soft, and you were more eager than ever to cover-up.
“Malen'kiy volk, how did your first transformation go?”
“I don’t remember much of it.”
You didn’t want to remember. Everything was shrouded in a blinding basin of pain and broken bones. You suppressed a shiver at the thought and instead took the bottle of water that Kate offered you from the bag. You greedily drank through half of it, soothing the roughness of your throat.
Yelena let out a hum “Your wolf is strong, it seems. Breaking through those reinforced chains is not an easy job. We’re lucky you didn’t get past the cell door.”
“I don’t think she was trying to.”
Kate said this softly, focused on zipping your sweatshirt over her midsection. Her fingers were caked in dirt, and she struggled until you easily slotted the metal into the zipper and pulled it up with a frown. “What do you mean?”
“You broke through the chains and then you just stopped. You didn’t even go near the doors. Just me.”
“How do you remember that?” You asked in an astonished whisper. It drew a smile to her lips, teeth still pointed, but in a charming, human way.
“You’ll remember eventually too. The first couple of times will be like last night, blacking out isn’t uncommon. But once you get more acquainted with your wolf, you’ll start to see the world through their eyes.”
“Yes, some even say it’s less of a curse and more of a blessing.” Yelena confirmed, scooping up the bag with one hand. Her nose crinkled and she gave Kate a little kick to the leg. “You both stink. Let’s go back to the house. I’m sure you’re starving.”
All eyes shifted to you when you padded into the kitchen after a long, hot shower that seemed to relax your muscles. They were still unbelievably sore, but some of the tension had been released. It took nearly an hour to scrub the dirt and dried blood from your skin.
The bruising that was around your wrists, and your ankles, and even your throat had been healed before your eyes. The dark, spotted blue and purple had faded to a yellowed ring and then vanished entirely. Your eyes kept darting to the area.
Now you felt incredibly scrutinized in your pair of sweatpants and an oversized band t-shirt that you’d never listened to. The rest of the group was in much of the same attire, all looking exhausted and wolfing down the spread of food on the table. Your stomach clenched at the scent. You were absolutely famished.
There was a vacant seat in between Wand and Kate, the only one that wasn’t filled at the table so you quietly took your place. All conversations had stopped when you entered, focus being directed suddenly to the food and to you. The plate in front of you had been piled high with potatoes, and a piece of meat that looked expertly seasoned and cooked to perfection.
Your diet had been restricted to nothing but instant ramen and dollar menu items from taco bell. When your father and stepmother came to visit a few months back, they’d made reservations at a French restaurant that you couldn’t pronounce without sounding like you had no tongue at all. You’d worn your nicest dress that was stored at the back of your closet collecting dust.
You had gotten a serving of pasta that was smaller than your palm and tasted almost floral. You’d dutifully listened to them and answered the questions that they asked about school. All the while, you bit your tongue, trying to foster a relationship with your father again. You’d left with even more resentment and a tinfoil swan that contained the smallest shred of cheesecake.
“y/n,” Steve broke the silence, picking up a bite of potatoes with the prongs of his fork. “How was your night?”
He asked so fluently and without pressure. You’d answer him either way, but with the quiet you thought it would be a harder tone. He’d sat with you up in the library for hours over the past few weeks, answering any questions that you had as you read through the old texts.
“It was good,”
“You’re lying,” Tony said. “It’s never good.”
Wanda nudged your shoulder softly, warmth flooding you “You can be honest with us, sweetie.”
When you glanced up, you realized that all eyes were still on you, with the exception of Kate, who had suddenly become very interested in forming her potatoes into a little mountain that gravy would slosh down. She hadn’t grabbed any from the metal container in the center of the table.
“Yeah, it was awful. In the top three worst experiences of my life. But I blacked out, so I don’t remember most of it.”
Thor let out a boisterous laugh, breaking the silence. It earned a few half-hearted chuckles as dinner resumed. Steve kept his stare on you, giving you a small nod that you returned. There was pride that filled your chest. You’d not only pleased him, but you’d survived your first transformation and had a full month of near-peace and learning until your next one.
Natasha was in deep conversation with Clint, and Peter had captured Kate’s attention as he rambled about a video game that he had to pre-order so the two of them could play together. The entire interaction was warm and caring. You watched them all carefully, how comfortable they all were with each other. It wasn’t how your family had ever behaved.
“Do you miss them?” Wanda’s soft voice interrupted your thoughts, you furrowed your brow and gave her a confused stare. “Your family.”
“Are you a mind reader?”
She scoffed, skewering a roasted carrot with her fork, moving it around like a wand. “Hardly. I’m just good at reading people. And that look in your eyes, I can’t tell if it’s longing or resentment.”
“Maybe a little bit of both.”
You could feel the blush climbing up your neck and past the collar of your shirt. She’d clocked you entirely and you weren’t completely sure she wasn’t a witch. But her eyes were a dark and kind brown, and she hadn’t led you astray so far. None of them had. They’d all been so caring.
“You don’t have to answer, you know. And I don’t mean to pry. You’ve just been through something major. There are perks to what we are; the strength, the speed, the agility. But with the heightened physical aspects come the mental ones too. I’m sure you’ve noticed how strong your feelings towards Kate are.”
“It’s come up once or twice.”
“Mm,” She hummed knowingly “I’m here to talk. I’m here to ask. Do you miss them?”
You swallowed the dryness in your throat and considered her question. It almost made your stomach churn. Despite this, you still were ravenously hungry, directing your attention to the meat that was cut nicely on your plate. You stabbed the center of it, watching the broth spurt out. It was hard to miss something that wasn’t whole in the first place.
“My father would send me a birthday card every year on the wrong day. There was a twenty-dollar bill in it, and a sloppy signature. Eventually, the signature turned into a stamp. I’m pretty sure his secretary at the time just kept up the ruse out of pity.
“But the sad thing is, it worked. Every other year or so he’d have dinner with me. The secretary turned into his third wife. We didn’t talk much about anything. He’d ask me about school, but never my mother. It was like she was a ghost.”
Wanda had put her fork down, shoved her plate further away from her to signal that she was done. She ran her finger against the stitching of her napkin.
“My mom is my everything. She worked days at a nursing home and every other night as a gas station attendant and still, it never seemed like enough. We were scraping by. But I worked my ass off for a scholarship.” You swallowed hard, “I miss her. But only her. We never had much, but she made sure what we did have was enough and so full of love.”
The woman reached out tentatively and grabbed your hand. Comfort flooded your body, starting where her touch was and moving across you like a soft blanket. She had a motherly look in her eyes, a quiet reassurance. You could almost feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you blinked them back. You weren’t going to show weakness by crying at the dinner table.
“Natasha did everything possible to make me feel comfortable that first time. And I did. But, after all was said and done, I found myself wishing for my mother who had long ago died. There’s something in that love that you can’t find anywhere else.”
You nodded, trying to get past the lump that was forming in your throat. Wanda gave your hand another squeeze, running her thumb over your knuckles. “I know it’s not the same, but I’m here. All of us are. What you did last night was scary, and you were brave. Don’t forget that.”
You mouthed a whisper of a thank you, not trusting yourself to say anything else without letting a few tears escape. Wanda kept her hand in yours for a few moments until Tony mentioned something about dessert. You didn’t’ think you could eat another bite, but then again, you’d be wrong.
“Not everything here is bad.” Kate was worming her way through the miles and miles of foliage that surrounded the property. She seemed to know where she was going, and you followed her blindly. Every inch of property felt the same. Lush trees, a blanket of fallen leaves and dirt. Really, it was beautiful.
You’d never liked the outdoors, had only gone camping as a girl scout years and years ago. But the sun was starting to lower and an orange glow was making it’s way through the forest. There was almost a whimsical fantasy world to be had.
Kate reached out a warm hand to you, helping you over a log that crossed the path. When you’d made it to the other side, she moved to pull away but you held tight. Those dark grey eyes flicked down to your palms and then back up to you in wonder.
Don’t make a big deal about it. Your stare had said. So, she didn’t. Her lip quirked up into a small, tentative smile as she led you further into the woods. Maybe she hadn’t remembered your naked body against her in the haze of sleep. Or maybe, she was used to that, being what she was. What you were. This seemed more significant.
“I don’t think it’s bad. I think it’s weird that you call it a compound, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
She chuckled and gave your hand a squeeze. The two of you walked for a few moments before she stopped. It looked like any other part of the woods. Kate looked at you expectantly. “I want you to close your eyes.”
“You’re not proposing, are you? This is all a little fast.”
“Ha-ha, very funny wise guy. Just close them.”
“Alright, alright.”
You did as you were told, feeling the warm setting sun against the side of your face. Kate continued to hold your hand. It was easy for you to focus on her touch and the world around you. There was nothing but safeness despite your reservations.
“What do you hear?” Kate asked.
At first, the only thing you could pick up on was the sound of your own heartbeat. It was hard to focus, with Kate’s blazing touch on yours. After a few moments things started to become clear. “It sounds like… water.” There was a small rush that you had mistaken for breathing at first. But, soon you were able to pick up on the rush of the current over a rock bed.
“Good girl. What else?”
You frowned, clenching your eyes harder. There was the rustle of leaves being jostled by a light breeze, and the near silent groan of settling bark. There was something more, a different type of breathing that was accompanied by a quick-beating heart.
“Don’t doubt yourself. What do you think you hear?”
“A deer, maybe. I don’t know. It doesn’t sound human.”
Kate let out a small squeal that caught you off guard, lunging forward and wrapping you into a bone-crushing hug. You found yourself laughing, nearly choked with the wild mane that was her hair. It felt nice. Her holding you, proud of you, an incredible warmth blooming in your chest.
“Yes y/n! You got it. You got it on the first try.” She pulled back, keeping her hands on your shoulders.
The setting sun illuminated her, as if she were an ethereal creature. Her grip on you was so sure, so comforting. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, just being under her gaze. Those storm-filled eyes bore into your own, and you wanted nothing more than to give way to the cloying feeling that was building up.
Her stare flicked down at your lips, and then back up to your own. You were suddenly nervous, despite how close the two of you had been these last few weeks, this was different. This was exhilarating. Against your better judgement, you gave her the slightest nod.
Kate’s lips were against yours, tasting of strawberry lip balm and the earth. It was a gentle kiss, her fingers ghosting your jaw, her tongue swiping against your bottom lip. An overwhelming feeling of content fluttered in the pit of your stomach. Despite it’s tenderness, it seemed to end too quickly.
You longed for her, and when Kate moved to pull away, you looped your arms around her shoulders, and pulled her back in, chasing the high that she’d caused with a simple embrace. She smiled against your lips, deepening the kiss until you both had to pull away for air.
“Wow,” Kate breathed, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
You laughed softly “I think I might.”
Her hand moved a strand of hair behind your ear, a goofy smile on her face. Things felt light and immeasurably comfortable. Getting through your first transition out of the way lifted the weight from your shoulders and pressing your lips against Kate’s had admonished the rest.
“I want to apologize,” Kate whispered, breathe splaying against your cheeks. Her hand cupped your cheek, thumb running over the redness that had appeared. She’d silenced you. “Before you say anything, I know that I’ve said I’m sorry more times than we can count. But I mean it.”
Her closeness helped her argument. Your entire focus was trained on her. There was a smattering of freckles across her nose and an exhaustive wonder around her eyes. You felt tiredness in your own bones, despite sleeping well past noon.
“You didn’t ask for any of this, and I hurt you, y/n. I will never forgive myself for that, and I refuse to make excuses about this… this pull that I know we both feel. I ripped you from your life and now you’re here, and I don’t want to base this, whatever this is, on forced proximity because I’d feel even more guilty if-“
You cut her off, surging forward and wrapping your arms around her mid-section. You fit perfectly in her arms, her chin resting on your head. It took her a few moments to work the tension out of her body, but she held you tight, breathing you in.
“Kate, if I wanted to leave, I would have found a way.”
She smiled wolfishly “Oh?”
“And no more apologizing. I forgive you.” You pulled back slightly, staring up at her. Kate’s embrace was alluring and grounded you to the earth. “This isn’t something I’ve ever felt before, and I’m scared shitless… but it feels right.”
None of this was part of your plan. You were the dutiful student that had worked for her scholarships and continued to push yourself past your breaking point to keep them. Then, an inhuman girl had dug her teeth into you, tearing through muscle and bone. The same girl that you embraced now had, by all means, uprooted you.
“We don’t have to figure it out now. We have all the time in the world.”
“Yeah,” you whispered, a small smile forming on your lips. “We do.”