Bloom

“Sir, it appears SHIELD is en route, estimated time of arrival: 17 minutes.”

Tony tap-tap-taps his reactor.

“Thanks, J. Okay. Plan. Let’s spitball this.” Loki scrunches up his nose at the phrasing. “I’m guessing you don’t want to head homeward bound with Thor.”

He tenses under the throw, slender fingers tightening around the cooling mug. “Ideally not.”

Tap-tap-tap. “Perfect, excellent. So stay here with me. With us.”

James barely holds in a sigh. Tony Stark, ladies and gentlemen, renowned playboy at work.

“My bedroom has a panic room attached. Safe from SHIELD’s tech. From any tech, really. Also good for... panicking. If you need to do that. Anyway, if you’d like to stay, even just for time to think, you have uh—”

“8 minutes and counting, Sir.”

Tony nods and starts walking to the bedroom, “Let’s say a solid six minutes and change to decide.”

There’s not much choice, really, considering his alternatives. But Loki still has to ask: “Why are you helping me?”

A shrug, a sharp grin.

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for a pretty face.”

SHIELD shows remarkable restraint, James thinks, when just Coulson, Rogers, and Romanoff show up shortly after Tony has Loki settled. He’s just gotten a couple bottles of electrolytes out of the bar fridge and tossed one to his friend when JARVIS announces their arrival.

Tony still looks like shit. Happy and Yvette did good work, but he has bandages showing under the edges of his tanktop, and wrapped snugly around his wrist. There’s bruising around his throat and covering his shoulders from where he slammed against the suit when James caught him as they fell.

It helps sell the story.

“Agent, Captain. Failed honeypot. Where’s the hammer of the gods? Already off to the land of the ice and snow?”

Coulson remained passive while the Captain bristles and Romanoff’s face goes somehow even more blank. Funny story: After FRAN came online, long after Yvette had moved into her current role, they’d found the (failed) undercover op to place Agent Romanoff as Tony’s assistant. It was amusing? Insulting? To read the assumptions buried in the mission plan and objectives. Happy had somehow been most insulted, on Yvette’s behalf instead of Tony’s, around what SHIELD assumed the job would entail.

Before the other two can say anything, Coulson smiles faintly. “He’s currently... communing with his people. They’ll be returning the Tesseract to Asgard, we’re here to retrieve Loki to deliver him as well.”

Tony and Rhodes slurp loudly at their drinks. Tony gave Loki the option to watch the encounter if he wanted, a reassurance they weren’t going to sell him out. Part of him hopes he is, he seems like the type to enjoy a good riling up.

“Can’t help you there, Agent. We hit medical before coming to check on the state of my living room,” he starts softly, but grows harsher, “you know, after flying into a fucking wormhole so that the nuke you sent didn’t obliterate the city.”

Rhodes places a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Then tells them: “Loki was gone by the time we got here. JARVIS is analysing all the footage we have, from his first arrival at the SHIELD base to what we have from the fight with the Chitauri.”

Tony smiles, it’s not a kind one. “You know, it’s interesting, his grand entrance. Glowing blue eyes and looking about as good as I did fresh off my desert cave tour. Did you not notice, or was that going to also get swept under SHIELD’s lumpy rug?”

Rogers looks confused, glancing back at Coulson.

“What does that mean? What do his eyes have to do with anything?”

And really? This is the man who is, on paper, supposed to make his soul complete?

Agent clears his throat, “We can discuss that at a later point, Captain. Mr. Stark, we do also need to discuss the agency and media responses to the conflict before our more in-depth debrief.”

And look. You don’t grow up in the spotlight like Tony has without developing a certain kind of confidence. It’s essential to survival. But he’s still surprised at the brass ones SHIELD continues to throw around.

He raises an eyebrow. “We’ve already got the basics for the Pentagon and FBI. If there’s anyone else you want to loop in, I’ll make sure Yvette sends you copies of the relevant documents.”

Coulson and Romanoff frown while Rogers still looks confused. Jesus, did they teach this guy nothing out of the ice? Tony would feel worse for him if their first meeting hadn’t been Rogers telling him he was a piece of shit.

“There are details we’d rather keep from public view. Panic will not serve us well as we move forward.”

The fucking gall.

Tony’s other eyebrow joins the first and he shares an incredulous look with Rhodey, who is doing an impressive job of hiding a smirk.

“And what details, exactly, would you like to bury?” Yeah. He’s going to make them say it. Christ, he can just imagine the lifetime of cleaning up after these assholes he’d be in for if he plays along with this now. Tony Stark may not be recommended, but apparently his public relations team is.

Coulson glances over at the Captain and, hand to god, actually puffs out his chest. Now they’re a matching set.

“The world needs heroes right now. There is going to be misinformation, fear—justifiable and otherwise. The average citizen is not going to understand the complexity of strategy and decisions made during the invasion.”

What a speech, brings a tear to Tony’s eye. “Uh huh, very complex. So, sorry, just to be clear here: Why would I cover for you?”

“This is bigger than us, Stark.” Romanoff smiles wryly, “Bigger than you.”

Rogers chimes in earnestly: “If we’re going to be a team, we need to present a united front.”

They’re going to be a team? That’s news to Tony. Suddenly, he’s just... so tired of this. Shit, he could’ve died. Rhodey could’ve died. His hot new alien friend could’ve died. New York could’ve been wiped off the map. He needs a drink. He needs a nap.

“Huh, well that’s certainly an interesting point of view. JARVIS, how we doing on those reports for the Feds?”

“The communications to the Pentagon and Federal Plaza were sent fourteen minutes ago, sir. Receipt has been confirmed in both cases.”

Tony is going to print a photo of Coulson’s face right now and put it on a Christmas card. Amazing.

It doesn’t take long after the (proverbial) bomb has been dropped to shoo out two disgruntled SHIELD agents and one Captain America. As the elevator door closes behind them, Rhodey finally stops hiding the smirk.

“Hey, are sure you’re going to be alright with your... guest alone?” It’s a testament to their friendship that Rhodey stops to check, torn after a text from Pepper assuring that she’s alright, safe and waiting.

“Your concern is noted and adorable, but it’s time to go see your Pep. Pep. Pepperhodey! Wow, I’ve been off my game if it took me that long to come up with the portmanteau.” He waves the thought away with his hand, “Don’t worry, I’ve got Happy, JARVIS, and Yvette here as backup. That I’m 87.4% sure I won’t need.”

Rhodes leaves with a wide grin and a promise to call with an update as soon as they’re settled in.

Three raps at the panic room door, and Loki and JARVIS open up. He leans against the door frame, happy to note that Loki has made his way through the fruit and snacks he’d managed to hustle in as well as a few bottles of water.

“You’re looking better. Did you watch our chat with SHIELD? I feel like if Rhodey and I had to suffer through it, someone should’ve at least enjoyed the show.”

Loki smiles, a wicked little thing a million miles away from the manic grin he’d been sporting before.

“It was entertaining. Although, I do have rather a few questions about what comes next.”

Tony grins, “Oh yeah? How about I answer what I can over dinner. I make a mean cacio e pepe.”

Loki’s smile widens and man, is Tony ever in trouble. He can’t wait.