Green Lantern - ending skit by The Panda Redd
The Contingency Files: Weaknesses Across the Multiverse
Sys: it’s shortened down to TCF:WAM, which then just got shorthanded into [Wham].
BM: What do these files entail?
Sys: like your contingency files, there will be a brief description of the person you are set to fight, then their weaknesses and how to exploit it. This ends with a clip of a scenario in which you use said plan.
BM: give me an example of the format before introducing new people.
RR: I’ll take notes again.
Now showing…
[Wham: Green Lantern - ending skit by The Panda Redd]
Hal Jordan is one of Earth's Green Lanterns. A former military test pilot, he is now the protector of Sector 2814. He is also a founding member of the Justice League. Hal had been kicked out of the military for assaulting an officer, and was reduced to an engineer giving planes tune-ups. He was abducted by a dying alien, Abin Sur. Sur wanted Hal to replace him in the Green Lantern Corps, an intergalactic police force that had safeguarded the universe for billions of years. Hal has a unique link to the Green Lantern Ring he forged himself, allowing him to connect to it regardless of obstacles. The ring allows the user to create constructs of energy through their will power. Along with that, Hal's connection to the Green Light of Will is so great that he can transform into a construct, allowing him to channel greater amounts of power at the risk of dissipating into energy himself.
BM: why would a system of archives for the multiverse know so much about one person? What would be the point if every universe you go to has different variables? Is it threat assessment?
RR: *frantically writing everything down to compare to the Batfiles™ later*
While Speed Force energy can disrupt his ring functions, the most common weakness to be found in the Green Lantern Ring is the color yellow due to its association with fear. As expected, belief in the connotation causes the trait, similar to the first green lantern’s weakness to wood due to unfortunate timing and a splinter.
To defeat him, coat any weapon in yellow and have at him. Alternatively, fear toxin may make way for a synthetic weakness
[Creators’ note: Justice soul bullets work frighteningly well, even in its peashooter form. The Fear soul abilities do not seem to cause harm, even though it has similar traits to that of the yellow lanterns, besides the color.]
BM: what’s the “creators’ note?”
Sys: my creators edit files and add details to them, just like any other creator. This one was done by-
NW: you cut out there. What were you saying.
Sys: files are edited to add more information and context?
BM: he meant the name.
Sys: What name?
BM: the name of the creator who made this?
Sys: what did the creator make?
BM: the contingency plan edits.
Sys: right! Thank you for reminding me! We were just getting to the skit edited to attach to this file!
BM: no-and it’s playing.
Batman:
GL:
Batman, in a yellow batsuit, standing in a neon yellow room: what?
GL: is this a fucking joke?
RH: yes.
NW: absolutely.
RR: mayhaps.
R: affirmative.
Batman: look, I just want to be able to have a civilized, equal conversation with you.
GL: do you coat the fucking room in kryptonite every time you want to talk to superman?
Batman: not to his knowledge, no.
GL: I- Wait What?
BM: No, I don’t do that. It’d just give me radiation poisoning, and therefore the disadvantage.
RH: it’s also expensive.
BM: that’s not even a secondary issue, but yes, I guess so.
RR: You know, for an alien rock, it sure is everywhere.
Batman: It doesn’t matter. You’re overreacting.
GL: I’m overreacting?! What if I line the walls with dead parents every time I want to talk to you?
Batman: well, I’d probably ask you how you got all those dead parents and where all their kids are for… research purposes…
GL: you are unbelievable
RR: goddamn it Bruce, not again.
Batman, looking at his yellow mug: oh, shit I’m empty. ROBIN!
Robin, also fully yellow and holding a yellow pitcher: right here batman.
NW: I’m in this too?!
RR: I wonder why his legs are painted. He could have pulled a Jason and wore bright yellow pants under the original costume.
RH: Can we not talk about titans’ tower right now? We’re making fun of Bruce here, not me.
Batman: goddamn you are quiet. Fill me up, will you?
Robin: Sup jolly green? How are you doing this week?
GL: Did you Paint the kid’s naked legs yellow?
Robin: I painted my own naked legs yellow, thank you very much, and I also made the fucking lemonade, you dick.
RH: ha-ha name pun.
NW: shut.
RH: no. :D
RR: how did you do that? I could hear the emoji, but you never changed your expression.
RH: it’s a secret! ;P
RR: I have never felt so uncomfortable being winked at before.
GL: You’re even drinking LEMONADE??!!
Batman: I mean, you can never be too careful.
GL: alright, that’s it! gimmie that!
Robin: THROW PUNCH
GL: wait what-hng!
Batman: son of a bitch now I gotta save him! Nice going!
Robin: can’t talk no shit when you can’t breathe!
R: I live by that statement.
RR: It’s very inspirational.
RH: and I’m the angry robin somehow. I liked LITERATURE!
RR: you also allegedly pushed a guy off a building.
RH: I didn’t do it!
RR: I know. I stalked you, remember?
Sys: Speaking of stalking, would you like to see more contingency files?
BM: fine. Who edited the files?
Sys: what files? There are a lot of edits.
BM: this one.
Sys: we’re not on any files right now. I’ll start the next one!
R: aaaaAAAAAAAAGH!!!! STOP ACTING DUMB!!!!
Sys: How can I act? I’m a computer program.
R: *openly screeching*
Sys: and as such, I will continue this playlist!
Now showing…
[Wham: Phantom]
BM: Who?