Push On Through
Only consistency in your periphery
Is fear and the bridge of your nose
Peter was doing better. Better than he was two years ago at least. But he was scared. Things were changing. Ned and MJ got into MIT a few years early. The university that was across four states. If you drove. Peter had decided not to go to MIT. Yes, he was interested in Biochemical Engineering, but he found his purpose lay more with the Avengers. And besides, he could probably learn it all here and then do the test separate if he changed his mind.
What was worrying Peter was that he wouldn’t see his friends until summer break. Peter was losing his only friends outside of, what was technically, his work. They were on the way to help Ned pack. Ned had, of course, procrastinated it until the very last minute. MJ finished with her packing was on the way to help Ned pack too. He turned to Tony as he walked to the car. “Does it get any easier?”
He slipped in the car and shuffled along, Tony waiting until he was inside to speak up. “What do you mean, kid? Does what get easier?”
“Fear..”
And as you move about, you learn to tune 'em out
But they say they continue to grow
Tony thought for a moment. “Not in the way you’re thinking. It’s like grief in a way. Grows, changes, finds more ways to wiggle into your life. But as you get older, you learn more tips the tricks to manage it. Learn to welcome it and live with it.”
“Like how clearing out my room of the things from the old apartment would help?”
“Do you want to do that?”
“I think so, yeah..”
Fear of the past and (Relative pain)
Future's comin' fast, you've got (Nothin' in the tank)
He was sure Tony was busy. But turns out he cleared his calendar for the rest of the day. Peter reckoned it what’s when he said he wanted to clear out his room.
They sat there together, ordering things Peter would like in his room. Peter was trying to be mindful of the price, each time Tony was telling him not to bother with it. As long as Peter lived here he, he figured he’d never get used to how much money Tony had.
He felt a firm hand on his shoulder. But it was comforting. “You ready for this?”
Peter let out a shaky breath and a small not. “Yeah..”
In a season of purging things you used to love
Everything must go
Peter looked to the framed picture on his desk. The photo of Peter and May on the night of Peter’s homecoming. The night itself wasn’t a pleasant memory. But the one tied to the photo was. They’d spent an hour trying to learn how to tie Peter’s tie. Eventually the two dissolving into laughter and silly little dances. Eventually, they’d worked it out. And the photo was taken. Okay.. maybe everything didn’t have to go
“Keeping that one, Bug?” Tony asked, looking to the teen from across the room. He watched Peter nod. Sniffling ever so slightly and cleaning off the glass. Eyes never leaving May. He set down the picture back on his desk where he belonged, clearing his throat.
“Ah-“ Peter sniffled one more time fighting the tears and spoke up. “So where are the boxes staying?” He asked.
“Storage. You’ll have access to rummage around in there whenever you like.” Tony reassured as he walked over. Placing a hand on Peter’s shoulder.
Peter watched as Steve carried a few of the boxes down. Bucky close behind. Peter had kept a few things other than the picture. The suit from homecoming still hung up in the walk in closest. May had spent half a month’s salary on it for her “boys special day”. He couldn’t just put it into storage.
Make an oath, then make mistakes
“Peter you can’t cook for shit!” Sam exclaimed, grabbing the pan off the flame with the burnt grilled cheese on it.
“Says the man who burnt pasta!” Peter quipped back. The crowd that was gathering laughing at his response.
“You promised that would stay between us!”
“…”
Start a streak you're bound to break
“Peter! Come play Mario Kart!” Clint called. Oh thank god.
“Oh look at that! I’m needed! So popular today.” Peter excused himself quickly. Sitting down next to Clint. “You have just saved my life.” He heard Clint laugh as he picked out his character.
“You’re rubbing off on him.” Sam muttered to Tony. “I don’t like it.” Came a quickly followed joke.
Peter heard a “I like Peter’s cooking” from Bucky and Steve who had cut the grilled cheese sandwich in half. It was going in the bin if it wasn’t eaten anyway.
When darkness rolls on you
Peter’s leg was bouncing. Sat on the edge of his bed trying to deal with his thoughts on his own. He knew the Avengers were downstairs. Always willing for a chat. But Peter also knew they couldn’t always be there. Needing to also learn to deal with it on his own.
Push on through
“Peter, boss has requested you in the lab”
“Coming!” Peter called to the AI. Maybe this time relying on Tony’s distractions wouldn’t hurt.
Running out the room, he jumped onto the railing. Stealing a slice of pizza from the open box Clint was carrying up the stairs.
“Watch where you’re going Spider Boy!”
“Sorry!” Peter called as he jumped off the railing. Walking into Tony’s lab.
“Hey kid! I’ve got this amazing idea for your suit…”
Then before you know, you lose some people close Forcing you to manage your pace
“You guys better stay in touch.” Peter spoke, hugging the two at the same time. His voice muffled in their shoulders.
“Of course! I’ll tell you about all the embarrassing things Ned done on his first day” MJ half joked as the hug broke. Peter was sure he’d hear about some of them
“Hey!” Ned whined. “Peter- we need to finish the Lego Death Star summer break.” Ned insisted.
“Summer break. I promise” the third smiled. Pulling Ned into their iconic hand shake and then following it with a hug. Pulling MJ into another.
He stood by the car as he watched the two disappear into the airport behind the automatic doors. Waving them off. He felt a rough hand on the back of his neck which he figured was Tony. He wasn’t pushing him though. Then a second, more delicate hand running through his hair which he realised was Peppers. He’d see them summer break..
Found your capacity for love
Peter was playing with Morgan, running around the island in circles and then running rings around any Avenger that walked in as he chased after her. The moment making his heart full. Eventually, he grabbed her, tickling her stomach and pretending to nibble at her shoulder while she tried to wiggle free. Her laughter and squeals causing joy to bubble inside of her. Picking the girl up and throwing her in the air before catching her. Neither noticed a certain Tony Stark lent against the doorframe. Watching his kids play together.
and tragedy
Peter felt dread in his stomach when Tony was wheeled into the complex on a bed. Getting taken up to madbay. “Tony? What’s happened to Tony?” He wasn’t allowed in the elevator so took the stairs. Pushing himself as hard as he could to get up there as quick as possible. Getting there just as the doors to the elevator opened. He tried to follow them into medbay, being held back by the two super soldiers on the team. “No- what’s happening with Tony- what’s happening with my dad! Dad!” Peter shouted. Trying to fight against the two men.
Embracing how things always change
It was Peter’s turn to hold Tony’s hand while he recovered. It was Peter’s turn to sit in the worn seat by Tony’s bed. It was Peter’s turn to take care of Tony when he was on bed rest. Both in medbay and out. It was Peter’s turn to hear “he’ll make a full recovery”. But what never changed was Peter curled up in his Dads side. Head on his chest. Blankets to his chin and holding onto Tony’s shirt sound asleep while the man combed his hands through his son’s hair.
You've had your turns with (Relative pain)
Little less concerned when there's (Nothin' in the tank)
Bucky frowned when he saw Peter sitting alone on the sofa in the common room. It was unusual for it to be this empty. But that wasn’t what was concerning him. He wasn’t good at comfort. But he figured he could give it a try.
Slowly, he walked over to join Peter, sitting beside him. Peter felt the shift of the cushions next to him. And then the ones behind his back being pushed down as Bucky rested his arm there. Not touching Peter. But the presence was appreciated. “You doing alright, kid?”
He thought for a moment. Before deciding to answer honestly. “No.. but I will be.” Peter gave a smile to Bucky. The other leaning more towards Peter.
“How about we order some Pizza on your dad’s card?” He spoke in a hushed tone. Almost as if it was the most scandalous thing they could ever do.
Peter smiled softly with a chuckle. “Sounds good”
As the two dug in, Peter noticed a hand belonging to a third person. Realising it was Tony, he let the man steal a slice. “If you’re gonna use my card for Pizza the least you could do would give me a slice.” He joked but took the food anyway. Placing a kiss to Peter’s head before walking away to let the two enjoy their conversation. Damn. Bucky picked a good spot. He’d have to get the name of it later.
In a season of lessons learned in giving up
You learn what you can and can't take
“Hey bambino.. you joining us for this one? Just a small mission?” Tony spoke. Peter had been in bed all day. Hadn’t budged unless it was to use the bathroom or eat. He watched as Peter shook his head. “Rough day huh?” Peter nodded once. “How about I get Sam to hang back huh? He can take you out for a run. It should clear your head?”
Peter spoke up quietly “do you not need him?”
“Nah it’s a small mission. He’s on the backup squad anyway. It’ll be fine.”
He watched again as Peter nodded. Tony placing a kiss to the teens temple before leaving. “Sam!” He called. Catching the man just before he was about to put his wings on. Speaking in a hushed tone when he approached. “Would you mind hanging back and taking Peter out for a run?”
“Rough day?” The other asked. Earning a nod from Tony. “‘Course I will. He’ll be fine Tony. Just one rough day in a sea of good.” He set the wings down, heading to get ready for the run instead once Tony mumbled a “yeah I know..” he got it. Tony was a dad. Dads worry.
Add some years, build some trust
You start to feel your eyes adjust
Peter was now 17, and things were on the up. Again, the odd down days. But they weren’t happening more than the good. It took a while. But he was there.
When darkness rolls on you
Push on through
He scooped a now six year old Morgan into his arms, letting the mask disappear from his face and hugging her tight. “Hey squirt!” Peter laughed, spinning her round before setting her on his hip.
Peter chuckled when his Dad placed his helmet on her head (turned off of course), the giggles now muffled with a slight echo. She lifted it up slightly, Peter passing her to Tony and heading for a much needed shower. Listening as Tony told her stories about the mission as he walked off.
You don't quite mind
You don't quite mind how long red lights are takin'
Push on through
Peter had grown to ignore the bad days. Not ignore them as in pretend they didn’t exist. But learn to manage them. He learned to live with it, how to push through his day. He still wore the smile. Morgan was around in the compound now a lot more, and he didn’t want her to catch on. But he was still talking to people when he could. When he needed to. His therapy sessions had dropped from three times a week, to two, to one, and now down to once every two weeks. His medication tweaked and altered so it suit him better as time went on. He figured he’d always be on it. But he was okay with that.
Your favorite song was on the oldies station
Push on through
Peter stopped his tinkering with the suit when he heard the song that played next. “Do not tell me that’s my all time favourite song..” Peter muttered to Tony. The older man with increasingly grey hairs bursting out into laughter.
“You’re an old man now, Pete!”
Peter groaned, slamming his head onto the desk. But, internally, done a little dance to the tune.
You have it down, that old fight for survival
Push on through
Peter set down a bunch of sunflowers onto May and Bens grave. He wasn’t crying. More smiling. Ever so slightly. He felt a hand on his shoulder giving Tony a quick glance in acknowledgment. Two years since she passed. Three since Ben. Tony was right. The grief never left. It changed and grew with Peter. And Peter had learned to accept that.
You're in the crowd at her first dance recital
Push on through
Peter sat in between Pepper and Tony watching his sister dance her heart out. Smiling wide. The group of Avengers standing and cheering when the recital finished. It was Pepper who insisted Morgan went to a public school. And Peter couldn’t have been happier that she did.
Peter crouched down to Morgan when she ran over to her brother. The teen picking her up and handing her a small bunch of flowers. The girl getting a kiss on the cheek from Pepper and Tony, the group walking out into the school yard and Tony setting the iron man helmet on the wall. The group posing for a photo.
Peter put the photo in a frame, setting it down next to the one of him and May. Another of him, Ned and MJ beside it. He brushed off the stray bit of dust on the glass that covered Mays face before walking out the room to join his very large, very strange family for dinner.