At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb
I don't want anyone, know me or not
See me at my lowest, you don't have to drop
Don't have to drop by
Nothin' you can do this time
Peter didn’t need anyone. He was fine on his own. But that hand holding his felt so comforting as he came round. Looking to the right and seeing Tony fast asleep in a worn down chair beside the bed. He looked distraught. Had he done this?
I don't want anyone, know me or not
See me at my lowest, you don't have to
Drop anything for me
Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop
“Hey Peter, how are you doing?” Bruce spoke softly. Walking to the end of his bed when he’d realised Peter was awake. Placing a his hands on the bed frame.
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not kid..”
“I’m fine, Bruce. When can I leave?”
Used to be you and me, matching Kawasaki Zs
Ride around 270 in Kawasaki tees
Two fighter jets matching energy
Trying to forget that we're in ejection seats
“Hey, do you remember that time someone left their bag at the restaurant?” Tony spoke. Causing Peter to chuckle.
“Yeah, Happy got too paranoid and thought it was a bomb- called in the whole bomb squad even though FRIDAY was insisting it was just some kids school bag.”
Tony smiled softly. “And the look on Happys face when they arrived and proved her right.”
“That was priceless!” Peter laughed
Check on your friends
Every once in a while
Even if they say
I don't want anyone, know me or not
See me at my lowest, you don't have to drop,
Don't have to drop by
Nothin' you can do this time
I don't want anyone, know me or not
See me at my lowest, you don't have to drop
Anything for me
Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop
“Hey kid how you doing?” Sam asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked like he was about to go out for a run. With Steve and Bucky he figured.
“I’m good!” Peter smiled softly, looking up to the other. “About to go out for a run?”
“Yeah kid, but it can wait if there’s something you want to tell me?” Sam spoke softly, trying to get the the teen to open up.
“Like what?”
“Like how you’re feeling?”
“Oh, I’m fine, really!”
“You’re not kid, and that’s okay.” Sam tried to reassure.
“Man why does everyone keep saying that?
If I'm bein' real, man, don't know how I feel, man
'Bout you sleepin' so close to a weapon you conceal, man
Those night terrors are not somethin' to take lightly
I know that it's a risk sayin' this, don't fight me
“Peter- can we talk?” Tony spoke softly. When he got a nod, he walked into the kids bedroom, sitting down on the bed and setting his hand on his knee. “I want you to listen. And consider what I’m going to say.” He watched as Peter nodded again.
“Kid anyone who has eyes can see you’re not doing good.” When Peter opened his mouth to argue, Tony shut it down. “Listen first. And then you can speak.” He watched again as Peter nodded.
He spun the kid round so he was sitting in his bed, legs dangling off the edge and Tony crouched down on the floor in front of him.
“Kid.. I know what it’s like to lose family. My parents dying when I was your age. I wasn’t particularly close to my dad. But then I found a recording in an old box, in the old lab, and that was the first time I remember my father showing me any love. And it reopened a whole can of worms of grief and anger and hate.”
He watched as the boy nodded some more. “And I know what it’s like, to think of all the people who died during a mission you’re on. For years I was plagued by those whose deaths were announced on the news after the battle of New York.
“But.. I also remember a sweet little boy. Who stood up to one of the Chitauri..” he whispered. Poking Peter’s chest. “And I knew that little boy was going to go far.” He smiled softly, cupping Peter’s cheek. “And I was right.”
“Kid I know what this is like. Filled with anxiety and depression. My self harm was drinking myself stupid. Yours is cutting yourself up. My suicidal ideation was, at first, making these stupid iron man suits hoping one of them would fail. And I’d die. And then one day, it did fail. And I was terrified. I didn’t want to die.” Again, Peter nodded.
“Suffering with nightmares every night over New York, the wormhole. Knowing something big was coming but I didn’t know what. And then when you died.. my life crumbled all over again. I went to your funeral. And sure, I married Pepper, and we had Morgan- who is still, wanting to see you again by the way. ‘Mommy when can I see Peter next he plays the best hide n’ seek’” he quoted the girl.
“I had everything I wanted. My family. My retirement. But you weren’t there. You didn’t deserve to be just.. a rock. A headstone. You more than anyone.” He watched as Peter hung his head.
“Peter I got therapy. They got me on medication that works for me and I got better. Sure. I still have bad days. But they’re more good than bad now. Let me help you kid..”
He sat. Watching Peter’s eyes. Seeing the war going on behind them that Tony had fought plenty of times before. Before, after a few minutes of silence. There was a whisper of “okay..” and a nod of the kids head.
“Okay..”