Chapter 5
Dr. Christina Raynor leaned back in her chair, the dim glow of her office computer casting a soft illumination. The day had been long, filled with the usual complexities of psychiatric care, but her thoughts were now consumed by one particular patient: James "Bucky" Barnes.
She glanced at the file on her desk, reviewing the notes from her recent session with Bucky. The symptoms he described were troubling—a combination of severe headaches, persistent nausea and vomiting, seizures, and now, neurological deficits that were starting to impact his daily life.
A tumor? The thought lingered, though she hesitated to jump to conclusions without further diagnostic confirmation. She had seen enough cases to recognize the gravity of these symptoms. Yet, she needed to approach this diagnosis cautiously, especially considering Barnes' complicated medical history as the Winter Soldier.
Dr. Raynor knew she needed to tread carefully. She needed to find a specialist who understood the complexities of neurological disorders and had the expertise to handle cases involving superhuman physiology—a delicate balance that few doctors could manage.
Bucky's case was even more delicate with the added psychological layer they would have to manage. His time as the Winter Soldier—the trauma, the conditioning—he’d already been through so much. Anyone who came onto his case would need to respect his boundaries and take extra time to gain his trust.
Earlier, she had thought of Dr. Stephen Strange, a name that had surfaced in professional circles for his remarkable expertise in neurology and unconventional methods. Rumors of his ability to confront the impossible intrigued her—instances where his approach had led to breakthroughs where others had faltered.
“Dr. Strange could be the answer,” she thought, a spark of hope igniting. “He has the knowledge and skill to diagnose and treat Bucky's neurological symptoms, but more importantly, he might be able to bridge the gap between medical science and Bucky's deep-seated trauma.”
With a nod, Dr. Raynor reached for her phone and dialed the number she had looked up earlier. Each ring seemed to echo the urgency of the situation, until, finally, a voice answered on the other end.
"Dr. Strange's office," came the polite greeting of the secretary.
"This is Dr. Christina Raynor," she began, her voice steady despite the weight of her concerns. "I need to speak with Dr. Stephen Strange urgently. It's regarding a patient of mine, James Barnes."
“One moment, please,” the secretary said before the phone rang again as she was transferred.
Dr. Raynor waited anxiously, her mind racing through the details of Bucky's symptoms and complicated history. Finally, Dr. Strange's voice came on the line.
"Dr. Raynor, what can I do for you?" he asked, his tone professional yet attentive.
"Stephen," she started, taking a breath to steady herself. "I'm Bucky Barnes' psychiatrist. He's been experiencing severe headaches, nausea, vomiting, seizures, and neurological deficits. I'm concerned it might be something serious, possibly neurological."
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line as Dr. Strange processed the information. "I see. Has he undergone any diagnostic tests yet?"
"Not yet," Dr. Raynor admitted. "He's hesitant due to his past experiences with Hydra. Trust is fragile for him, especially in medical settings."
"I understand," Dr. Strange replied thoughtfully. "He needs someone who can handle his medical needs with sensitivity to his history."
"Definitely," Dr. Raynor said. "That's why I immediately thought of you, Stephen. Your expertise in neurology and your unique experiences with complex cases could really help him. I also know you briefly met each other, which might make him more likely to open up to you.
"Yes, I remember him being close to Steve Rogers," Dr. Strange said empathetically. "Please send over his details, and I'll arrange to see him as soon as possible."
"Thank you, Stephen," Dr. Raynor expressed her gratitude. "I believe your involvement will be crucial in getting him the care he needs."
"I'll do my best," Dr. Strange assured her before ending the call.
As she hung up the phone, Dr. Raynor felt a mix of relief and hope. She knew she had made the right decision to reach out to Dr. Strange. Now, she just had to call Bucky and get him to agree to schedule an appointment.
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Dr. Raynor took a deep breath, her finger hesitating over Bucky Barnes' contact in her phone. She knew this call was crucial, and if she didn’t handle it correctly, Bucky might not agree to see the doctor. With one last breath, she pressed the dial button and waited as the phone rang.
After a few rings, Bucky answered. "Hello?"
"Bucky, it's Dr. Raynor," she began, her voice calm yet filled with earnestness. "I have some news for you. Dr. Stephen Strange has agreed to see you."
There was a brief pause on the other end, followed by a mix of surprise and nervousness in Bucky's voice. "Dr. Strange? Really? The sorcerer?"
"Yes," Dr. Raynor affirmed, sensing the weight of the moment. "I believe his expertise could provide valuable insights into your symptoms. He understands your history and the complexities involved."
"I... I appreciate you arranging this," Bucky replied, his gratitude palpable despite the uncertainty.
"He's expecting you," Dr. Raynor continued, offering reassurance. "I'll send over the details, and his office will contact you to schedule an appointment."
"Okay," Bucky responded quietly, processing the information.
"And Bucky," Dr. Raynor added gently, "I suggest you take Sam with you for the appointment. Having him there might help."
"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," Bucky replied with a sigh.
"This initial consult with Dr. Strange is just to discuss your symptoms," Dr. Raynor reassured him. "You don't have to agree to any tests or scans that day if you're not comfortable. It's important that you feel in control of the process."
"Okay," Bucky acknowledged, his tone becoming more confident.
"I understand this is frightening, especially given what you've been through," Dr. Raynor said softly. "But your symptoms are very concerning, and it's crucial to get them checked out."
"I know," Bucky replied quietly, clearing his throat.
"Just take it one step at a time," Dr. Raynor encouraged warmly. "Let me know when you schedule the appointment, and we can plan to have a session either the same day or the next. How does that sound?"
Bucky hesitated for a moment. "That sounds... okay. Thank you, Dr. Raynor."
"You're welcome, Bucky," she replied, her tone reassuring. “We'll coordinate everything to support you through this process."
"Okay," Bucky said softly before hanging up.
As she ended the call, Dr. Raynor felt a sense of relief mingled with hope. She knew that preparing Bucky for the appointment with Dr. Strange was just the beginning, but it was an essential step towards getting him the care he needed. Now, she hoped that Bucky would take the next step forward, trusting in the process of diagnosis and treatment that lay ahead.
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After ending the call with Dr. Raynor, Bucky set his phone down on the table, his mind swirling with emotions. He glanced over at Sam Wilson, who sat across from him, concern etched on his face.
"So, what did she say?" Sam asked gently, his voice breaking the silence between them.
Bucky hesitated for a moment before speaking, his thoughts still processing. "Dr. Strange... he agreed to see me."
Sam nodded slowly, "That's good, right? He's supposed to be one of the best. Plus, he’s an Avenger, so he knows about the serum."
"Yeah," Bucky replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
"You okay?" Sam asked, his concern palpable.
Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Sam. It's just... everything. Hydra, the Winter Soldier stuff,” Bucky paused.
"You ever read the Winter Soldier file?" He continued, his voice low, his gaze fixed on his hands as he spoke.
Sam hesitated, choosing his words carefully. He shifted in his seat, his gaze thoughtful as he looked at Bucky. "Bits and pieces," Sam finally began, his voice measured. Steve mentioned some of it to me, but I never felt right reading it, especially since I didn't really know you."
"Yeah, it's not exactly light reading," Bucky admitted with a grimace, his gaze momentarily distant as memories of his past with Hydra resurfaced. "Sometimes I wish I never got those memories back.”
Sam's expression softened, a sympathetic nod acknowledging Bucky's pain. "I hear you, Buck. It's a lot to carry."
"I remember waking up in the snow," Bucky began, his voice low and tinged with pain. "It was at the bottom of the ravine after I fell off the train. I couldn't move. I could barely see anything through the snow and blinding pain. Every bone in my body must have been broken."
Sam listened intently, his expression a mix of empathy and concern, giving Bucky the space to continue.
"I laid there for what felt like an eternity," Bucky continued, his words slow and measured as he relived the agony of those moments. "Drifting in and out of consciousness. The cold was relentless...I kept hoping... praying that I wouldn't wake up," Bucky confessed, his voice cracking with emotion. "Death would have been better than the pain I felt laying there. But every time I slipped into unconsciousness, I woke again.”
He paused, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat before pushing on with the memories that haunted him. "I remember one time I opened my eyes. I was being dragged... It was excruciating. It felt like every bone in my body was shattered. I caught a glimpse of the stub of my left arm dragging through the snow, leaving a trail of blood as they pulled me."
Bucky's jaw clenched involuntarily, the memory vivid in his mind even after all these years. "Then everything went black... until I woke up on a table. Surrounded by Hydra."
"They didn't use anesthesia, just a paralytic, so I couldn't move," Bucky continued, his eyes fixed on some distant point in the room. "They wanted me to feel it all. The pain... the cutting... the melding of metal into my flesh."
"They wanted me to know... they controlled my body," Bucky's voice was barely a whisper, filled with a haunting resonance that echoed the depths of his suffering. "They decided how much pain I felt, and they were the only ones who could take it away...my body didn't belong to me anymore. It belonged to Hydra."
Sam's eyes widened in horror, his breath catching at the brutality of Bucky's ordeal. "Buck, that's... that's…I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
Bucky nodded slowly, letting out a hollow laugh. "Yeah... It's pretty low on the list of worst things to happen to me in my life."
"Hyrda... they didn't just take my arm," he continued, his voice tinged with a bitter resignation. "They took everything. They stripped me of my autonomy and convinced me I was broken beyond repair. The doctors told me they were fixing me. They made it sound like a favor," Bucky continued, "They made me thank them. They made me believe I owed them my existence, that every breath I took belonged to Hydra."
Sam clenched his fists, anger rising at Hydra's manipulative cruelty. He struggled to contain his emotions, focusing on being present for Bucky.
“For 70 years, my life consisted of cryo-freeze, having my memory wiped in the chair, and missions where I was sent to assassinate a target,” Bucky concluded with a sigh. “Anyways, I shared all this with you because I want you to understand why trusting a doctor terrifies me.”
Sam reached across the table, his hand finding its place on Bucky's arm, conveying both reassurance and solidarity. It was a simple act, but it spoke volumes of the deep bond they’d created.
"I understand, Buck," Sam began gently, meeting Bucky's eyes with unwavering sincerity. "But Dr. Raynor is someone we can trust. And bringing in someone like Dr. Strange might just give us the answers we need."
Bucky looked up, surprise flickering in his eyes as he absorbed Sam's words. The weight of his past traumas seemed momentarily lighter in the face of Sam's support.
"Bucky," Sam continued, "I want you to know something. I would never let anyone do anything to you that you didn't consent to. And if you ever have to face something like that again, I'll be right there with you every step of the way."
Bucky nodded slowly, his expression softening with a mixture of relief and trust. Sam's pledge resonated deeply, offering a glimmer of hope and empowerment in a world that had once felt overwhelmingly controlled by others.
"You mean that, Sam?" Bucky asked quietly, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
"I mean it," Sam affirmed, his tone unwavering and resolute. "You've endured more than anyone should ever have to. But from now on, you decide what happens to you. Your body, your choices."
Bucky met Sam's gaze, his eyes a mixture of gratitude and sadness. "Thanks, Sam. For understanding."
"Always," Sam replied firmly. "And Buck, I want you to know I'm here for you. We'll make sure Dr. Strange understands what you've been through. Your wishes will be respected every step of the way."
"Thank you, Sam," Bucky murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "It means more than you know."