in the stars
A knock sounded on one of the many guest rooms of Tony and Pepper’s lakehouse, where Peter had confined himself to for the past four days since Tony’s death. Despite May’s efforts, he had been unable to leave the room and meet Tony’s daughter. He was curled up on the bed, staring blankly outside the window where the Avengers and close family had gathered for Tony, Vision and Natasha’s memorial service by the lake. His head felt heavy, and he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge whoever was outside.
“Pete? Can I come in?” May called from outside the door. The teenager gave a non-committal hum, which barely reached his aunt’s ears. The door creaked open slowly, and May’s face softened as she witnessed the distraught teenager on the bed. “Oh Peter,” May murmured sadly, sitting on the edge of the bed and running her warm hand over his forehead.
Peter sniffed, leaning into his aunt’s touch, “I don’t think I can go out there.”
“I know,” May whispered softly, her hand running through her nephew’s soft curls. “Do you remember when Ben died?” Peter froze under her touch. “And everyone was telling us how sorry they were? But we felt numb. Their apologies were pointless because they hardly knew your uncle Ben like we did. It’s only when Ned came to talk to you that it mattered. Because you knew Ned cared about you, and he cared about Ben. I think it would make Pepper happy to see you.”
Peter sat up on the bed, sniffling again as he looked at his aunt. “Why?”
“Pepper said he talked about you a lot in these past five years,” said May, a tender and sympathetic expression adorning her face. “He told her and Morgan a lot about you.”
“He did?” croaked Peter, his voice hoarse from disuse.
“Of course,” May murmured, kissing Peter’s forehead. “He loved you so much. Do you remember how happy he was when you came back? Pepper said he hugged you. She said that she had’t seen him smile like that in a long time.”
Morgan was very confused: everyone in her family looked very sad and her mommy hadn’t stopped crying for so many days. Mommy told her that Peter was here to stay with them for a little while but she hadn’t yet seen him. And her daddy was nowhere to be seen.
On the second day of her daddy being away, Morgan approached her upset mom who was curled up on the couch in the living room. “Mommy, when’s daddy coming home? It’s been a hundred hours!”
Pepper expelled a shaky sigh and held her arms out to her daughter. “Come here darling.” Morgan climbed into her mom’s arms. “Do you remember when daddy said that he was going away to save the world?” The four year-old nodded. “Well, daddy got hurt.” Pepper’s voice cracked. “So then he had to go to the hospital.”
“Like when I went to the hospital ‘cause I was sick?” Morgan piped up, a small crease forming between her brows.
Pepper nodded, brushing some loose hair back from Morgan’s face. “But you got better. Sometimes… people don’t get better and daddy didn’t get better either. So now daddy lives in the stars in heaven and we can’t visit heaven. But daddy loves Morgan tonnes.” Pepper pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, looking into the eyes that were identical to those of her husband.
“But when is daddy going to come back home?” Morgan asked, her frown deepening as she sat on her mother’s lap.
“Daddy can’t come back, Morgan,” Pepper whispered, tears trailing down her cheeks.
Morgan was very confused.
A few days after that conversation, during which Pepper had to keep reminding Morgan that daddy could never come back home due to the four year-old’s ceaseless questions, loads of people came to Morgan’s house: Uncle Rhodey, Uncle Steve, Uncle Bruce, Aunt Nebula and loads of new people who Morgan met for the first time.
Morgan met her Uncles Sam and Clint and her Aunties Wanda and Laura. The four year-old briefly wondered where her Auntie Nat was but she was too awestruck by meeting Clint and Laura’s children, the youngest of whom was her age. “How come I never meeted them before?” Morgan looked up at her mom, bewildered.
“They were far from here, like Peter was, remember?” Morgan nodded at her mother’s answer, but the girl did wonder when she would get to actually meet Peter. Everybody said he was still resting.
“Why are so many people here? Is this a party?” Morgan questioned curiously, though she received no response from her mom.
Then, her mommy looked to the stairs, and seemed immeasurably happy so Morgan also turned to see the boy who matched the face in the picture frames in their house and the subject of all her daddy’s stories. “Peter!”
Morgan rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his legs, and the boy seemed overwhelmed as her weight landed on him. He crouched down so that they were eye-level. “Hey, little miss.”
Morgan smiled at the endearment, but her stomach felt a little funny: daddy called her that sometimes. “I’m Morgan! I’m four!” She held up four fingers to show him.
“No way, I thought you were fourteen!” Peter gasped and she giggled, before leaning into whisper something in his ear. “My daddy said that you’re Spidey but we’re not allowed to tell anybody.”
Something tugged at Peter’s heartstrings but he kept a smile on his face as he whispered back conspiratorially, “That’s right - are you good at keeping secrets?” Morgan nodded earnestly, and he ruffled her hair playfully, to which she giggled at again.
Peter looked past Morgan and saw Pepper standing near the door, smiling at the two of them fondly. He tried to smile back but he felt nauseous as he saw how exhausted and devastated she looked beneath her happy facade that she put on for Morgan. Pepper reached forward, and squeezed his hand as Morgan ran to greet one of her uncles at the door. “Thank you for being here.”
Peter nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat as he allows the comforting pressure of her palm upon his to soothe him. “He was my friend, maybe even my fami-” He cut himself off, clearing his throat. “Sorry.”
“It might not make sense right now but he still is,” Pepper said lowly, her thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of his hand. “Like when I missed him too much yesterday, I told your Aunt May a funny story about him. That way, everyone knows Tony was funny. And also so that I remember too. Because I forget sometimes. Well, maybe not forget,” she corrected, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as she stared at her husband’s closed coffin that sat next to Natasha’s and Vision’s coffins (his body was too damaged from the infinity stones to show Morgan - in order to offer the child some closure - without causing extreme distress). “Maybe, it’s just hard to remember sometimes.”
They stood in silence. Until they remembered.
“He always used to argue with his bots - DUM-E, U, Butterfingers,” Peter chuckled wetly, and Pepper also laughed as she remembered. “He used to threaten to donate them to the nearest community college whenever they messed up.”
“I forgot he used to do that,” Pepper smiled fondly, as her eyes glistened. “He’s definitely grown nicer to them in recent years.” Peter’s heart clenched at the reminder of the time he had missed with Mr Stark. “And he always refuses to correct their coding because he insists they’re perfect the way they are.”
Morgan leaped into his arms as soon as she saw him, and the man laughed, trying to mask his sadness as he cradled his late friend’s daughter. “Uncle Thor!”
“Hello, little Iron Princess,” Thor grinned, pressing a kiss to the four year-old’s cheek as he rested her on his hip. Steve, Sam, Rhodey, Happy and Clint looked on sadly.
Morgan giggled when his beard scratched against her cheek: it felt like her daddy. “Uncle Thor, are you going to go into space again? With all the stars?”
Thor frowned thoughtfully. “Maybe… Why? Do you want me gone already?” He pretended to be sad, making her laugh again.
“Nooooo!” Morgan exclaimed, throwing her little arms around his neck. “Mommy said that daddy’s up in the stars now but I can’t visit there, but maybe you can!” She looked up at him hopefully. “When you go back to space, can you tell him something from me?” Rhodey walked out of the room, clearing his throat and telling Happy to keep an eye on Morgan whilst he got some air.
Thor nodded, smiling at the four year-old softly. “Of course I can. What do you want me to tell Daddy?”
Morgan leaned closer as she cupped her hands over his ear and whispered, “Tell him that I miss him 3000! And I want him to come back home right now!”
Tears welled up in Thor’s eyes and Happy stepped forward to take Morgan from the man’s arms. “Hey Morgan, why don’t we go for a walk?”
“OK, Uncle Happy!”
During the burial of Tony, Natasha and Vision, which Peter couldn’t bear to see, so he took a walk in the woods near the lakehouse instead. He stopped at the edge of the lake and crouched down, burying his face in his hands, when he realised someone else was crying a short distance away from him. “Um, hi,” Peter hiccuped through his own sobs as he sat on the grass.
“Hello,” Wanda sniffed, hugging her knees close to her chest as she continued to stare out to the lake. “This place is so beautiful. I do envy them for living here.”
Peter nodded in agreement, also looking out to the serene sight before him. The water rippled on the lake as the sun was beginning to set below the horizon. “Mr Stark and Vision get to rest here forever.” He tried to ignore the burial occurring only several yards away from them. “He's my friend.” Wanda looked up at him. “Vision,” clarified Peter.
Wanda smiled and she started to skip rocks on the lake. “He doesn’t have many of those. I'm sure it means a lot to him, knowing that you think of him as a friend.”
Maybe it’s just hard to remember sometimes.
“After Mr Stark and I became close, I would visit the Compound a lot,” Peter recalled quietly, imitating her movement and starting to skip rocks on the lake too. “Vision was there most of the time - when he wasn’t sneaking off to meet you where you and the other Avengers were hiding -” Peter smiled wryly at Wanda, who shrugged as she grinned back. “Vision was obsessed with baking - I don’t know why, he was kind of… terrible at it,” Peter admitted, slightly guilty. “And he made us - Mr Stark, Colonel Rhodes, Happy and I - try it every time. Miss Potts always managed to get out of trying his cooking.”
Wanda chuckled, and she sounded happy, the expression of terrible grief momentarily clearing from her pretty features. “You should feel thankful that you weren’t there when he made chilli for the first time!” She shook her head, shuddering exaggeratedly.
“So one day,” Peter told her, smiling fondly at the woman. “Mr Rhodes, Happy and I decided to help Vision - I don’t know if we felt bad for him or ourselves-” Wanda laughed again, and Peter felt proud of himself. “So we made the best cookies ever, they were so good!” Peter told her animatedly and he moved closer to Wanda to emphasise his point. “Vision went to get Mr Stark and Miss Potts to try them but Mr Rhodes, Happy and I ate them all up by the time they got there.” Peter shuddered. “Vision was not impressed, but he was kind. He understood.”
Wanda laughed until she cried, pulling the teenager into a hug, holding the boy who held fond memories of the love of her life.