It was the weekend, and once again I had nothing to do. This kind of thing usually always happens especially if Yelena was gone, which tonight she was. Thinking too much about where she was made my hands clammy and rage boil in my chest.
I had had feelings for Yelena for as long as I could remember but I put them on the back burner for the sake of our friendship. I figured she would never like me like that or see me as more than a friend so I did the same thing. Saying it was killing me was an understatement. I simply couldn’t take it anymore.
All I wanted to do was tell her how I felt, but there was always something holding me back. It hurt every time she flirted with someone that wasn’t me or went out with them. We always flirted with each other but it never meant anything, not to her at least.
This particular night, she was out on a date with a woman she had met at one of Tony's parties a week prior. I personally didn’t see the connection between them but it wasn’t unusual that Yelena went out with someone new. She had a thing for instantly making connections only for them to fall flat later. And it sounds bad to say but I was happy about that because it meant there still left room for me when I worked up the courage. There was nothing more I wanted than to be that woman taking her out, and she had no clue.
It was getting pretty late now, almost around midnight which meant she would probably be back soon. That is, unless she was having too good of a time and decided to stay over but there wasn’t anyone that good enough that was worth her time.
I was hoping this one was just like the others.
Not long after, I heard some commotion downstairs and Yelena's voice along with it. I contemplated leaving my room and going down to see her but I didn't want to seem desperate. But if I wasn’t dating her why would it be desperate? I would just be asking her and be interested as a friend…right?
After going back and forth on the subject, I decided to go downstairs and chat for a few minutes. As I crept out of my room, the voices downstairs became much softer and hushed, almost as if they didn’t want anyone to hear. This made me all the more interested.
I continued walking and tried to listen the best I could but only heard muffled whispers. I huffed and kept walking down the stairs until I was all the way down. There was a wall that separated the stairwell from the kitchen and I was leaning against it, my back pressed on the wall. This was the closest place I could be to the kitchen without getting caught, which was exactly what I was trying to do. Once I was settled, I listened intently to try and hear the words that were being spoken.
“I don’t understand why you keep going on these pointless dates, Yel.” I identified the other person with Yelena as Nat. “They never make it past the first date and you don’t enjoy them anyways.”
“You know exactly why, Natasha. I’m not going over this again,” Yelena responded frustratedly.
“Have you even talked to her about it? You never know, she might-”
“I’m not talking about this with you!” Yelena was whispering but I could tell she wanted to shout.
There was silence now in the kitchen until I heard the scooting of a chair dragging across the floor.
Nat sighed. “Please, just talk to me about it. I don’t understand why you won’t.”
I heard another chair and assumed Yelena went to sit near her sister. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to talk about, or why I don’t want to talk about it. Honestly, I think it’s because I’m so afraid she won’t feel the same way back. Even though I hate the dates I go on, it distracts me from thinking about her and how she doesn’t feel that way about me. But no other person makes me feel the way she does.”
“That’s exactly why you need to talk to her about it. You won’t ever know unless you bring it up.”
They were most definitely talking about a girl Yelena liked, but not the girl she was with tonight. I wasn’t at all sure who it could possibly be but I kept listening.
“I would hate to ruin what we have going on now because I love our time together, but I want to spend time doing…other things that mean something different, you know?”
“I think I do, but you can keep that to yourself,” Nat chuckled which made Yelena laugh.
“Everything about her is just so perfect, Natasha. She’s so brave, powerful, and beautiful. It’ll kill me inside if she doesn’t like me back.”
It was clear this person was important and it hurt me so deeply that she was talking about this certain someone so lovingly. I knew she had been spending more time around Kate, training and hanging out during the day. I knew it had to be about her. It was the only thing that made sense. My heart felt shattered and I felt the sting of tears starting to swell in my eyes.
“I don’t want to go too fast or be too forward, but I think I love her. I know I love her.”
I gasped when she said those words, a little too loudly at that because I heard Nat say, “hello?”
Shit, my cover was blown.
I sighed and planned out how I would approach this situation. I decided to hurry into the kitchen to make it seem like I had just come from somewhere, and not that I was standing right outside eavesdropping. I carried myself quickly into the kitchen while Yelena was staring at me like she’d seen a ghost and Nat had a smirk on her face. She definitely knew I was there listening.
“Hey,” I said nervously while I opened the fridge to find something to do other than face them.
“Hey yourself,” Nat responded with a humorous air. Oh she definitely knew and was most certainly trying to tease me. “What have you been doing?”
I shut the fridge after grabbing a cold water bottle. “Oh, I’ve uhm been just, you know hanging around here. Lots to do.”
I looked at Yelena with tear filled eyes and she kept staring because she knew I overheard too. I wanted to pretend like the whole thing never happened but they were making it hard to do so.
All I wanted to do was run and hide, burying my face into my pillow and filling it with my tears.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes when I realized the tears were about to escape. “Well I think I’m going to go now…bye.”
I sounded like an absolute idiot, but I couldn’t do anything about it now. I was soon leaving the kitchen, but to go where? I wasn’t thinking straight and something within me decided to head right out the back door. I also wasn’t aware of the hard rain that was pouring down outside. Perfect.
I started walking a little ways into the yard, my shirt and pants getting soaked by the water. Not long after I went through the door, I heard it slam again but I didn’t care enough to turn around. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I didn’t want to be in the house.
“What are you doing?” I heard Yelenas voice yell.
“Going on a walk!” I answered stupidly, still keeping my pace across the grass. I was heading over to the covering by the lake but at this rate the short blonde behind me would beat me there.
“Why the hell are you going on a walk during a torrential downpour?!” I didn’t answer but I heard her footsteps become louder, the sound of water slapping against the concrete. “Would you stop walking for just a second?”
She was right next to me now, grabbing my wrist to make me halt. I yanked my hand away and continued to walk. She stayed in the same place, her feet planted into the ground.
“Fine! Keep walking!” she shouted over the loud tapping of the rain.
“I will! Not like I need your permission!” I shouted back.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I huffed and turned around, stomping over to her. “You know exactly what it fucking means! It’s not like I’m your girlfriend or anything because clearly you don’t want that! How about you go hang out with that girl from tonight some more? Or as a matter of fact, find Kate and hang out with her instead since you like her so much better!” I started walking the opposite direction again, not bothering to look back at her.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about! I don’t want to hang out with that girl and I don’t have feelings for Kate if that’s what you’re trying to get at! And in all honesty I don’t understand what you’re trying to get at!”
Once again, I ignored her.
“Would you just come back so we can talk about this, like adults maybe?!”
I made no effort to respond.
“Stop walking!” she yelled even louder. “I love you, you idiot! Why can’t you see that?”
I stopped in my tracks.
“Yeah, now you hear me. I love you because how could I not? You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. You’re the most fun person I’ve ever been around and you make my life actually interesting. You’re so much smarter than you give yourself credit for and you never realize how beautiful you are. You are so incredibly beautiful, you have no idea. I love you even when you’re so fucking stubborn like you’re being right now.” As she was talking I started walking closer to her slowly.
“I haven’t wanted to tell you for so long because I never wanted to mess up our friendship, but I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I love you so much, y/n.”
I was about a foot from her now, close enough to see her heaving chest and slightly smudged eyeliner from the rain. No one had ever looked as radiant as she did right now.
I inched closer and wrapped my hands around her hips and pulled her close. “What are you doing?” she gasped.
“Say it again.”
“What?”
“Say it again,” I repeated, but this time my lips hovering dangerously close to hers.
“I love you, y/n,” she whispered as her eyes looked at my lips.
Before she barely had time to finish, I smashed my lips on hers in a kiss I had spent nights awake thinking about. Her cold hands trailed to my face, her thumbs resting on my cheeks and pulling me ever so slightly closer to her. Our lips slowly moved against the others and I tasted the sweetness of her chapstick mixed with the wetness of the raindrops.
I pulled away from her for some air. “I love you too, Lena,” I said against her lips, causing her to smile against mine.
We pressed a few more kisses to each other’s lips but I felt her pull away. “We should probably go inside before we get sick or anyone else sees besides Natasha.”
I looked up towards the giant window of the compound that looked inside to the living room and kitchen. A crowd of people were standing in front of the window watching our whole conversation unfold. They didn’t know the words that were spoken but they saw enough to know what happened.
“You mean all those people?” I pointed at the window.
She turned around to see the sight behind her. When she looked at them a few of them waved, others pretended not to be watching and walked away, while everyone else just continued staring.
“Oh my god. Really!” she shouted and Nat shrugged her shoulders.
“We really should go inside though. I’m freezing,” I said, taking her hand into mine.
She turned back around to face me and smiled, giving me one more kiss. “Yeah me too.”
I still held her hand, and eventually took the other into both of mine, blowing some heat into them and rubbing them together. She smiled even greater now, this smile full of love and thankfulness. I couldn’t wait to see that smile everyday I could for as long as she would have me because she was finally mine, and I was hers.