Chapter 11
Skye bounced her leg, sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Morgan’s clinic. Beside her, Melinda was filling the form. Ugh! She really didn’t want to be here but Melinda had said it would help, and Skye knew she wanted that help. All these years, everyone had told her that she was unwanted, a problem, a burden. But Phil and Melinda didn’t think like that. Skye’s foster siblings didn’t think like that. Jemma, Trip and Piper didn’t think like that. So, who was right?
Phil and Melinda had believed her about Ward, hadn’t been angry about the fight. They had been worried. Melinda had pulled her into a hug, gently caressing her right hand and dropping a kiss on it. As if it could cure everything. (Skye would never admit it but the kiss did make everything better.) Melinda had walked her to the room and kissed her forehead and hugged her. As if it would help with the nightmares. (Skye didn’t have any nightmares that night.)
She didn’t have to go to school the next day. Melinda had driven her and Leo to her training institute. They had spent the day in her office, studying and playing cards and even watching a movie. Melinda had ordered Skye a cheeseburger and some fries. Leo had to eat some chicken soup and veggies. He had not been very happy about it but he understood the need.
Dinner had been baked fish with soft, steamed rice. Phil too had asked numerous questions about their well-being. He told them over dinner that Ward had been suspended for a month. He had to participate in mandatory counselling and anger management classes, and also some community service within the school. Phil assured them that he would not hurt them again.
Skye’s day back at school had been easy. Trip had bumped fists with her, Jemma had hugged her and Piper had been concerned. She had taken her French quiz during the lunch, and done well enough she hoped. Melinda had picked her up at three - Leo would have to wait for Phil. She brought Skye to the clinic, all the while assuring her that if things didn’t work out, they would find someone else.
A short woman entered the waiting room. She had blonde hairs and blue eyes that were calm and reminded Skye of Phil. “Skye,” she called. Skye straightened up. “Come on in.” Melinda squeezed her shoulder and kissed her forehead, reminding Skye that she would be right here. She had asked if Skye wanted her company in the doctor’s room. Skye had been of two minds - Melinda’s presence meant Skye would be safe but it would also make talking difficult. She had understood. I’ll be right here; you just have to call me.
The office was spacious with walls painted in beige and decorated with nature photographs. Skye zeroed in on one of them - she would try to draw it. There was a small desk in a corner with a computer on it, and a bookshelf close to it with books on psychology. In another corner, there was a cozy looking couch with pillows. It was facing a cushioned armchair. A box of tissues, some stress-relief toys were sitting on the coffee table.
Skye sat on the couch, bouncing her legs. The woman - Dr. Morgan - sat on the armchair. “Hello Skye,” she said. “I am Dr. Abby Morgan.” Skye nodded at her. “What grade are you in?”
Skye frowned. This wasn’t a question she had expected. “Seventh,” she answered.
“And what are your favorite subjects?”
“Computers, and arts. How long have you been a doctor?”
“About twelve years.” Skye was surprised at that too. Not with the answer but the fact that she had been answered. “Would you mind telling me how you got hurt?” the doctor asked, pointing towards her hand.
“I punched a boy in our school,” Skye said, taking time to explain what had happened.
“It bothered you when he said those things?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because,” Skye began but then stopped. What if this doctor judged her? What if she thought Skye wasn’t worth the time?
“Skye, I assure you whatever you say will remain between us. And no matter what you I will not judge you.” Skye looked at her surprised. How had she known? The doctor gave her a small smile. “Why did it bother you, Skye? Can you explain it to me?”
“I have been in ten foster homes. And no matter what I do, they always send me back.”
“Do you think that was because of you?” Skye gave her a look. What kind of a question was that? Why else would they send her back? “The fault could be in them too,” Dr. Morgan said. Skye straightened up a little. The adults were never wrong. “Not everyone is equipped to take care of a child. Sometimes, grown-ups have their own problems. Sometimes, they don’t do a good job taking care of the kids. Sometimes, they just don’t know how to take care of others properly.”
“So, it wasn’t necessarily my fault?”
“Exactly. You seem like a wonderful person. In fact, Phil talked very fondly of you. Even Miss Dsouza had all good things to say.” Skye smiled softly. It was good to know that they liked her. “Do you think Phil and Melinda might send you back?”
Skye nodded, feeling a little guilty. They kept telling her that they won’t but Skye couldn’t really believe them. Everyone did send her back then why would they be different? But Dr. Morgan just said that it was not Skye’s fault, that those people were the ones who could not take care of her. Phil and Melinda seemed different.
“I don’t know,” she whispered, hoping it was not the wrong answer. “They tell me I will never be going back but I don’t know if I can believe them. Mrs. Brody said that too but then I called her mom, and she sent me back the next day. Phil and Melinda don’t lie, I know that. They don’t even get angry. The only time Melinda got angry was when her ex-boss was visiting and that was actually funny. She told him to set the table.” Skye giggled and Dr. Morgan smiled with her.
“It is okay to feel confused and it is okay to not trust them right away,” Dr. Morgan said. Skye relaxed a bit.
“I want to trust them. I want to think that I can stay with them for a long time. They are nice but…” Skye shrugged, not knowing what to say. “When we had to go to the hospital on Monday, I couldn’t breathe. I told Melinda and she helped me. She helped me on Friday too.”
“What happened on Friday?” Dr. Morgan asked. Skye told her. She talked about the plate and what it had reminded her. She also talked about Mr. Anderson. “Skye,” Dr. Morgan’s voice was firm and demanded full attention, “nothing justifies that. Absolutely nothing. They shouldn’t have done that.” When Skye still looked dubious, Dr. Morgan asked, “Imagine something. A person is walking on the road and bumps into me. I was holding a vase and it breaks. Do you think I should hit that person?”
“No. That would be wrong -” Skye paused, seeing the incident in a new light. If hitting a random stranger felt wrong, then maybe hitting her had been wrong too. She hadn’t broken the plate on purpose. It had slipped out of her hand.
“Another thing I would like to ask, Skye. You mentioned you couldn’t breathe at the hospital. Can you explain what you were thinking?”
“Everyone insisted on scans for Leo. I was afraid for him. First, I thought it was my fault but Phil and Melinda said that complaining had not been wrong. I didn’t want Leo to be more injured.”
“That must have been scary,” Dr. Morgan said.
Skye nodded. “But Melinda helped. She made me do the breathing exercise. Inhale slowly for four seconds, hold for two and then exhale for six.”
“That’s right. Have you tried that?” Skye nodded. She had done that yesterday. She had dropped something in Melinda’s office. It hadn’t broken but she had been scared. She had tried the exercise and it had helped. Melinda hadn’t even cared about the artifact. She had just been worried that Skye might have injured herself.
“Skye, I would like you to try a few more things,” Dr. Morgan said. She told Skye about the visualization technique and also the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Skye listened attentively. “Is there something else, you would like to talk about?”
Skye thought for a while. Was there something else? “They said they love me,” Skye whispered.
“Who said it, Skye?”
“Melinda. Phil. Bobbi. Natasha. Leo.”
“Okay?”
“Why?” Skye asked. “Why would they love me?”
“It’s okay to wonder about these things.”
“I haven’t done anything to deserve their love.”
“Love isn't about doing anything specific; it's about caring for someone just because they are themselves. You are loved because of who you are as a person. Your kindness, resilience, and unique qualities make you lovable. you are deserving of love and respect, no matter what.” Skye didn’t know how to respond. “Okay Skye, I want you to do something. Tell me a few qualities that you like in yourself.”
Skye took a deep breath. She could do that. Right? What did she like in herself? What qualities did she have? “I am good with computers…” Was that a quality? Skye didn’t think so.
“How about we make it a homework assignment?” Dr. Morgan asked. “I want you to ask the people around you to name a few things they like about you.” Skye nodded, still surprised that she couldn’t think of anything. “Do you think we can do this every week?” Dr. Morgan asked. Skye thought about it. She had liked talking to her. Dr. Morgan didn’t tell her that she was lying or overreacting. She had listened calmly and she had also taught Skye ways to help herself. She nodded.
When Skye re-entered the waiting room, Melinda was there just like she had promised. Skye walked up to her and allowed Melinda to pull her into a warm embrace. Warm and safe. They walked out to the parking and got into the car. Skye pouted a bit when Melinda wouldn’t let her sit in the front seat. Not until next year, tián xīn.
“What does that mean?” Skye asked, once Melinda started driving.
“Tián xīn? It means sweetheart,” Melinda answered.
Skye felt warmth fill her like she had just taken a sip of hot chocolate while the weather outside was freezing. “Melinda. Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything baby.”
“Can you tell me a few things you like about me?”
“Let me see. You are smart and hardworking. I love how you give your best in whatever you do. You have a good sense of humour. You have a beautiful smile. You have a beautiful laugh. You are compassionate. You are loyal. You are kind. You are a good artist.” Skye was stunned. Melinda hadn’t even paused to think. She had just started listing things. “You okay baby girl?”
“Yes,” Skye lied. She wasn’t okay. She was confused and surprised and a lot of other things. Was the question really that easy? Her thoughts were broken when the car stopped. They were home. Skye undid her seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Bobbi’s bike was there. Her try-outs were done. Skye rushed into the house. Wait. Had she just called this place home?
“I got into the team,” Bobbi announced, as soon as Skye and Melinda walked in. She was jumping in joy. Skye hurried forward and hugged her. Bobbi almost lifted her off her feet. Skye laughed as she watched Bobbi celebrate. She was really happy for her and frowned when Bobbi stopped celebrating suddenly. “You had an appointment today,” she said, looking at Skye. “Are you okay? Did everything go alright?” Skye nodded. Bobbi had been happy and suddenly she was worried about Skye. Skye hugged her again and they stumbled a bit as Leo and Natasha joined them.
“Me too,” Phil said, pouting. He walked up to them and hugged Bobbi from behind, pulling Melinda in too.
Home.
“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”
Melinda glared at her husband. She did not want to talk about it. She knew he had a point. She knew they couldn’t ignore it forever.
“Mel?”
“What do we know?” she asked. If they had to do this, now was a good time. They had just dropped the kids at school and were going to meet Dr. Morgan to work out a plan to help Skye. They both had taken the day off in order to talk amongst themselves. Well, this was talking.
“Skye was put into the system after she was found by someone found her as a baby, crying next to her mother’s dead body. The woman - identity unknown - had been tortured. Skye was put into the system and ended up at Saint Agnes.”
“But according to her file, she was dropped at their church with no name and no identity,” Melinda added. Someone from inside the system was involved in this.
“She has had three social workers till now. The first one was a Karen Wilson. Once again Skye’s files indicate nothing but according to Fury, Skye was almost adopted. The request was taken back the very next day. The fosters, Robinsons, shifted to Chicago and Wilson is nowhere to be found.”
“Her next social worker was Rebecca Green,” Melinda continued. “And we know next to nothing about the foster homes she put Skye in. No medical records, no reasons. Skye went on this date and was sent back on this one. That’s it.”
“Green got into an accident, ended up in coma and that’s where Catherine came in,” Phil said. “Then there is also the part where no child has been adopted out of Saint Agnes.”
Melinda thought about all of this in her head. Over and over. Fury wanted them to be a part of the investigation unofficially. Melinda wanted to refuse. She had given up on that life for a reason but this was about her daughter. How could she just let it go? How could she walk away? “Call Maria,” she told Phil. He nodded and pulled out his phone. Melinda took a hand off the steering wheel and offered it to him. He entwined their hands. His conversation with Maria had been surprising. Apparently, Fury hadn’t filled her in. Phil arranged for them to meet with her at about eleven, while Melinda pulled into the parking.
Since they were her first appointment of the day, Dr. Morgan invited them into her office almost immediately. They settled on the couch, side by side, hands still entwined. Phil squeezed her hand and Melinda drew strength from his presence.
“First of all,” Dr. Morgan said, sitting on the armchair in front of them. “Congratulations on the new addition to your family.”
“Thanks,” Phil said. “We are glad to have her with us. She is a good kid. I am so proud of her.” Yep. That was Phil. He couldn’t resist talking about his kids. Melinda loved this in him - how proud he was of his kids and how he never shied away from telling everyone that.
“As you already know, I will not be sharing anything she told me in confidence,” Dr. Morgan began. Melinda nodded. She had no interest in knowing about Skye’s therapy sessions. All she wanted to know was how to help her. “That being said I think you are doing a good job helping her. Specially you Melinda. Can you share with me your own observations regarding Skye?”
Melinda sighed but answered the question. “Skye is smart but she doesn’t really believe that. I have a feeling like people around her have just taken a look at her grades and dismissed her. Which is wrong. With the number of times she has switched schools, it is not surprising her grades have suffered. She is a hard worker and she is smart. Has a good sense of humour too. She has pranked Bobbi and Natasha a few times.”
“She has a lot of anger in her,” Phil added. “She tried to hide it and actually does a decent job but it makes its appearance.”
“She also has trouble believing that we can love her. I have tried to say it as often as I can but the trouble is that I am more of show-not-tell person.”
“Skye also doesn’t like to be alone in the same room as me. She has been warming up a bit but, in the beginning, I was afraid she would have a panic attack if that happened. And I hate what that implies.” Melinda squeezed Phil’s hand, wishing that she could punch a few of Skye’s fosters. Whoever was responsible for her pain would suffer, Melinda swore.
“I know you two can deal with panic attacks,” Dr. Morgan said, jotting down a few things in her notepad. “Although in light of what you have just told me, Phil, I doubt you will be able to help her.” Phil nodded and squeezed Melinda’s hand. She knew this hurt Phil. He loved Skye and to know that she could see him as a potential threat was not a pleasant thought.
“The first advice I will give you is that you keep reminding her of your love. And Melinda, it’s okay if you show her rather than repeating it. Like you said, she is smart and often actions impact more than words do. That being said, she also needs to hear it.”
Melinda nodded. She knew how important it was for the child to know that she was loved. As a child, Melinda had never doubted that but then she had never lived in a place with people who would hurt her. If Skye needed to hear it, she would say it.
“The message won’t sink in today. Probably not even this month. But you need to keep sending that message. Keep reassuring her that you care, that you love her. And that she doesn’t have to earn it. Compliment her on things she is good at.” Dr. Morgan paused, smiling a bit as Phil jotted all of this down in a notebook. He was such a dork. “Is there some activity she really enjoys?”
“Sketching. She paints too but mostly pencil sketches,” Melinda told the doctor.
“You could, with her permission, frame some of them and display around your house.” Melinda liked that idea. Yes, they could do that. She shared a look with Phil and could see the gears turning in his head. “I would also recommend taking her opinions in planning activities and talking to her about your day. I am not asking you to share every detail but telling her what kind of a day you had will help her. It will make her feel important and will also tell her that it’s okay to have a bad day. Remember, this will take time. Months, in fact. You need to be patient and supportive.”