Navigating Nightmares
He could hear a voice that might have been calling his name, but ever since that time his dad hit him enough to make his ears bleed, his hearing wasn’t that good. He could see through the little gap on the backside of the cabinet that someone was running around frantically back and forth in the side yard. With the shaggy vines that covered the walls and windows on that side of the house, he could only make out a vaguely human shape, but as the sound wasn’t coming from that direction, he turned away.
Clutching his stuffed dog tightly to his chest, he realized he must have grabbed up one of the reading books at the same time, because it was hard and felt like it was slipping through his sweaty hands, almost alive. The other side of the cabinet he was hiding in had a hand-hewn door that never quite fit correctly, nor was it straight, and while it was closed, it was neither tight, nor secure.
The small gap at the bottom of the door let faint light spill into the small area where he hid, but the light shifted ominously, something blocking it every so often.
“Clinton Francis Barton!” Clint heard this time, really close and startlingly clear. He flinched, reaching forward for anything on the flat interior that would hold it closed. The light in the door gap nearly disappeared as there were loud stomping feet heading his way. “You come out right now, you little shit!” He gasped, eyes wide, trying to press himself back, away from the door.
Suddenly, arms wrapped around him from behind and pulled him away from the door, and from the promise of another ‘lesson’ from his father.
The cabinet faded and he wanted to scream but the arms that were holding him weren’t tight or cruel, but gentle, and when they surrounded him, he could only think of his mom, so he turned and burrowed himself into the chest of whoever held him. His own breathing was harsh and heavy, the hand now cradling the back of his head connected to a body that was definitely not his mom, nor was it Barney. Definitely not his dad. He heard a familiar voice whispering softly.
“Hey, hey, buddy. It’s okay. I got ya. You’re safe. I promise. You’re okay now.”
Clint sat up, leaning a little away from the chest into the face of the older man who had shown up now that he was asleep. He looked a lot like his mom, a little like Barney, with none of the cruel lines that smudged his dad’s face into the dark memories he held of the man. The man was wearing a black and purple suit with lots of straps on it and when he smiled at Clint, his eyes looked almost sad. The man, who had called himself Hawkeye, rubbed his back and arm gently, patiently waiting for Clint to rub the sleep from his eyes.
Clint looked around, muzzily, as he remembered he had fallen asleep watching the Disney version of Robin Hood. Not in the hand-built cabinet his father had put in under the stairs, but instead in the tower where the superheroes lived. He noticed that the fluffy purple blanket that Bruce has brought into the common room for him to cuddle under was now puddled on the floor next to the couch. A hand waved in front of his face before it diverted to pick up the blanket.
“Hey mister,” Clint said after a huge yawn. When he’d fallen asleep, Captain America, ‘call me Steve’, had been at the other end of the couch and there had been a bowl of popcorn between them. It seemed the bowl and the man were gone and the tv screen was dark, having been turned off.
Hawkeye looked down at him as he shifted Clint to sit on the couch next to him.
“You better now, kid?”
Clint tilted his head. He shrugged then nodded. He knew he wasn’t really awake because this man never talked to him outside his dreams, but at least he was no longer in the nightmare about his dad.
“I’m okay, I guess.” The older man nodded thoughtfully. “Dad…” Clint’s voice broke and Hawkeye put a finger over his mouth, looking around himself, as though just thinking about him could summon him here to this dream. Hawkeye nodded and sighed.
“Yeah, I know. But while I’m here, I won’t let him get to you. Okay?” Once Clint nodded and let his shoulders slump, Hawkeye removed his hand and leaned sideways into the couch. “How are things with the team?”
“They all seem nice.” Hawkeye smiled and bumped his shoulder with his elbow. “I know you said to trust them, but they still won’t tell me about Barney, so it’s hard. Ya know?” Hawkeye nodded, stilling his hands.
“They don’t know where Barney is, so they’re trying to not get your hopes up.” Hawkeye sighed, then turned to face the boy. He took a deep breath, and then took Clint’s hands, curling them around the blanket. “I’m sorry, buddy but Barney won’t be coming back.”
Clint felt his eyes begin to water and stiffened his bottom lip to keep from crying. Hawkeye patted his hands.
“I kinda figured,” Clint finally got out. “It’s not fair though. He’s probably off with the circus and I’m alone.”
“No, kid, it’s not fair. Nothing in life is really, but you’re not alone. You’ve got all these superheroes who will do their best to give you a good life and give you whatever you need to become a better person than I ever did.”
Clint looked up, his brow furrowed.
“Are you like my cousin or somethin’?” Clint pulled the blanket closer to his chest as Hawkeye let go of his hands and leaned back heavily into the couch with a huffed laugh.
“Or something. But I can’t help outside your dreams. And that’s what I’m trying to do with the time I have left. I’m trying to help.” Clint nodded and sighed himself. “Look, you know ‘Tasha and Tony and Bruce and Steve and Thor.”
“And Miss Pepper and Mr. Nick and Dr. Helen.” Hawkeye nodded.
“Yep, and they will protect you and make sure you have a good life.”
“I guess, but they’re loud.” Hawkeye laughed outright then.
“Even for a deaf person, yeah, they can be.” Hawkeye leaned sideways and then reached out to brush the hair out of Clint’s eyes. “But you really can trust them. Especially ‘Tasha, okay? She may not show it, but she loves you so much. She’s not as mean as she appears.”
This caused Clint to giggle.
“She’s not mean at all. She gets all mad and stuff but she don’t scare me.” Clint looked around suspiciously. “Not like dad.”
“No, Clint, nothing like dad. None of them are like dad was.” There was a moment then Clint heard his name being called as though from another room. This was a softer voice, feminine.
“But why can’t you be here? Are you...dead?” His eyes widened as Clint patted his knee with a shake of his head.
“Nah, I’m not dead.” He gave Clint a searching look, then sighed. “I’ll always be right here.” He tapped one finger to Clint’s forehead. He huffed.
“I am the only one who can talk to you?” Clint told this older man who he thought was a ghostly relative.
“Yeah, for now. Although if they ever decide to try to talk me through your dreams, I’m not sure even Tony and Bruce working together will accomplish that. You can share anything we talk about though, okay? It’s not right for me to ask you to keep secrets.” Clint shrugged as he blinked heavily, turning his head towards his name still being called. “I’m just saying you can trust them, okay? They’ll do right by you, and you’ll have a better life than I could have ever dreamed of.” Hawkeye heaved himself off the couch as though his entire body ached. Clint reached for his hand to stop him.
“Don’t go,” Clint whined. “I don’t want to be by myself.” Hawkeye kneeled by the couch and brought the boy into a strong hug.
“I’ll be around as long as I can, okay? But you can trust the team. I promise.” Clint whined as he heard the voice closer now, still calling his name gently and suddenly, Hawkeye was gone, just faded out as Clint blinked.
******
Clint sat up, blinking sleepily. The tv was off and the popcorn bowl was missing. As was Hawkeye, the man who came to talk with him almost every time he fell asleep. He huffed sadly, wanting to burst into tears, but it had been beaten into him many times in the past that only sissy boys cried.
“Clint? Are you okay?” Pepper was sitting on the couch where Hawkeye had sat, gently rubbing the boy’s shoulder.
Clint nodded resolutely, pushing the fluffy purple blanket off his legs, where he found his robot puppy.
“Hawkeye,” Clint said as he turned to slide his legs off the edge of the seat. Pepper smiled at him kindly. She reached over to brush a finger over the little nose of the robot dog.
“It’s still dark out if you want to go back to sleep. Steve had to leave to help Natasha and Thor with something, so I’m going to stay with you until I have to leave for my meeting later. Anything I can get for you?” When Clint just shook his head and looked around, she tilted her head.
“Can I…can I see Hulk?” Pepper’s smile broadened. She’d seen how Bruce would be Hulk just for little Clint and how the little boy would just light up to be able to hang out and watch cartoons with him.
“If you want, I can take you down to where Tony and Bruce are working in the lab. If Hulk can’t come out and play, maybe you can be a lab assistant for the day?”
“Yes, please,” he smiled at her, wiping the last of the sleep crud from his eyes. The robot softly woofed and followed him to the edge, where Clint scooped him and the blanket up in one arm before sliding off onto the floor. When Pepper stood up, she reached down to scoop take his free hand.
“Thank you,” Clint yawned. He was still really tired and if he could fall back to sleep, maybe that other man would come back and he’d feel completely safe again. Not that he didn’t feel safe with Pepper and the others. It was just not AS safe. He really wished the man in his dreams were real. He had a feeling he and ‘Tasha would be good friends.
He yawned lightly all the way to the lab and smiled once they stepped over the threshold to where Tony and Bruce were playfully arguing over some schematic on the computer.
“…not the right brain pattern,” Bruce was saying, huffing as Tony waved him off.
“If birdbrain is there, it might be and we just have to find a way to verify…” Tony’s voiced dropped off as the noticed the delivery of their young charge. “Heya, Clint, you up to being an assistant or you wanna just go back to sleep?” He waved towards a distressed leather couch in the corner with a smirk. “It’s really comfy, Tony-tested.”
When Clint yawned again, Tony sighed.
“Hulk?” Clint asked, looking hopefully at Bruce.
“Yeah, I get it, man,” Tony chuckled, watching Pepper try to hide her amusement. “Brucie can Hulk up and keep you company for a bit until I need the good doctor back for the math stuff.” The men shared a look as Pepper ran her hand through the soft blond hair and turned to leave the room.
Clint yawned again and put the robot dog under the blanket on the end of the couch. Bruce growled at him playfully, then ducked into the back corner to take off anything that would shred before coming back to lift up the little boy. Clint’s giggles made Hulk’s face light up.
At the desk, Tony chuckled in spite of himself. Apparently, Clint’s infectious laughter as the crazy adult prankster they knew and loved had started when he was little. He’d talked to Natasha after the de-aging incident to find out what he might need to know to handle Clint as a kid and what little information she’d shared had not been positive. He’d hacked into SHIELD to get more information and what he found in Fury’s deeply encrypted files, painted a picture that explained so very much about at least one half of the spy/assassin twins.
When Pepper had first spotted the shrunken archer, she’d cooed and he’d swear he heard her ovaries bloom to life. He had watched as she’d fallen into a motherly mode that Natasha couldn’t quite manage and was surprised to realize that he wasn’t opposed to the thought of her being a mother. They were in the final stages of adoption for the boy. Adult Barton had joked quite often in the past about the Stark’s fortune that he’d dramatically fallen in Tony’s lap once, lamenting being too old to be adopted as Tony’s brother. He’d even waggled his eyebrows and offered to be Tony’s kept boy, but Steve’s shocked gasp had Natasha pulling him away before he exploded Captain America’s brain.
Now, it was more like Clint had been prophetic to a degree. And while they all missed adult Clint, little Clint would never be removed from their family.
Behind him, Hulk rumbled in laughter as the robot dog version of Jarvis, hereby renamed ‘Hawkeye’, bounced across the floor yipping in true Jarvis fashion.
“Bark, bark, bark,” the dog said, “and flip.” And then he did a complete backflip, making Clint fall over backwards into Hulk’s arms with laughter. And Hulk rumbled laughter as well. And ‘Hawkeye’ sat on his back legs, panting loudly. Saying “Pant, pant, pant.”
It seemed Jarvis had picked up on Clint being enchanted with the little dog, but absolutely in love with the hysterical way the robot insisted on saying the words, instead of making the noises like a real dog.
*****
“Tasha, Thor,” Steve said as he ducked under the low entryway to appear in the basement room in the empty Hydra base. “What was so important I had to come see for my….,” his voice died off as he looked past Thor’s shoulder to see where Natasha stood, her back turned towards him.
In the middle of the room was a setup that was familiar and brought instant anger. There was a bank of computers and one of the damned chairs Hydra had used in their experiments. There were a few already boxed books and files piled next to the chair, but as he eyes followed the wiring to where Natasha stood, he saw why neither of them had said a thing yet.
There was a cryo chamber that was somehow still operational, the glass window mostly frosted over. He could see where someone had rubbed the frost from the outside in an imperfect circle. The slack, resting face was familiar in a way that even the breathing tubes couldn’t completely obscure it.
“Bucky,” he breathed out, his eyes wide. Natasha turned her head to meet his eyes. She nodded.