Chapter 1
The night had started out like any other, with the hum of the city outside Y/n's apartment filling the quiet spaces between her thoughts. She glanced around the room, the soft glow of the lamp casting a warm light on the scene she had carefully prepared.
Balloons and streamers, a playful nod to Wade's twisted sense of humor, hung from the ceiling, swaying gently in the draft coming through the open window. She'd laid out his favorite snacks— Chimichangas and an assortment of junk food that would make any dietitian faint—and the TV was ready to blast his favorite old-school movies.
It had been a year since Wade had stumbled into her life, a broken man who had just lost the love of his life, Vanessa. But even in his grief, his pain, there had been something that drew her to him.
His wit, his relentless, dark humor, and the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide behind that mask.
Over time, what started as a tentative friendship had blossomed into something more-a relationship that was complicated, messy, and sometimes painful, but it was real.
Y/n had always tried to be there for him, understanding that Vanessa's memory still lingered in every corner of his mind. But tonight, she wanted to remind him of how much he meant to her, how much she loved him. She could not erase his past, but she wanted to be a part of his future.
She grabbed her jacket and hurried out of the apartment, excitement bubbling in her chest as she made her way to Sister Margaret's, the dingy bar where Wade spent most of his nights.
The cold night air nipped at her skin, but it didn't dampen her spirits. She could already imagine the look on his face when she brought him back to the apartment, the smile that would light up his eyes, even if just for a moment.
As she approached the bar, the familiar neon sign buzzing overhead, she slowed her pace, hoping to catch Wade off guard. But as she drew closer, she noticed something that made her pause.
The air was thick with the lingering scent of spilled alcohol, sweat, and the faintest trace of cigarette smoke, remnants of a night that had long since died out.
Wade sat hunched over the bar, his mask discarded to the side. His scarred face was partially illuminated by the dim, yellow light above the counter, the harsh reality of his appearance laid bare in the quiet gloom.
He was nursing a glass of whiskey, but the drink had gone untouched for the last hour, its amber liquid barely rippling as he sat there, lost in thought.
They were seated at their usual spot at the bar, but the atmosphere between them was anything but casual.
Weasel leaned against the counter opposite Wade, his expression a mix of concern and frustration. They had been sitting in silence for what felt like an eternity, the heavy atmosphere weighing down on them both.
"We need to talk, Wade," Weasel finally broke the silence, his voice low but firm. "And I'm not letting you dodge this one."
Wade didn't respond immediately, his eyes still fixed on the untouched whiskey in front of him.
He let out a slow, tired sigh, running a hand over his face, feeling the rough texture of his scars under his fingertips. He knew where this was going, and he wasn't sure he was ready for it.
"Do you genuinely love Y/n?" Weasel asked, his tone more direct now. "Or are you still hung up on Vanessa?"
The question hung in the air like a noose, tightening around Wade's throat. He could feel the weight of it pressing down on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look up, couldn't bring himself to face Weasel's probing gaze.
"Come on, man," Weasel pushed, his frustration seeping through. "You've been with Y/n for a year now. She's been there for you through all your shit, but you're still acting like you're half in, half out. What's going on in that fucked-up avocado head of yours?"
Wade exhaled sharply, his fingers tightening around the glass. He knew Weasel was right. Y/n had been his rock, his light in the darkness. But Vanessa...her memory clung to him like a second skin, a constant reminder of what he had lost and what he could not let go.
"Why do you have to dig so fucking deep, Weasel?" Wade muttered, finally lifting his gaze to meet Weasel's. His voice was rough, laced with a bitterness that he couldn't quite hide.
"Because someone has to, Wade," he shot back, his patience wearing thin. "Y/n deserves better than this. She deserves to know if you're actually in this with her, or if you're just using her to fill the void Vanessa left behind."
Wade flinched at the harsh truth in Weasel's words. He didn't want to admit it, but a part of him knew that Y/n was getting the short end of the stick. She was kind, funny, and more understanding than anyone had any right to be.
But he couldn't shake the feeling that he was just going through the motions, too scared to fully let go of Vanessa, even after all this time.
"What would you do if Vanessa walked through that door right now?" Weasel pressed, the question like a dagger twisting in Wade's chest.
"Would you drop everything and go back to her?
Would you throw Y/n aside like she was nothing?" The silence that followed was deafening. Wade opened his mouth to respond, but the words wouldn't come. He didn't know what he would do, and that uncertainty was tearing him apart. His hands shook slightly as he finally took a sip of the whiskey, the burn of the alcohol doing nothing to numb the ache inside him.
"Fuck, Wade," Weasel's voice was laced with exasperation. "Why are you still hung up on Vanessa? She's gone, man. Y/n is here, now. But if you can't let go of the past, you need to let Y/n go. She deserves someone who's all in, not someone who's stuck living in the fucking shadows."
Wade felt like he was suffocating, the walls of the bar closing in on him as Weasel's words echoed in his mind. He knew Weasel was right. He knew he was being unfair to Y/n. But knowing it didn't make it any easier to untangle the mess of feelings he had inside him.
In her panic, /n stumbled forward, her foot catching the edge of a loose floorboard. The creak was loud, too loud, and before she could stop herself, her presence was revealed. Wade and Weasel turned their heads towards the sound, their conversation abruptly cut off.
Y/n froze, her wide eyes meeting Wade's for a split second before the crushing weight of realization hit her. The pain in her chest flared up, sharp and unyielding, as the reality of what she'd overheard began to settle in.
She had heard everything.
Wade's heart dropped to the floor, the reality of the situation crashing down on him like a tidal wave. He had not wanted her to hear that. He had not wanted her to know just how conflicted he was, how much of a fucking mess he really was.
"Shit.." he breathed, the word barely audible as panic began to claw at the edges of his mind. His hands shook, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps as he watched Y/n's expression crumble.
For a moment, everything seemed to stand still.
The air was thick with unspoken words, the tension between them almost unbearable. Wade wanted to say something, to reach out and pull her back, to explain, to apologize-but he was frozen, unable to move, unable to find the right words.
Before either of them could move, before Wade could say anything, the sound of footsteps broke the tension. Dopinder appeared at the doorway, his usual cheerful smile plastered on his face as he walked in.
"Weasel, I'm done cleaning the toilets. You won't believe me that I haven't puked-" Dopinder announced proudly, clearly pleased with himself, his voice cutting through the suffocating silence.
Weasel's eyes went wide with panic as he snapped his head towards Dopinder, mouthing frantically, "Shut the fuck up, don't you dare!"
He gestured sharply, his wide eyes practically bulging out of his head as he tried to silently communicate the gravity of the situation.
Dopinder's smile faltered as he caught on, his gaze shifting from Weasel to Wade, then to Y/n, who was already backing away, her face twisted in pain.
"Uh... I'll, uh... be going now..." Dopinder stammered awkwardly, his previous cheer vanishing as he quickly turned on his heel and disappeared back to the bathroom stalls.
The room fell back into a heavy silence, the weight of what had just happened crashing down on Wade as he turned his attention back to Y/n, who was already starting to retreat, her steps shaky and unsteady.
"Y/n, wait!" Wade's voice cracked as he stumbled to his feet, knocking over the barstool in his haste. The sudden movement made his vision blur, his head spinning as the panic attack tightened its grip on him.
The world around her blurred as she shoved open the bar's back door, the night air hitting her like a wall. She kept running, her legs carrying her further away from the bar, from Wade, from everything she thought she knew.
He pushed through the hallway, his heart pounding in his chest, the walls closing in on him with every step. His breath came in short, ragged bursts, his lungs struggling to keep up as he tried to catch up to her. The cold night air hit him like a slap to the face as he burst out of the bar and onto the empty street.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Wade cursed under his breath, his vision narrowing to a pinpoint as he spotted Y/ n running down the street. His legs felt like they were made of lead, each step a monumental effort as he tried to push through the haze of panic that was clouding his mind.
Y/n was running blindly, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps as she fought to keep the rising panic at bay. The cold air stung her lungs, but she didn't care. She just needed to get away, to escape the crushing weight of what she'd heard, of the pain that was suffocating her.
Her mind was spinning, her heart pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst. Every breath was a struggle, the air thick and heavy as she tried to hold back the tears that blurred her vision.
She could not breathe, could not think-the world was closing in on her, the shadows pressing down until she felt like she was drowning.
Wade was still chasing after her, his own panic attack crashing over him like a fucking freight train. His chest felt like it was being crushed, the air refusing to stay in his lungs as his vision darkened at the edges, the world spinning out of control.
The cool night air did nothing to ease the fire raging in her chest. Her vision swam, dark spots dancing at the edges as her breathing became more erratic. The street was mostly empty, the distant sounds of the city muted against the blood rushing in her ears.
Y/n stumbled to a stop, her hands clutching at her chest as she gasped for air, her vision narrowing to a pinpoint of light surrounded by suffocating darkness. Panic had gripped her entirely now, her mind racing with the realization that she'd never truly had Wade's heart. He was still lost in his past, in his memories of Vanessa.
And where did that leave her? Nowhere, just a placeholder, a stand-in for a love that was never hers to begin with.
Her legs buckled, and she collapsed onto the cold, hard pavement, her body trembling as she tried to suck in air, but it felt like her lungs were being crushed under an unbearable weight. Tears spilled down her cheeks, her sobs echoing through the empty street, each one more desperate than the last.
"Y/n!" he shouted, his voice barely more than a rasp, swallowed by the night as he pushed himself harder, his heart hammering in his chest like it was trying to break free.
But it was too late.
As Y/n tries to stand up and moving back, her foot caught on the uneven pavement, sending her stumbling into the street. The blinding headlights of an oncoming truck cut through the darkness, the screech of tires filling the air as the driver slammed on the brakes-but it was too late.
The world seemed to slow down, everything happening in agonizing detail as Y/n's body crumpled beneath the impact. The sound of the collision echoed through the empty street, a sickening thud that made Wade's heart stop in his chest.
"NO!" Wade's scream was raw, filled with a pain that tore through him like a blade. He felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside as he watched the woman he loved be ripped away from him by death yet again.
He collapsed to his knees beside her lifeless body, his hands trembling violently as he reached out, his fingers brushing against her skin, still warm but rapidly cooling. Blood pooled around her, seeping into the cracks of the pavement, the red stark against the cold, unyielding concrete.
Wade's vision blurred, his chest heaving with ragged breaths that did nothing to ease the crushing weight on his chest. The panic attack had him in its grip, squeezing tighter and tighter until he thought his heart was going to fucking explode.
"Fuck...no, no, no, no..." Wade choked out, his voice breaking as he cradled Y/n's body, rocking back and forth as the reality of what had just happened crashed over him.
He could not breathe, could not think-the world was spinning out of control, the edges of his vision going dark as he was consumed by the panic, the grief, the overwhelming sense of loss that was suffocating him.
And as the night stretched on, the silence was broken only by Wade's broken sobs, echoing through the empty street as he held Y/n close, the weight of everything he'd lost crashing down on him, leaving him utterly, devastatingly alone.
Her heart pounded in her chest, each beat echoing in her ears, drowning out the background noise. She felt her throat tighten as she strained to hear Wade's response, the heavy words sinking deep into her chest. But there was nothing-just a deep, unsettling quiet.