The second Narda was out that door, Regina wanted to wrench it open and go after her. She hurt her. There’s no other way to put it. She raised her voice at Narda and she looked scared. Regina hurt her. If her own vision wasn’t already clouding with tears she would’ve seen Narda’s eyes as well.
She sighs in frustration as she sits down, reaching for the bottle of wine she always had prepared. Uncorking the bottle, Regina poured a generous amount into her glass, taking big gulps.
She drowns her sorrows away, her head dipping with the sun in every glass from the expensive wine she downs.
After calling for what feels like the 100th time, she gives up and reaches in her office minifridge for another bottle of wine. When she finds none, she closes the minifridge with a frustrated slam. Regina was about to rummage through her secret stash of whiskey when she heard it.
Knock. knock
She pauses, and waits for it again, thinking it was just her imagination. After all, it wouldn’t be too far off with her condition. (She’s not drunk, just a little buzzed.)
She hears it again.
Knock, knock
This time, followed by a, “Ma’am, Regina?”
What the fuck?
When Regina doesn’t answer, the voice rings again. “Ma’am? Okay ka lang po ba?”
Narda. Of course it was sweet, caring, handsome Narda checking up on her.
Shit. shit, shit, shit!
“Ma’am?”
Fuck. “U-uh. Narda?” Regina says, hastily cleaning up so it wouldn’t look like she’s been drinking all day.
“Opo si Narda po, Ma’am.”
“Wait, lang, ha.” Regina finally closes the trash bin and opens the door.
She was greeted by Narda’s solemn face, a slight look of concern staining her features. “Hi,” she breathes, a tight smile on her lips.
Regina smiles shakily, “Narda, hi, hello,” She mentally kicks herself, Calm the fuck down, she just said hi. “Napadaan ka?” She leans against the doorframe, trying not to look too eager or drunk.
Narda clears her throat, gripping the strap of her bag tighter, looking anywhere but Regina’s eyes. “Tinawagan kasi ako ni Ali, sabi nya puntahan daw kita kasi kanina ka pa raw ‘di lumalabas ng office mo.”
Regina’s heart swells at the words, “You didn’t have to do that, alam ko namang busy ka.” Even through her work and family, Narda still makes time for Regina. Which makes her feel even worse. “Listen-”
“Okay ka lang ba?” Narda interrupts her, brows furrowing.
Regina loses her resolve, “I- yes. Yes, okay lang ako. Listen Narda, about earlier-” she starts again.
Narda interrupts her again, “Sige, kung okay ka na, aalis na ako.” She gives a tight smile before turning to walk away.
Regina acts quickly this time, “Wait, Narda!” She grips Narda’s arm to stop her, “Please. Gusto ko lang mag sorry.”
Narda looks back at her, finally gazing into Regina’s eyes. “Ma'am- Marami pa akong kailangang gawin.”
Again with the "ma'am", Regina thinks. Her shoulders sag, but her grip doesn’t loosen on Narda’s arm. “Please, Narda. Sandali lang ‘to.” She pouts for good measure.
Narda holds her gaze for a moment and sighs, all the fight leaving her body. “Sige na.” She nods, and waits.
Regina furrows her brows for a moment more before snapping into place, "Oh! Right. Come in, Narda, come in."
Narda mutters a simple "Thank you" before stepping inside. She sniffs around Regina as she goes, "Uminom ka ba?"
"I-" Regina can't lie to Narda, even if she wanted to. She could literally smell the evidence on her. And plus, you know, it's Narda fucking Custodio for Christ's sake. "Okay, fine. Umiinom ako bago dumating."
Narda sets her bag down, shoots a quick text, and sits a seat away from Regina. It stings, but Regina supposes she does deserve it.
"Bakit?" Narda asks, voice so soft and sincere, and so filled with concern that Regina's chest aches. It isn’t accusatory, just curious.
"Dahil sa 'yo," Regina blurts, before back tracking, lest Narda assumes she's the one to blame. “I-I mean-" She pauses and exhales, Narda just stares impassively. “What I meant was, kaya ako umiinom kasi I really felt bad na nasigawan kita. Gusto ko makalimot muna, kalimutan 'yung mga sinabi ko."
Regina reaches a hand out, dropping it onto the seat separating them, palm up. "I'm so, so sorry Narda. You didn't deserve that. Alam ko namang proud ka lang kay Brian, because you care about him. He's your friend." Regina sniffs, “I would totally understand if ayaw mo na ako kausapin, like ever."
A beat passes, and to her surprise, Narda takes the hand, clasping both her hands on Regina's, squeezing tight. "Regina," she says her name for the first time that night softly, eyes flickering up to her face. "Hindi ako galit. Hindi ako nagalit."
Regina says nothing, but lets out a subtle sigh of relief, a smile curling her lips, letting Narda continue.
"Sa totoo nyan, akala ko nga ikaw 'yung galit eh." Narda chuckles, eyes flicking to their joined hands, "Kaya napaalis ako kaagad. Pasenya na kung ayun ang naisip mo."
"What? Narda, 'wag ka mag sorry. Ako ang may kasalanan 'diba? Kaya 'wag ka mag sorry, please." Regina scoots closer to Narda, to which the other girl doesn't complain. "Ako ang sorry. Na pinagsabihan ko ng masama 'yung manliligaw mo." Regina tries not to scoff bitterly but she can't help it.
Narda laughs, full on belly laughs for the first time that night. "Manliligaw?" she laughs harder, almost falling over the couch.
Regina's brows furrow, "Ano? Hindi ba?"
Narda finally calmed down moments later, "Hindi." she shakes her head for good measure, "Magkaibigan lang kami."
Regina feels otherwise. “Lang? Then why does he cling to you like a lost puppy all the time? Looks at you like you hung the stars?” Well, perhaps Narda does, she scoffs anyway, “Maybe to you, you’re just friends. He certainly doesn’t see it that way.”
“Akala ko ba ikaw ‘yung may crush sa kanya? Bakit parang galit ka na?” Narda chuckles lightly, eyes disappearing. It’s so adorable, honestly. “‘Di ba dati parang ikaw ‘yung may gusto dun?”
Ugh. She will never live that down.
“That was before I realized he’s boring as shit. Also, he’s a cop, and I don’t like cops. Kahit na mabait pa siya, or isn’t corrupt.”
“Akala ko ba kaibigan natin si Brian?” Is he though? Regina thinks.
“He can still be my friend with me not liking his profession.” Regina said simply, to which Narda just nods and lifts her shoulders to.
They sit in comfortable silence for a while, just breathing in each other’s presence. She might not admit it, but Regina did miss Narda, even if it were just a few hours. Who wouldn’t? Narda is all sunshine and rainbows and butterflies; she lights up the room without even trying. She’s strong and dedicated and she cares so much.
And that’s just some of the things Regina loves about her.
She blew in like a tornado, wrecking all her meticulously arranged plans, and schedules and the promises she’s made for herself. And she can’t come back from that. She doesn’t know how, and frankly, she doesn’t want to.
Narda Custodio ruined all her plans
What’s scary is, she’d let Narda ruin all her plans over and over again.
Narda would knock on her door and bring her lunch even though she’s on a strict diet, Narda would choose the movie (some cheesy romcom) on their movie nights, she’d do all these things and Regina is more than happy to let her.
Suddenly, Narda is all she sees in her future. That’s what scares her.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
That can’t happen. No. That’s impossible. No.
How can she be so stupid? She let her guard down and now…
Now, she’s what? In love with Narda?
Fuck. Fuck, she is.
No. No.
Narda may have ruined her plans, but Regina will ruin her.
Regina values this, whatever this thing they’ve built over a couple of months to ruin that because she’s in love with Narda. She can’t destroy that.
Shit.
Oh but Narda is so kind and full of light. She won’t turn her away would she?
After calming herself down, from years of experience, in a span of five minutes(a new record, yay her.) Regina stares at her; in her EMT uniform, relaxed into the couch, body at ease and so so beautiful. Her eyes flick down to Narda’s lips, and Regina makes a decision.
It’s a stupid decision, but she does it anyway.
Dear whoever’s listening, don’t make me regret this.
“Narda.”
Narda looks up from her phone, brown furrowed adorably. “Hm?”
Okay. Here goes nothing.
“I…” Fuck. Can she do this?
“Regina?” So sweet, so caring. Oh, Regina’s going to be devastated when she leaves.
“Narda,” Regina whispers, leaning in
“Yes?” Narda whispers back.
“Can I…” Okay. Alright. “Can I try something?”
“What is it?”
“Just. Just tell me to stop, okay? Tell me to stop and I will.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Regina takes the leap. And Narda offers no protests
Regina kisses her delicately and Narda’s lips are so soft. She deepens it lightly, surprised with Narda’s reciprocation.
It’s nervous and exciting and her mind is hazy. But Regina doesn’t care.
She’s kissing Narda Custodio, and she’s kissing her back. Something warm is blooming in her chest and Regina is soft.
Tentative hands sneak to Regina’s hair, tangling just a bit and oh. She makes a noise behind her throat and she can feel Narda smile through the kiss.
Her hands clutch at Narda’s shirt, fists clenching and unclenching.
Eventually, they need to breathe. Regina pulls away, with Narda chasing her lips.
Regina exhales slowly, trying to calm her racing heart. Narda’s chest is heaving but there’s a playful smile playing on her lips.
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.”
“Regina-”
“Narda-”
They both stop, giggling with their kiss-induced high.
“You go first,” Regina says.
“Okay.” Narda breathes out, “sabi ko nga. Regina, ano… Ano ibig sabihin non?”
Ah. There it is.
“Well.” Somehow, Regina is always nervous around Narda. “What do you want it to mean?”
“You can’t answer my question with a question.” Narda deadpans.
“Why not?”
“Regina.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. It’s just.” Regina stops and starts again. “I like you, Narda. So much. Pero ayoko ring sirain kung anong meron tayo ngayon. I value our friendship more than whatever I’m feeling right now. ”
“Gusto mo ‘ko?”
“Ayon lang ang nakuha mo doon?” Regina huffs playfully.
“Hindi naman sa ganon. Ang totoo niyan, pareho nga ang iniisip ko eh.” Narda clasps Regina’s hands tightly, “You mean the world to me, Regina. Ayoko ring masira iyon dahil lang sa nararamdaman ko para sa iyo.”
“Wait. You like me, too?” what the fuck.
“Ayon lang ang nakuha mo doon?” Narda shoots back.
“Oh, hardy har har.”
Then Narda lets out her bizarre laugh. Like some screeching tires and a dying, breathless whale. Regina loves it.
“So?”
“Ano?” Narda is smiling and her eyes are so earnest.
Regina clears her throat, “Narda Custodio, the best EMT from my foundation, my favorite apo from Lola Berta , pwede ba akong manligaw?”
“Hindi.”
“Oh. Oh, okay. That’s…that’s okay. It’s fine. I’m fin-”
“Regina,” Narda stops her spiraling, “Hindi mo ako pinatapos. Sasabihin ko sana na hindi ka pwedeng manligaw kasi ako ang magliligaw sa’yo.”
“Narda!” Regina lightly slaps Narda's shoulder. Shouldn’t have done that, that girl is solid and her hand is sore now actually. Ow.
“Bakit?” Narda laughs, her eyes disappearing.
“Gusto ko ako ang manligaw.” There’s a whine in her voice and Regina knows it.
“Eh ako nga ang gusto manligaw, pano ba yan.”
Regina exhales, “sige, ganito nalang. Walang manliligaw. Let’s just be girlfriends nalang. Okay?”
Narda laughs again, “Okay.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“Remember that time na may gusto ka kay Brian?”
“Narda!”