‘Poolside convo about your summer last night’
Clint tossed one of the lit matches from his hands into the fire, and used the other to light the cigarette he held between his lips. Sand washed over his feet as he stepped away from the fire and sat back on the blanket next to Natasha. She was staring into her phone, oblivious to the scene around her.
Clint drew a long inhale from his cig, letting the smoke swirl in his lungs as he looked out towards the sky. The sun was only just beginning to set over the still water, a few streaks of pink and orange scattered across the blue, and clouds swirled faintly across the horizon. They were alone on the beach, the only sound coming from the crackling of the fire and birds chirping. Clint drew his attention back to the friend sitting beside him. She had dyed her hair again, her coppery blonde highlights replaced with a dark brown. It was still damp from their earlier swim, and a little curly. He didn't know she usually straightened her hair until today.
It wasn't often they could have time away from their missions, from SHIELD, so the one weekend they could, they were not hesitant to take advantage of it. They packed their bags into Clint's truck and hauled a trailer out to the lake Clint had grown up on. He had told her stories, and now he had the opportunity to show her. “Tasha” he spoke softly “Look at the sky”
Natasha never got the opportunity to travel, and camp, and vacay, and relax as a kid. The red room kept her busy. The view in front of her was nearly overwhelming. “It's beautiful,” She said simply. And it was. Not just the sky, but the moment around her. The wind was breezy, blowing her hair gently infront of her face, but the bonfire kept her warm. She turned her head to face Clint and he offered her the cigarette. Nat accepted it without a word. “This is a bad habit” she said after a long moment to no one in particular, blowing the smoke towards the fire.
“Sure,” Clint agreed. “Feels nice though”. Nat couldn't argue with that. She looked down at the blanket they shared. “What did you use to wanna do,” She asked. “You know, before.. everything”
Clint lit up another cigarette, leaving the other one for Nat, before answering. “I guess I never really thought about it. I used to want to be a firefighter when I was really little but you know” he turned to face Nat. The sun was beginning to set further, casting shadows on the side of his face that wasn't illuminated by the fire. “Life happens I guess” Clint looked back towards the water. It reflected the orange sun on its surface. “What about you?”
Natasha also turned to face the view. She pinched at the seams of her shorts. With the sun setting, her outfit of a bikini covered with only a pair of blue linen shorts wasn't doing her any favours. She scooted closer to the fire. “I wanted to be a teacher when I was super young. Then a doctor.” She sighed. “I thought maybe I could be a ballerina when I got out of the red room, but SHIELD was a better use of my skills”.
Clint hummed in a quiet agreement. “Maybe you could still be” Nat bit her lip, and moved her gaze to her lap. “You could always teach me,”
“I could try,” She smiled, “But i've been told you have 2 left feet”
Clint smacked a hand to his chest in fake-offence. “And who would've told you that?”
“Stark. He scrounged up your SHIELD file and found an old mission report.” Nat saw Clint drag a hand over his eyes out of her peripheral. “Why would Fury make you infiltrate a gala?” She giggled.
“He saw my feet and all the dancing potential, clearly” He responded dryly. Nat laughed hard, dropping her cig into the sand. The smile washed off her face, and it was Clint's turn to laugh. He took a long draw from his cig, blowing the smoke into her face. She returned it with a vicious glare. “Tease”
“Why a doctor?” He asked, returning to their conversation. “That's a lot of school. A lot of expensive school”
Nat shrugged “I don't know. I wanted to help people. Ive seen a lot of fucked up shit, and done more fucked up shit. It would be nice to help people for a change”
“You help people now though,” he replied softly. “That's what matters. Can't exactly go back and change the past”
“I couldn't change it even if I tried. The red room was never my choice” She rested her head on her knees, curling up in an attempt to preserve her warmth.
Clint didn't answer, just passed her his cigarette. It warmed up her fingers, and chest. The wind blew smoke from the fire and cig into her eyes but she didn't flinch. The burning made her eyes well up, but she only blinked the tears back.
Nat and Clint sat for a little longer in silence, passing the cigarette back and forth until it was finished, and she tossed the butt into their fire. The sun was completely set now, the sky a deep blue, and stamped with a glimmer of stars.
“I don’t want to go back” Clint whispered. Nat was silent, and he assumed she didn’t hear him over the waves and crackling of the fire. He opened his mouth again to repeat himself, but closed his mouth when he saw her shift. She was pulling her shorts further down on her thighs, and turned ever so slightly closer to him. The fire illuminated her cheek and brow bones, long lashes casting shadows down her cheeks. Her lips were chapped, presumably from the cigarettes, and Clint realized she had never looked so at peace.
Ever since Budapest he suffered with night terrors, and he knew she did as well. SHIELD had become less and less enjoyable and more of a heavy responsibility that he wasn’t sure he could take much more of. The only issue was Natasha. She wouldn’t leave. Not that he had asked, but he just knew. The guilt of the red room plagued her, and Clint knew he couldn’t fault her that. But he couldn’t just leave her. He couldn’t leave SHIELD, no matter his dream of a family and stretching acres of land, with a nice farm dog- he couldn’t leave her.
Clint layed back into the sand and faced the sky. This was his life now, maybe forever.