Chapter 16
Things were starting to look up. Gahyeon was going on her daily walks with Handong, and really they felt like it was like walking a dog. Gahyeon would make the joke and Handong would follow, only for them to laugh in the hall as they went down to the street.
It was nice to hear her laughter.
Handong never thought she would hear it again and she was so happy. So happy that she had a small smile on her face and was talking more. She was gaining more weight and it was perfect in Handong’s eyes. Everything about her progress was perfect.
“Unnie…?”
Handong stopped cooking, turning to see Gahyeon standing next to her. She could see the worried look in her eyes causing her to completely stop.
“What’s wrong?” Handong immediately asked.
Gahyeon didn’t say another word. She held a collar in her hands, deciding to give it to Handong.
“What are you doing?” Handong frowned.
“I don’t want to think…” Gahyeon whispered.
“Gahyeon… I… I don’t think…”
“Please.”
“Are you sure about this?” Handong asked
“Yes,” Gahyeon pouted. “I don’t want to think… I want to… I want to have it again…” She whispered.
When Siyeon got to the apartment, she wasn’t expecting to see Gahyeon out and about. She was half expecting her to be in the bedroom hiding away from the world. But it was a pleasant surprise to see her seated at the table.
“Joining us tonight?” Siyeon smiled while reaching out to touch Gahyeon’s head.
She was met with a flinch, causing Handong to grab her wrist and pull her back.
“She’s in a delicate mindset right now. Don’t touch her without warning,” Handong hissed.
“What… what happened?” Siyeon frowned.
“She’s in a subspace… it took a bit to get her there… but she’s calm and talking to me,” Handong whispered. “Just… don’t touch her.”
“I won’t…” Siyeon mumbled while holding her hands up in defense.
Siyeon had never seen Gahyeon submit so deeply before and watching was very odd. Handong had Gahyeon practically trained and visibly less stressed. The girl looked borderline relaxed and normal.
She watched when Handong gave silent commands, and watched Gahyeon practically melt into Handong’s arms whenever the dom gave her attention.
“What happened?” Siyeon finally asked when Gahyeon was teetering on falling asleep.
“She gave me her collar and said she didn’t want to think,” Handong sighed. “She found her sister’s journal and… everything that went with it,” She frowned while running her fingers through Gahyeon’s hair. “Her mind must’ve gone into overdrive and knew this was the only way to calm herself…”
“So… that’s progress…?” Siyeon frowned
“Delaying the inevitable really… when she comes out of this she’s going to have to deal with the emotions she left behind…” Handong explained.
“How long can she stay in this mindset?” Siyeon asked.
The two watched Gahyeon get more comfortable between the two of them, her legs were draped over Siyeon’s lap while her entire front was molded to Handong’s front as they relaxed on the couch. It was an awkward position but she was comfortable and no one was going to question her.
“She can fall asleep like this… but when she wakes… she might have that to deal with,” Handong frowned.
They watched as Gahyeon further shifted in their laps, causing Siyeon to frown.
“She has pain…” Handong explained. “In her legs…”
“Here?” Siyeon reached out without thinking, placing her hands on Gahyeon’s legs and started massaging. She didn’t think Gahyeon would hurt her, and she felt the tensing in her legs before they started to relax.
“She didn’t freak out…” Handong whispered.
“Oh shit,” Siyeon frowned, pulling her hands away. “Is that good?” She asked.
“That’s good she didn’t freak out… It means she’s aware of you being here and she can trust you at least…” Handong sighed. “Keep going, it might get her to fall asleep,” She urged.
Siyeon continued massaging Gahyeon’s legs, feeling the younger woman relax further. She kept going for twenty minutes before she felt a hand on her arm, showing that Gahyeon was completely passed out in Handong’s arms.
“She still has her collar on and everything…” Siyeon whispered.
“I’m thinking… She needs this… if we can get her in the subspace everyday… Then maybe we can help her work through everything… Do what her therapist can’t because he can’t build this kind of trust with her…” Handong suggested.
“Are you saying we should manipulate her into getting better?” Siyeon asked.
“Well a treat system didn’t work now did it?” Handong scoffed.
“It did not,” Siyeon sighed. “How can we even help her get better if we don’t know the cause of her problems?”
“Her birth parents and her sister. Biggest factors to her problems,” Handong explained. “Maybe we can… Maybe we can give her photos of her birth parents… and have her throw them in the fireplace….” She suggested.
It was a thought. A small thought. If Gahyeon could think she inflicted pain and completely wipe them from her mind like that, then it was worth a shot.
They waited a few days, realizing it was easier said than done to get Gahyeon to get that far into that space again. But once she was, Handong was prepared with Siyeon. They utilized every resource they had and even brought Minji into it just to help find Gahyeon’s birth parents.
“This is going to hurt her a lot in this mindset,” Minji warned.
“It’s something…” Handong sighed while taking the photos from her. “I need my baby back,” She frowned.
“She’s right there… She needs professional help Dongie…” Minji whispered.
“Professional help isn’t helping her,” Handong glared.
“Then find another professional that can help!” Minji yelled, causing Gahyeon to jump. “I gave her the card of my therapist that helped me years ago.”
“And now look at you.”
“I’m fucking alive aren’t I?” Minji glared.
Handong frowned at her friend, looking down at the envelope before feeling a hand on her back. When she looked up, she saw Siyeon standing behind her, pushing her aside to talk with Minji.
Siyeon stepped out with Minji, shutting the door behind them. She could see how distraught her friend was with the whole idea, causing her to sigh.
“We called the number on the card you gave her. The therapist you saw isn’t there anymore,” Siyeon explained. “They only had one therapist that specializes in whatever the fuck is going on with Gahyeon. And it’s a guy. She’s not comfortable at all,” She sighed.
“Then call around… Find someone else…” Minji pleaded. “You’re going to do more damage than good with this stupid plan of yours…” She frowned.
“She trusts us. We don’t want to wake up to her being dead for real next time,” Siyeon whispered.
“Then get her more help. Have her stay in the hospital until she’s really cleared!” Minji shouted.
“She is cleared! She’s not… She’s…” Siyeon frowned.
“She’s broken and instead of carefully putting the pieces back… you two are shoving pieces where you think they should go,” Minji glared. “You’re going to traumatize her and then you’re going to lose her.”
Siyeon looked up and saw the tears building in Minji’s eyes. She didn’t know how close the two were, but she was certain that she loved Gahyeon as much as they did.
“Then what do you suggest we do? Do you have any other therapists? Any one else you would call?” Siyeon asked. “Our options are limited here,” She frowned.
Minji was about to answer when the front door opened, revealing a teary eyed Handong. She looked at both of them, waiting for them to stop feeling angry at one another.
“What happened?” Siyeon whispered.
“She snapped out of the space… But she’s okay?” Handong explained.
Minji and Siyeon stepped inside, seeing Gahyeon calmly tearing the photos up one by one. There were tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, but she wasn’t freaking out. She would tear the photos up and throw them into the fireplace, watching them start to burn before picking up the next one and begin the process again.
“Gahyeon-ah?” Minji called out, stepping closer to her.
Gahyeon turned to look at her, her expression never changing. It was a little terrifying in a way. How she was so calm after being abruptly ripped out of a subspace.
“What’s going on in your mind?” Minji asked.
“He’s getting what he deserves…” Gahyeon whispered. “Both of them,” She sniffed before going back to ripping up the photos.
Minji sat near her, watching her repetitive actions until she finished the stack. She watched as the relief practically washed over the young woman, almost like she felt relieved with everything.
“How do you feel?” Minji asked.
“Better… Tired…” Gahyeon frowned.
“You can nap if you’d like,” Handong whispered.
Minji watched as Gahyeon climbed onto the couch far from the fireplace. She had no idea how the girl could go through so many emotions and be okay. She watched as Siyeon put an extremely fuzzy blanket over her and helped her get comfortable while her eyes were trained on the flames that still danced behind the fake logs.
“You got really lucky,” Minji muttered when she was getting ready to leave. “And I’m talking very lucky,” She sighed.
“We know…” Siyeon whispered. “We’re going to let her be for the next few days, let her process everything and check in,” She explained.
“Yeah, we aren’t going to keep pushing her,” Handong whispered.
“Good. And find her real help. I’m not doing this again,” Minji pointed at them both before leaving.