Peter Parker adventures

Avengers tower was lit by the blazing fireworks over head, everyone gathered on the roof with music and lights waiting for the count down to the new year.

Peter was extra covered, the wind was insane with how high they were, so may made sure he had a hat, gloves, and two sweaters since his body couldn't regulate as good as anyone else.

He sat on the glass, sideways looking down over the smaller buildings surrounding the tower.

Deep in thought everything drowned out around him.

The new year was close, almost unsettling how long it had been since certain events in his life.

Seven years since the death of his parents. Four since the death of Ben, and getting bitten by that spider.

And three years since he first spoke to Mr Stark, and two since his first serious fight (not counting captain America.)

So many experiences and yet he felt.. Off? Like.. Well he couldn't describe it.

He felt something hit the back of his head, snapping him out of his thoughts long enough to turn him around and look back up.

Mr Stark looked over the railing, dropping little candy on his head trying to grab his attention after yelling didn't do much

"Earth to Peter Parker! How's the weather down there?"

He smiled dropping another chocolate over the railing.

Peter caught it, unwrapped it and tossed it in his mouth, getting up and walking along the side of the wall back up to the crowd.

"Sorry-" he tossed his legs over the railing, sitting next to his mentor swinging his feet back and forth as they started to chat.

"Kid, I'm gonna be real." he paused.

"You freak me out doin' that, I don't know if its my arachnophobia or fear of you just falling to your death."

Peter giggled, lifting his sleeve showing he had his web shooter. "I won't fall.. Arachnophobia makes sense though, I am a spider."

"Only part spider.." Mr stark shivered uncomfortably, imagining if Peter looked like a giant walking, talking spider.

Only an hour left.

Until the next year, one year further from it all.

Peter found himself more tired than usual, staying awake til midnight was always the hardest part of new years.

He sat quietly to the side, snacking on candy and other little treats they had there next to Loki, arms and legs crossed; looking forward with that same grumpy look he always had.

Peter tried making small conversation, offering snacks and complimenting his sweater.

Loki only nodded, not even looking his direction, if anything he slowly looked even further away.

"What's your new years resolution?" he asked innocently smiling,

"To get a restraining order on you."

"Oh" Peter laughed awkwardly, Loki gave him a stern look of full seriousness 

"Can I ask why?" he struggled to keep his smile, he almost always did around Loki.

"You're annoying, contradictory, childish, foolish, and I don't understand what you are."

He stared blankly, they both did, in complete silence for a while.

Peter blinked, "you don't.. Know what I am..?"

Loki scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Seems to me like you don't either, spiderling.." he laughed, leaving Peter confused listening to him.

"You feel disconnected, not fully human, do you? Are you?" he taunted, grinning widely as he continued.

"Your right you know, we do have a lot in common. We aren't like anyone else, are we?"

"I don't- I don't know what you mean.."

"Tell me, are you more spider? Or human?"

He got up and left just like that. Leaving Peter cold and confused, mostly cold.

He shivered as the wind picked up again, shoving more candy in his mouth to distract himself from his thoughts again.

Twenty minutes.

His stomach felt empty dispite how much food he shoveled into his mouth, nervously tapping his foot looking over the railing at the smaller surrounding buildings again.

Tony told him to stop sitting over the side, but standing felt weird looking over like this.

"Happy almost new year, Peter"

He yelped, Natasha always snuck past his Spidey sense.

Not that he thought of her as a threat anyway.

"Sorry! Yeah, can't wait" he smiled looking at her.

She did her hair nicely for the party, in an updo bun with strands of red falling down her face.

She was really pretty, Peter always admired how gorgeous she looked, even while fighting.

If you ever complimented her she always got flustered though, even if she didn't show it on the outside Peter always felt her heartbeat go up.

Shes always so kind, and gentle to the people she loves.

That's probably the prettiest thing about her.

He snapped out of his thought after Natasha pushed his elbow a bit.

"Hey- you alright?"

"Yes! Sorry, you just look really nice tonight-"

Her heartbeat again.

She had to swallow a smile down as she thanked him, reasking her original question.

"You okay? You really are in space today."

"What? Oh- earth to Peter yeah.." he remembered from earlier, Mr stark must have let everyone know he was being spacey.

He denied it though, unsure of why he would but it was a party, not really the best time to talk about feelings.

"You sure?"

Natasha pointed to his hands, crushing the metal railing he held onto. Peter panicked shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I mean- just nervous for the new year I guess.."

"You guess?"

"I know-" he cut her off, still looking over the edge down at the lights below.

Thousands of people lit the streets waiting excited for the new year.

Even the Avengers high above it all were excited.

Everyone but him, and technically he wasn't even an Avenger. But he wasn't a civilization either?

Natasha put a hand on his back.

Ten minutes left.

"Peter, are you really okay?"

"Fine, mostly-"

"Mostly? I know there's something wrong and im not going to force you to-"

"No it's fine- I just don't even know how to word it" he explained with guilt stuck on his lips, ruining the mood like this.

"Then take your time, I can wait til next year if you want to" she laughed at her own joke, Peter did to, but for a different reason.

The new year was his problem he just didn't know why really, it was exciting but he just felt.. Incomplete?

Peter thought for a while, the ticking clock only made his nerves go off, but eventually he came to an okay explanation.

"I- have you ever.. Wanted to go back in time? But instead of preventing something bad, you.. You want to stop something good?"

Natasha seemed off guard with the strange question but she thought about it,

"Well, I can't think of a specific time but I probably have."

Probably.

Peter went to apologize again but Natasha shut it down,

"Just say it, you know what the problem is I can tell.. You just cant admit it."

Peter thought some more, he had been avoiding doing that all day but really when he let it happen he felt less confused.

"I want to be normal." he blurted it out, perhaps louder than he originally wanted it to be but no one else seemed to notice.

Natasha gave him a wide eyed look, before smiling and laughing.

"Really? You and me both."

"No I mean- like.. Ugh" he groaned putting his hands back on the railing in frustration.

"Human?"

That really confused her, she didn't laugh anymore.

"I mean its dumb but- I don't feel like a human anymore" he felt his voice break, finally saying what's been on his mind for years now.

"Everything flipped when I was bitten, my DNA included! Everything about me- my habits, abilities, allergys-!? It's all spider and not.. Peter.. I guess"

He looked over at her for a moment before seeing her face and looking away, continuing anyway.

"It's like Loki just read my mind.. Is it that easy to guess?"

"What, that your a spider? I mean when your not sticking to walls it's pretty much impossible."

"No, that I don't know who I am! Am I that miserable you could just guessit?"

Natasha laughed, Finally. Weirdly Peter felt uncomfortable with her silence.

He tried to explain himself, embarrassed he stammered,

"I mean- I feel like next year I'm just getting further from being me- being Peter Parker! I'm just spider-man now-"

"Peter!" she giggled, "who do you think I am? Do I look like a women who has her life together?"

Peter cheeks grew hot, "do you actually want an answer or..?"

"Of course not. You think anyone up here knows who they are?" Natasha leaned on the railing with him, looking down at the lights.

"I bet you not one person down there knows who they are either."

Her voice softened as Peter listened.

"Your never going to be who you were again. As upsetting as that sounds." she shrugged, moving her hand onto his.

"But I can't wait to meet who your going to be."

Fireworks exploded below them, the crowd behind them erupted into smiles and laughter at everyone screamed 'happy new year'

"Nice to meet you." she winked.

Peter smiled, his nervousness wasn't gone, but he felt better than before.

Weirdly being told he was.. Well weird, even though he already knew it, was comforting.

He doesn't know who he is, sure, but nobody here does. 

Natasha was a Russian spy a few years ago, now look at her.

A pretty, kind, and thoughtful person.

Loki said it themselves, she doesnt know what Peter is, she doesn't know what she is either.

Loki and Peter do have a lot in common, they don't belong.

But they're a part of the Avengers, of course they don't belong.

But not belonging is what keeps them all together.