The Worth of a Prince
Loki was walking down one of the intricately decorated halls of the castle, looking for Thor. He had a mischievous smile on his face as he thought of his plan to prank his brother.
Loki had been working on his illusion magic taught to him by his mother and he wanted to make Thor the first victim of his new spells. “He really likes snakes. This oaf is always easy to trick with a snake.” He thought as he continued walking.
Eventually, Loki made his way outside. It was a beautiful day and there were wildflowers all across the mountains. Across a field, Thor was practicing some fighting that Odin had taught him the day before.
He was messing around with his hammer and Loki quickly hid in a bush nearby. He giggled a little bit at the unsuspecting Thor. He has always been more clever than his brother but still weaker. He envied Thor and how he always got father’s praise. If only Loki knew what he had to do to prove himself worthy. Maybe showing that he was smarter than Thor would make father notice him.
Loki cast an illusion of a snake and made it slither around Thor, catching his attention and leading him over to the bush Loki was in. While Thor was distracted and reached for the illusion, Loki hopped out of the bush and pounced on Thor, knocking him to the ground, laughing. He then pulled out one of his daggers and pointed it down at Thor.
“Loki!?” Thor looked at his brother, a bit shocked, and then at the knife, remembering the last time Loki shoved that thing at him.
“Ha! I’ve outsmarted and beaten you brother. It is truly surprising you have not learned my tricks by now.” Loki laughed at his success and looked down at Thor, satisfied.
Thor looked at Loki angrily. “That is hardly fair! I could beat you in a one-on-one battle any day. And don’t even think about stabbing me like last time. I’ll tell father!” Thor stated proudly.
Loki rolled his eyes, he always cared for Thor but it infuriated him when he naively took the side of their less-than-kind father. “The only reason I’m not stabbing you right now is because mother said she would confiscate my daggers if I did. And don’t think you’re better than me just because you’re father's precious little prince and I’m just the second born. Father only favors you because you’re violent like he is.” Loki huffed and turned away, putting his daggers away.
“Father is not violent!” Thor retorted. “He is an honorable man, unlike you! You are a liar and a thief and maybe you would know more about father if you were not always locked away in your room.”
Loki looked back at Thor with narrowed eyes. “You do not know what you speak of brother.” He said coolly. Loki turned back around and stalked off to his room without another word, leaving Thor slightly confused and frustrated.
Thor and Loki have fought longer than anyone can remember and it’s become worse as they've gone into their teenage years. With Thor's constant need to fight and Loki’s many, many mental issues, it’s as if everything they do only serves to tear them apart.
Loki slammed the door to his room and flopped down on his bed. “Why does Thor have to be like this? Why do I have to be so… bad.” He turned around and stared at the ceiling, a pain in his stomach reminding him of the world outside his room and his thoughts. He thought for a second but decided he could go without dinner tonight. He’d rather not see Odin anyway.
After reading for a while a knock on his door startled him out of his book. It’s either his mother or some guard sent by Odin. There’s no one else who would be at his room in the evening.
“Come in.” He shuts his book and turns toward the door. Frigga walks in holding a plate with what seems to be grapes and fish. She gently sets it down on the nightstand and sits next to him on the bed. “I noticed you didn’t come to dinner.” Her voice is always kind. Loki loved her more than anyone, she always made him feel calm.
He blinked and looked at her. “I… wasn’t hungry mother. It wasn’t necessary for you to bring me any food.”
She sighs. “What is wrong my son?” She takes a lock of his hair and puts it behind his ear.
Loki looks away. “Odin isn’t happy with me, is he?” “That’s a stupid question Loki, obviously he’s upset at you. It’s just a matter of time before he does something about it.” Loki thought.
Frigga ran a hand through Loki’s hair. “Just get some rest, I will talk to Odin about it. I can’t have you tired for practicing your magic.” Frigga smiled at him and Loki gave a slight smile back. He enjoyed the thought of practicing magic with his mother again.
Loki always has had a hard time sleeping. From insomnia to night terrors, it seems like he’s never fully rested. This time he couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking, thinking of his favored brother. Why can’t father see that he is just as capable? Just as good. But his father's words ring in his head over and over. “Only one of you will ascend to the throne.” He knew what that meant. Odin always had it that Thor would be king, never him. Loki tosses and turns and after what seems like a lifetime, he finally falls asleep only to be greeted with nightmares that he’s much too familiar with.
Day after day he watches Thor get stronger. Day after day his father finds something new to get onto him about. Some new reason for Loki to be taught a lesson. New bruises, new wounds, but it’s all the same. Nothing changes and it never will. Loki will forever be the second-born, worthless son. Always in Thor's shadow.
Night after night he has nightmares. Sometimes about his family, and sometimes they make no sense at all. All he can remember is waking up, tears running down his cheeks and sheets kicked to the end of the bed. Loki always keeps himself in check, making sure no one really knows about this. That no one hears him crying in the night. Except for Frigga. She occasionally will check on Loki despite him telling her she doesn’t need to. He hated bothering her. He could always handle these night terrors by himself. Except for one night.
Loki wakes up in a dark room, hot and claustrophobic. His lungs burn and he tries to squint his eyes but nothing is clear. It’s deathly silent. Until it isn’t.
A scream sounded from far away and Loki's breath quickened. “Mother!” Loki ran towards the sound, his legs like lead but he continued to push himself. His chest heaved as it felt like there was the weight of the sun on it but he couldn’t stop. He has to run. So he ran.
And ran
And ran
And ran
He ran until he saw a shadow of a woman hunched over. She seemed to be in pain.
“Mother! Mother, it’s Loki please are you alright?” Tears welled up in his eyes. “Mother please.” Nothing made sense.
Frigga stayed there, hunched over, her chest rising and falling. Loki watches her helplessly. Finally, she moved. Her face slowly moved up to look directly into Loki’s eyes. Her face was twisted and distorted. Tears fall down her face as she grabs at Loki with hard shriveled hands. “Why Loki? Why did you do this?” Her voice pained and horse.
Loki looked at her in confusion. His palms sweating as his breathing became faster. “W-what?”
“You were never good enough and look at me now. Look at the face of your mother boy!” Her voice changed to anger and it became deeper as Odin grabbed Loki’s shoulder.
He flinched and turned around, staring up at the much taller man, backing up and cowering. “N-no father, please. Please father! No!” Odin held his spear and stared down at Loki, slowly moving towards him.
Loki continued to back up until something hit his leg. He turns around. “Mother! Please don’t let him hurt me!” Loki cried.
Frigga did not respond, instead grabbing his ankle with the strength of 1000 soldiers. His chest heaved as he gasped for air.
“Loki!” Loki looked over and saw the smug face of his brother, mocking him. Loki glared at him through tears. Why did he always have to be here? Why did he always have to be so good? “Loki!” Thor called again. He couldn’t take it anymore, he fell to the ground and crumpled into a ball, crying, Thor still calling his name over and over. “Loki! Brother!”
Loki gasps in and feels cold air in his lungs as he quickly sits up. He looks around the dark room and squints his eyes. Frigga is gone, Odin is gone. Then he feels a hand lightly touch his shoulder. Loki flinches back to see Thor in the darkness of his room. “…Thor?” Loki sits up straighter and scoots back, remembering that he hates Thor. That stupid perfect prince.
“Loki! You were crying as if you were in some battle. What caused you to make this ceaseless noise?” Thor looked at Loki through the darkness of the room with both concern and a tired annoyance in his voice.
“Does pretending to care about me make father like you more?” Loki huffed. “Go to bed Thor.” He turned away from Thor, sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to get the dream out of his head.
Thor grabbed Loki's hand. “Brother, why would you say such a thing? You know that I care for you.”
Loki pulled his hand away and glared at Thor over his shoulder. “Oh of course! It would be such a shame for the worthless, puny second born to have even more issues to inconvenience his family.” He hissed with sarcasm. “It would be just awful if I had to be just another inconvenience to father.” Loki turned to face Thor with frustration. “Father will always love you more, always see you as better, always think of me as an afterthought. I will never be good enough for him!”
Thor sighed. Loki knew he didn’t fully believe him, he looked up to Odin and would defend him. Thor lay down on the bed next to Loki. “I… don’t understand why you think father hates you. He just wants us to succeed. Your thought process is foolish.” Thor paused as Loki shot him a warning glance. “But, and even though I know you won’t believe me, I really care about you Loki.”
Loki looked into Thor’s eyes. Full of honesty and care. “Maybe he really is telling the truth. Maybe, in his own stupid way, he does care… even though he isn’t much help.” Loki rubbed his eyes, relaxing ever so slightly. “….Thank you, brother.”
“Now tell me, what is keeping you up at this ungodly hour?” Thor said in a kind voice.
Loki paused, he still didn’t want to be this vulnerable in front of Thor. It was bad enough that Thor had found him in the middle of his awful nightmare. But Loki was so tired and Thor was at least trying to make him feel better. He eventually gave in and lay down next to Thor. “It was a nightmare.” Loki fidgeted with the sheets. “It was dark and hot, I couldn’t breathe, and Mother and Father…” Loki shuts his eyes tight for a moment. “They were so upset.” His voice cracking. “You shouldn’t tell Thor this you fool. He's going to tell father and you’ll be in trouble all over again. Thor is only listening to you out of pity or to shut you up. He doesn’t really care.” Despite Loki’s thoughts, part of him felt better that Thor knew his dream.
“Don’t worry brother, you’re safe, I’m not mad at you. And mother could never be mad at you.” Thor runs his hand through Loki's dark hair. “I’m here, and I won’t leave unless you want me to.”
Loki smiled faintly, relaxing into Thor as he messed with his hair. The two boys cuddled next to each other for the rest of the night, eventually falling into a peaceful sleep. Loki knew that it wouldn’t be like this forever, but for tonight, it was nice.