The Red Room

When all you’ve ever known is darkness, it’s hard to see the light, especially if you’ve never realized that all you’ve ever known is darkness. The sound of gunfire and explosions, of buildings being turned to rubble, of loved ones screaming out for you to not hurt them, of them mocking you that you won’t be able to finish the job, the sight of color draining from someone’s eyes and face, watching everything they’ve built crumble down around them, feeling their hand go limp, feeling the world continue to be shattered even without their presence and somehow….not even for a second can you let your emotions in.

Natasha thought she’d never escape, that she’d never be able to live even a somewhat normal life, she’d caused too much pain and done unspeakable, unthinkable, unforgivable things. Always believing she was more machine than human. Yet even escaping from the torturous hell being the Red Room, it still plagued her in her nightmares, the flashbacks hitting constantly as if they never wished to be forgotten when all Natasha wanted was to never remember them again.

Waking abruptly, Natasha’s whole body jolting as a small gasp was released as if she’d been held under water and now she was suddenly coming up for air. Maria’s arm still around her, feeling a soft kiss against her shoulder trying to convey that she was okay and she was safe.

Ever since Natasha had joined SHIELD, Maria had been a safe space for the redhead, always reminding her where she was and that she was safe and that she was here for the redhead to ground her. Natasha had of course never believed she was worth it, she had often asked Maria why she did it for it, the brunette always saying because she deserved it and one time going as far as to say that she loved her so of course she’d receive it.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re safe.” Maria calmly whispered, her hands on Natasha’s hip, rubbing gentle and soothing patterns into the skin.

With a deep exhale, Natasha placed her hand on top of Maria’s, intertwining their hands together, Maria rubbing her thumb against one of Natasha’s knuckles.

“Just a nightmare.” Natasha whispered, still heavy with sleep and yet more awake than sleeping.

Maria knew well enough that it was never ‘just’ anything, the nightmares plagued her at night and the flashbacks plagued her during the day, the Russian never getting five minutes to breathe for herself, never quite able to escape.

Slowly turning around, Natasha needed to face Maria, needed to see those blue eyes that made everything feel better, that grounded her to reality when breathing felt difficult. The brunette smiling before pressing a gentle kiss to Natasha’s forehead.

The redhead taking Maria’s hand in hers and pressing a kiss to the knuckles, gently fiddling with the fingers, something she always did to calm herself down and Maria never had a problem with it. The two of them having a small quiet moment, something the two of them rarely got.

»»———　★　———««

To say that Natasha had found any sort of peace after everything would be a lie, if anything everything was more chaotic just in a different way, Maria always being Natasha’s comfort and making her grounded, Natasha was always there when Maria felt like the world was just too much.

The latest mission had been a strain on everyone, no one knew all the information, people still wanted answers to questions, things didn’t make sense and no matter how hard they tried….. the mission never seemed to end.

Fury and Maria were in the main area of Mission Control, Natasha was drinking a coffee as she sat in the room just behind them that was normally used for conferences, something beeping on the computers and several agents running around to collect information.

“I need eyes and ears, people, come on. Gimme something.” Fury spoke in his usual tone.

Several more agents running around to collect whatever information they could, but somehow they could receive anything, which worried Nat, Maria even joining several of the agents to try and help them get something, feeling enough anxiety for everyone.

But when everything finally started working, Natasha saw a sight she thought she’d rid herself off, on a short snippet of a screen she saw the Red Room symbol. Blinking several times, she stood up, almost wanting to back away, coffee spilling on the desk a little and Maria saw it too.

Fury and Maria saving it onto a hard drive before entering the conference room that was overseeing Mission Control, Natasha having since sat down, Fury and Maria now joining her.

“Where was that?” Natasha stared into her coffee, rubbing her temple with anxiousness.

“Budapest.” Maria half whispered, speaking at a volume only those in close distance could hear.

Natasha wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, Budapest had been where Natasha had met Clint, how he’d single handedly convinced her to join SHIELD, how he’d convinced her and made her believe even for a small moment that there was more to her than following orders and taking out a mark.

Nodding, Fury knew the kind of mental logistics that she’d be doing right now and knowledgeable of what Budapest meant for the redhead, Fury had grown to almost see Natasha as a daughter, he probably shouldn’t but then again he did a lot of things that he wasn’t supposed to.

“If you wish to investigate then you can, I’ll see to it that you have everything you need, but I also understand if you wish to leave it alone.” Fury stated, giving the choice to Natasha.

“That’s the thing, isn’t it? I can’t just leave it alone. As long as the Red Room still stands it will never be left alone, it will never be over. If there’s even a chance that the Red Room is still active then I need to do something.”

Maria knew there a silent, unspoken part of that sentence, something Natasha wouldn’t say in front of Fury but had said in front of her many times when they were alone, thoughts that were spoken in the dead of night after Maria had managed to make Natasha almost forget how to speak. Knowing that in Natasha’s eyes, as long as the Red Room was still functioning and active, Natasha would always be that same scared child who’d grown up to become a murderer.

“Tell me what you need, Romanoff.” Fury nodded once.

»»———　★　———««

After getting everything packed and ready to go, Maria headed into the room to see Natasha off, knowing that even though the Russian hadn’t said anything, she’d want to see Maria before heading out, it had almost become a tradition to see each other before missions, almost as a good luck.

“You got everything?” Maria leaned against the door frame.

“I don’t have you.” Natasha smiled.

“You’ve always got me, just this time I’m behind a screen or an earpiece instead of by your side.” Maria placed her hands on Natasha’s waist before sliding them down to her lower back, holding her gently.

“This is gonna be a long one.”

“You’ll be fine, you’re Natasha Romanoff, I’m not worried.”

“Fury got that tracker?” Natasha smirked, knowing that for safety measures Fury placed a tracker on everyone who went on field missions to make sure if they ever needed help or an evac that they’d know where to find them.

“Up and active.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you. I promise the place will still be standing when you get back.”

“As will you.”

Maria nodded before softly kissing Natasha, the two of them embracing as they kissed before slowly pulling back. Maria heading back out as she had business to attend to and Natasha heading out.

»»———　★　———««

Natasha had headed to her temporary safe house, somewhere to lay low for a while until she had more information and somewhere she wouldn’t be easily spotted, she knew how this worked, knew what she needed to do, granted she had believed it had already been done but now she had to face her demons once and for all in order to finally put a stop to it.

The safe house was quiet, almost too quiet, after years of hitting marks and getting the job done no matter the cost, silence was slowly becoming Natasha’s worst enemy. Long periods of time where nothing was happening and it was so quiet a penny could be heard, stakeouts that involved sitting in vents or outside in a car and watching on in silence so they could attack when ready.

Silence was when the worst attacks came. When the flashbacks haunted her mind and her demons came out to play, where she’d fall asleep and her nightmares would plague her, she couldn’t escape, the only time she was free was when Maria would get home, clunking her boots on the ground, rattling her keys and putting on a movie that would lull her to sleep, or cooking with the music turned up, the pots and pans bashing around as she effortlessly made them a meal a whole army could eat.

With Maria, Natasha didn’t have to worry about the silence, it was easy and calm and relaxed, it had Maria’s arms wrapped around her and those blue eyes looking at her like she was the most incredible woman on the planet, and to Maria she was.

She had to drive out for supplies and signal to message Maria in order to inform her that she was doing okay, it was strange not having SHIELD to answer to, but SHIELD fell and suddenly no one could trust each other, Natasha had been worried sick when Maria had to claw her way out of HQ, bruised with several broken bones and covered in smoke and dirt, Natasha had run to her and jumped on her to hug her, not realizing that she had several broken bones and not giving a shit that they were surrounded by people who they should have been professional around.

Since then Maria and Fury and a small group of people operated by themselves, like a small version of SHIELD, somehow they had funds and equipment they rarely knew what to do with. But it got them where they needed to go, Maria still worked exceedingly long hours and Natasha still fought her ass off every time the world ended up in danger.

It had been a long day of travel and getting things ready, a car coming out of nowhere when she was on her way back that spun the car out of control sending it flying and skidding along the road, Natasha jumping out of the door before the car dropped off the side of the bridge and suddenly Natasha was face to mask with a huge armored person.

Both of them engaging in a fist fight, Natasha wondering why this was happening, she had come for one reason alone and this wasn’t it, Natasha grabbing her gun and shooting wherever she could see a weakness or a gap in the armor but apparently that wasn’t enough either.

Until Natasha managed to conclude that the person mirrored your movements, so upon doing something unexpected, something she saved when she had no other option, a move she’d pulled when she first met Clint, she grabbed their arm and swung it around before using the weight of the person against them to send them flying back onto the ground, Natasha having a small window to run over and investigate what the glowing red vials were, a picture of herself when she was younger and a younger Yelena attached to the vials and Natasha felt her heart drop.

Turning around, the armored person had disappeared and she was left to try and find out where the hell the vials had come from and what the hell they did.

»»———　★　———««

Upon messaging Maria about the situation, Maria had found something in the middle of Budapest, news outlets being good for something for once, Maria telling her to be careful as she gave her the information before then getting on with something else but telling Natasha that she’d be there if Nat needed anything else.

Natasha smiled and flushed a little bit before getting on with the rest of the mission, however long that would last, Natasha didn’t know, she rarely did when it came to these things.

Finding the location, Natasha walked up the steps ensuring she wasn’t followed, something she did in her every day life as well as her ‘superhero’ life. Walking into an apartment in the building, things stared off fine and quiet, before she was face to face with a gun.

Two guns pointing at each other, a blonde and a redhead looking at each other as if they were looking in a mirror, there were two seconds of stillness before Yelena made the first move, the two of them shooting at the other, the bullets landing in several parts of the rooms, Natasha kneeing Yelena’s ribs, Yelena punching Natasha’s gut, Natasha pulling Yelena into a headlock, Yelena elbowing Natasha to get out of it before they both ended up on the floor, strangling each other with a piece of curtain fabric, looking at each other as if all their memories were suddenly coming back.

“Вы все выросли.” Natasha spoke as Yelena slowly dropped her grip from the fabric.

Yelena rolled her eyes. After all this time, that was all the redhead could say to her as if they hadn’t grown up as sisters.

“Да, никакого дерьма.” Yelena dropped the fabric to the ground before taking a few seconds and standing up.

Natasha leaning her head back for a second, feeling the cold and solid floor beneath her as she did so, finding it grounding, Natasha had never considered that she’d be meeting ghosts of her past during this mission.

Rapidly getting to her feet she grabbed the red vials and threw them on the table. Yelena looked at her as if she’d lost her mind

“You brought them back here? I sent them to you for a reason, not so you could bring them back to me.” Yelena spoke with the thick Russian accent that had never seemed to leave her since she was a child.

“And what exactly did you plan on me doing with them? I’m a spy not a scientist.”

The blonde shaking her head as she gathered her things from around the building, Natasha watching as she did so before heading into another room to grab something.

Yelena watched with a fixed concentration as the bruises and scars covering the redheads back.

“You’re the only superhero….person that I know. Surely you and your Avengers could work something out.”

Natasha shook her head, almost wanting to laugh at how insane that sounded, SHIELD had fallen, people had died, the Avengers were broken and divided into several places and prisons, Natasha was on her own other than Maria and Fury who could only do so much without SHIELD.

“In case you haven’t seen the news, the Avengers aren’t really a thing at the moment…I’m on my own. I don’t even have backup here.”

The blonde thought to herself for a moment, when the had been younger they’d always played together, always been sisters, Yelena had been her backup, even when Dreykov grabbed them both for the Red Room, Natasha had protected Yelena until they physically had to take her out with a tranquilizer, in the Red Room Yelena had been Natasha’s backup, until eventually Dreykov stopped putting them on missions together.

“I’m not trying to be your friend here but I need you to tell me what the hell that is.”

“It’s a synthetic gas. The counter agent to chemical subjugation. The gas immunizes the brain’s neuropathways from external manipulation.” Yelena tried to explain but saw that Natasha wasn’t really understanding it. With a deep exhale she continued to explain. “It’s an antidote for mind control.”

Something changed within Natasha’s eyes like she finally realized something.

“He’s still doing it, you know. Grabbing girls and taking them away from their families and turning them into killers until they don’t even recognize themselves anymore. You know I kept watching the news hoping that one day I’d see Captain America taking down the red room.”

“Taking down the Red Room? What are you talking about? It’s been down for years. No. I killed Dreykov.”

“And you really believe that?”

“It took destroying an entire city just to get to him. Clint Barton and I rigged bombs in the building. Killing Dreykov was the last step in my deference to SHIELD.”

“Bombs? As simple as that?”

“Sure ‘simple’, if that’s what you’d call imploding a five story building and then finishing the job by shooting it out with the Hungarian special forces, then yeah, simple.”

“You check the body? Confirm the kill?”

“There was no body left to check.”

“You’re forgetting his daughter.”

Natasha went silent, as if it was only now that she was second guessing herself, grabbing something out of a bag she thought back on the mission where she had blown up an entire building in efforts to stop Dreykov.

“The entire building crashed down, his daughter inside, no one could have survived that.” Natasha had remembered sitting in the car, confirming the time in which they were to destroy the building, finally ending Dreykov, Clint’s voice on the other end of the earpiece making sure that no one else got caught in the building when it went down.

The building exploded and crashed down, rubble flying everywhere, fire and smoke surrounding the building and Natasha never looked back.

“Why are you here, Natasha?”

The redheaded Russian shook her head and sighed, not really knowing what to say to Yelena anymore.

Everything was silent as Natasha was trying to figure out what to say, the silence broken when gunshots were heard outside. Natasha trying to be as silent as possible as she and Yelena headed outside to find the source of the noise before it found them.

Natasha hadn’t had the chance to tell Yelena the reason she was here, now it was about surviving and trying to stay alive when someone was evidently after them, the source of the sound getting closer to them as they both made it outside.

The redhead making her way towards vehicles in efforts to get away as soon as possible, not wanting to take her chances, Yelena right behind her.

“Which one’s yours?” Natasha yelled knowing that Yelena wouldn’t have walked and wouldn’t have chosen something that sticks out like a car if she was attempting to stay low.

Yelena pointed towards one of the bikes before attempting to find the keys for the bike until Natasha jumped on the bike in the drivers seat and slotting the keys in.

“Сука.” Yelena whispered underneath her breath.

Natasha starting the vehicle faster than Yelena could manage to get herself properly on the bike, the two of them speeding down the road.

“Who the hell is after you?”

“Me? Who the hell is after you? Everything was just fine until you got here.”

There was an ongoing back and forth between them as Natasha continued driving, Yelena behind her attempting to shoot as Natasha drove them in a direction far away from whoever was after them.

The person fighting them shooting directly at them causing the bike to steer out of control, Natasha and Yelena abandoning the bike as they slid down the middle of a subway station stairs, climbing into a vent to hide until the person left.

The redhead looking at the person, trying to figure out who it was and if she could identify them, catching a quick glimpse of the armor but nothing that was enough to go off.

“A vent, really?”

“Clint and I hid in here for days during a mission.”

Yelena looked on the walls of the vent, looking at the scratched in markings of noughts and crosses on one of the walls.

»»———　★　———««

The two of them heading towards a smaller shop down an alleyway for supplies before heading towards a safe house to put together a temporary plan, things had changed from Natasha’s original plan, there were a lot more factors to account for.

“Why did you never come back?” Yelena broke the easy silence between them, at least Natasha considered it easy as she had almost no idea what to say to the young blonde.

“I thought you were already out and living your life.”

“You didn’t think to check?” Yelena looked at her and then the items on the shelves in front of her.

Natasha didn’t know what to say in response to that, words had never been Natasha’s strongest suit, give her gun or a mission and she understood exactly what to do but with words they had never been easy nor had they made any sense, always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and usually to the wrong person

“After everything that happened I thought I’d be the last person you’d wanna see.” Natasha answered, giving the upfront truth to the blonde.

Yelena chuckled in disbelief and shook her head. The two of them coming up with a plan to find their way into the Red Room, the base of operations not exactly an easy one to find for reasons Natasha could only list.

»»———　★　———««

Getting Alexi out of the Red Room was easy, the hard part was actually working with him, that and working with Melina, who Natasha still held more than a grudge against for multiple reasons. But Yelena and Natasha both knew that if anyone knew how to get into the Red Room and where it would be then it would be Melina, Alexi was mainly for muscle backup.

Everyone had always said there was no better feeling than sitting in your childhood home with your family, Natasha had never understood that feeling, she had never really had a family, she had spent decades trying to find her mother and unable to find a single trace and Melina was anything but a mother to her.

Sitting in the kitchen of somewhere she once called ‘home’ and Natasha couldn’t stand being around of them, Alexi making a fool of himself and talking in circles, Melina glued to an iPad like it was an IV keeping her alive and Yelena sitting there partially content as she was surrounded by people she had always seen as family.

“Eat a little something, Yelena, for gods sake.” Melina spoke half way through a conversation, the three of them having seemingly somehow returned to acting as if they were a family and no time or trauma had passed since.

“You’re gonna tell us the location of the Red Room.”

“You know it’s like when you told them they could stay up late to catch Santa Claus, that was fun, you know ‘he come down chimney, girls.’ ‘Look where is he?’ You wait for him and you see cookies are gone then you see he’s there. No no, I want them to follow their dreams.” Alexi rambled on.

Melina shaking her head. “No good.”

“Finding Dreykov is not a fantasy, it’s unfinished business.”

“You can’t defeat a man who commands the very will of others.”

Melina tapped a few buttons on the iPad and suddenly a door opens and pig named Alexi comes to stand by her side, Natasha had no idea what the hell was going on, this place had become a madhouse and Natasha was sitting and watching the results, she was tempted to stand up and leave and ask Maria what she could give them but this was her last resort and there’s no way she’d just give up even a sliver of a chance of defeating Dreykov once and for all.

“Stop breathing.” Melina spoke and the pig held its breath before dropping to the floor, waiting for the ability to gasp for air. “We infiltrated the North Institute in Ohio, it was a front for SHIELD scientists, actually, it was Hydra at that time. In conjunction with the Winter Soldier project, they had dissected and deconstructed the human brain to create the first and only cellular blueprint of the basal ganglia. Was the hub for cognition, voluntary motor movement, procedural learning. We didn’t steal weaponry or technology. We stole the key to unlocking freewill.”

“What are you doing?” Natasha was watching the pig struggling for several minutes, wanting to slam her hands on the table and wake everyone up from a dream that everyone seemed to be in but her.

“Oh, I am explaining that the science is now so exact that the subject can be instructed to stop breathing and has no choice but obey.”

“Okay, you made your point, that’s enough.”

“Well, he could have lasted another 11 seconds without oxygen. Back, back home where it’s safe. Back, back home where it’s safe.”

Natasha shook her head in disbelief that these were the people who had been a placement family for so long in hiding undercover.

“The world functions on a higher level when it is controlled. Dreykov has chemically subjugated agents around the globe.”

“Do you know who they test it on?”

“Hmmm, oh no, that’s not my department.” Melina shook her head.

“No, come on, come on, tell them the truth.” Alexi butted in having known Melina closely back then, she had meant more to Dreykov then and unless she had majorly fucked up she would still be closer to him than anyone now.

“I’m not lying.”

“You were his architect.”

“Then what were you? If I was his architect then you were his partner.”

“No, no I was a patsy.” Alexi shook his head.

“Don’t give me that.”

“He sell me his ideology….”

“Stop with the politics.” Natasha spoke.

“All the while, bigger….”

“SHUT UP.” Natasha slammed her fists on the table. “You are an idiot. And a coward. You are a coward. And our family was never real, so there’s nothing to hold on to. We’re moving on.”

“Never family, huh? I think for two deep undercover Russian’s, we did a pretty good job as parents.” Alexi placed his hand on his heart. “Yes we had our orders and roles and we played them to perfection.”

“That wasn’t real. Who cares? You played roles, you were never parents or a family. Kids went out to play with their friends and had family meals together. We had guns and brain training before we were shipped off to guy who controls women like objects, whom you’re still working for. It disgusts me.”

“It was real to me. You were my mother. My real mother. The closest I ever had to one. The best part of my life was fake and none of you told me.”

“And those chemically subjugated agents around the world?”

“That was me.” Melina nodded.

“You got out.” Natasha countered.

“Dreykov made sure that no one could escape.”

Natasha shook her head, refusing to believe that the conversation would just end there, Yelena had stormed off into the next room, Alexi had gone to attempt to speak to her, leaving Natasha and Melina in the kitchen area, the redhead standing up and heading towards another room to get dressed.

“Where are you going?” Melina watched as Natasha moved effortlessly through the rooms.

“To finish this myself.”

“Don’t. You won’t survive.”

“You know, I really wish I could believe that you cared. But you know what, you’re not. Even the first mother to abandon me.”

Melina shook her head, standing in the doorway, watching as Natasha struggled to hold herself together ever so slightly. “No, you weren’t abandoned…..you were selected by a program that assessed the potential in infants.”

“I was taken?” Natasha spoke, finally getting information she had searched for for years and years.

“I believe a bargain was struck and your family paid off. But your mother, she never stopped looking for you. She was like you in that way, relentless.”

“What happened to her?”

“Dreykov had her killed. Her existence threatened to uncover the Red Room. Normally, the actions of one curious civilian wouldn’t result in execution but like I said….relentless.”

“I thought about her every day. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, I did.” Natasha shook her head getting herself together. “Let’s stop this. Why are you doing this?”

“Why does a mouse born in a cage run on that little wheel? Do you know that I was cycled through the Red Room four times before you were even born? Those wall are all I’ve ever known, I was never given a choice.”

“But you’re not a mouse, Melina. You were just born in a cage and that’s not your fault.”

“How did you keep your heart?” Melina looked at her almost like a mother should look at their daughter.

“Pain only makes us stronger. You taught us that. What you taught me kept me alive.”

»»———　★　———««

Natasha felt like she might finally get some peace after completing this mission, Ike everything had lead up to this moment and she was finally about to take some control back in her life.

She was pissed that she hadn’t been able to complete the mission herself and beyond hurt that girls had still had to go through such unspeakable things because she hadn’t completed the job to begin with.

But she was beyond ready to put this all behind her, ready to go back to Maria and not have to worry about someone somehow managing to control her every move or thought, no one lurking over her shoulder.

She’d finally be at peace.