outrageous

"I can't believe it." Valentina wished the ground would open and swallow her whole.

Tony shrugged. "It's not a big deal. I mean... They're teenagers. I just wanted to give a heads-up to one of Debbie's parents. Debbie is Peter's first girlfriend. My son isn't exactly great with this kind of stuff—he's a bit naive, actually. They mentioned the method they used... Uh..." Though Tony was amused by Valentina's embarrassed look, blushing across the kitchen table, he had no intention of making her feel uncomfortable. "It's not exactly safe, you know."

Valentina raised her hands as if surrendering. "I know my sister's caveman method isn't safe at all. Believe me, this won't happen again. Thanks for coming and letting me know, and I'm sorry for dragging a man your age into such matters."

Tony raised an eyebrow, slightly offended. "What's wrong with my age?"

"Ehm..." Valentina shrugged. "You look old." She seemed to be convincing herself. He was old. What could she possibly like about him? Just imagine telling to Debbie that she had a thing for Peter's dad...

As Tony got up from the table, he said, "At least I have the money to rejuvenate the parts of me that age, Ms. Gallagher." He added, "A few thousand dollars spent on those squirrel cheeks of yours wouldn't hurt either."

Valentina's mouth formed an 'O' as her eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

Tony shrugged, mimicking her earlier expression. "Ehm... You look like a squirrel."

Before she could utter another word, Tony walked to the kitchen door leading outside. Just before stepping into one of the last sunny days of fall, he said, "Have a good day. It was a pleasure meeting you. I hope our children get married, so you'll be forced to watch me get younger and younger with countless surgeries while you keep those squirrel cheeks!"

After the door slammed, Valentina burst into uncontrollable laughter. A moment later, she realized Liam was nowhere to be seen, so she called out to him a few times. When there was no response, she headed upstairs. She entered the room Ian shared with Lip and Liam. Ian was lying on the bed, reading a rather risqué magazine. "God! Could you at least cover that up when there are kids around?"

"There's no one here," Ian replied, without looking up from the magazine.

"Could you take a break from naked women for a second and tell me where Liam is?"

Trying to get her off his back, Ian gave a plausible lie. "He must've gone to play with Emma."

Rolling her eyes, Valentina left the room and closed the door. She'd check on Liam later. Next on her list was Little Spider and Miss Risky Sexy Lover. Calming herself down, she knocked on Debbie's door. There was no response. After knocking a few more times, she gently opened the door. Seeing Debbie asleep on Peter's chest, she sighed.

Peter was asleep too. As much as she wanted to grab them by their collars and scare them senseless, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she quietly closed the door, wondering why her smart, successful sister would do something so foolish.

As soon as the door closed, Debbie giggled. "Peter?"

"I'm not asleep, but if you're not going to behave, I will be. I've embarrassed myself enough in front of Tina. I can't betray her trust. And neither should you, Debbie. After everything she's done for you, I feel guilty myself. My dad and she are right. We've been irresponsible."

Debbie leaned closer to his face and whispered, "Okay, but can't we be irresponsible just one last time?"

Peter groaned. "Please... Debbie... You know I can't resist you... Oh my God! Ah! Don't stop!"

* * *

As the doorbell rang, Tina jumped down the last two steps in a rush. "What wouldn't I give for just one day when this door isn't ringing."

When she opened the door, she found Steve standing there with Emma in his arms. Taking the little girl from him, she smiled. "Hi, sweetheart." Emma asked, "Where's Liam?" Tina raised an eyebrow. "I thought he was at your house. Steve? Liam wasn't with you?"

"I haven't seen him all day," Steve replied. "I need to go open the bar now. Rebecca went to the doctor. Can you watch Emma until Bucky picks her up?"

"Of course, I can watch her," Tina said. "Why did Rebecca go to the doctor?"

Steve grinned. "I think she's pregnant."

Tina laughed with joy. "Really? Congratulations!"

Emma poked her on the nose. "If my mom's pregnant, they might take my room for the baby. Can I marry Liam and live here with you, Tina?"

Steve and Tina both laughed, making Emma frown. "What's so funny?"

"You're five years old right now. Let's talk about it again when you turn six," Steve said, kissing his daughter's hair. "Now I've got to go. Thanks, Tina. And Emma, you be good."

As Steve hurried off to his car, Tina closed the door and set Emma down. "Before we go find Liam, would you like something to eat? I could make some French toast."

Emma nodded. "That would be awesome, Mom Tina!"

Tina laughed out loud. "Mom Tina?"

Emma nodded again. "I'm practicing since I'm going to marry Liam next year. I think Monica would be mad if I called her 'Mom.' She said she wants to feel young. So I am gonna call you mom."

* * *

Tony fidgeted uncomfortably in the back seat of the car. "So, I'm old, huh? Who does she think she is, squirrel cheeks?"

Happy chuckled from the driver's seat. "I'm just happy we made it out of that neighborhood in one piece."

"I'm telling you, she called me old! And without even looking at her own squirrel cheeks!"

Happy glanced at Tony through the rearview mirror. "I hate to be the one to break it to you, but have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Tony grumbled, folding his arms across his chest as he gazed out the window. When he felt something move by his legs, he let out a scream, causing Happy to swerve and pull the car over. "What happened?" Happy yelled, looking in the rearview mirror. Tony pointed to the blonde, blue-eyed five-year-old boy he had lifted by the armpits. "You've brought cats and dogs into this car before, Happy, but what the heck is this? Whose kid is this?"

"I've never seen this child before in my life."

Liam stared at Tony with wide, awe-filled eyes and yelled excitedly, "Iron Man touched me!"

Happy burst out laughing, while Tony blushed. "Kiddo, my child, people are going to misunderstand if you say things like that!"

"Mr. Iron Man, can I see you in your suit?"