"I think I love you."
A week had passed after Bobby came to visit John at night, and they hadn’t seen each other since. John continued to spend his days in his bed as usual, only getting up when he couldn’t ignore his body’s needs anymore.
He couldn’t get the night out of his head. The way Bobby had been so optimistic, so convinced that John still had a chance at a good future. The way Bobby held him when he broke down in tears and wouldn’t let go until his sobs died down. John had expected Bobby to ridicule him, to leave without saying a word, to do anything but that. He could still feel the warmth of the hug, no matter how hard he tried to forget about it.
John sighed, idly counting the bumps on the ceiling as he laid on his back. He missed Bobby, and he hated himself for it. When had he gone this soft? Since when had he needed closeness from anyone, let alone his ex-friend and roommate?
Memories started to flood into John’s head as he continued to stare at the ceiling, images so vivid that he could almost see them projecting onto the off-white surface.
The night they had first met, right after Bobby had been assigned as his roommate. John remembered the look on his face as he realized he’d been put in the same room with the most infamous troublemaker in the mansion.
The time he accidentally set fire to the bookshelf and panicked, but Bobby had frozen the flames and covered for him by lying about knocking the lighter out of John’s hand.
The day they met Rogue. That memory still made John roll his eyes and he made sure to repress it as deep down as possible. He didn’t need another reminder of how pathetic he was for falling for his best friend and being too big of a coward to say anything before it was too late.
“For fuck’s sake,” John sighed, rubbing his eyes before letting his arms flop back down onto the bed. None of that mattered now. Even though Bobby and Rogue weren’t together anymore, he had ruined any chance he might have had when he left them on the jet at Alkali Lake. Bobby may have talked to him and comforted him out of kindness, but he could never reciprocate John’s feelings. Not after everything that had happened.
John regretted nothing and everything at the same time. He had done what he believed to be right, but everything fell apart and he lost everyone in the process. Now he was here, confined in his old room, well aware of the scorn and hatred he would face if he dared to step outside. He had never been one to care about others’ opinions, but if he had the choice, he would certainly choose to avoid the dirty looks and whispers. Every glare would only be a reminder of what a sad failure he was - a fact that had already been instilled in him as a child.
John turned to face the window. The yard surrounding the mansion had more to look at than the white ceiling, offering a momentary distraction from the intrusive memories. He stared mindlessly as the sun disappeared behind the trees, waiting for the tiredness to kick in and pull him into another night of restless sleep.
John’s eyes shot open as he heard a familiar knock on the door. He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and glancing at the clock on the wall. It was just past midnight, and John figured he had imagined the knock - surely it couldn’t have been Bobby.
“Hey,” Bobby’s voice said softly from the door, barely audible over the creaking as it slowly opened.
John sighed and buried his face in his hands. “What do you want?”
“I just want to talk,” Bobby said, stepping inside and closing the door. John flinched as the ceiling light was turned on without warning.
“We already talked once. I’ve said everything I wanted to say.”
“But I haven’t,” Bobby said. His soft tone made John’s skin crawl. “What you said that night really got me thinking and… I’ve realized some things.”
John exhaled sharply, staring out the window. “What?”
“Could you please just look at me while I’m talking to you?”
John rolled his eyes and stood up, turning to face Bobby and crossing his arms. “Fine. I’m looking at you. Now start talking.”
“I just… I started to really look back on everything and I realized just how much I have to thank you for. You always stuck by my side, even when I was a total mess, and I feel like I just threw it all away and took you for granted. And then Alkali Lake happened and I felt like I had lost you for good. It really did break my heart, y’know.”
“Jesus, are you just here to try and make me feel bad?” John asked. “Keep going, it’s almost working. Tell me what an asshole I am.”
“No, John, it’s not that, I-”
“What is it, then? Stop stalling, Drake, just spit it out!”
“I think I love you! I always have!” Bobby exclaimed.
For the first time in weeks, John’s head went silent. “Wh- what?” he stammered, unable to process what he had just heard.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you. Rogue was great and I did deeply care about her, but… something always felt off. And ever since that fell apart, all I’ve been able to think about has been you. I’ve barely slept for the past week because I wanted to just come back here to talk to you, to help you in whatever way I could. But I didn’t know what to say and I was afraid that you’d just shut me out again.”
John remained quiet, staring at Bobby in disbelief.
“Please say something. Just tell me you hate me and I’ll go away. I just needed you to know all that. I could say more, but I know how much you hate rambling and-”
Every thought left in John’s head was shut off as he closed the gap between him and Bobby and kissed him, his instincts taking over. Bobby kissed back, his right hand tangling in John’s hair.
They stayed like that for a moment, only breaking apart once they ran out of air.
“I love you too, you asshole,” John said, staring into Bobby’s piercing blue eyes. “I can’t fuckin’ help it. You stole my heart when we first met and you haven’t given it back.”
“And I don’t plan to,” Bobby replied with a shrug.
John snorted. “That was cheesy as fuck. Way to kill the moment.”
“Oh, shut up, you jerk,” Bobby said, gently shoving John backward with a slight smile.
“Dick,” John snapped back, taking a step forward to kiss him again.
Part of him was still telling him that this was a bad idea, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was that Bobby was with him now. Even if it was just for one night, at least he could forget about the outside world for a few hours.
“I don’t want you to leave,” John said as he pulled away from the kiss, his forehead resting against Bobby’s.
“I’ll never leave you,” Bobby swore. “If you’ll have me, that is. I totally understand if-”
John put his hand over Bobby’s mouth, cutting him off. “You know I hate rambling. Just stay for the night. We’ll think about the rest in the morning.”
Bobby nodded, suddenly yawning as John lowered his hand. John noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t seem to be kidding about not having slept for a week.
“C’mon. You need rest.”
Bobby pulled off his sweater and flopped on his back on the bed, pulling John down with him. John settled himself with his head on Bobby’s chest, the coolness radiating from his skin contrasting the heavy, warm air of the room.
The steady rhythm of Bobby’s heartbeat quickly lulled John to sleep, weeks of restlessness and anxiety finally catching up to him.
He wasn’t sure if he was already dreaming, but the three words he heard next were enough to put him into a deep sleep, free of the seemingly endless nightmares.
“You’re safe now.”