“I traveled with the Doctor once.” Victoria looked at the horizon, the drifting clouds. “I fear I spent a lot of time of screaming when I was at his side.”
“So did I!” Sarah Jane grinned at her, feeling the laughter bubbling up over a long unreleased tension.
A tension which had been building ever since she met the girl who replaced her. Only she’d met other girls before Rose, hadn’t she?
Sarah Jane found herself wondering just when and where she was. Whether this was a dream.
Victoria Watling wasn’t a girl. She was quite a bit older than she’d been. There was something girlish about her smile, the way it twitched before she, too, started giggling.
The two of them found themselves laughing even as they recalled all the monsters who’d ever grabbed them, captured them, threatened to destroy them.
They were still here.
“There is this modern custom of putting logos on T-shirts,” Victoria gasped when she recovered. “ 'I Survived the Doctor.' We should both have one.”
“We should.” Sarah Jane shook her head. “I got to wear your dress instead, which was much prettier than a T-shirt. I never thanked you for leaving it behind in the TARDIS.”
“The things we leave behind.” For a moment Victoria Watling’s eyes became a little melancholy. “Was it white?”
Sarah Jane nodded. “I wore while being chased around by mummies.”
“I’m glad it was put to good use.” Victoria raised a hand to cover her smile. “How is he? The Doctor?”
“Still dashing about in the TARDIS, having adventures. His companions keep getting younger and younger.” Sarah Jane recalled the last Doctor she’d met, how he’d seemed barely a boy. “So does he.”
“Oh, dear. Jamie and I were already quite young.” Victoria lowered her gaze. “I don’t suppose you know what happened to Jamie?”
Again the melancholy look softened her eyes, a hint of memories and regrets.
Sarah Jane recognized them. She carried quite a few of them herself where the Doctor was concerned.
“The Doctor’s people returned him to Scotland, to the Highlands, and his own time.” How many companions had the Doctor had? Did even he remember?
From the way the Doctor spoke of Jamie McCrimmon a few times, Sarah Jane doubted he’d forget him. “This happened sometime before I met the Doctor. When I did, he was wearing a different face. He changed it again before we parted.”
“How very strange. So much was strange about the Doctor. Jamie and I often felt quite ordinary compared to him. It drew us together in the TARDIS, this feeling of being out of our depth.” Victoria smiled a little. “I don’t regret it. Traveling with him. As terrifying as it was, it shaped me. Changed me.”
“Me, too.” Impulsively, Sarah Jane reached out to touch Victoria’s arm. “Don’t be ashamed of screaming a lot with the Doctor. Knowing him, he put it to good use.”
Victoria blushed a little. “Yes, he did. Actually weaponized it using science.”
“That sounds exactly like him.” Harry Sullivan sauntered up to the two women. As if he’d been nearby the entire time. “I remember screaming myself when a bloody great clam got hold of my leg.”
“I remember that clam.” Sarah Jane shook her head. “I thought I’d never eat seafood again.”
“I’ll take a clam over a Yeti or a Cyberman.” Victoria shivered. “Horrid creatures. Did you ever face them?”
“Oh, yes,” Sarah added. “They nearly killed the Doctor and I.”
“Not to mention me.” Harry gave Sarah a reproachful look. “I was still with you and the Doctor, old girl.”
“Yes, you were.” Sarah Jane crossed her arms. “I’d think by now, Harry, you’d stop calling me old girl.”
“Right.” He looked a bit uncomfortable. “Say, what are we all doing in this place?”
“I don’t know.” Victoria looked up at a darkening sky. “I don’t remember getting here. Is it possible we’re dreaming?”
“Are we?” Sarah Jane turned her head. “Or are we part of someone else’s dream?”
***
The Doctor awoke on her consul, the warmth of the TARDIS against her cheek. Tears prickled her eyes.
“Doctor?” Yaz looked at her in concern. “Are you all right?”
“Just remembering old friends.” The Doctor rubbed a hand over her eyes, summoned a smile for Yaz. “Back when I was grinning like a fool and always blundering into danger.”
“Some things never change,” Yasmin said with an arch of her eyebrow, socking the Doctor in the arm.
“Oh, I was just finding my grin in those days.” The Doctor stepped back in playful avoidance of future blows. “Believe it or not, Yaz, there was a time when I was old, grumpy, and cautious with my smiles. Victoria was there right after I began to find it.”
A smile others helped him to find. Susan. Ian. Barbara. Vicki. Steven. Dodo. Polly. Ben. Jamie.
Particularly Jamie. He’d helped Victoria to find her smile again, too.
Smiling became less of a problem after him. Even when the Doctor had stuck on Earth, forced to work with UNIT. Becoming grudgingly fond of everyone involved with UNIT.
Even if he ran away from UNIT once he changed again.
“Maybe that’s why I smiled so much when I became him.” The Doctor grinned again, remembering those big teeth, the long limbs. The awkwardness he used to keep the world from getting too silly in its violence. “Why, I was as shy as a schoolboy around my TARDIS, wasn’t I, old girl?”
She patted the TARDIS console for emphasis. “Men, honestly. I actually left you for a transmat beam, didn’t I?”
“A transmat beam?” Yasmin raised both of her eyebrows.
“There she was, right in the middle of an ark in space, but I rushed Sarah and Harry into a transmat, using it myself. Would have been easier to have used the TARDIS.” The Doctor glanced at her controls fondly. “We’ve been together from the beginning, yet we keep rediscovering each other, don’t we? Every time we change.”
“Who were Sarah and Harry?” There was a little catch in Yaz’s voice, although she showed no distress.
Uh oh. Sometimes the people the Doctor traveled with got very jealous of the people who’d traveled with the Doctor before.
Until they met. Once they met, they started bonding.
The Doctor winced, remembering how Sarah Jane and Rose had been at each other’s throats, only to start laughing at themselves and him. Donna and Martha had bonded almost right from the get go, poking fun of him.
Lost in memories, the Doctor realized Yaz was waiting for her to speak. To tell her about Sarah and Harry.
“Old friends. People who traveled with me when I was a different man.” The Doctor began to move around the console, trying to escape the feeling of melancholy threatening to chase her. “I was someone else when I met Sarah for the first time. She snuck on board my TARDIS, had many adventures with me.”
For a moment the Doctor saw Sarah Jane Smith’s face, mouth set in a stubborn line, eyes wide as she looked down at him. Dying. Changing.
“Sarah Jane Smith was there when I regenerated.” The Doctor closed her eyes. So many memories threatened to come back. It was hard to concentrate on just one. “She helped ease my transition from one man into another. She became a stable point, a voice of sense and reason in my insane universe.”
“And Harry?” There was a definite catch in Yasmin’s voice. “Who was he?”
“Harry Sullivan.” The Doctor found herself grinning at the thought of Harry. “He fancied himself my doctor right after I regenerated. You might say I stole him. Or tricked him into my TARDIS and a series of adventures.”
“Tricked him?” Yasmin’s eyebrows shot up.
“Well, I didn’t actually steal him the way I stole Ian and Barbara.” The Doctor ran a hand through her hair, leaning against the console. “I just sort of took him, like I took Steven.”
She leaned her head back, feeling the memories come back in a warm wave. “Poor Harry. He was as bewildered as Ian or Steven when he was trapped in the TARDIS, but he kept up with me. Considering me, that’s saying something.”
“Yes, it is.” Yaz was gazing at her in outrage. “Do you do that often? Steal people? As you did Barbara, Ian, Steven, and Harry?”
“I told you, I didn’t steal Steven or Harry. Well, not exactly.” The Doctor squirmed in discomfort at Yaz’s accusing stare. “Like I said, I was a bit grumpier and high-handed when I met Barbara and Ian. It’s partly because of them I try to ask people before taking off with them in the TARDIS.”
“Only you didn’t always ask.” Yasmin crossed her arms. “You said it yourself. You took Steven and Harry.”
“All right, yes, but I let them leave when they wanted to.” The Doctor squirmed even more at her companion’s stance. “People leave me when they want to, Yaz. Just as Graham and Ryan did. I can only take them so far.”
Why? A rebellious part of her mind argued against this. Sometimes it sounded like one of her former selves who questioned their own rules. Sometimes it sounded like the Dream Lord who’d once taunted her former self. Why can’t I keep them? Why can’t I go back and find them?
To everything there is a season. She could almost see Sarah Jane saying these words. Aging, yet more beautiful than ever. Whether it’s a time or a relationship.
Or something like that.
Such a warning didn’t mean the Doctor wasn’t tempted to go back and find her. She’d already yielded to temptation once.
Why not? What were the rules of the Time Lords? The Doctor wasn’t a Time Lord. Not really.
She'd even been an angel once. Angels grabbed people from their own times, plucking them out of rules and reasons.
Not true. Angels had their own rules. Different from the Time Lords, but they were there.
She could go back and find Amy and Rory. Start over with them as a new person.
She could go back and find them all. All of her extended fam, the companions she’d had.
To every season there is an end. The Doctor could hear Sarah Jane’s words in her head. Whether it is a journey or a relationship.
No, that hadn’t been exactly what she said either. There was a similarity in her warning.
Yaz was gazing at the Doctor with huge, dark eyes. Believing in her. Not knowing how the Doctor had once left Rose. How the Doctor left so many people behind.
For a moment she saw Martha standing at the exit of the TARDIS, mouthing her last words before leaving. Get out. Get out while you still can.
“Doctor.” Yaz was there, standing right in front of her. Dark eyes softened with compassion, overcoming any doubts she might have in the madman…madwoman…in a box she’d chosen to travel with. “You’re not alone. I haven’t left. I’m still here, right by your side.”
For now.
The Doctor wouldn’t say those words. Not even if they were true.
She just reached out and clasped the other woman’s hand. Glad in her hearts of the company.
The Doctor always was, no matter what regrets might trail after him. Or her. After all of them.
Their companions were worth it.