There was an alien invasion. My first one, personally. I was kinda hyped! Those things usually happen in NYC, not in Little Pebble Canada. So I did what anyone would do and stood on my roof vlogging the whole thing.
«What the shit, folks,» I say into my phone, «those are real deal. Sigourney Weaver could never!»
Just as I finish my sentence, I am thrown backwards right into the pool in my backyard. I obviously am shocked cause what zee fuq. I swim back up and let a few curse words leave my usually proper mouth.
«Tabernak, criss!»
As my french Canadian anger subsided, I noticed another figure standing in the pool. I yell at him in french.
«Pardon?» answers the man.
«Oh my gosh, and you’re English too? You owe me money, bitch! I was holding my phone!» I yell, trying to grab his longer black hair to hopefully drown him.
«Let go of me! I got more important things to take care of!»
Just when he’s about to potentially kill me, I look up and see the mother trucking Avengers arriving in a jog. Holy shit. I’m fighting Loki.
Tony laughs his ass off as Thor tries pulling me off his brother.
«NAAAH BITCH, he owes me money!» I slap Thor.
«How does he owe you money?» asks Tony. I show him my soaked and cracked phone. Tony sighs and hands me a few hundred dollar bills.
«Why are you outside anyways? There’s an invasion, kid.» says the millionaire.
«This is the apocalypse, from what I can tell. Might as well die knowing this shit is for realsies and get a few good «I’m gonna die» pics while I’m at it.» I answer.
Loki takes a step forward, clearly confused by my antics. «These aliens aren’t to be messed with.»
He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before one of these slimy extra terrestrial bastards jumps into the yard, ready to wreck havoc. Lucky for us, Tony noticed it in time and shot it right away, causing his goopy, green blood to splatter everywhere.
«BRO. My hair’s all messed up! You know how long it takes do my hair?? Now it got goop and guts all over. Way to go mister Rich Bitch. You should care more for the poor!»