Beatrice is at work when she gets the phone call. For a moment, when the phone buzzes in her pocket, she considers ignoring it. But the bar is slow and she doesn’t have anything better to do other than sink into the ever continuing despair of losing Ava. So she pulls the phone out of her jeans.
Camila’s name lights up the screen, along with her picture. Beatrice smiles softly, even as concern and hope punches her in the gut. They weren’t scheduled for a call until next week. Camila wouldn’t call unless there was an emergency or they had a breakthrough.
“Camila, hey,” she answers, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice.
“Bea, come back to Cat’s Cradle. She’s back but somethings wrong.”
“W-what? What do you mean?” The entire bar fades away. All Beatrice can think about is that the girl she loves is in this realm again.
“Ava is back, but she’s not herself. She just appeared and attacked Mother Superion.”
“Oh my goodness! Is she ok?”
“Mother Superion or Ava?” She can hear Camila smirking through the phone.
“Mother Superion of course!”
“Oh yeah, she’s fine, nothing a little time can’t fix. I thought you would maybe be asking about, I don’t know, the love of your life? Anyways, Sister Dora should be there soon. She left earlier today to come get you.”
Beatrice feels her cheeks warm. “I’ll be ready.”
She hangs up, taking a deep breath. Ava’s back. She’s alive. Whatever happened on the other side of that portal worked.
“Hans!” Beatrice folds her towel and places it under the bar.
“Yeah,” He looks up from cleaning mugs.
“Something happened back in the Vatican. I need to go back.”
“Can’t you wait until your shift is done in an hour?” He scowls.
“I- it’s concerning Ava.” She can’t hide the desperation in her voice. Hans eyes widen. He doesn’t know what happened between the two of them, only that Ava had left. And he had made it very clear that he knew Beatrice loved her.
“Fine, go help Ava. Just tell the boss and please come back this time. I won’t cover for you again.”
She nods, grabbing her backpack from under the bar and heading upstairs. A few minutes later, she is leaving, having set everything in order with her boss.
Back at the apartment she once shared with Ava, she starts packing her meager belongings. Now that Beatrice knows Ava is back, she can’t stop thinking of her. The apartment, which seemed so empty and barren before now echoes with memories of Ava.
The doorway to their bedroom holds her yells during their fight before they left. The bed reminds her of the nights they held each other for comfort, especially the night they were told Mary was dead. The walls echo with her laughter, terrible jokes and even the tears shed.
A ghost of a smile lingers on Beatrice’s lips as she remembers. As she lets herself remember. It’s been a year since she let go of Ava in that basement. A year since Adriel was defeated. A year since she finally let herself feel her feelings for Ava, let herself act on her emotions and kiss her back. A year since she whispered those three words a second too late.
Beatrice doesn’t know if Ava heard her say those words. She had already gone through the Arc when she said it. Its torn her apart the last year. Now- now she might finally get her chance. She won’t let Ava go again without telling her how she feels. Even if Ava doesn’t feel the same anymore, Beatrice has to let her know.
Once she’s done packing, Beatrice takes her bag downstairs to the street. She sends a text to Camila then sits on the step and waits for a response. A few minutes later, her phone dings with a response. Sister Dora is 20 minutes away.
Beatrice sighs. She had gotten used to the normal mundaneness of life. Of life without Ava. Yes, she missed life at the convent, but it was nice to have freedom, to not have to deny her feelings for the Warrior Nun.
In the past, any thoughts of Ava would send her spiraling into despair. It always ended with her in her bed sobbing, usually with Camila or Mother Superion holding her. She had to relearn to compartmentalize, but now she wan’t only having to hide her feelings, but she was having to hide memories, hide Ava.
After she left Cat’s Cradle, things got better. Unable to completely leave behind everything of her past, she returned to the Alps, to the bar and their apartment. She still thought of it as her and Ava’s.
Beatrice didn’t realize how far she had spiraled until someone sat next to her. It’s Sister Dora.
“Hey,” Beatrice gave her a shaky smile.
“Hey.” Sister Dora nods. “You ready to go?”
Beatrice nods, picking her bag up. In the van, she looks at the apartment building. The fading light casts everything in a golden light. The windows on the second floor, the windows to their apartment wink with the light as they drive away.
At some point on the drive, Beatrice falls asleep. She wakes up only when Sister Dora shakes her awake.
“Beatrice, we’re here.” She sits up, looking out the window. Cat’s Cradle is dark. A few lights are still on. Grabbing her bag, she follows Sister Dora into the building. Years of memories come rushing back the second she walks through those doors.
“Bea!” Camila comes rushing down the hallway. She wraps her in a big hug. “I’m so glad to see you!”
“Hey Cam,” Beatrice smiles warmly.
“Thank you Dora,” Camila nods at the young woman. She nods back then leaves. “Mother Superion is in the infirmary with Ava. We had to take… certain measures to keep her from attacking us.”
Camila starts walking and Beatrice follows.
“What measures?” Beatrice feels like she’s not going to like what she’s about to hear.
“We heavily sedated her and had to use divinium shackles and bedsheets laced with it to keep her from phasing.”
“We have divinium shackles and bedsheets?” Beatrice looks at Camila in surprise and horror. Camila ducks her head.
“Ava asked me to make them in case she ever lost control of the halo or if Adriel got ahold of it. Those aren’t the only divinium laced things we have.”
“How did you get ahold of all the divinium? I thought all of it was used for the portal?”
“We went back to the tomb. Lillith told us that Ava had said there was a tarask skeleton there that was divinium. We pulled it’s bones out and melted them down. Everything was made while you two were in Switzerland. I never thought we would have to use them.”
They walked into the infirmary. Mother Superion turned. She smiled warmly when she saw them.
“Beatrice.”
“Mother Superion.” Beatrice set her bag down near the door and walked over to the only occupied cot. For the first time in over a year, Beatrice laid eyes on the girl she loved. Tears filled her eyes. Ava looked the same as she did before the fight with Adriel. Somehow, she doesn’t look like she’s aged a day while Beatrice had gotten another year older.
A hand landed on her shoulder. Mother Superion smiled warmly at her. “We’ll leave you alone with her. She should be waking up soon, but she’s not the same. She’s not the Ava we knew.”
Beatrice nods. She remembers that Ava attacked her and feels bad about not checking how Mother Superion is.
“I’m sorry Mother, how are you? Camila told me she attacked you.”
“I’m fine, it was nothing that would leave a permanent mark. Don’t worry about me. Right now, Ava needs you, the Ava that is still in there. I know she is. If anybody can bring our Ava back its you. If you leave to sleep, your old room is still available.”
Beatrice nods. Their Ava…
Mother Superion turns to leave. Camila looks questioningly at Beatrice. She nods again. She has to do this. She wants to do this. Camila nods, looking like she wants to say something but deciding against it. Instead she follows Mother Superion out.
Once the door shuts, Beatrice turns to the bed, sitting in the chair next to it. Ava looks peaceful. Beatrice hesitantly touches her hand. When theres no response, she holds it, lifting it as far as the shackles will comfortably allow.
“Ava, I never stopped thinking about you. Not once. I could hear you making your terrible puns and jokes, your laughter echoed around me every day. I missed you so much.” Beatrice bends her head to Ava’s hand, kissing it softly. “I need you back Ava.”
Her voice is barely above a whisper when she finally lets the tears fall. She sobs, months of pent up emotions coming out.
“I need you Ava.” Beatrice presses Ava’s fingers to her forehead, still holding onto it. Ava’s hand tightens around hers slightly.
“Ava?” Beatrice looks up. Ava’s eyes are open, staring at her. They’re not Ava’s eyes though. They don’t shine with life. Instead, they are dull, lifeless, cold.
In a sudden move, Beatrice finds herself pinned against the wall. She stares into Ava’s eyes in shock. Ava smirks. Past her, the bed and shackles glow blue. The shackles aren’t unlocked, they’re just laying on the bed.
“B-but the divinium, it was supposed to hold you.”
“No, nothing can stop me, not even your little divinium toys. I am a god now. I’m unstoppable. You will be witness to a new age, an age where god’s walk the earth, where people will worship us.” Her voice is hard as her hand slowly wraps around Beatrice’s neck. Panic settles in Beatrice’s gut. Her training kicks in then she has Ava on the ground. Instead of knocking her out, Beatrice wraps her arms around her, pinning her arms to her side. Ava strains against her. Beatrice buries her face into Ava’s neck. Ava’s hair has grown out, now to her shoulder, the only thing that’s seemed to change.
“Ava, Ava, Ava,” she murmurs. Tears fill her eyes as Ava struggles against her hold. Beatrice tightens her grip. Ava has grown stronger, but she still can’t break out of her iron grip. She feels the halo warming beneath her but even as it pulses, Beatrice stays, eyes shut against the blinding light. The halo won’t harm her. It hasn’t blasted her away since the altercation with Sister Crimson. She hears the crash of beds hitting each other and the walls but she stays put. When she opens them again, everything is blown against the walls but she is still pressed tightly against Ava’s back.
Ava stops struggling for a moment.
“The halo doesn’t want to hurt you. It loves you. I can’t even phase through you.” She starts struggling again, bucking violently against Beatrice’s hold.
“Yes Ava, its because you love me and deep down, you would never hurt me. My Ava would never hurt the people she loves. I know you’re in there. Come back to me. Please Ava.
I never stopped missing you. I went back to the Alps, to our apartment, to the bar. I worked with Hans again. He misses you too. We all miss you. The world was a darker place without you. We need your light, your smile, your laughter, your terrible puns. We need you, Ava. You. Camila and Yasmine need their sister, Mother Superion needs her daughter. Lillith needs her friend. She won’t admit it, but she misses you too. After you left, she came back, she helped us fight the wraith demons. I think there’s something happening between Camila and Yasmine, at least they seemed awfully close when I left. We held a memorial for you, but I knew you weren’t dead, that somewhere on the other side you were fighting to come back.” Ava grunts, wrenching herself around in Beatrice’s arms. Beatrice holds on. She won’t let go, not this time. Never again.
“I lived my life like you told me to, but it wasn’t living. Not without you. I missed you so much. I miss the way you would look at me when you thought no one was looking, and even when people were looking. You never cared. I missed the constant need you had to always be touching me, to be in my space. I missed you in my space. I missed your chaotic energy, the life you gave off. I missed you, Ava. I missed everything about you. Please come back to me. I need you. I know I can’t make you love me. But Ava, I love you. I love you so, so, so much. I love you, Ava.” Beatrice’s voice ends in a whisper. She buries her face into Ava’s neck again.
“I love you.” She repeats it, over and over again.
Right now, thats the only thing she knows is true. That she loves Ava. She will always love Ava. Her tears wet Ava’s jacket, different from the tattered one she was wearing when she went through the Arc.
“Beatrice,” Ava’s voice is a broken whisper. “Bea.”
Ava relaxes into her arms. Gasping, Beatrice releases Ava, turning her so she can see her eyes. They shine bright with warmth. Tears wink in the corners, a smile lighting her face up.
“Ava!” Beatrice crushes her in a hug. Ava hugs her just as tight, laughing through the tears streaming down her face. Beatrice pulls back, hand cupping Ava’s face. “It’s you, it’s really you.”
“It’s me, Bea. I’m here. I’m here” Beatrice stares into her eyes, heart pounding. For a moment she waits, then presses their lips gently together. Her world seems to stop until Ava kisses her back. That’s when everything in Beatrice comes alive. She pulls Ava closer. It’s awkward because of the way their sitting on the floor but neither of them care. All that matters is that they’re together again. Ava leans her forehead against Beatrice’s.
“I don’t remember much from the other side, but I remember every moment I thought about you. I remember hearing you talk to me as if I was right next to you. Even when I wasn’t myself Bea, all that I knew was I had to get back to you. I had to. You were all that mattered.” Ava wipes the tears off Beatrices cheeks. “I love you too.”
Beatrice laughs, burying her face into Ava’s shoulder. Her laughter turns to sobs. She hugs Ava tighter, wanting to be close to her. Needing to be close to her. Ava holds her, tears streaming down her own face.
She doesn’t remember anything from the other side. When whatever it was took over her body, she began floating in a world of nothingness. It was dark and cold. Then there was a light. That light was Beatrice’s voice, talking to Ava, telling her how much she missed her, needed her. She would tell about what happened throughout her day, the funny things customers and Hans said. Ava found it in herself to be proud. Proud that Beatrice was finally living her life.
She vaguely remembers coming through the portal and looking into a pair of eyes. Thats when everything goes dark. She doesn’t even know how long she was on the other side. All she knows is Beatrice saved her.
“Bea,” she murmurs, pulling back. She needs to look into her eyes. Reluctantly, Beatrice pulls back. She doesn’t let go of Ava’s arms though. Ava’s heart sinks. Beatrice was never so clingy that she wouldn’t let go to look into Ava’s eyes. “How long was I gone?”
“14 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 4 hours and about 23 minutes, give or take.” Ava’s eyes widen while Beatrice’s drop.
“Bea, I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracks. Beatrice wipes tears off her cheeks, smiling despite the pain Ava sees in her eyes.
“You’re here now, that’s all that matters. You’re here, you’re you and you’re alive.”
“And I’m with you.” Ava smiles at her. Beatrice smiles back. “I’m never leaving you again.”
“We have a lot to talk about, but right now I think there are some other’s who would like to see non-possessed you.”
Ava nods, concern on her face. They stand, Beatrice holding onto her hand. Ava notices she’s wearing pants, a collard shirt and a sweater but doesn’t say anything. They can talk about it later.
Beatrice leads her out of what Ava is now realizing is the infirmary. Everything looks like it was thrown against the walls. One of the beds is glowing blue. Ava frowns, more questions crowding her head yet she still ignores them. For the first time in forever, she doesn’t feel like making a joke out of the state of the room.
Beatrice notices the silence and frowns silently to herself. Whatever happened on the other side of that portal broke something in Ava. Usually she would be making jokes about everything. Or maybe she’s being sensitive to the situation. Either way, it’s unnerving. Beatrice wants Ava to be making her jokes and puns, not this silent, observant Ava.
Not that she’s complaining, she’s glad Ava’s back, but she’s not used to Ava being so silent.
They are making their way to the sleeping quarters. So far they haven’t seen anybody. The hallways are silent and dark, only the sound of their boots echoing. The only light comes from the softly pulsing halo behind them.
“They probably went to bed. I don’t really feel like getting attacked again tonight so lets wait until morning to see Camila and Mother Superion.” Beatrice looks back at Ava. She nods, a small smile on her face that quickly drops when Beatrice says again.
“I- I attacked you?” She looks stricken. Beatrice nods.
“I’m ok though. You tried to pulse me with the halo but it didn’t hurt me. You wouldn’t hurt me Ava, I know you wouldn’t. The halo wouldn’t let you.”
“Beatrice, I’m sorry.” Ava falls to her knees, head bowed. Beatrice kneels in front of her, lifting her head.
“Ava. What’s done is done. It’s in the past. You must move forward. We have to move forward, together.” She pulls Ava’s head into her shoulder. “The only way we can heal is if we move forward.”
She kneels with Ava on the hard floor for a few moments before pulling her up.
“Come now, lets get some sleep. I saved your favorite sleeping shirts. I knew you would come back someday.”
Ava smiles mischievously through her drying tears. “Let me guess. They became your favorite sleeping shirts.”
Beatrice’s cheeks redden, barely visible in the dim light. She doesn’t deny it but neither does she confirm it. Her silence is all the answer Ava needs though. She takes Beatrice’s hand, squeezing it gently. Beatrice stops before a door.
“This- this is my room.” Ava nods, still holding her hand. Neither of them want to let go. Instead they stare into each others eyes, searching. Beatrice takes a deep breath, releasing it. Strands of Ava’s hair move with her breath.
“Would,” she swallows. “Would you like to stay here tonight?” Ava raises an eyebrow.
“Are you implying something?” She smirks at the redness in Beatrice’s face.
“N-no. No, I just don’t want to be alone right now. I don’t want to leave you.” Beatrice stares at their feet.
“Hey, hey.” Ava cups her cheek. “I’m not leaving. I heard what you said Bea, when I was fighting to come back, fighting that other me. You said you can’t make me love you. But you don’t have to. I can’t make you love me either but I don’t want to. I want you to love me because you want to. I love you because I want to, I need to. I need you Bea. You. If you will still have me then I promise I’m here. I’m here.”
Beatrice looks at Ava, at the sincerity in her eyes. “Ava, I love you because I need you too. You brought me to life in the few months I knew you. This past year was terrible without you. I never realized how much you meant to me until you were leaving not only once but twice. I never want to go through that again.”
“And you won’t have to because I will stay by your side for as long as I am able.”
“What about your duties as the Warrior Nun? You can’t run from those and despite your third chance at life, Warrior Nuns die.”
“We can worry about that later.” Ava bows her head into Beatrice’s shoulder. “For now it’s just us.”
Beatrice nods, holding Ava close, fighting back tears.
Please God, she prays silently. Please let her live, let us have a happy ending. I love this woman, I can’t lose her again. Please, I need her.
Silently, almost as if they were thinking the same thing, they moved into the room. There was no need for words. Instead, they silently got ready for bed, Beatrice handing Ava her favorite shirt and shorts.
That night, Beatrice doesn’t cry herself to sleep, she doesn’t have nightmares of that day in front of the Arc. Instead she falls asleep with Ava in her arms, face buried in her hair, a smile on both their faces. For the first time in over a year, neither of them feel lost or alone. They are a peace, each in the arms of the woman they love.