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The air in New York felt crisp as the autumn leaves fell around you. You stuffed your hands deeper into the pockets of your jacket, walking through the bustling streets. The city was the same, but everything felt different now. Sunken, maybe. You passed by the familiar coffee shop where you two used to meet, and the memory hit you like a wave.
You and Kate.
Back then, it felt like you two could conquer the world. You smiled to yourself, thinking about all the times you spent in that very shop, huddled close together in the corner, Kate rambling about a mission gone wrong or some ridiculous thing Clint had said. Those were the days when the rest of the world felt like background noise, and all that mattered was the space you carved out together.
Now, the coffee shop was just a place to pass by on your walk to work. You had gotten good at pretending the memories didn’t sting.
3 years ago
It was summer, and New York was in its usual humid chaos. You and Kate had just returned from a mission, tired but exhilarated. The adrenaline buzzed through your veins as the two of you sat on the rooftop of Kate’s apartment building, passing a bottle of wine between you.
“I told you I’d hit bullseye,” Kate said, smugly nudging your arm.
“Yeah, after like three tries,” you teased leaning back to rest your head on her shoulder. She huffed, but you could feel her smile.
The sky was painted with stars, and the city lights below twinkled like they were reflecting the magic you felt between you. You hadn’t been with Kate long, maybe six months, but it felt like you’d known her forever. Every touch, every look – everything just fit.
“You know, I could get used to this,” Kate said softly, her voice cutting through the night. You turned your head to look at her, and there was something in her expression, something vulnerable. It wasn’t like her usual confidence, but a quiet hope that scared you a little.
“What, being on rooftops, drinking stolen wine?” you joked lightly, trying to deflect the heaviness of the moment.
Kate smiled, but her eyes stayed serious. “No. I mean… us.”
Your heart skipped a beat, and you sat up a little straighter. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Kate’s hand found yours, and the world seemed to slow down. “I feel like we’re good together, you know? Like, this could be it.”
You stared at her for a long moment, the weight of her words settling over you. You felt the same way – of course you did. But something in you was afraid to say it. Afraid to admit that the thing you had was so precious it could break at any moment.
So you smiled, squeezed her hand, and said, “Yeah, me too.”
But you never said more than that.
Present day
The wind whipped around you as you reached your apartment, the familiar ache of missing her settling deep in your chest. You had tried so hard to move on, but no matter how much time passed, the thoughts of her lingered.
You stepped inside, tossing your keys onto the counter, and your eyes landed on the old Polaroid stuck to your fridge. It was one of the two of you from a summer carnival. Kate had convinced you to go even though you hated crowds. She had her arm slung over your shoulder, the two of you grinning like idiots, her sunglasses askew on her face.
You had never taken it down, even after everything.
You brushed your fingers over the photo, the memory of that day flashing in your mind.
2 years ago
“You can’t seriously think that was fun,” you groaned, rubbing your temples after exiting the dizzying tilt-a-whirl. Kate was laughing beside you, doubling over you as you shot her a glare.
“Oh, come one! You have to admit, it was kind of fun,” she teased, nudging you playfully.
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but the smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah, sure, if your idea of fun is puking your guts out.”
Kate grinned and wrapped her arm around your waist, pulling you closer. “You’re such a drama queen.”
You leaned into her warmth, your irritation fading. “Only because you’re a bad influence.”
She kissed your cheek, her lips lingering a little longer than usual. “But you love me for it.”
You stiffened, the words hanging in the air between you. Kate hadn’t noticed what she said – at least, not right away. She kept walking, her arm still around you, but you had stopped in your tracks.
Love.
It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about it. You had. A lot. But Kate was… well, Kate. She was reckless, impulsive, and never seemed to take anything too seriously. You had always figured saying something like that would scare her off, make things too real.
But she had said it so easily, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Kate,” you said softly, causing her to stop and look back at you.
“What?” She frowned, realizing the weight of what she’d said. For a second, her confidence faltered. “I… I didn’t mean-”
But you didn’t let her finish. Instead, you took her face in your hands and kissed her, hard, like you were afraid this moment might slip through your fingers if you didn’t hold tight enough. Kate melted into you, her arms wrapping around your waist as she kissed you back with just as much intensity.
When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, but there was a different kind of fire in her eyes now. “I love you too,” you whispered.
And for a while, that was enough.
Present day
You blinked back tears as you stared at the photo, the weight of the memories crashing down on you. Everything had been so perfect once, so effortless. But it wasn’t meant to last.
You grabbed a bottle of wine from the cabinet, unscrewing the cap with shaky hands. Tonight, you were going to let yourself feel it all. You poured a glass and sat on the couch, pulling your knees up to your chest. It had been almost a year since the two of you had called it quits.
1 year ago
You stood in the middle of your apartment, watching Kate pace back and forth. You had been arguing for hours, but it felt like this conversation had been simmering beneath the surface for months.
“You’re always gone, Kate!” you shouted, the frustration boiling over. “You come back from missions, and it’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”
Kate ran a hand through her hair, exasperated. “You knew what this was when we started! You know what my life is like – what I do.”
“That’s not an excuse!” you shot back. “I feel like I’m not even a part of your life anymore.”
She stopped pacing, her eyes meeting yours, and for the first time, you saw the exhaustion there. Not just from missions, but from this constant push and pull between you. “Maybe you’re not.”
The words hit you like a punch to the gut.
You took a step back, your heart hammering in your chest. “What… what are you saying?”
Kate’s jaw clenched, and she looked away, her voice quieter now. “Maybe we’re not meant to be together. Maybe this… isn’t working anymore.”
You felt the ground crumble beneath you, the weight of her words threatening to suffocate you. “You don’t mean that.”
But the look in her eyes told you she did.
You had always known that this could happen. Kate was driven, focused on being a hero, and you love that about her. But somewhere along the way, you had stopped being part of her world, and she stopped being part of yours.
“I think we need to let go,” Kate said softly, her voice thick with emotion. “Before we end up hating each other.”
You wanted to scream, to tell her she was wrong, that you could fix this. But deep down, you knew she was right.
So you let her go.
Present day
The wine tasted bitter as it slid down your throat, but it was nothing compared to the bitterness in your heart. You wondered if she thought about you too, if she missed you the way you missed her.
You had heard about her from time to time, through mutual friends. She was still out there, still saving the world. You had even run into her once at a party, both of you pretending it didn’t hurt to see each other. But you had never talked about what had happened between you, never addressed the elephant in the room.
Maybe it was easier that way.
You took another sip of wine and closed your eyes, letting the music from your old playlist wash over you. Maybe in another life you would be her girl. You felt the tears spill over, but you didn’t stop them.
Kate had been your first real love, and part of you would always wonder what could have been if things had gone differently. If you had fought harder. If you had let her in more. If you hadn’t been so afraid.
But the reality was, she had been the one that got away. And there was nothing you could do to change that.
The sound of your phone vibrating pulled you from your thoughts. You reached for it, your heart skipping a beat when you saw the name on the screen.
Kate.
You stared at the message for a long moment before opening it.
Hey… I’ve been thinking about you.
You started at the words, your heart pounding in your chest. For a second, you considered replying, but then you remembered all the nights you had spent alone, wondering if you had made the right choice.
Some things were better left in the past.
You put the phone down and took a deep breath, wiping the tears from your cheeks. Maybe in another life, things would have been different. But in this one, you had to move on.
You had to let her go.