My Feral Lolo

There were two corpses at his door.

Rogue’s body extended a handless arm in greeting. Everything above her bottom jaw was missing. She gave a boisterous hello. Strange Logan thought to himself corpses can’t talk.

His eyes are empty Marie observed, unsettled. She gave another enthusiastic hello, and when Logan continued to stand there she simply glanced at Kurt, unsure of what to do. It was as if Logan was mentally unable to process their presence.

Kurt's corpse mouthed out, the bullet hole in the middle of his head leaking blood “Logan, are you well?"

A single .270 Winchester cartridge had pierced Kurt's head, killing him instantly. The X-men of his world were never considered anything less than animals. So, that night, the humans had dealt with them accordingly.

First, they sprayed the mansion, inside and out, with mutation suppression bullets. With their mutation suppressed it was just a matter of picking them off one by one like wild game and that’s exactly what they did. Hunting cartridges reduced many of the bodies to unrecognizable states, especially since so many took the time to aim right for the head.

And that was how Logan found them. Their bodies gored and stacked like wood right on the front lawn of the estate that had been consumed in flames while the humans cheered and desecrated the bodies of his friends. After that he was consumed in a blind, feral, rage and woke up days later with his claws deep in the belly of a pregnant woman.

Through the fog in his mind Logan heard his name being called, though it sounded very far away. He inhaled and found that the smell of blood, fire, gunpowder and rotting corpses was completely absent.

There was a floral musk: Laura
The smell of rot and cilantro: Wade
The lingering scent of lavender scented laundry detergent and cocaine: Mother

Thats right. Home. He wasn't at the mansion anymore, he was home.

With each new scent the fog in Logan’s mind began to dissipate. The corpses became whole and the blood disappeared.

Peaches and a scent that was ever changing: Rogue
Ozone and old books:Kurt

It was then that he began to remember.

With Laura living at the mansion avoiding the X-Men forever simply wasn’t an option. She had come to him a week ago with the news that Rogue and Kurt needed to talk to him about something. Took her and Wade the entire week to help mentally prepare him for their visit. They went over who and what to expect and what time they’d arrive and leave.

“Moonbeam” he breathed, the fog in his brain gone. It was a nickname he thought would never pass his lips again. Did this Rogue and her Logan also have the same nicknames for each other? He prayed that they did. He wanted to hear her say it once more.

“Ground Bear!” Rogue cried, jumping into his arms. Logan returned the hug, his heart nearly bursting. God, he missed her so goddamn much. They stayed like this for a minute before breaking apart.

He then turned to address curt with a small smile “nice to see ya, Elf.”

Kurt returned the smile “the same to you, mine freund.”

Rogue and Kurt were standing at his door.

Gone was the shy thing that he rescued all those years ago. Rogue had blossomed into a confident woman, which was reflected in the way she dressed and carried herself. She wore a green long sleeved crop top, and skinny yellow jeans, brown boots and a brown jacket with rolled up sleeves.

An air of patience and gentleness followed Kurt like a second shadow. He wore a black turtleneck, loose jeans and a trench coat. His prayer beads were safely nestled in the front pocket. He wore no shoes and his tail swished happily back and forth. He was also covered in decorative scars which Logan’s Kurt had lacked.

It broke his heart seeing what they could’ve become had their lives not been cut so drastically short.

Just like beast said no grey streaks in his hair and he seemed physically healthier. Gone was the scent of cigars and booze that tended to linger replaced with wet dog, musk and baked goods.

His smile didn't reach his eyes, which were like dark pools of water. Hope and happiness were sprinkled in his gaze like fish food in a tank; present but only surface deep. But he had an air of calm and subdued anger that her Logan lacked as well. So similar and yet so different, it was strange but not unwelcome. She was just happy to see her Ground Bear again.

—
Laura was jealous. She was jealous of Rogue and the love that Logan was showering her with. She was jealous that Logan loved Rogue more than her, she knew this to be true. Logan never had a nickname for her, never looked at her like that. It was so un-fucking-fair.

But Laura knew that this was going way better than either of them had expected. He was willingly interacting with them and seemed to be happy. His dissociative episode lasted all of two minutes before he snapped out of it. That was a very big deal.

With a grunt, Laura put her head in her hands and suppressed a yell. If she ruined this, if she let her anger take control, she knew it would do irreparable damage and Logan would never willingly interact with any of the X-men ever again.

She smelled him before she saw him. Laura sighed and asked “where’s Althea?”

“Community Centre. Disabled seniors bingo day, she’s been pretty chuffed over it lately” Wade threw himself down on the couch to sit beside her. “Met a new friend…some guy named Beyong-Cheol. She literally will not shut the fuck up about him.”

Wade shook his head and chuckled “Took Mary with her, too. Devious bitch she is, she convinced the volunteers that Mary is her emotional support rotisserie with the shakes. She loves how disgusted and unsettled Mary makes everyone - makes it easier to win games, she says. Anyways, why don’t you go ahead tell me what’s got you all fucked up?”

“Nothing bothering me” Wade gave her a look that said ‘fucking really?’ “Two peas in a fucking pod, the two of you I swear to god.”

“He loves her more than me” She was silent for a long while, her hands clasped together and resting on her lap. Laura leaned back and rested her head on the couch’s back, her gaze locked on the ceiling as she listened to Logan, Rogue and Kurt chat amongst themselves as they sat at the table.

“I don’t blame him” Laura bit her lip and started to fiddle with her hands “Rogue has a mom and a dad that wanted her. Me? I’m only here because some woman was forcefully impregnated with his DNA. Neither of them had a choice. So, of corse he loves her more.”

She then muttered “didn’t even give me a nickname.”

Wade cut her off. He didn’t offer any words of sympathy or give her a rousing ‘you matter’ speech, he simply said “follow me” and lead her into the bedroom.

He sat down in front of the dresser and motioned for her to sit next to him. He opened the bottom drawer, revealing Logan’s clothes all neatly folded and organized within. As careful as could be, Wade dug through it’s contents and then pulled out a well used leather notebook.

Found by accident while searching for Logan’s communication cards during a particularly bad dissociative episode, the item in question was a secret compendium that had beautifully hand written information about each member of Logan’s pack and little notes sprinkled throughout.

Wade opened it to the page marked ‘pup’ and passed it to Laura.

Written on her page was:

-Likes horses. All breeds? Favourite breed? Would she enjoy a stuffed horse or is she too old for one?
-Sunglasses looking worse for wear. Should I buy her new ones?
-Seems to enjoy crab meat and sardines. Will send more to the mansion.
-Requires new clothes. Put aside more money for new wardrobe.
-is she courting? Does she need the talk? the last part was crossed out Would it be presumptuous of me to do so?
-Caught the strong scent of chemicals while walking past the sanitary napkins at the grocery today. This is unacceptable. Mother says there are reusable ones? Must get some for Laura.
-Does she require more blankets and pillows for her nest?

Laura blushed. She felt embarrassed but also very grateful - though she’d never admit it. The disposable pads smelled horrendous and using them made her feel gross. Old man Logan had never been this invested in her wellbeing, nor had anyone else. It was nice.

She turned the page and a rectangular shape fell at her feet. She picked it up - it was a chequebook. The first cheque was mostly filled out, but the amount was left blank. Flipping through it she realized every cheque within the book was made out to the same person: Charles Xavier.

A single tear made it’s way down her cheek, she turned away and rested Logan’s belongings on her lap. She felt Wade’s hand on her back as he rubbed it “he loves you, Laura.”

“It was all him” realization dawned and she looked at Wade, astonished “all that extra shit - it was all him. Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He fusses a lot, you know. Althea said that pain teaches us who we are, but sometimes it can teach us the wrong lessons, too. Logan’s trying his best, Laura, he’s just…afraid.”

She wanted to press for more answers, she had so many questions! Why was he so invested in her wellbeing? What was he afraid of? Who was mother? Laura stared at Wade for a moment and realized that the answers would come eventually. Or maybe they might not ever come, and that was something she’d simply have to accept.

After all, She knew better than anyone that Logan was a private person and trying to force information out of him was like trying to squeeze water from a stone. She’d hope he’d come to her eventually, but understood if he chose not to.

Wade then said “and for the record, he does have a nickname for you” he rubbed her back once more and smiled with that shit eating grin “he calls you pup.”

Pup, just like his treasure. she turned away, smirked and then punched Wade in the arm.

—-
Rogue and Kurt sat at the table and watched as Logan busied himself with preparing tea. They said their thanks as Logan each passed each of them a cup, and then smiled as he placed his own down before heading back to the kitchen.

Rogue chuckled “Didn’t take ya for a My Little Pony fan, Ground Bear.”

“I’m not, Wade is. Bought this for me my first week here. Says I’m Applejack coded, whatever the fuck that means” he said as he placed two small containers of milk and honey onto the table.

“Not just here for a visit.” Logan observed as he sat down with a sigh.

“Fraid’ not, Ground Bear. Nothin’ bad, just wanna clear somethin’ up” she reached into her jacket and took out an envelope. Logan’s keen nose picked up the unmistakable smell of his own scent. He didn’t need to open it to know his cheque to Xavier was inside.

She placed it on the table and slid it toward him “Been sendin’ Xavier cheques every month. What he - we wanna know is why?”

Logan raised a brow and tapped his head with his pointer finger “been over this with Chuck. It’s for Laura. She’s a feral with a healin’ factor….she needs lots of calories n’proper, healthy food.” He took a sip of tea and let out a grunt “none of that preservative, high fructose corn syrup, bullshit.”

Kurt and Rogue shared a look. Logan had been in contact with Charles? They didn’t know that.

Curious and wanting to know more, Kurt asked “the preservatives…do they make you feel unwell?”

It was that quick micro expression of disbelief that made Kurt want to grab his prayer beads and mutter a quick prayer. The feeling of not being listened to is a painful one, and he suspected that it was a feeling that this Logan was very aquatinted with. It made his heart hurt.

Logan shrugged “S’pretty much part n’parcel for all feral’s. We can eat it but it makes ya feel like dog shit. Don’t wanna force Laura to deal with that, she deserves better.”

He was so blasé when discussing his health that it greatly disturbed them. Had their Logan felt like this too? Would a different diet have helped him from getting sick? Would it have made him happier? The idea that they were harming someone so dear to their heart, even accidentally, made them feel disgusted. What had they done?

Kurt spoke up “Mein freund, the kinder are allowed to eat as much as they please and we accommodate all diets. You know this.”

“An’t just the diet, Elf, s’the cost.” Logan tapped the envelope a few times for emphasis “she’s smaller than me, n’doesn’t get her shit rocked on the regular - or at least she better fucking not be - so her caloric intake is much lower than mine, but still much higher than a regular kids.”

Before Kurt could reply, Logan held up a finger to sush him, knocked back some tea, and tapped the envelope once more “then there’s the added cost of fresh fruit, vegetables, meats, n’whatever other snacks she prefers, which can add up to hundreds of extra dollars a month. So, don’t give me that ‘Chuck wont care’ spiel when it comes to shit like this, cus he absolutely will. At least if I’m payin’ then no one can get up her ass for it.”

Rogue and Kurt shared a look as if having a silent conversation between themselves. “There’s somethin’ yer not tellin’ me, Ground Bear. Somethin’ you wanna say but the words an’t comin’. Our Logan had the same issue, but I think I can help”

She scooted her chair closer and leaned forward, removing her gloves as she spoke “I can see people’s memories with my powers….a minute’s all I need. Won’t you let me see?”

After a brief moment’s hesitation, he placed his hands in hers. Black and purple tendrils snaked up his arms and they both let out a gasp.

She feels the feelings of sadness and isolation; of wanting to belong but never fitting in. She feels his need to please Xavier and the disappointment of never being good enough for anyone. She feels hunger and sees Logan having to make due with meagre portions of food that are nowhere near enough for his metabolism.

A tear fell down her cheek as she sees Xavier looking at him with the love of a father, and the emotional abuse he’d heap upon Logan to keep him in line. She wonders to herself was Xavier even aware he was doing that? Then there is blood, corpses - her own and the corpses of others stacked like wood while bad men cheer and the mansion is set ablaze.

Then there is the pain. Images of Weapon X and the facility. Feelings of being violated, the pain of the blades kiss as flesh and muscle are stripped away as they operate. No sedation. No respite. Just pain. So much pain. White hot blinding, all encompassing, pain!

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?!” Wade screamed. The scream is enough to pull Rogue out of her trance. Logan’s laboured breathing was so loud, and it was then she realized she accidentally absorbed his super senses. Christ, everything was so loud! she wanted to cry.

With a gasp, she let go, her hands shaking ever so slightly and Logan let out a wheeze and fell forward. Wade ran toward him and gathered him in his arms and ground out “Get the fuck out of my goddamn house, you bitch.”

Catching his breath, Logan tapped Wade’s arm and shook his head ‘no’ “S’ok, Wade. Not Moonbeam’s fault, mine.”

Unsure of what to do, Laura kept her distance and watched from afar.

Rogue looked toward the ceiling, wrapped her arms around herself and let out a shaky sigh. No wonder he avoided the grounds like the plague. The mansion was nothing more than a house of corpses and bad memories. Her poor Ground Bear.

Still shaking she forced herself to be strong and shoved all the pain deep down - she’d deal with it later. “We would never…She’s safe, Logan. I promise you, she’s safe."

Still fuming, Wade bit back some choice words and walked into the kitchen. In the bullet, he added fish and meat cubes to the mystery smoothie, alongside plenty of yogourt, honey and cinnamon. He turned in Logan’s direction, only slightly as to be discreet, and saw Logan’s hands shaking. The no spill cup would be the perfect choice but he knew that Logan wouldn’t appreciate that right now.

After all, the only people who knew about the heavy days were himself, Al, and he suspected Hank knew too, but it wasn’t his place to ask. Wade placed the meaty drink into a tall plastic cup and onto the table next to Logan’s mug.

Using both hands Logan clumsily grasped the cup and took slow sips.

As he did this, Rogue noticed her senses becoming much sharper and intense and the joints in her hands began to ache terribly. She looked up, her eyes focused on his dog tags and it was then she noticed a slight difference between them and the ones her Logan had given to her for safe keeping all those years ago.

Her Logan’s blood type was A-. This Logan’s tag’s listed his blood type as O-. The tags themselves looked very well taken care of. Rogue found herself unable to ruminate over the differences as the smell of the drink hit her full force. It smelled so foul that she wanted to vomit.

Laura’s nose twitched and it took all of her self control not to start drooling on the spot. God, that drink smelled so fucking good.

With every sip his strength returned until the entire glass was gone and the shaking in his hands had stopped completely. Switching to Spanish, Logan turned in his chair to address Laura, eyes narrowed. One arm resting on the chairs back and the other resting on the table in a tight fist ‘is she telling the truth?’

For a very long moment all Laura could do was simply stand there, while trying to cope with the fact that the man in front of her was fluent in Spanish. Judging by the surprised looks of everyone around her, sans Wade, it seemed they weren't aware of his fluency either.

‘Yes’ she said simply.

‘I need you to be completely honest with me, Laura. Does anyone in the mansion say or do things that make you feel ashamed? If so, I swear to you i'll put a stop to it.’

Rogue didn’t need to understand Spanish to know what he was asking Laura. She could see it in his eyes, the anxiety and fear. Oh, how her heart ached for him.

What a strange question she thought to herself. Laura moved closer and tried to push for more information. ‘No. They encourage me. Why do you ask?’

Logan relaxed, but only just a little. Her answer had made it abundantly clear that the X-Men from his world, and the X-Men in this world, were very, very different. Not ready to reveal to her the mistreatment he received at the hands of his X-men, he dodged her question and changed the subject.

‘...They're not using you as a shield, are they?’

He tensed, preparing himself for her answer. Logan desperately hoped she’d say no, because if she said yes, then he’d have to make a very difficult decision that he really didn’t want to have to make. He loved Hank, Rogue and Kurt, but if he had to choose between their friendship and Laura’s safety, then he’d choose her over them every single time.

Laura shook her head no and moved closer. He was pressing for information, but she had no idea why. Something was making him guarded and anxious.

‘No, I’m not allowed on missions yet. The professor says I need to learn to control my anger and finish my remedial studies before I'm allowed out on the field. Storm is helping me with my penmanship and the other teachers are helping me catch up on all my subjects.’

Thank god Logan let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. She was safe, being taken care of and respected. But then he did a double take and repeated ‘control my anger’ under his breath to himself a few times.

During the raid of Cassandra’s lair his sensitive hearing had picked up all of Laura’s screams and roars as she mercilessly cut down Cassandra’s men. She had a temper, just like him, just like how he used to have before the incident.

The whole room went silent when Logan’s eyes narrowed and he asked, his tone no nonsense ‘anger? What the fuck did you do?’

Laura replied with a shrug and said, as if discussing the weather ‘I..might have thrown a desk.’

‘Might have, or did?’ Everyone in the room sucked in a breath, they all knew that tone.

‘I’m not answering that question.’

She felt like a bug under a magnifying glass, his gaze intense and unwavering. Then, after a very long moment of silence, Logan growled out ‘who did you throw the desk at?'

Oh, he was good. Sweating bullets, she eeked out ’Professor Summers, he was being a dick. He knows I struggle with my writing and he docked points anyways.’

That's funny as fuck Logan hid a laugh behind a cough, he had to be responsible ’can’t be doing that Laura, you know better than that. Did you apologize?’

‘…..Eventually.’

He shook his head and grunted. Now he knew how Chuck felt ‘Christ..just don’t do it again. If anyone gives you shit then just call me n'we can talk about it, ok?.'

Laura rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, hoping to ease his anxiety ‘Thank you, Papá, I promise I will.’

The room went quiet. Rogue and Kurt were smiling like idiots. At first she didn’t understand. They didn’t know Spanish, so what?……….oh. OH NO. Fuck! She face palmed.

Logan let out a loud in-between of a cluck and a chirp then slapped his hands over his mouth, mortified, then let out a groan and slammed his head on the table. Two peas in a pod they were.

What a wonderful sound Kurt thought to himself. It sounded like a sunny day and was more pure than a child’s laughter. With a pang of sadness he realized that his Logan must've had the ability to make such wonderful sounds too. Ah, they had failed him so greatly.

Without even looking up, Logan slid the envelope back in Rogues direction and mumbled “Just take the fucking money.”

“Ok, Ground Bear” her hands still aching, Rogue took the cheque and slipped it back into her coat pocket “ok.”

The mood was awkward, unpleasant and strained. Kurt leaned over and began whispering something into Rogues ear. As he did so, Laura walked over to Wade and asked “Can I borrow a piece of paper and a pen?” Then she added, remembering the manners that Charles had taught her “please.”

A pad of paper and a My Melody Pen was taken out of the drawer by the fridge and he handed them to her. She speed walked to the living room and began to write.

Papá,

I know your book is private and I’m sorry I looked. Please don’t be upset.

.My favourite breed of horse is the Shire. I’ve never had a plush toy before but I think it’d be nice to have one.

.I want to go clothes shopping with you, papá. Shopping with the others is ok, but they take too long and talk too much. I don’t understand why, isn’t the point shopping for clothes just going in, getting something and then leaving? Why does it have to involve so much talking? Why does it take so long? I legenametily she made a frustrated sound and scribbled it out legitmately don’t get it. Please explain it to me.

.I would love another pair of sunglasses.

She paused in her writing and asked Wade, trying to pronounce the word “what does courting mean?”

Wade replied, still upset “it’s an old fuck term, that means you’re trying to woo someone before you pop the question. By the way, your penmanship’s getting better, Laura.” He said, taking a quick glance at the paper before looking away once more.

Transgen never bothered to teach her how to write and her family in the Void didn’t have the time to teach her, because they were too busy surviving - so she simply never learned. Thankfully, the X-Men were more than happy to teach her.

Laura let out a sensible chuckle as she continued.

.I’m not corting anyone. I’m not even dating. I’ve had the talk but it was from Scott and he made it boring. Half the class fell asleep and I spaced out so, you could explain it if you want.

.I’d really like some reusable pads. The single use ones fucking suck.

.My nest fucking sucks. How do you keep yours standing? Mine keeps collapsing. Seriously, what the fuck am I doing wrong?

Love,

Laura

She folded it in half and handed it to Wade. He took it and slipped it into his back pocket.

“You’re not gonna look?”

“Nope. What’s written here is between you and Logan.”

She gave him a slight smile and a nod of her head, then rushed toward the front door where Kurt and Rogue were now standing. They were giving Logan their goodbye’s, and although they seemed rather exhausted and down, there was an air of happiness surrounding them too.

Laura and Rogue each grabbed onto an arm, and Laura just managed to let out a goodbye before she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

—-

Laura ran ahead on all fours, taking her time to weave through the topiary’s and flowers.

Far behind, Kurt and Rogue walked very slowly before coming to a stop right near the water fountain.

“Something has you worried” Kurt said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Saw some concerning things in his memories..regarding Charles. Summa the things his Xavier said and did ta him…ours does too sometimes, just didn’t wanna see it. But I’m done lookin’ the other way; I’m done with these rose covered glasses. Kurt, we gotta keep an eye out, cus I don’t want anyone in these walls thinkin’ they are less than for things they can’t control.”

She brushed off his his hand and began to angrily pace, rubbing her sore hands as she did so.

“There is something else that is weighing heavily on your mind.”

“His blood type is O-…universal donor. I….just sayin’ it out loud makes me wanna cry, Kurt. But I think his Charles was usin’ him as more than just a shield.”

It took Kurt a long moment to absorb the information “what are you implying, fräulein?”

“I think he was usin’ Logan’s blood ta heal the rest of the team.”

“Charles would never do such a barbaric thing!” Kurt quickly replied, sounding almost defensive. She understood, she really did, after all it was Charles who gave him a home and rescued him from a life on the streets. But this was far more important than either of their feelings and opinions.

“You didn’t see! You didn’t feel. Jus’ promise me you’ll keep an eye on Laura, ok?”

Kurt grabbed the prayer beads from his pocket, nodded then kneeled and began to pray. With the knowledge of what she had seen and felt weighing so heavily on her mind, Rogue walked back to the mansion with her head hung low.