dog tags
“He’s been out for cyro-freeze too long. Gotten soft. Sending him to the Red Room was a mistake.”
“Well, what do we suppose we do with him?”
“He is needed for another mission soon. It is not an option to send him out in this condition.”
“Could just wipe him again, you know.”
“We just wiped him two months ago! Don’t we usually wait a couple of years to do so?”
“Whatever it takes, Doctor. Maybe we can make him more effective than before.”
“I agree. Do it now.”
Two men grasped Bucky’s arm, restraining him to the chair he loathed so much. Mechanical cuffs kept his arms in place as he bit down on the mouthguard a guard had put in front of his face. Bucky’s chest rose and fell with the fear of what he knew was coming next. He felt the cold plates of the machinery press into the sides of his head. Then began the strained screaming—the sensation of paralyzing pain, The pain of forgetting.
Bucky jolted awake in a cold sweat. He reached for his dog tags, which Steve had given him before he left on his healing journey. They grounded him, a constant reminder that he was free from Hydra. This was his second sleepless night in a row. Every fiber of his body wanted him to return home to his little apartment in Brooklyn, lay on his bed, and snuggle Alpine while listening to 40’s jazz. Since adding a new name to his book of amends, Bucky could not get a peaceful night of sleep. He wondered if it was guilt for not remembering another victim of his, even though he knew he could recall everyone he had killed during his time as a Hydra weapon. This nightmare was new for him. Usually, he would wake up to the sound of a gunshot or the gurgling of his victim’s throat when he slashed it. This time, however, it was just him. The only victim in this nightmare was him.
“Friday, can you check if there’s anyone in the training room?” Bucky’s voice croaked.
“There is no one in the training room, Sargent Barnes,” Friday replied. Bucky worked quickly, grabbing his bag and heading downstairs to punch away his problems.
Although Steve thought Bucky was finally free from the psychological prison that was Hydra, Bucky knew that was the furthest thing from the truth. He had nightmares every night. Depending on how traumatic they were, he would either wake up screaming or push through and sleep through it. He didn’t trust people anymore and couldn’t leave his apartment without carrying a gun with him in case Hydra came back to capture him. Bucky was too scared to admit this to anyone, especially Steve. He knew his friend went through hell and back to rescue him, and he didn’t want to place more burden on his shoulders.
As he walked over to the punching bag, he couldn’t find the energy within himself to train. The nightmare messed Bucky up more than he thought. He closed his eyes, attempting to remember you. He had to have hurt you enough to cause you to despise him so much. He had overheard your conversation with Tony earlier that day when he returned to his room from a round of sparring. He heard how you called him a war criminal and held a grudge against him because of his past. Bucky tried remembering your features from the night he caught you in the kitchen brewing tea to place you in his scrambled memory. Your messy dark hair tied back into a low ponytail, your shirt loosely hanging from your shoulders, your eyes filled with disdain. That scar. It has been plaguing his mind since he noticed it. Bucky knew he’d seen it before, but he would've finished the job if it was on a mission. He never let anyone live.
—-
“We have a lead on Nova.” Tony’s voice woke up the team. You, Natasha, and Clint had a hot cup of coffee in your hands to energize you for the long day ahead. You still felt the effects of Tony waking you up at 5 am to discuss Nova and the incident with Bucky, even three hours later.
“Nova is planning an assassination of him,” Tony enlarged a picture of Dresden’s mayor, Dirk Hilbert. “Nova loves the media attention they’re getting. They know many people were disappointed when Hydra fell, so they’re making a statement.”
“What statement? That they’re better than Hydra?” Sam interjected.
“Worse. That Nova is going to do what Hydra couldn’t. Succeed.” Tony looked over to you to proceed with the mission plan.
“We will be flying to Dresden first thing tomorrow morning. Their pattern indicates that they take about 48 hours to strike again. They just murdered a politician from Berlin a couple of hours ago, which means we have time to prevent the next victim and stop them before they reach the border,” you spoke. “We will split up into three teams: Sam, Steve, and Wanda will go in to trap the Nova operatives. Vision and I will extract Mayor Hilbert to safety. Barnes, Clint, and Nat will be on border control, ensuring everyone gets to safety and evacuates in case things go left. Bruce, you will be in the Quinjet as backup and air control. Got it?” Scattered “yups” and “yes” litter the room as everyone scurries to prepare for the mission.
Bucky watches you through the glass windows as you summon Vision over to discuss your part of the mission with the android. He couldn’t help but notice how relaxed you usually were without him around. Your shoulders eased, and a light smile painted across your face. It pained him a little to see you like that, knowing that your demeanor would completely flip if he walked through the door.
—-
You felt grateful that Tony entrusted you enough to assign teams for the Dresden mission. You felt the pairings worked well together. You and Vision haven’t worked together on the field yet, so you thought it was an excellent opportunity to mix things up. After discussing the floor plan of Hilbert’s mansion with Vision, you say goodbye and head to your room to update your holster with new weapons—two classic double-edged eight-inch blades nestled in your right hip, a semi-automatic pistol in your left. You also stuffed some hand grenades, smoke puffs, extra bullets, and electroshock magnets into the pocket of your suit. Maybe a bit excessive when you are going into the mission with a humanoid robot with an infinity stone in his head, but you can never be too prepared.
Suddenly, you felt the presence of someone at your door.
“Hey, Shadow. Can we talk?”