grudges
Bucky now had to add your name to his book of amends. Judging by your reaction and the telling scar on your hand, he had definitely hurt you during his time masquerading as the Winter Soldier. However, he had the most challenging time placing you. He remembers all his victims when he was being controlled as the Winter Soldier. However, your face wasn’t one of them. He wondered if you had more scars from him, then maybe he could remember what he did to you and make up for it. He wishes that his life was simple. He hoped that he could go up to his victim’s families and apologize for his past actions, and they would be quick to forgive. It was never the case. And judging by the way you were acting, it will continue with you as well. A cycle of hatred, resentment, and non-understanding of the situation he was forced into. He couldn’t blame them, though. He could only process what he had done and been through with unhelpful therapy and destructive coping mechanisms. He would isolate himself from the outside world, only keeping in touch with Steve. And the occasional drink wouldn’t hurt either. It wasn't like he could get drunk.
“Steve, hey,” Bucky chirped as his best friend entered his room.
“Hey Buck, how are you settling in?” Steve gave him a comforting smile.
“Good, I guess.”
“Listen about the Shadow debacle. Sorry about her. I talked to her yesterday, and she agreed to be civil with you.” Steve sat down on the bed next to Bucky, giving him a supportive hand on his shoulder.
“She kept to her promises. I saw her just now getting tea,” Bucky looked down at his metal hand, closing and opening his fists.
“Do you guys know each other? I’ve never seen her this angry at someone. No offense.”
“I think. I just can’t remember how I know her,” Bucky sighed. “It’s nothing new, though. People holding grudges for what the Winter Soldier did. What I did.”
“Buck, it wasn’t your fault. Everyone here knows it. I think she knows it, too. She just needs someone to direct her anger towards.” Steve looked at his friend with sympathetic eyes. “C’mon. The team is having a movie night downstairs. You should join.” He stood up from the bed to head to the elevator.
“Thank you, Steve. But I think I’ll rest. Big day tomorrow,” Bucky smiled at his friend. Steve nodded and exited his room, closing the door behind him.
—-
Tony woke you early to go to the research lab with him to discuss Nova. Also, to presumably talk about you speaking out against Bucky when he met the team—killing two birds with one stone. Tony was always a gossiper. You opened the door to his lab, laying your eyes on his multiple rows of Iron Man prototype suits and a monitor station. You brushed your fingers against the wood table that carried various mechanical parts. You were never one for technology; you just preferred to finish the job the old-fashioned way.
“Come here, kid. I’ve got a lead on Nova, but I need a second mind to confirm I’m on the right track,” Tony motioned for you to come over, putting his pen in the corner of his mouth. You noticed it was a common tick of his. He would chew on something when he was focused. As you rounded the corner of his desk, you looked at what he was working on. He was on the trail of Nova following a series of murders of small-town politicians in Germany. Each murder had a signature at the crime scene, an untraceable and mysterious substance injected into the victim’s body, causing their death. It was probably Nova’s doing or someone who worked for them. “Yep. It’s them,” you zoomed into a random victim’s face, highlighting the foaming at the mouth. “This is the work of an organization that has gone far beyond salvation. Radicalized with a superiority complex. They are targeting government officials in Germany consecutively. Just like Hydra with a desire for attention.”
“The trail leads to the south of Berlin. If I'm right, they will be headed to Dresden next.” Tony pulled up a map, highlighting all the locations of Nova’s murders.
“They seem to be leaving Germany after they hit Dresden. There are no more significant cities they realistically need to hit to make a statement.”
“So,” Tony shut down the monitor screens. “We just need to figure out the why.” You nodded intently, looking away from him to observe the objects littering his work desk.
`
“Shadow,” Tony’s voice forced you to look back at him. You had a feeling that what he would talk to you about had nothing to do with the mission. “Do you wanna talk about what happened yesterday with Bucky?” You laughed in response, but it wasn’t a happy one.
“I knew him. When he was the Winter Soldier. It was just shocking to see that America’s righteous man was buddy-buddy with a war criminal,” you said quietly while staring at your shoes.
“Shadow, you know that Bucky and the Winter Soldier are two different people. I know how you feel.” Tony gestured for you to sit on his couch. “He killed my parents. I had to watch him do it through CCTV footage. And it was the most painful, rage-blinding moment of my life. It took a long time for me to forgive him, but ultimately I did,” Tony said remorsefully. You saw the hurt, the pain the Soldat inflicted in his eyes as if he was reliving the moment all over again.
“How did you end up forgiving him? After he took away your family. How are you even able to look at him?”
“After Steve and I reconnected, I saw the kind of person Bucky was trying to be. I couldn’t fault him for something he had no control over.” Tony looked over at you with glossed eyes. You remember the story of Howard and Maria Stark—an untimely motor accident death. You had no idea Buck- the Winter Soldier had killed them.
“But you knew the Winter Soldier and Bucky were two different people already, yet you were still angry. Aren’t I allowed to hold grudges for a bit, too?” You remarked before you stood up from the couch and headed for the training gym. You could hear Tony’s sigh of acceptance as you exited his lab.