Mina watched the trees blend together into a cohesive brown out of the corner of her eye as the sunlight started to evade her. The sound of her own footsteps rang through her ears. She focused on her footsteps, forcing herself to go faster and faster, so that surely the tears in her eyes would freeze up in the cold. There was nothing she could do but run, but she knew once she started running, she was just some bug-like creature. Still, she had to escape. Escape what? Herself? The world? God? She looked down at her hands, the only part of her body that looked vaguely human. She was running out of energy.
Finally, the crescent moon was overlooking the night sky, shining upon the forest she found herself in, accompanied by the North star. All hope of going back at this point, for no one could recognize the grotesque monster that resembled an insect that she had become. It was time for Isha, but she couldn't even bring herself to face the direction of the Kaaba, not that she knew where it was from the forest. There was nothing to do but freeze in the cold, winds harrowing around her, like familiar threads that only left her hands with a chill when she tried to touch them.
No, I don’t want to be left alone anymore.
Who locked me in here?
In the cold?
In my body?
Is this it for me?
Mina held her hands, or what was left of them, to her heart. She couldn’t accept being ordinary in life, and nearing the end of it, she had changed so drastically she couldn’t call herself human.
Within the cold winds, she heard a noise. Someone was running, but it wasn’t her. She wasn’t alone.
No, I have to run.
I can’t let anyone see me like this.
If anyone sees me, they’ll be alarmed and try to kill me.
Why shouldn’t they? I’m a disgusting bug-creature.
Why didn’t someone kill me earlier?
Why didn’t someone finish the job while it didn’t matter whether I lived or died?
Not that it matters now.
The footsteps were louder now. Someone was wheezing, like they had to fight to get their next breath in. The gasping sound of them taking in air sounded almost desperate.
“Mina, Mina..!”
They called out with vigor, with a voice that bordered between monotone and unhinged. The familiar voice buzzed around them, making Mina’s head itch and hurt. The possibility that she might be saved from the winter closing in would inevitably end in crushing defeat, that much even she knew. Even though the voice was single, it split in her frost-ridden head into many illusions, teasing her in her final moments of life.
A single finger rested on her cold-to-the-touch arthropodic shoulder blade. It too was cold, but a bit of warmth still clung to it. The finger was soft and smooth. The person aiding her had to be Amira.
Almost instantly, she flicked Amira’s hand away. She couldn’t let her see her like this. She didn’t even want to imagine the horrible things Amira would say about her. She would call her an abomination, a creature that doesn’t deserve life, and laugh at her cruelly, the resounding laughter surrounding her at the time of her death. Tears started to spill down her face.
Amira helped her up, grabbing on to her and helping her stand up.
“Who did this to you… are you okay..?” Amira inquired, a concerned look on her face. Mina wanted to reply and tell her to leave, but she could barely get words out. All her energy went towards shivering in the cold. Amira stared at her, with that all too familiar look, the light seeming to disappear from her eyes.
She’s the same as she’s always been, malicious.
She’s going to leave me stranded here.
Please, leave me.
Leave me alone.
The moonlight reflected off of Amira’s pale face, her hand shaking as she reached out for Mina.
“Don’t leave, you’re too cold to sustain yourself. Let’s get out of here now.” Mina broke free from her grasp, the blood pumping throughout her body. Somewhere between life and death, she struggled to get words out but had to speak them to escape.
“What are you doing, Amira? Trying to “save” me? Trying to help me? It won’t work. You think I’ll ever listen to you..!?” She said angrily in the loudest voice she could muster. “You’re an idiot for ever thinking I could trust you.”
Amira’s gaze softened, snowflakes falling on her outstretched hand that was dampening from the melted moisture. A single teardrop dotted the corner of her eye, yet she used her hands to wipe Mina’s tears.
“I’m not going to leave you so suddenly.” Mina could tell her voice was fraying and she was on the brink of tears. “Why won’t you understand? Even if I become a shadow of my former self, I’ll still stay right here. I’ll remain right here, waiting for you, even if you run away. Even if you don’t think you deserve to be seen.”
Don’t understand..?
“That’s right, I don’t understand. Why does my life matter so much to you, when I’m not even human? Even as a human, I didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. I was just an unconventional person in a world that recognized geniuses.”
“Because you can change, you can grow, you can undergo a metamorphosis. Most of the “people” you see? We’re just puppets controlled by our caregivers under the guise of love and affection. You don’t have a fixed position in the world. You can move, uncontrolled by the strings that bind me.”
Amira started shivering and shaking from the cold. Her tone was pleading and begging, the desperation in her eyes shining brighter than even the crescent moon above them. Mina turned to her. She wanted to frown, but her face was completely contorted and looked more like a disgusting bug’s.
“I understand.. You only want to help me for your own selfish gain…it was about you all along.” She suddenly felt a cold hand grab onto her firmly and surprisingly.
“No..It’s because I care about you…!”
About me…?
“You think I didn’t notice how you were feeling everytime you said you were fine?! That I just accepted your lies?!”
You..noticed…?
“So please don’t lie anymore!”
Mina usually hated the cold. It reminded her of the days she spent alone locked up in the cold when she misbehaved, but now, she was grateful that the cold made Amira’s hands warm in comparison.
“You came all this way for me, and then you didn’t give it up when I pushed you away like that..” she said, her mood dampened, voice tainted with melancholy. She felt a hand on her arthropodic face, leaning into it as it delivered warmth to her.
“Even if you’re already done with this reality, don’t end it so soon, you can still change and grow…and I’ll wait for you……moving to cheer for you even if marionettes cannot move by themselves.”
Those magical words pierced through her and went beyond the physical, piecing together the parts of her soul that she thought she lost with her physical form. Even if reality was short for mortals like her, she was glad she could share it with Amira. When she said that, she was speaking to Mina’s mind, not her body. Reaching her soul, she felt more human in the moment then she ever did, though she was far from it.
She looked down at her hands, taking shape in an anthropomorphic way, black fingernails growing from the root.