Panic
They arrive at their destination in the early hours of the morning. The town is quiet. Everyone is still asleep, even birds don’t sing. Agatha loves it. It is peaceful. And she wants nothing more than to join everybody else and go to bed after such a long trip. She pulls over to the house and opens her mouth to start telling one of the amazing stories that happened within those walls, but, when she looks at Billy, she finds him sound asleep in the passenger seat. She stares at him for a brief moment, almost reaching out to gently brush his hair out of his forehead. She stops herself and gets out of the car.
The Harkness’ Manor stood there for centuries and will surely be standing there long after Agatha herself would be gone. It is a beautiful, old house with an enormous amount of architectural details. Agatha remembers often standing just like she does now, as a child, and just staring at the building. It looked so terrifying back then. So big and scary with its statues and stucco. Now she just thinks that it’s breathtaking.
She slowly walks through the front door. She hasn’t been here for a very long time and yet the first thing that she notices is how, even though it has been almost three centuries since her mother’s death, this house still fully belongs to Evanora Harkness. Her scent is here, buried inside these walls. It’s between fibers of the carpet. It’s in every single thing that stands or lays in the perfect place. Agatha wants to tear this whole goddamn house apart. Break every thing that still belongs exactly where her mother left it. Even three centuries after her departure.
"Well,” she says quietly, “I am the only thing that didn’t.” And somehow her own words feel like someone stabbed her with a knife in the stomach. Even though deep down she knows that she did it to herself.
Because the truth is, it wasn’t all bad in this house. These walls remember her childhood. They remember her young adulthood. They remember Rio.
Agatha can tell her own story with all of the things in the house that belonged to her mother. It wasn’t Evanora’s vase, no, it was a vase that Rio accidentally broke while they were kissing in the darkness of the hallway and quickly repaired with her magic, leaving a trail that her mother would eventually find. There were many associations within the house. But every bad one is cut off with her memory of Rio.
Rio, climbing up to her window at night, sweet “I just could not wait anymore, I needed to see you, my love”, a flower and a kiss to her cheek. Rio, leaving as soon as the sun comes up. Rio, always coming back. Rio, listening to her for hours, looking at her like she is the most precious thing in the world. Like no one else mattered. Rio, kissing every single scar that was left by her mother. She remembers every time that she needed to calm Rio down and beg not to harm her. She was her mother, after all. Now, Agatha laughs at her younger self for it. How sweet.
Through every night of slow kisses, desperate touches and whispered words, Agatha wondered, How are people so afraid of Death if she is so beautiful?
But it wasn’t something she ever said out loud, instead, she begged her, “Be mine, Rio, please, be mine forever,” and Death itself could not reject her.
“Do you promise to forever be mine?” Rio whispered right into her ear. Agatha looked into her eyes, took her face into her hands and, an almost non-existent sound came out of her mouth, “Yes,” she moved even closer to her lover, “I am yours till the end of time itself,” she said, like a prayer.
Not long after she was pregnant with their child.
Agatha found herself standing on the doorstep of her old bedroom. She shook memories away. It doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter how happy she was. How thrilled, to tell the love of her life that they would have their first newborn baby. She tries not to remember Rio’s reaction. It broke her then and it would break her now, even if it’s only a memory. It doesn’t matter now, that it’s all over. Now, when she lost both of them, she had nothing but memories to both warm her up at night and bring her nightmares.
For the first time since she was a young girl she didn’t have Rio by her side and her heart aches. It longs, begging and bleeding for her.
They harmed each other, they were angry at each other, they fought, they screamed, they hated. But they also loved so deeply that deep down Agatha always thought that at the end of a day nothing else would matter. Apparently, she was wrong. Rio left. After they kissed, she left. Promised to return, like she always did, but it didn’t happen. Agatha Harkness was finally free of the Death following her everywhere and she was miserable because of it.
She promised herself that if she would see Rio again she would tell her to go fuck herself. That she moved on too. That they were over for good. That she was just fine without her.
Because if she doesn’t do it she would fall on her knees in front of her and break in sobs and Agatha Harkness doesn't beg. Not for a really long time she didn’t. And she won’t give Rio the satisfaction of seeing her miss her. No. Not after she abandoned her.
Agatha shakes her head and leaves the room. She goes outside, wakes Billy up and drags him inside. At least his unhappy noises would fill the silence.
The town obviously changed since the last time Agatha was there. It was now full of costumes, shops with pointy hats from a cheap fabric and tourists. She wanted to throw up.
“But we are tourists,” Billy pointed out.
“You, maybe,” Agatha turned right, went down some alley and Billy was quickly to follow. They walked past some sandwich place and Agatha raised her finger, pointing at it, “Aha!”
“What?” “That’s the place where Annita was burned,” Billy blinked in horror.
“That’s horrible. Was she a witch in your coven?” Agatha snorted and laughed a little.
“No, she was just a girl from town. She could read and then it counted like a form of witchcraft,” Billy’s eyes filled with pity.
“Poor girl.”
“Nah, she was a real bitch, so that's okay,” Billy sighed. He really needed to get used to this, “Anyway, I want a sandwich,” she walked to the door, ready to open. That’s when Billy noticed a coffee place nearby. “Here,” he gave her some money, “I could really use some caffeine. Meet you here in five?” Agatha nodded and they went their separate ways.
The coffee place was small with only five small seats, but it was cozy. Like, apparently, everything in Salem, it was witches themed. But Billy was really glad to see that it wasn’t just some cheap pointy hats and sticks that were supposed to be brooms, no. There was really a vibe of Agatha’s basement and it was a high praise. He places his order and looks around a little bit more while waiting. And that’s then when he noticed a woman sitting at one of the tables. With dark hair, in a green sweater, she was sipping something from a cup, anxiously looking around. Rio. Billy panics. Surely, she was there to take him. He just knew that Agatha would kill him if she found out that he could not be trusted to go get coffee without getting into trouble. He sighs and braves himself for the worst.
But then Rio sees him and she just smiles. Her smile is full of hope and relief and Billy feels confused. It was almost like Rio was a child who finally found her parents between the big, scary ails in the market. She waves at him and his confusion only grows. Barista gives him his coffee and he takes it, slowly approaching Rio.
“Hey,” he says, still not sure of his actions.
“Hi,” she smiles and invites him to sit. Agatha is going to kill me, he thinks, sitting down, “Don’t worry, I am not here because of you,” she reassures him, seeing how anxious he is, “I am not really sure why I am here,” she murmurs baring her hands deeper in her sweater’s sleeves. Billy studies her for a minute. It is clear that something is very wrong with Rio. He remembers her being confident, sharp, fast. Now, she is clearly anxious, she is almost drowning in that sweater of hers. Pale. Simply a shawl of her previous self, “What are you doing here?”
“School trip.”
“You and your classmates?”
“Me and Agatha,” Rio shivers, but then her eyes are filled with hope. Tell me, tell me, tell me more, her heart screams, “She said I needed a witching history lesson,” Rio smiles at that, though it doesn’t fully do to her eyes.
“Sounds just like her,” she says softly. That’s when Billy finally has the courage to ask her.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why didn’t you stay with Agatha after the Road ended?” Rio looks at him, confused.
“What do you mean? I left to do my job, but it’s been, what, three days? A weak top. We’ve been apart for much longer,” Rio finishes, but she sees Billy’s reaction and she starts to feel anxiety building up in the chest again. God, are mortals always afraid? It is fucking annoying.
“It’s been four months,” Rio’s eyes widened. No, it cannot be. She couldn’t have been there, wherever she was, for that long. She felt her breath fasten. No, no, no, no. Her head was spinning. She felt dizzy. Extreme urge to go lay down. God, she will throw up.
Billy watched like Rio’s face was slowly losing color. Her eyes were foggy. Is she having a panic attack?, he thought. But she couldn’t. Could she? Is it or isn’t it a panic attack does not matter, because Rio was clearly in distress. Billy took her hands in his, “Rio, look at me,” she obeyed, “Now, keep looking at me and breath, okay?”. After a few minutes a color was returning to Rio’s face and she let go of Billy’s hands. They said in silence for a minute. “Do you want to see Agatha?” Billy broke it.
“She wouldn’t want me.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“Ask me anything else,” whispered Rio. Billy thought for a minute and then spoke again.
“Why didn’t you take me?”
“Because I didn’t want to lose my wife again,” Rio’s eyes were locked on her cup of tee, never meeting Billy. They sat there again, in silence, for a minute, until she heard the sound of a chair pushing against the floor and Billy standing up. He took his cup and left the coffeehouse without saying another word.