There weren’t words to describe a fate such as this. She doesn't think it's possible.
To stare into a hazy sunrise, knowing she was about to lose something that could not be replaced.
Something she wasn’t ready to give up. This was too fast, too soon.
Her memories, years of memories of the boy she loved, gone in an instant. It was cruel. It was selfish of her to wish she could yell at him and change his mind.
She watched as Peter Parker stood on the edge of the rooftop, forcing a brave smile on his lips that did not reach his eyes. She would miss his smile. She wished she could see it one more time.
But this wasn't a time for smiles.
‘I love you,” she whispered, trying to give him a smile in return. If anything, she hoped he thought she would be okay.
This wasn’t fair. In no world would this ever be fair.
He had just lost his aunt, and no more than 10 hours later was he giving up everyone else, too. What twisted mind derived such a fate as this for him?
It wasn’t fair.
The fate of the multiverse shouldn’t rest on the shoulders of anybody, let alone this 18 year old boy.
He took a breath before he swung away, and the realization that she would never again recognize his face nearly made her knees buckle underneath her.
She stood on that rooftop, vaguely aware of Ned standing behind her, his own cries muffled to her ears. She thinks at one point he asked if there was anything they could do, but his words could not fully register in her mind. What was there to do?
What could they possibly do?
Remember.
That would be a start. She tried to bring any memory of him to the surface of her mind. The memories washed over her, warmth spreading through her chest.
When she first met him, in 8th grade. They did a book report together, and he listened to every single one of her thoughts about the book, eagerly writing them down in his notebook.
When he gave her a sketchbook and colored pencils for her 15th birthday.
The time they set up the Christmas party for the decathlon team together their sophomore year.
A broken necklace. Their first kiss on Tower Bridge.
A crooked crown straightened on her head.
Their moments of perfect, stolen, silence on the school roof.
Sitting on his couch, and realizing she loved him as the credits to The Notebook played.
She wished she had told him then.
She recalled one of the other Peter’s she met that night mentioning that he had lost ‘his MJ.’ Was this what he meant?
Was she destined to lose Peter Parker like this?
Did Gwen forget him in the same way?
No, she pushed the thought out of her mind. The second Peter she had met still had his MJ. They were working things out.
And so, maybe there was hope.
She would’ve given anything for more time. More time to understand, to know for certain she could figure this out.
Know that they had a chance.
Because if other Peter’s had their MJ's, maybe that meant everything would be okay.
But she didn’t know. She hated that.
She hated when she couldn’t control the things that happened to her.
It happened slowly.
She kept Peter’s name and face in the front of her mind, pushing everything else away.
Peter Parker. My Peter Parker.
First, she started to lose focus. She couldn’t keep any other thoughts at bay. Her mind strained against it, her tears now uncontrollable sobs. Her legs couldn’t support her body anymore, her weight now transferred to her knees.
Focus. I’m not ready. Peter Parker. I love Peter Parker.
But eventually, her mind grew tired. The mental image of him became hazy. She couldn’t focus on any specific detail on his face. She clamped her hands over her eyes, her breath ragged and shallow.
She couldn’t remember the sound of his voice. Something that was once so familiar, something she could easily pick out in a crowd.
For a second, her mind went blank, and she couldn’t remember his name.
What was his name?
Peter.
Peter, something.
A breeze brushed against her face, and her hands opened, wiping her cheeks before falling in her lap.
She took a deep breath, her eyes slowly opening.
Ned sat next to her, and a comfortable silence settled between them.
The sunrise was beautiful.
If she looked hard enough, she could see a rainbow hidden behind the clouds.