Chapter 10
X
The devices were in place. Cerebro was sufficiently altered. There were two siphoner-columns placed behind the chair, on either side of it. Multiple thick wires ran from below the table to the siphoners. Rogue was to place her hands on both while Caliban was in contact with her; that would channel his mutant finding abilities through to Cerebro, where they would be amplified and allow Wade to look for Domino. The whole thing, from the sentinel attack in the afternoon, to them returning to the mansion, to them building the siphoners and talking to everyone required, had taken the whole day. And fifteen minutes had been added to that time because of Wade insisting that his retina scans be added to Cerebro’s database, and Ellie refusing, and Wade throwing a small tantrum, and Logan threatening him, and Wade sulking, and Yukio convincing everyone to grant him the wish (much to Ellie’s annoyance); in the end, it was done. Wade was the one who had opened the Cerebro vault for the setting up of the siphoners. It was well past midnight now.
Wade sat on the chair and gleefully manspread, until Ellie, who was adjusting something on the siphoners, hit him on the arm. Behind them, they heard the elevator opening. Logan, Colossus, Rogue and Caliban stepped out. Caliban looked much better than when Wade had first seen him. He looked healthier, and his eyes seemed brighter, though currently they were flitting around nervously. Only reluctantly had he said yes, mostly out of a sense of indebtedness towards Logan and the others for rescuing him. Rogue had also agreed to help, though she had extensively gone through the technicalities with Colossus, Yukio and Ellie, reviewing the safety switch, and detailing the whole thing to Caliban, who looked even more terrified afterwards. Yukio was also in the room after having begrudgingly taken a nap. She looked better than before, but Ellie said she still looked pale, and had forbidden her from removing the bandages from her head.
Wade picked up the helmet and looked at it from all sides. Logan was staring at him with a frown on his face. “How do we turn it off in case it goes bad?” He asked.
Ellie pointed to a switch on the base of the siphoners. “That cuts the power flow. And then we can just pull the helmet off. If his big head isn’t stuck in it.”
“Hey!” Wade said, then got busy with admiring the helmet again. He passed a hand over his own bald head, letting the fingers feel all the scars and unevenness. For a second, his smile faltered, but then it returned stronger. “It’ll go great! Don’t worry too much, peanut.”
Laura asked, “So, what’s the plan once we have Domino’s location?”
“You, me and Negasonic Warhead will go to the location and rescue her.” Logan said. The two girls nodded. He turned to Colossus and went on, “I need you here to monitor our status, and bring reinforcements if anything goes wrong.” The metal giant nodded.
“Wait,” Yukio said, “What if they have more of those power dampening stuff?”
“Then we just have to work faster.” He tilted his head towards Ellie. “We won’t give them a chance to understand what hit them.” She smiled grimly.
Wade said, “Nice plan. Do we start now?”
Rogue said, “I guess there’s nothing else to do.” Logan placed a hand on her shoulder. She squeezed it briefly with a smile before moving towards the siphoners. She gestured everyone to move back before removing the brown jacket she was wearing. Underneath, she wore a black tank top with dark green gloves that reached above her elbows. Slowly, she removed the gloves as well. She gave a reassuring smile to Caliban, who only looked at her fearfully. “Place your fingers here,” She showed a point on her right arm just below the shoulder. “And only the fingers. Nothing else.” He nodded. She turned to the machine and looked down at where her own hands were to go. “Okay.” She breathed out heavily and placed her hands on the siphoners.
Ellie stuck the small electrodes that were arranged on top of the siphoners to her right arm, careful not to touch her directly. Yukio helped with the left one and explained, “These will measure your pulse, and if it goes below 30, the siphoners will shut down.” Rogue nodded. Once the apparatus was properly set up and attached, Yukio stepped back and Ellie knelt by the table and opened the panel with the X-Wave Simulator. Caliban hesitatingly walked closer and raised his arms towards Rogue’s sides.
Wade put on the helmet, and the lights in the room dimmed and then went out altogether. The smaller lights on the walkway were the only sources of visibility. Caliban asked, “Do I—”
“Yes, now.” Rogue answered and he touched her arms. The siphoners began humming when the energy flow began. Caliban’s face distorted. His eyes reddened and widened, and the veins on his hands became much more visible as his life-force, and powers, were absorbed by Rogue. She, for her part, was also straining against the absorption, remembering how it felt and hating it all over again. Ellie quickly moved the slider on the simulator as high as it could go, pushed the panel back in and moved back with the rest, closer to the door.
Wade didn’t feel anything for a second, and then it hit him. His eyesight blurred as his brain took the full force of Cerebro. His surroundings were gone and he could feel everything. There were whispers and shouts and cries and yells and laughter and bellows – all just behind his ears. The thoughts of every single mutant – their feelings, their fears, their angers, their sadnesses – everything was visible and audible to him. He could sense it all. And it was overwhelming. In a fraction of a second, with these senses, came the pain as his brain was overloaded. And it was the worst pain he had ever felt. It felt as if his whole body was on fire, every single nerve. And worse than that, it felt as if his own sense of self was being destroyed – his own thoughts and memories were being crushed by the weight of the identities of the countless mutants he was able to sense, all across the world. And he knew he wouldn’t survive. He knew he was going to die. But he didn’t know how to stop it. His own sense of self was gone, eroded, and he knew nothing except the whole world in front of him that blazed and burned.
Logan was the first to react. The moment the connection had formed, Wade started screaming. His head was glowing, and his skull was visible under the skin. His open eyes streamed light as his brain burned from the inside, and he let out the most horrible sound Logan had ever heard. He yelled, “Shut it down, NOW!!” and rushed to Wade to pull the helmet off of him. Its surface was scorching hot. The lights turned back on. Colossus turned the siphoners off and Rogue turned, pushing Caliban away, who fell back.
Wade clutched his head as Logan knelt by him and held his left arm. Smoke was coming out of his head and, for a minute, he could only see white and hear nothing. Then, slowly, as his healing factor worked overtime, his senses returned and Logan’s face came into focus. Wade saw in his eyes what he had never seen before – fear – and immediately looked away, ashamed in spite of himself at having seen something so vulnerable in him. He couldn’t speak for a moment as the others asked him if he was okay. Then he raised a hand to quiet them. Logan was still holding his arm. Wade swallowed hard. His throat felt extremely dry. “I’m,” He tried, but his voice broke. After a breath, as he healed further, he said, “I’m okay.”
Logan said, “Get out. We’ll think of something else. Get out of here right now.”
Wade leaned away from him, making Logan realize how close he was and let go suddenly. “No.” He said, “No. I’m fine. The healing factor is working. I’m okay.” He let out a sigh, then turned towards the rest of them.
Caliban was on the floor, panting heavily. Rogue stood with her arms wrapped around herself, not looking at anyone. Ellie and Yukio were holding Caliban, and Colossus and Laura stood behind them. Logan was still kneeling by Wade, staring at him with a frown on his face.
“Is he okay?” He asked.
Weakly, Caliban said, “I’m fine. Just need to get my breath back.”
He looked at Rogue. “And you. You’re okay?”
When no one answered, she blinked and looked at him, then nodded.
He asked further, “How long was that? How long was I inside Cerebro?”
Colossus answered, “Five seconds, more or less.”
“FUCK!!” The word echoed around the spherical room, making Caliban jump and Ellie scowl. Wade took a deep breath and said, “Okay. Fuck it. Let’s try again. Is everyone ready for another go?”
“No!” Logan stood up. “No. It’s too dangerous. Look at him,” he pointed to Caliban. “He can’t even stand up.”
“Oh, I can.” The albino mutant replied indignantly and got to his feet, though with a good amount of help from Ellie and Yukio. “I’m okay, and ready.” He said, though his glance at the still smoking helmet betrayed his fear.
“I am too.” Rogue said quietly.
“Why?” Logan asked, his teeth clenched. “Why do you all want to die so fucking badly? We can think of another way. You don’t have to do this.”
“But we do, Logan.” Wade said, staring at the helmet. “You heard Jack…or whatever his name is. Domino is in danger,” He looked up at him. “And if what happened to you was any clue, her condition isn’t pretty.” Logan just fumed. Wade kept looking at him for a moment, then lifted his hand and held his. He felt Logan stiffen under his touch. “We don’t have time. It’s the only way.”
Logan met his eyes. “Then let me do it. You don’t have to. I can—”
“I told you, peanut, we need you for the actual mission. The legwork.” He paused, then looked away and said, “You’re the X-Man. Can’t risk losing you again.” Before Logan could protest further, he picked up the helmet.
Logan breathed out heavily and whispered, “Fuck.” He took a deep breath, then said, “Okay. I don’t know how it is inside this fucking machine, and I don’t know how Charles controlled it all.” He knelt down by Wade and placed a hand on his shoulder. Wade, surprised, met his eyes. “But there was one thing that he always told me – you have to know who you are. And who you are is always more than you think.” He got up again. “I don’t know if that useful…but it’s the only thing I have.”
Wade said, “Thank you.”
He nodded and walked out of the room.
Nobody said anything as the door closed behind him. Wade, as usual, broke the silence. “I think he might also be grumpy because I’m getting all the spotlight.” That made everyone start breathing again. He added, “Let’s go again.”
“Are you sure, Wade?” Laura asked.
“Of course! Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. This time tomorrow, we’ll be having pancakes and laughing about the graphic, gory deaths of our enemies.” He put a hand on his lips dramatically. “Was that last part too dark?”
“You’re an idiot.” Ellie said and bent down to turn the siphoners on again.
“Always at your service.” He saluted and put the helmet on. The lights dimmed again.
Rogue came forward and put her hands on the two metallic columns. She nodded and Caliban touched her again. The connection was established and Cerebro started up.
Once again, Wade felt the excruciating weight of the whole world of mutants inside his head. The blaze was unbearable, and threatened to consume him once more, but he was ready this time, though barely. As all the thoughts and selves of numerous mutants became present inside his head, he clenched his teeth and concentrated on his own self, his own memories, his own identity.
Control. It didn’t come from outside. It wasn’t exerted by being aware of everything you had and reining it in. It didn’t come from trying to bridle all the chaos outside. It came from being aware of your own self, and letting the outer chaos settle as it was, outside yourself. Logan was right. You had to know who you were. Wade tried with all his might to retain everything he was – his thoughts, his awareness, his identity, his memories, his friends, his happinesses…his face. And he was doing it. He was seeing the chaos, and was able to observe it as it flamed outside him. It was like holding a bubble in your hand – a flickering, rippling, burning, bubble. The slightest movement, the slightest breath, would pop the bubble and destroy everything, including his brain. But he was holding it.
The whole world was open to him. It took everything he had, and he could feel his body buckling under the weight of it, but for now, he could see everything. Everyone. And it was beautiful. He was aware of every single mutant on the planet, and each one was beautiful. They were visible to him as their own concepts of themselves, their own ideas of themselves – they were women, and trans, and non-binaries, and men, and more; they changed as their sense of themselves changed, moving from one to another; they had their externally, physically manifested abilities, and they had their abilities hidden as they wanted to be seen. And they were coloured wondrously – as their moods and feelings and thoughts worked. He saw them as red, as blue, as violet, as golden, and everything in between. And they flowed. They gushed and streamed and bubbled and waved and crashed and dived. For a moment, he was emotionally overwhelmed, and it threatened to tip the delicate balance he had established, but he focused again, on himself and everyself, and the balance held. Tears streamed from his eyes, but evaporated just as soon, leaving only smoke, and the onlookers were none the wiser.
Wade reached out into the dangerous beauty he could see. The people visible to him held entire worlds within themselves – histories, hopes, darknesses. And each world was so deep, so incomprehensibly deep, that he knew if he touched even a single one, he would drown and lose himself, and thus lose the balance. And all will be lost. Which maintained his hold on the balance. Remembering what he risked losing. Remembering whom he risked losing. Remembering his fearful eyes, his bright smile. He focused on himself, picturing himself seated inside the spherical Cerebro, and slowly, the chaos began settling. The multitudes of minds around him began moving and dashing away. It was like zooming in on a map, but a map unlike any created. Slowly, with great effort, he found himself, and realized the control over the mental flux he could exercise. The mind worked as a concrete entity, and as a fluid wave, which allowed for a more flexible control over how he wanted to visualize his own surroundings and approaches. He could sense the minds in his proximity, and chose to picture the Cerebro room. There was Rogue, directly behind him, and Caliban behind her. And further were Colossus, Ellie, Yukio and Laura. And outside the room stood Logan. Wade was tempted, but didn’t enter his mind to see his thoughts. Besides, currently coloured a mix of red and black, Logan’s feelings were clear enough to guess.
He went further, recalling his own memories of Domino, their conversations, the feelings she elicited in him. And it began working. His mind went beyond the school, where numerous mutant identities threatened to mix with his, and probed further with a scent of Domino’s mind as he knew it. Slowly, with great effort, he perceived a reciprocative identity in the distance. Going close to it carefully, he realized with delight that he was successful. He could see Domino. But she was surrounded by a red bubble. He approached it, and it allowed him to pass, though he could feel the weight of everything more. It was like moving through water now, but he kept going, getting closer to Domino. Her mind flowed with red, green, blue and black, and he could faintly feel the pain and fear emanating from it as he neared. Very carefully now, and proceeding as softly as he could, he entered her mind. It was strange and surreal. He felt his own memories mix with hers, and for a fraction of a second, was confused. It was dangerous, and as the balance shivered, it threatened to take down both their minds. But he stepped back before it could topple and calmed himself. Once he felt the balance get firm, he reached out again.
He touched her mind, and felt her respond with instincts of confusion and fear, though not with awareness. He kept his approach slow, knowing that too much at once would threaten violence, which threatened much worse. As he moved inside her mind, he became aware of her awareness. He chose to picture it as a spikey, volatile thing, which he chose to stay away from – it was dangerous to let her become aware of another mind inside hers. But he now knew how to speak to her, if he wanted. Presently, he chose not to. Moving further, he could see her mind inside himself, and chose to picture it all as rooms – memories, feelings, ideas, selves – everything inside different, discrete rooms. If he wished, he could open any one and know everything there was inside Domino’s mind regarding that particular aspect. For now, he chose to focus on her sensory perception; in particular, what her eyes could sense.
She was inside a dimly lit room, and she was on the floor. There was a little blood around her. Wade probed more within her sensory perception, and felt the pain she felt. A few ribs were broken, and the right leg was badly sprained. Apart from these, there were wounds on the forehead, the left cheek, the chin, and smaller bruises on the arms. Here again, he encountered another thing that threatened to shake the balance. Everything inside the mind is connected. Every feeling, every emotion, every memory, every thought, every idea, every sense – all is connected. By picturing her mind having doors he could access, he did make it easier for himself to perceive and interact, but he forgot the internal connections that existed. As he became aware of her injuries and pain, in came a rush of fear and confusion. All at once, he became aware of how afraid she was, and how worried about the sudden absence of her powers. It was like electric shock, and he chose to step out of her mind at just the right moment. For a second, he felt all her fear, but quickly reminded himself of his own position. The balance, the bubble, wobbled dangerously, but it held. He tried again.
This time, he focused only on her eyes. He could see the room. He was on the floor, in a corner. There was a table some distance away, in the centre of the room. On it was a device that was humming, and a red light on it illuminated the ceiling and the walls. Power dampener – he knew at once. And he knew it created the red bubble he had encountered around Domino, which slowed his approach. But why isn’t it stopping me? – he asked himself, and the answer came in a moment – because I’m not physically here. It only suppresses the x-gene, but can’t work if the gene-holder isn’t physically present there. It can’t work on brain waves – he thought happily. He looked on through her eyes. There was a man standing at the other end of the room, by the door. He wore a black suit. His arms were behind him.
Wade could see him. Focused on the man, he stepped out of Domino. The man’s mind wasn’t coloured in any way. It was just black and white, same as the surrounding mental world, which made it more difficult to enter. But Wade was determined, and confident. He got closer to the monochrome mind, keeping his focus on the man. Gradually, his mind became perceptible to him. Again, carefully, with caution, Wade entered it. This time, he didn’t waste time in getting to know the mind. He directly focused on the man’s memories, and the most recent ones. Picturing it as viewing a movie, he went through it with patience. This was thankfully one of the men who had brought Domino from the site of the sentinel attack to this place, and Wade could see the path in his memories now. He knew where she was! He was aware of the paths, the turns, the building, the floor, the room.
Making this awareness a part of his own memories, he pulled out of the man – ooh, getting racy there! At least let me know his name, you pimp! Ow, the balance, fuck – and focused on his own mind. The balance was held, but it was precarious, and the longer he maintained it, the longer his own mind bent under its weight. It had been long enough. He could feel his mental resistances shred. Slowly distancing himself from this vast world of awarenesses and identities, he looked for one specific mind. Finding her was easy, probably due to her closer physical proximity to him. He found Ellie, curious, afraid, worried, and gently whispered to her mind, to her awareness – stop the machine.
Ellie had been looking at the three people connected to Cerebro with growing fear. It had been two full minutes since Wade had gone in, Rogue looked exhausted, and Caliban looked close to death. Yukio had already suggested shutting down the machine, Laura had yelled the same. Colossus was doing what she herself wanted to do – shake his head while holding it in his hands. And just then, she heard Wade’s voice in her head, telling her to stop. Before she could doubt if it was a dream or her imagination, she was bent down, shutting the siphoners. Colossus, following her lead, pulled the helmet off of Wade. The lights came back on. Laura held Caliban, who was trembling violently, and Yukio covered Rogue in her jacket, supporting her through it, careful not to directly touch her skin.
Wade fell forward. Under the helmet, his head was burned. The flesh was singed, and bone was visible in one place. It was all healing, but Colossus gagged, barely stopping himself from vomiting inside the Cerebro room. The helmet itself was too hot, the three wires on it glowing red where they connected to it. Wade was unconscious. As he healed and the smoke dispersed, Logan entered the room. He saw the fallen people and muttered a curse, before taking stock of everyone. He reached Wade, who was still unconscious. He bent down over him, the emptiness in the pit of his stomach growing. “Wade?” He called softly. “Wade?”
Wade slowly opened his eyes. They were bloodshot, and for a few seconds, he didn’t know where he was and what he was doing. Everything felt weird and light, and it took some moments to get used to not having the literally weight of the world on his head. Then the awareness returned and his eyes widened. For the second time, he saw Logan come into focus, with his worried, afraid eyes.
“Wade, you okay?”
He moved his tongue around in his mouth, careful not to slur the words or give any indication how tired he felt. There was a second of terror when he wasn’t able to move his body, but it passed and he lifted his head, though it felt weighed down with stones. With that, the pain heightened. Everything hurt: his head, his eyes, his ears, his nose, his teeth, his neck, his back, his hands, his feet. Everything. Logan repeated, “Wade, are you okay?”
He nodded, not having the strength to speak just yet. With effort, he looked around. The surroundings swam in and out of focus. Everyone was staring at him. He tried to smile, and found his lips not obeying him easily. He turned away, back towards the table. Keeping his hands on it, he bowed and took deep breaths. His head spun, but he screwed his eyes shut and kept breathing. Logan kept a hand on his shoulder. After some time, he felt some of his strength return. His vision was clearer, and he felt he could move his lips.
He turned his head and looked up at Logan. “I know where she is.” He let out a whisper.
Everyone let out a sigh. Logan kept his hand where it was. “Are you okay?”
Wade nodded. “It’s luh…” His tongue slipped, but he tried again, stronger this time. “It’s like mammoths fucked on top of my head and then shat bricks on it afterwards at half the speed of light.”
That convinced everyone that he was okay. Logan stepped back, not smiling. Some time later, Wade typed the address into his phone and sent it to everyone. “It’s a tall fucking building. I wrote the floor number as well.”
Logan said, “Alright. Yukio and Colossus will stay here. I’ll leave right away. You should rest.” Before turning away, he said, “You did good.” and walked out of the room.