Chapter 7
VII
Rogue and Logan stood silent, staring at each other. After a moment, a buzz spread through the class as the students recognized the Wolverine. That brought both of them to the present.
“Class dismissed.” Rogue said, her voice low. When nobody seemed to have heard, and the murmur only increased in loudness, she raised her voice and repeated, “Class dismissed!”
Logan stepped inside the classroom, stepping to the side as everyone packed their bags and filed outside, staring at him all the way from their desks to the door, whispering among themselves. Finally, in a few minutes, the room and the corridor were empty. A little apprehensive, Logan approached her.
Rogue looked at the man who was walking towards her, at his eyes that weren’t meeting hers, and she struggled to remind herself again that this wasn’t the Logan she knew. This was a stranger. Even if he was dressed the same way and walked the same way. Even if he rubbed his knuckles the same way when nervous, unconsciously, on the points where the claws came out. Even if his eyes held the same peculiar mix, so unique to Logan, of memories, pain and curiosity. This is a stranger – she told herself, and didn’t care.
As he opened his mouth, unsure of what to say, she rushed forward and hugged him. A sigh almost escaped her lips, and a tear actually did, as she took in his familiar smell, the familiar way her arms wrapped around him, the familiar way her head rested against his chest. It had been years, and it had gotten more and more difficult to hope. And now, here he stood, same as always. She put all of her sadness and guilt and relief into the hug, holding him tight, eyes closed.
After a moment, he held her too. Remembering the last time he had held her, when the yellow and green were stained with dark red, and her eyes were vacant, devoid of the fire they usually contained, Logan gasped inaudibly as this Rogue hugged him. His eyes stung as he tried not to let the tears out. He realized, in a flash, how much he missed her, missed them all, how much he longed to have one last conversation with them, longed to apologize and tell them how much he loved them. And he put all that longing in this hug that was so much more than just a hug.
The spell was broken by Wade’s voice that came in from the corridor, calling his name. Both of them suddenly became aware that the person they were holding wasn’t really the person they remembered, and they stepped back, awkward and unsure. Wade entered the room just as they were both wiping their eyes. “Where are—oh, there you are, and—” He gasped when he saw her. “Anna Paq—I mean, Rogue! You’re…what…how’re…you’ve been here this whole time??” He looks at you and frowns. “Do I smell a plot hole?”
Rogue pulled her gloves back, smoothing out the creases. “Yeah, I teach here.”
“Oh. Colossus never…Oh, that secretive little big tin can!” Wade pouted, then looked at Logan who was scowling. “What’s up your ass?” Realizing suddenly as he remembered all the lore, he took a step back. “Ahh, I’ll, um, let you two…catch up.” He walked out quickly. Logan sighed, but his sigh turned into a low groan as, a second later, Wade returned. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He put his hands up. “I just have to ask, or this plot hole is gonna bug me the whole day.” He looked at Rogue and smiled. “Huge fan, by the way. Just…if you’ve been here the whole time, why didn’t you, and I don’t mean to be accusatory, but why didn’t you ever come to meet us? And, again, sorry about the tone, I genuinely am curious, not implying anything, but where were you when we went to rescue him?” He looked at Logan who was growling now. “Hey, I know you’re wondering all that too.”
“I wasn’t.” Logan said. “And I think it’s time you fucked off.” He nodded towards Rogue, not looking at her. “You don’t have to answer any of that.”
“No, it’s okay.” She said, “It’s…I guess it’s only natural to wonder about all that. I did too, when you never came to visit here,” He met her eyes now. “Though I was, no offense, a little relieved when you didn’t.” She looked away, replying instead to Wade. “I wanted to come, to help get him back, but Colossus said he needed me here, to watch over the students, in case those people decided to attack when everyone was gone.”
Wade nodded. “Hmm, makes sense. And good thinking on the tin can’s part.”
“Got your answers? You can go now.” Logan said.
“Not all of them.” Wade said, offended, but Logan clenched his fists, making Wade take a step back. “Okay, okay, I’m going. But only because I don’t want to increase the janitor’s workload, with all the blood you’re always ready to spill.” He blew a raspberry at him and walked away, wondering aloud whether the school employed janitors or preferred child labour.
“I’m…sorry about him.” Logan said.
“It’s okay.” She pushed her hair back. “The questions were…valid.”
They stood in awkward silence for a moment. Then Rogue said, “Do you want to take a walk? I think the grounds are empty. It’s still an hour till recess.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.” Logan said, relieved and grateful.
The pair went outside. The sun was not fully overhead, as it was still some time before noon. The grounds were indeed empty, except for a few older students sitting in different corners. Rogue and Logan walked along the edge of the ground. She had removed her gloves to feel the sun on her cold fingers. He had kept his jacket on a bench by the door from where they had exited the school building. Walking slowly in silence, each was wondering what to say.
Eventually, he said, “I thought all the Professor’s X-Men had gone. On some mission.”
She looked down. “Not all. I…chose…to stay behind.”
Recognizing that he had said something wrong, Logan cursed himself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“No, it’s…actually, you helped me make that decision. I mean, not you…”
He nodded, relieving her of the need to explain. “How did I help?” He asked.
After a moment’s pause, she said, “Do you know why the X-Men had gone away?”
Logan shook his head.
She continued, “The mission, it involved a call from the stars. Something about some empire in distress, needing the Professor and his X-Men.” She sighed. “And it was going to be dangerous. Jean was the one who suggested it to the Professor, and he agreed.”
“Agreed with what?”
“Asking Magneto for help. They needed more strength, which is why he asked Magneto and his followers to accompany him. It was a temporary and strained truce, for a threat that risked spreading to Earth if left unchecked. Everyone was ready to go.” She looked up at the sky and swallowed. “Everyone, except me.”
He said nothing. They walked on slowly. Taking in a deep breath, she went on, “I was…tired. And I was…” She searched for the word. “Content. To be here. I knew it was important to go, but I didn’t want to. And I felt guilty, for not wanting to go, but that didn’t change this intense aversion. I don’t know, maybe Magneto’s presence increased that, or maybe I was just scared of disrupting this…this safe existence.”
Logan said, staring at the grass as they walked on, “It’s okay to not want the violence that comes with our…lives.”
She turned her eyes to him, understanding what he meant when he said ‘lives’ like that. A minute passed before she said, “You were—Logan was the one who noticed how much I didn’t want to go. And the evening before we were due to set out, he talked to me about it. Helped me accept, and helped me make the decision to, for once, stay behind. I was grateful to him. But…” They came to a corner of the ground, where an old tree stood accompanied by a bench covered with yellow and brown leaves. “Every day they don’t come back, I regret it.” Tears came to her eyes as she let these thoughts out. “I…I should’ve been with them, wherever they went. Whatever happened to them should’ve happened to me too.” She turned away, eyes shut, forcing the overwhelming emotions to recede.
Logan just stood there, knowing exactly how she felt but not knowing how to comfort her. In the end, he decided to just tell her. “On my world,” He began, sitting down on the bench. She turned to him. “I made a similar…decision. And they…” He stopped. With a deep breath, he resumed. “I think that too, every day, that what happened to them should’ve happened to me. That maybe if I was there, I could’ve stopped it. But when I left, when I turned my back on them, I wasn’t tired or content, or anything. I was just an asshole.” He met her eyes. “You weren’t. You chose what you knew was better for you. You’re allowed to do that. And you don’t have to regret that.” She came and sat beside him. “It isn’t your fault they haven’t returned yet.” She nodded sadly. “And, who knows, maybe they will.”
“I hope so.” She sighed.
They sat together on the bench while the sun slowly rose higher. A leaf from the tree drifted down towards them and Logan caught it, holding it softly. They both looked at its yellow, curled surface.
Rogue said after some time, “Can you tell me about your…the Rogue on your world?”
He looked at her, surprised at the question. She met his eyes, curiosity clear in her face. He thought for a moment, and then said, “She was…I know she wore a different suit. As I hear, your X-Men weren’t big on colourful suits.”
She smiled. “Yeah, we were into black leather.”
“Be glad Wade didn’t hear you.” He looked around, as if expecting him to jump out of a tree. “He’d definitely have some wisecrack about leather and kinks.”
She laughed. “Okay. I’m glad he didn’t.”
He went on. “My Rogue was…brave. Not afraid of speaking her mind. And ready to go against orders if she felt it was the right thing to do.” He saw her face, and knew she would be comparing herself. He added, “But she wasn’t always like that. When I first met her, she was just as afraid as a young girl who is unsure about her powers would be, and just as lost.” She smiled at him. He smiled for a moment, and then it wore off as he remembered the later events. He crushed the leaf in his fist. “I’m…” he began, “I’m sorry I couldn’t…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for her, when she needed me.” She looked at him. His eyes were glistening. “I’m sorry I can’t go back and change all that.” He cleared his throat. “But I’m…I’m here now, on this world, in this second chance. And…” He paused, not knowing how to say what he wanted. Finally, he opened his fist. Looking at the bent and broken leaf, he said, “I don’t want to make the same mistakes I did there. So…I’m here, for you, if you need anything. If you need to talk.” He ended, his voice strained.
They sat in silence. Eventually, Rogue said, “When I heard you had come back…I mean, come here, from another Earth, I…didn’t know what to feel.” He looked at her. She kept her eyes on the crushed leaf in his hand. “I mean, I knew you weren’t him, but then I saw you on the news, and I knew of missions you went on with Colossus, and…I don’t know, months passed, but I just couldn’t gather the courage to see you. To see him.” She turned away from him. “I…I don’t know if he was disappointed in me, or…”
“If we were anything alike,” Logan said, “Then I know he wasn’t. I think…” He hesitated for only a moment. “I think he was proud of you, for choosing your happiness.”
She smiled. “If your Rogue was anything like me,” She looked at him, “Then I know she forgave you too.”
Logan didn’t know what to say. A small gasp escaped his lips as the weight he had carried for so long suddenly felt a little lighter. “I was scared,” He said a minute later, “to come here, scared of…But I’m glad I did.”
“I am too.” She said, and leaned against his shoulder.
xxx
A window at the back of the mansion, on the first floor, opened towards the grounds. Wade looked at the two people in the distance, sitting on the bench under the tree, and smiled to himself. He turned and saw Yukio coming in. The room was one of the rooms designed for people to just sit and chat in, used by students or teachers after classes. It was empty when Wade found it while he was looking for a way to check in on Logan without disturbing the pair’s reunion. There were couches and a table, with a cupboard by the wall containing board games and books.
“Hi Wade!” She said.
“Hi Yukio!” He grinned back.
“Is he okay?” She asked, glancing once through the window and then pulling the curtains.
“Yeah, much better than expected.” He said, slumping down on the couch I was afraid he’d either run away or have a breakdown. The latter would’ve been fine, but the former was becoming a habit.”
She nodded with concern. “And how’re you?”
He rested his head back. “I’m fine, same as always.”
“I meant how are you with regard to your…crush.” She chuckled as she said it.
Wade pulled his head back down. “Ah, that.”
“Yes, that.” She said, joining him on the couch.
“Well, there’s been some progress.” He took in a deep breath before going on, “Firstly, not a crush. I…Hmm, this feels weird to say out loud and I don’t know if I should.”
She punched him lightly on the shoulder and said, “Come on! Tell me.”
“Okay, okay.” He sighed, then turned to her, pulling his left leg back and putting the right one over it. Slowly, he said, “I think…I’m, um, in love…with…him.”
Yukio gasped, hands on her mouth, her eyes wide and a grin forming behind her palms. “Awww, you are!!???” She said, her voice getting high pitched. Wade could feel his cheeks and ears reddening, and quickly looked to the door to confirm nobody else was there. Seeing him, Yukio controlled her excitement, but couldn’t control her grin. Unfortunately for them both, Ellie stood in the doorway, her eyebrows raised. The pair were statues as she walked inside. Slowly, a smile formed on her lips. Wade, whose face was a mask of horror, looked at her, raised his hand in a flourish and said, “But milady doth protest too much, which doth make mine confession pointed as a whale’s nose.” She frowned. He added, “And cut! That’s how Shakespearean dialogue goes. Very beautiful language. Simply exceptional. Did you get the nuance?”
Yukio nodded slowly, her hand still on her mouth, controlling her laugh. Ellie put on a bored expression and sat on the armrest of the couch beside Yukio. “Yeah, I got all the nuance.”
“Good! Quick learner.” Wade said, trying to smile.
“Sure.” She leaned forward, a sardonic smile playing on her lips. “So, you’re in love with the Wolverine?”
Wade frowned, raising his voice in anger. “Who said that? Who’s spreading these…these vile rumours?”
“Yeah, cut the bullshit. You’re in love with him!” She grinned as Yukio failed to contain her laughter. “Oh, he’s gonna cut you to ribbons. Talk about doomed yaoi.”
Yukio slapped her thigh lightly. “No, he’s not, and don’t say doomed.”
“Or yaoi!” Wade said, pointing a finger at her. “You know yaoi! How do you…you know yaoi!”
“So?” She asked, her face assuming its usual bored condescension again.
“So? How do…did Yukio introduce you to it?”
Yukio shook her head. “No, I didn’t. Actually, she introduced me to a lot of good works in that genre.”
“And it’s racist to assume she did.” Ellie said, flipping him off.
“No, it isn’t.” Wade said. “Who the fuck could ever guess that’s what you do on your phone with that stone-ass poker face? I’m still having trouble imagining you reading yaoi, or yuri, or other flavours of fics.”
“Why? I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but most people have reading ability.”
“Because,” he said, ignoring her burn, “I’m now remembering all the times we were on missions and you were on your phone, and…aahh I don’t know whether to laugh or be outraged.”
“Don’t change the topic. You’re in love with Logan.” She said, the smile returning to her face.
Yukio asked, “Did you tell him?”
“No, of course not.” Wade said, glaring at Ellie, who glared back. Turning his eyes to Yukio, he said, “Have you seen him when awake?”
Ellie said, “You look at him when he sleeps too? That’s creepy.”
“It’s cute.” Yukio said, putting a hand back and holding hers.
“Yes, that’s what it is. Cute, not creepy.” He said, his eyebrows converging. “And I didn’t do it on purpose. I mean, when we returned after rescuing him, he needed bandaging and stuff. I had to be by him all night.”
She made more “Awww” sounds while Ellie let out a disinterested “Hmmm.”
Wade continued, “So, no, I didn’t tell him. And we had a fight just yesterday. Fucker cut off my leg.”
Ellie exclaimed, “Hah!” Yukio’s eyes widened in concern. “Are you okay?” She stretched out a hand towards him.
“Yes, yes, it’s all cool." He took her hand in both of his, patting it as he spoke. "He just needed to talk about his feelings and stuff, and it’s never easy with him. Hence, the fight.” He glanced back at the window. She nodded.
He raised his hand, finger pointed at Ellie. “But you cannot tell anyone!”
“What if I do?” She raised an eyebrow in challenge.
“She won’t. I’ll make sure.” Yukio said, leaning back against her. The mockingly smiling mutant flipped him off once more (to which he responded in kind) and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. She planted a kiss on her cheek.
“You don’t have to gloat. Kids these days.” Wade said, getting up and moving towards the window again. “Oh, they’re coming back. I better go.” He went towards the door.
“Creep.” Ellie called out after him.
“You sure your name’s Ellie? It’s definitely not Regina George?” He replied.
“Old and lame. Not a good combo.” She said with a snort.
“Ageist! And Mean Girls isn’t lame, I’ll have you know.” He said from the doorway, his hand on the door frame. “And at least I’m not named after a character from Pixar’s Up, however great that movie was. There!” He turned right and disappeared from view. A second later, his head reappeared. “I lost, didn’t I?”
Both Ellie and Yukio nodded. He sighed aloud, his head lowering comically, and went away.
The couple looked after him for a moment. Yukio said, “They are perfect for each other, you know.”
“Oh, I know.” Ellie said. “He’s the one who needs to know that.”