Kintsugi

Alex woke up and struggled to take a deep breath. He had gotten a binder and was wearing it all the time, including when he slept. It was a Saturday so once he was able to catch his breath he relished in the thought of not having classes that day. After a few minutes he got up and changed. By the time he had come out of the bathroom Hermione was up,

“Morning.” She said her voice thick with sleep. Alex waited for her to finish getting ready before they headed down together. As they were walking down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room Alex struggled to take a breath again, having to stop in the middle of the staircase before continuing. Hermione noticed this, “Are you okay? You’ve been quite out of breath lately.”

Alex nodded, “I'm good. Let's just go downstairs.” The two walked to the great hall talking about a myriad of things. They then found their friends and sat down with them.

“Excited for practice?” Harry asked Alex. They were on Gryffindor's quidditch team together. Harry was their seeker and Alex was a keeper.

“Mhmm.” Alex hummed in response. Alex mostly kept quiet during their conversation, enjoying Harry and Ron arguing about their games of chess and Neville and Hermione talking about school. At one point he noticed people who they usually sat around them were missing and asked, “Where's Seamus and Dean?”

“Snogging.” Neville replied not even looking away from his bag that he was rifling through. Alex rolled his eyes and smirked. Of course, what else could they possibly be doing. A couple of times he pulled at his binder trying to make it more comfortable for him.

…

“You ready Alex?” Harry called as he waited for Alex.
“Yup!” Alex called as he stood up. Harry eyed him quizzically before asking, “Are you feeling okay? Your skin looks kind of off.”

“No, I feel fine.” Alex lied. As they walked out onto the field. He got on his broom and almost took off but was hit with a sharp pain in his chest. Fred saw him and flew down so Alex could hear him, “Hey mate. Doing alright?”
“Yup.”Alex said through his teeth, “Just some random pain.”
“Oh bugger. Hope you feel better.”
Alex flew up and ran a couple of laps before he spotted a familiar face in the stands.
“Hi Hermione!” He flew close to her.
“Hi!” She smiled.
“Alex! Get over here we're gonna start.” George called.
“Got to go!” A;ex called over his shoulder.

The team was divided in half and they were playing a match. About halfway through the game Alex started feeling faint. Just as he started to pass out a Bludger hit him in the head and he fell off his broom. Everyone who saw collectively screamed and Hermione quickly levitated him so that he wouldn’t fall and break something. She then ran down to the field as quickly as possible. She then levitated him through the halls and into the hospital wing.

…
“Madame Pomfrey!” Hermione screamed. Madame Pomfrey quickly ran over to where the scream had come from, knowing that whenever someone yelled for her like that something was most definitely wrong.

She was extremely worried when she saw a floating unconscious Alex. She quickly set him down on a bed and ran a diagnostic spell. As she was quickly scanning the parchment she said to Hermione. “Get Professor Black-Potter and Professor Lupin. Please alert Professor Black if you see him too but the first two are a priority.” Hermione quickly ran out of the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey kept working on Alex and was taking his pulse after Sirius and Remus ran into the hospital.

“Poppy! What can I do to help?” Remus asked getting beside his son immediately.

Madame Pomfrey paled, all colour drained from her face. “Call time of death.” Remus looked at the wall, “10:52am.” Poppy immediately started doing chest compressions. After a minute of doing them she said, “Remus! Check his pulse!” Remus immediately went to check,

“I found one!” He screamed, excited. He heard Sirius let out a sigh of relief and let out one himself. Remus turned around to hug his husband. He turned back around to see Madame Pomfrey putting something down Alex’s throat.

“What's that?” Sirius asked, scared of all of the things that had been happening that day.

“I’ve intubated Alex. He’s on a ventilator because he went into cardiac arrest after his lung collapsed. Thankfully there was a way to fix that magically. He should be fine, I don’t know how long it will take for him to wake up but he will.” Madame Pomfrey replied.

Sirius stared at Remus confused as to everything she just said. Then as if he was summoned, Regulus stepped through the dividers they put up around the bed, “A ventilator is a machine that breathes for you and cardiac arrest is when your heart stops Sirius. Let me know if you have any more questions.”

Sirius smiled in response and Regulus walked off to be filled in by Madame Pomfrey. Sirius went to sit down in a seat that they had pulled over and put his head in his hands and stared at the floor. Sirius started whispering something to himself.

“What did you say, Pads?” Remus asked. Sirius kept whispering stuff to himself and completely ignored Remus’ question. Remus kneeled down and was finally able to hear what Sirius was chanting to himself,

“Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.” Sirius repeated to himself every time more choked with sobs. Remus sat down and held Sirius’ hand in his own and then pulled Sirius into a hug. “You’re allowed to be scared Siri, you’re allowed to cry, this is a scary situation.” They stayed there for a while before a stressed out Hermione walked into the room and sat down in the seat parallel to the pair.

“Hello professors. Is it okay if I stayed with him?” Her eyes shone with tears. Remus nodded, “Of course. I’m glad Alex has people who care about him so much.”

“Yeah.” Hermione agreed, “He’s very loved.”

…
The three spent all day there. Sometimes there were others there but most of the time it was just them. When night came Remus urged Hermione to go back to the dorms and get some proper rest but she refused. Eventually Remus gave up and she curled up in the chair she sat in.

Hermione had fallen asleep and was asleep for a while when Remus turned to Sirius,

“How are you doing my love?”

Sirius just sighed. Remus nodded. They sat together in silence until Sirius fell asleep. Remus stayed awake too wired from anxiety to sleep. He was staring at Alex and was startled by Hermione almost falling out of her seat.

“Alex! Alex!” Hermione screamed in a sort of scream whisper. She got up and grabbed Alex’s hand and sat down after she seemed satisfied.
“Good. He’s alive.” She muttered to herself, wiping the tears from her face.

Remus heard her and was confused by her behaviour. He got up and asked her,

“Hermione? Would you like to take a walk with me?”

“Okay.” Hermione replied confused, but still got up out of her seat.

They walked together in silence before Remus said, “You know, a situation where someone you love is hurt is scary.”

Hermione nodded, Remus continued, “ It’s very helpful to talk to someone about it.” As he said that they arrived at their destination.

“You tricked me into therapy!” Hermione chuckled.

Remus smiled, “Well, I am worried about you. Let's go inside.” The two went into his office and they sat down. Hermione took the armchair that Remus usually sits in and Remus sat down at his desk.

“How are you?” Remus asked, concerned.

Hermione tried to open her mouth to reply multiple times but eventually gave up.

“Sorry, too broad.” Remus apologised. “Well, I heard you mutter something. Would you like to tell me more about that?”

“Oh, that. Sorry.” Hermione rubbed her neck and looked the other way.

“Hey no none of that. I just wanted to know what your thought process was behind that. No ones mad at you; you’re good.” Remus reminded her.

“Well,” Hermione started, wringing her hands. “It was a nightmare. Alex- Alex was you know.. Um.” She looked down, unable to finish her sentence.

“I understand.” Remus said, heartbroken for the young girl. “It’s really, really hard. I’ve had moments where I thought Sirius was dead or was going to die.”

“Really?” Hermione asked, genuinely curious.

“Yes.” Remus said, lost in a memory. “But you are so brave and you are going to be okay. Know that you are doing everything you can to help him by loving him. And know that he loves you too.”

“Yeah, I’m so lucky hes my boyfriend.” Hermione said, not realising who she told that to. Once she realised a look of both embarrassment and shock covered her face as she sank into her chair.

“Oh fuck!” Once she realised who she said that to she became even more embarrassed (if that was even possible) “Oh shit!” She hid her head in her hands “I’m just gonna shut up now.”

Remus smiled, “Don’t worry about it. Everything that's said here is kept between you and me unless someone is causing harm to you or you are going to cause harm to yourself or others.” He paused, “You're a great girl Hermione. I’m glad that Alex found a girl like you.” Somehow Remus knew that deep down Hermione needed to hear that.

After a moment Remus got up and said, “Well I believe that's enough therapy for…” He cast a tempus “1 in the morning. You seemed pretty insistent with staying in the hospital wing. So I presume you will stay there.”

Hermione nodded, “If that's fine with you?”

Remus smiled, “Not a problem. I know if I was in your place nobody would be able to pry me away from Sirius.” The two walked back together in silence, then sat in silence in the hospital wing. Unaware who fell asleep first and when just knowing that one minute it was night and the next morning.

…
Alex stayed unconscious over the weekend and still not being awake on Monday, it was just Sirius and Remus at his side after spending a long time convincing Hermione to attend her classes.

The two were sitting together staring at their son. No body moved and it seemed as if time was standing still until Remus impulsively got up and checked his pulse. He thought his own heart stopped. He tried to keep his heart break hidden and then calmly asked Sirius, “Love what time is it?”

“8:17. Why?” Sirius replied. Remus didn’t answer, he moved to Alex’s chest and began compressions. After 5 minutes, Poppy walked in wanting to check in on the boys. He was startled when he was greeted by a confused Sirius (healing was never his strong suit) and Remus who was doing chest compressions. He immediately jumped in to help and asked, “Remus how can I help?”

Remus gathered all of his strength to reply, “I can’t find a pulse. I’ve been doing chest compressions for about 5 minutes.”

Poppy looked over at the back of the ventilator and then waved her wand. She grabbed Alex’s wrist and then sighed to herself. She turned back to Remus, “Its a magical ventilator, its charmed to shut off once it detects that a person may be still to breathe on their own.”

Remus smiled at her, “Thanks Poppy.” She nodded and walked away. Remus and Sirius sat together for a moment feeling winded from that scare.

Eventually Sirius broke the silence, “Remus, shall we go on a walk?” Remus nodded and told Poppy that they were leaving. They walked in silence until they got to their quarters. Sirius opened the door and Remus sat down on the couch. Sirius stayed standing, “Moony what the fuck?”

Remus was confused, “What do you mean love? Did I do something?”

Sirius laughed and completely ignored everything he said, “You’ve watched our son lie dead not only once but twice in the last 96 hours and you don’t give a damn! Do you not care about our family?! Do you not care about our son? Because not even 15 minutes ago you pronounced him dead and you don’t seem to be bothered by that.”

“Pads-”

“It’s insane!” Sirius continued to rant. “You don’t care about our family at all! You obviously don’t care because anybody who cared would feel any ounce of fear when your son was dead!” Sirius sat down and now it was Remus’ turn to stand.

“Sirius you’re fucking insane! I love our son with all of my heart. Alex is- He’s-” Remus blinked back tears, “He’s my everything. I thought my own heart stopped when I checked his pulse. I have been sitting here having to listen to what Regulus and Poppy have been saying. Do you know what they’ve been saying? Huh! They are saying that they might put him in a coma if he doesn’t stabilise. But you don’t fucking understand that. And just because I don’t outwardly say it doesn’t mean that I'm not scared. Because I am. I am so scared. I can not lose Alexander.” Remus was now crying. Sirius tried to take a step closer to him. “Love, I’m sorry-”

“Just leave me alone.” Remus said as he walked out the door.

…
The rest of the day was silent with only the occasion conversation with Poppy was had so that she could update them on Alex.

Before the pair went to bed that night Sirius randomly said, “Moony. I’m sorry.”

“Oh are we now?” Remus said, still upset.

“I should have seen how insensitive that was my darling.” Sirius began, “I was caught up in my emotions and I was scared and confused-” Sirius cut himself off and then continued, “Overall, I shouldn’t have done that. It was rude. I’m sorry.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and buried his head into his shoulder, tears streaming down his face. “Its okay.” He cried silently into his shoulder. “I’m so scared Siri. So so scared. I love him so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”

“Because that will never happen.” Sirius lifted Remus’ chin up. “Our boy is a fighter. And he will fight with every last ounce of power he has in him. He’ll be okay my love. Don’t you worry.”

“I love you, Sirius Black.”

“And I love you, Remus Lupin.”