Steve sits on the edge of the couch staring at the dogtags and folded flag resting on the coffee table. His eyes are bloodshot from the amount of crying he’s done. It’s only been four hours since his entire world was flipped upside down.
The last thing Steve expected when there was a knock at the door was to be greeted with two of Bucky’s army generals. Steve’s blood had run cold when he noticed the folded flag and Bucky’s tags.
Steve wipes what feels like the millionth tear off his face and lets out a shaky sigh. He rises from the couch; their couch and walks over to the chest of drawers near the front door where Bucky’s picture sits. He looks amazing in his Dress Blues with that crooked smile Steve will never see again. More tears well up in Steve’s eyes as his fingers run along the glass of the frame.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Bucky,” Steve grits out, slamming the letter onto the dining table right in front of his boyfriend. Steve knows he shouldn’t have opened the letter addressed to Bucky but the moment he saw the sender was related to the army, curiosity got the best of him.
Bucky’s eyes widen slightly as he reads over the letter sent from the U.S. Army. He’s speechless. “Stevie…”
“Don’t you ‘Stevie’ me, Bucky Barnes,” Steve hisses.
“Steve, we had discussed this a couple of months ago, remember?”
Steve crosses his arms over his bony chest. “But nothing was set in stone.”
Bucky sighs and opens his arms hoping his boyfriend accepts the invitation. Steve relents and climbs into Bucky’s lap, looping his arms around Bucky’s neck. “It was the only option for financial securement, Stevie. It means free healthcare for you and God knows you desperately need it.”
Steve grumbles to himself because he knows Bucky is right. Steve’s health isn’t the best and hasn’t been since he was a child. He was quite surprised when Bucky agreed to be his boyfriend despite Steve’s ailments. Since they had been in a relationship, Steve ended up in the hospital three times within eight months. If Bucky joining the army so that Steve was guaranteed healthcare didn’t express Bucky’s undying love for the blond, then Steve didn’t know what would.
“I don’t like the idea of you going into the army but you’re right,” Steve sighs.
Bucky runs his hands up and down Steve’s thin sides. “I’m doing this for you, punk.” Steve rolls his eyes at the nickname.
The blond smiles and caresses Bucky’s cheek. “I know. You’re always looking after me and that’s why I fell in love with you.”
Bucky closes the distance between them and kisses Steve deeply. Steve immediately gets lost in the kiss and pulls away when his cock gives a familiar twitch in his pants. Now wasn’t the time for anything more intimate than deep kisses. Especially with the severity of the topic.
Bucky reaches behind Steve to retrieve the letter and reads its contents thoroughly this time. “Basic training starts next month in South Carolina.”
Steve takes the paper from his boyfriend and reads over the information. His eyes nearly bug out at the length of training. “Basic training is ten weeks!”
This time, it’s Bucky’s turn to take the paper. “Holy shit. I knew training was going to be extensive, I just didn’t think it was going to be that intense.”
“Ten weeks is too long to be away from you,” Steve whimpers.
Bucky squeezes Steve just a little tighter and buries his face in the blond’s neck. “I know, but we’ll talk everyday and I’ll try to FaceTime as much as possible,” Bucky says against Steve’s skin. “Plus they say that some people don’t get deployed for months.”
Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s dark locks. “Promise you’ll come home to me.”
“Always.”
Steve fingers the rose gold band around his finger. “You broke your promise, Buck,” Steve croaks. He often finds his mind going back to the memory of Bucky’s proposal.
Steve finds himself in the middle of the empty parking lot of the Wal-Mart where he and Bucky first met. “Buck, it’s like ten o’clock at night and it’s freezing. Why are we even here? What if we get arrested?”
Steve’s got himself wound around his boyfriend trying to keep warm and glances up at Bucky with curious blue eyes.
Bucky can’t resist kissing Steve’s cold-bitten nose. “I promise there’s a purpose of being here,” the brunette responds.
Before Steve can question any more of Bucky’s antics, the latter drops to one knee and pulls out a velvet box. “Stevie…” Bucky begins, voice shaky. “I knew I wanted you in my life permanently the moment you almost hit me with your car two years ago.”
Steve blushed in embarrassment at the memory. His eyes start to well up when he realizes what Bucky is trying to say.
“So take the first step with me, Stevie. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?” Bucky’s hands shake as he opens the velvet box revealing a simple rose gold band.
The tears finally fall as Steve drops to his knees and lunges at Bucky, pulling him tight to his chest. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes.” More tears flood Steve’s eyes when Bucky slips the band over his left ring finger. He yanks his fiance into a toe-curling kiss before pulling away. “Of course I’ll marry you.”
-0-0-0-
It’s been a year since Bucky’s death and Steve still hasn’t let go. Bucky was his entire world. When Bucky died, a part of Steve died, too.
Steve cries out for Bucky nearly every night. He’ll stay up all night and stare at the closed bedroom door, hoping the love of his life will walk right through it.
Tonight is no different. He calls out for Bucky but he knows he’s calling out to nothing but darkness. Tears spring to his eyes when silence answers him. He grabs Bucky’s pillow and holds it close; the only item left with his fiance’s scent. Steve stares at Bucky’s dog tags dangling off the bedside lamp. Steve sobs as he reaches out for them.
Steve knows he can’t live this way. He knows Bucky would want him to prevail; to live life.
-0-0-0-
Three years have gone by and Steve is finally living life. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of Bucky. He’s in his dreams and in his heart. Steve knows he’s watching over him just to make sure he’s okay. Bucky’s given Steve that ounce of faith to move on.
Steve kneels in front of Bucky’s gravestone and runs his fingers along the marble slab. He sits back on his haunches and removes the dog tags from his neck. He presses a shaky kiss to the stone before he lays them over the gravestone. “Thanks for saving me, Buck.”