Tomorrow Is a Big Day (For Everyone)
"Wait, I knew that you must be rich when you can afford to have a huge house and an awesome butler-" Oeznik smiled and performed a subtle bow in Sebastian's direction. "- but no one told me you were a baron! Tell me more about it, please!"
Zemo chuckled. "Well, it is not that big of a deal."
The other man almost choked when he heard that. "Since when are you so humble?! I asked you about it once, out of pure politeness, and got a two-hour lecture about the perks of your title."
"It seemed to me that you were quite interested."
"Yeah, for like, the first ten minutes."
"You could have stopped me at any time you felt overwhelmed by my incredible baronesqueness."
"That's not even a word!"
"It is now."
Sebastian laughed at their bickering. "Do you have any interesting stories then, so it wouldn't be so boring for uncle Bucky?"
He took a contemplative sip of his tea. If Bucky had to guess, he'd say that the baron was stalling. "When I was a young lad, as young as you are now, Sebastian, I used to travel all around the world with my father. One week, we'd fly to France, the other we'd spend at our property in Riga. Every day was like a dream of any ordinary child, but not of mine. All the luxury loses its charm if you're allowed to overindulge, you see?"
The boy nodded his head wildly. "It's like ice cream! It's awesome when you can get it for your birthday, but if you could eat it all year round, then it would not be special anymore, ain't that right?" he smiled, satisfied with his analogy.
"Well done, young master," Zemo winked at him and then continued his story: "So I didn't care much about the family heritage, and didn't share the values my father hoped I would share. He was not disappointed in me, though, because he knew I would eventually grow up into a man who accepts his responsibilities of a rightful heir. But, before that happened, I had been just a little rascal who was the happiest in the company of common street kids. I'd sneak out whenever I could to join some random group of children to talk and play with them. I was more or less accepted anywhere, and the fights I would often get into were mostly just playful. I've learned a lot from them, helped me improve my agility, speed, and endurance. Oh, I felt oh so clever and cunning," he laughed, shaking his head until his eyes eventually settled on Oeznik. "Little did I know that my father deliberately staged opportunities for me to escape and had someone to look after me when I was out on an adventure."
The butler smiled. "If it wasn't for that one week in Czechoslovakia, you would never figure it out."
"What happened there?" Seb gasped, thrilled to hear more. Bucky closed his eyes for a moment, but not because listening to Zemo's storytelling would bore him, no, he enjoyed it tremendously. The baron's voice was softer, nostalgic and he couldn't get enough of it. He'd listen to it for hours, even if they would be reading only a list of names from a phonebook.
"Well," Zemo leaned in, a mischievous grin plastered on his face. "Czechoslovak Republic was a communist country at the time I was there, and the regime didn't usually allow anyone to get in or out, so they weren't used to seeing foreigners. Hearing me speak my native language, they assumed I was a Russian spy, which made them hesitant. For them, I wasn't safe to play with. Naturally, I tried to prove them wrong."
"How?"
"I taught them some Sokovian songs - some they wouldn't get in trouble for singing - bought them all candy, and eventually I stole a van and took it for a joy ride. You see, my great idea was to drive home every one of my new friends. We had plenty of fun. When I finished my 'delivery,' a car caught up to me. It was Oeznik. He made sure that I didn't do any damage to the van, helped me park it somewhere safe, and then, pretending to be an aware citizen who felt a civic duty to report the discovery of an abandoned vehicle, he called the 'Public Security,' the contemporary police force. I ended up grounded for two weeks."
They all chuckled. Neither Bucky nor Sebastian could picture the baron being involved in such a foolish escapade. Oeznik, who knew of multiple stories that were twice as wild as this one, gave his master an amused look.
***
The smiles stayed plastered on their faces until one day a telephone rang, and there were only under 24 hours left before Theodora would show up on their doorstep for the second time. It was time to do the inevitable - tell Sebastian that he'll be taken away by his aunt the following day. Zemo made sure that the boy's last day at his house was truly memorable. They played games together all day, ate ice cream and popcorn, watched silly cartoons for kids and lastly, they had dinner with all of Sebastian's favorite meals.
Although everything seemed to be going well, it soon became clear that the baron was feeling anything but well. When Bucky teased him for spoiling the kid, his only answer was a badly suppressed pitiful look and a poor excuse of a comeback. It seemed that Zemo had put all his energy into looking unconcerned for Sebastian's sake and had no more left to maintain his usual demeanor.
At bedtime, they all settled on Sebastian's bed, with the boy nested in between his two uncles. The talk was incoming.
"Tomorrow is a big day," Zemo started, covering his nervousness with fake excitement. He had his hands folded in between his thighs, barely resisting the urge to put his hand on Seb's knee. It was time to put some distance between himself and the boy he would be willing to claim as his own at any given point in time. "Cora, your aunt, is going to visit us. Do you remember her?"
Sebastian shook his head, but his eyes were big and curious. "Mom had a sister?"
"Yes," he confirmed with a heavy heart. "She's very keen on meeting you and... would like to take you home with her. It's great, isn't it?" The question was supposed to assure Zemo rather than the boy, who was obviously happy to hear the news.
The way his lips parted, and his smile grew wide with joy wounded the man. "I can't wait!" Then, as if sensing the inner turmoil of the baron, he added: "But... Does it mean we're saying goodbye? Will I ever see you again?"
Zemo didn't answer. He couldn't.
Bucky patted his shoulder in a friendly manner. Smiling, he said: "You're never getting rid of us, buddy! Of course, we'll continue being here for you. We'll stay in contact, right?" Zemo looked up into the boy's eyes again - a spark of hope gleamed in the darkness of his pupils. He didn't want to lie to the boy, but the urge not to kill the moment eventually overtook him, and he found himself nodding along in agreement with a toothy grin.
"Of course." If he tried to say more, he would probably end up choking, so he stopped himself from letting out all of the stupid clichés that popped up in his mind.
"Awesome!" Sebastian squeaked, sitting up and pulling his two uncles into a group hug.
Bucky's gaze shifted to look at Zemo, whose expression was a strange mix of forced blank and restraint. He moved his hand up and down the man's back. Their eyes met, and the baron frowned. Was it too much? The gesture must have had a different effect than the soldier hoped for because Zemo pulled away right after the second gentle stroke. "That's enough. I want you to get as much sleep as possible. Have you chosen which animal you'd like to snuggle tonight?"
"The white wolf!"
He reached out for the requested stuffed animal. "Good choice," he smiled faintly as his eyes examined the plushie and then slipped to the other man's broad frame. I'd like that too. "Goodnight, young master Sebastian."
"Sleep tight!" Bucky joined.
Then they both left the room.
"Hey, Zemo, I-" Before he could finish the sentence, the baron was already behind the door leading to his bedroom. The key turned in the lock once, twice. With a hushed voice, not to alarm the boy whose bedroom was only a few rooms away, he asked: "Are you okay?" No response. Bucky pressed his forehead against the wooden door. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you." A sharp inhale, interrupted by a hand slapped over his mouth, a betrayal of emotions. The soldier decided to pretend like his enhanced senses didn't pick on the pitiful sound, knowing that Zemo was feeling miserable for letting himself slip. Instead, he continued to walk down the corridor, opting to sleep on the couch downstairs.
The soldier looked about the room - one of the fancy digital clocks read 04:23 in the morning. Judging by the sound of it, someone was washing the dishes in the kitchen. Oeznik should be asleep until at least 6 am, so it must have been the only other resident. He decided to check on that self-destructive asshole.
If accused of being sneaky, Bucky would always argue that it's never intentional. His walk was just... naturally quiet. And so he found himself in the doorway, standing there unnoticed, watching Zemo's back. It became clear quite soon that he'd been scrubbing the same plate for some time now, his hand moving mechanically in circles as he stared at the front porch through the window.
He cleared his throat to make himself known. Zemo whipped around, plate abandoned in the dirty water with little foam left. "Ah, you startled me," the man admitted, but his expression was cold and unreadable. The mouth says something else than what the mind thinks and, more importantly, what the heart feels.
"Why are you up?"
The baron just shrugged at that and leaned against the counter with his back to the window, arms crossed over his chest. There was enough space at the counter for Bucky to settle down next to his... friend... but he wasn't sure what were the boundaries between them anymore, so he decided not to push his luck.
"Look, I wanted to talk to y-"
"I'm fine, James." No smile or emotion whatsoever.
It was ridiculous.
Bucky shook his head in disbelief. "Doesn't look like it."
"It does not?" The other challenged.
"No. This whole situation we have here, plus your horrible experiences and our past, I'm sure it's all difficult to process. However, there's no need to build new walls around yourself or to detach yourself from it all. I want to make sure you know you're not alone in this. I mean it. It's okay to care, doll, you were getting somewhere with this. Don't give up now."
"I have no idea what you are getting at. This is how I've always been. The way I behaved the past few days, that should be worrisome to you. It was as if I lost myself for that period. Made a fool of myself. I made a huge step back from the river, and I'm not going to let the stream sweep me away ever again."
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! "Why do you always have to be so untouchable? Happiness, sadness, love, you keep pushing it all away. You're not a machine, you're human, for crying out loud! Allow yourself to act like one!" He didn't want to raise his voice, but it was frustrating how Zemo didn't seem to hear him otherwise.
The baron pushed himself away from the counter, evading Bucky's personal space, filling it with an air of stubborn defiance. Defense mechanisms.
"What are you really trying to do here? Comfort me? Because that's something only the Winter Soldier did, exclusively when I ordered him to." And here Bucky was, thinking they were over it. He should have suspected that there were grudges thought to be held, although there weren't really. Not anymore. But how would any of them know that for sure, when they didn't find a way to talk it out?
"Or are you saying this because you're scared of me? I know how you look at me sometimes. It's subtle hints, but it's there. Subconsciously coded into you." For being the shorter one of the two, Zemo had never failed to be the more threatening and self-confident of the two. Unfortunately, he couldn't always see clearly - past the mist of the ghosts that accumulated in the field of his third eye's vision.
"I'm not scared of you," Bucky clarified.
"You hate me then. What's the difference?"
"Do you know what? I used to fear you. Now? I'm fucking happy whenever we can be close - as close as we are now. It was hard to believe at first, but now I'm certain that there's a lot of love within you, you just choose wisely who to give it to, guarding yourself by appearing ignorant to most. You were good with Sebastian. So good! I could never, listen, never hate you after everything I've found you had in you, doll."
Zemo seemed to be at a loss for words after the revelation, and it took him a moment before he could adjust his metaphorical mask to sit comfortably on his face. "How come I've never discovered how stupidly naive you are, soldat?"
This time, Bucky couldn't help but laugh aloud. "You start playing the handler to set the power dynamics, so I'm reminded how much I actually should be scared of you. I agree that someone's naive here, but it's not me, Zemo." Finally, the other man deflated. The mask cracked. "If you ever decide to be true to yourself, if you ever need to feel vulnerable, I'll be here to keep you safe and protected. I promise."
He made a point of walking away in the same silence he came in before, not looking back. However, that doesn't mean he didn't care. Hearing the quiet footsteps ascending the stairs disappear behind the door of Zemo's bedroom, he felt great relief. Neither of them might be able to sleep that night, but that only confirms that they managed to get even closer through their passively aggressive argument.
It was like a scene from a cheesy soap opera - Zemo was on his knees, adjusting the straps on Sebastian's new schoolbag (currently filled with some new expensive children's books, clothes, and a plushie, all shipped from Europe) under the watchful eyes of aunt Cora, who seemed moved by the baron's words.
"I hope you will remember this chapter of your life with as much fondness as I definitely will, but now it's time to close this book. The best life and the brightest future await you, мой дорогой."
Sebastian's lower lip wobbled slightly. "I'm g-going to miss you..."
Zemo's smile faltered but was fast to regain control over his features. "Don't worry. Here." He reached up into a drawer and pulled out a bag of Turkish delights. "We'll see each other again before you're able to run out of these." Then they embraced. Bucky was quickly pulled into a hug right after. After that, the boy was waving his small hand, leaving, being taken away by his real family.
Once the door was shut behind them, the baron stood there frozen and statuesque. The soldier stared at his back, unable to read much from the other's expression. He could only guess what he was feeling, and so he opted for something more universal and neutral: "I know you don't want to hear it, but you did the right thing. He's going to be alright." An ugly noise came from Zemo. Was that-? Bucky risked touching the smaller man's shoulder.
Another harsh sob wrecked Zemo's body. After all the time he had been suppressing his emotions, never letting on how much his heart ached for all the mistakes he'd made, for all that he'd lost, and for everything he knew he could never have, he broke down into tears, throwing himself into Bucky's open arms.
Bucky promised to keep him safe. He did so now as he held Zemo tightly pressed to his chest, not letting the man shatter into pieces. If it was necessary, he wouldn't ever let go. "Shhh. It's okay. Let it out." He rocked them back and forth slowly, careful not to break his friend.
The violent way Zemo's body jerked with every sob, every strong emotion that forced its way to the surface looked painful. His thickly accented voice was the proof verifying the hypothesis. "This is what happens when I care about someone, James." Bucky rubbed his back as it shook with every sharp intake of breath. "Everything good in life always gets ripped out of my hands."
"No. Not everything. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."
"I want to believe you, but-"
"There is no 'but'," Bucky stated. There was no room for any doubt. "Come on. We'll get you to bed." He carried Zemo upstairs bridal-style. It was much more efficient than having the man walking on his unsteady legs. All the way up, he was humming a soothing melody. Zemo seemed to be listening intently but otherwise appeared almost asleep, the way he was utterly exhausted. Bucky sat him up onto the soft covers and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He'll be more comfortable sleeping without it.
Tugged up professionally, Zemo reveled in the warmth. However, tears were still present in his eyes. "James?"
"Yes?"
"You know I'm always ready to accept whatever punishment that awaits me. This time it is no different. I accept my responsibility for the souls that grew dim after I indirectly blew up the school."
"You didn't blow it up," Bucky protested.
Zemo averted his eyes to the floor. "I might as well did it. The results would be the same. My point is that... I- The least I could do was to take care of the one person whose life I ruined by my actions, but now... I won't be able to see Sebastian when I'm in prison. I feel horrible for lying to the boy. He'll think I'm a liar, and that I never wanted him in the first place it's... it's not true, I- I-"
"I'm sure he knows you love him, and nothing could ever change that." The soldier ran his finger down Zemo's cheek, collecting some of the tears. To his surprise, Zemo leaned into the touch. "We'll figure something out. I'll make a call with T’Challa and see what I can do for you. The punishment probably won't be canceled, but you won't have to suffer another minute in your life, doll."
A shaky hand emerged from under the covers to cover Bucky's hand currently cupping Zemo's lower jaw. "Did you mean what you said yesterday?"
"Of course. Meant every word."
Zemo seemed to contemplate it for a moment. Then his eyes met Bucky's, and his hand moved up the soldier's flesh arm with careful tenderness. His mouth opened several times with no sound coming out of them. "I don't know what to do. Theo told me I could say it, but I'm not sure if you'd forgive me for it if I did."
"Try me." Bucky's heart was beating like a hammer. Could this be the moment for which he’s been waiting?
"I... I love you."
In the beat of silence that followed, all courage seemed to drain out of Zemo. "If you can't forgive it, at least try to forget it," he muttered while rolling onto his side. It hurt to have confirmed that his feelings weren't shared, and he immediately regretted his confession. At least they were friends now.
"Forgive you for loving me? Only you could ask for something so silly," Bucky chuckled, leaning in to kiss the top of the other's head. Zemo turned to lay on his back again, his face brighter than the sun. "But if you insist on it, then I'm afraid I should also be forgiven for loving you back."
From that moment onward, the world didn't seem so cruel to both men anymore.
The End