“J Jonah Jameson!!” Wade sang, skipping into the department along Peter’s desk. He gaped, watching the merk skip past him. He didn't think the first time he met his partner out of the mask would be like this. He slammed the door open, striding out of view from the people in the office. “I hate to kill you, being alliteration buddies and all, but someone fucking hates your guts and gave me enough money worth dulling Bea n’ Aurther on your turkey neck.”
“Spiderman put you up to this, didn't he!” Peter hears Jameson yell, which catalyzes his reaction. People will think it was Spiderman and there goes his reputation he is still fighting to pull from the dirt. Peter ran to the doorway, Wade with a Katana in both hands.
“Wait!” The merc and Jameson both look at him. “Uh,” what the fuck does he say? ‘No don’t?’ Like the Mercenary would fucking listen to that.
“Wow, and you hire secretaries based on how fuckable they are too? Did he make you do anything you didn't want to?” Peter briefly went through the grief cycle.
“I am not his secretary.”
“But he did make you do something you didn't want to, you sick Bastard!” Wade yelled, lifting his katana.
“No, no, no, he didn’t make me do anything nor am I his secretary. Deadpool don’t kill him.”
“HUH?! You know me!” Wade squealed.
“Everyone knows you, especially dressed like that threatening to kill someone.”
“Ah, yeah that makes sense. Why can’t I kill him?”
“It’s wrong.” Wade laughed. “And Jameson is right, people would think Spiderman hired you and that would ruin his reputation.”
“Web’s reputation is just fine.”
“He would be mad at you.” Wade squinted at him, obvious even through the mask. He grumbled and put his katanas away.
“Whatever, I didn't want to kill him anyway.” He pouted, Peter almost laughed but held it in.
“Thank you.” The room was quiet, Jameson silently trying to leave the room.
“Hm, and you are?”
“Ben.”
“Ben?”
“Yeah?”
“Ben what?”
“Benjamin Stacey.”
“Benjamin Stacey? Bullshit!”
“I am!” Peter reiterated, trying not to laugh despite how serious the situation was. He was so used to laughing around Wade it was weird for him to not.
“If you're Benjamin Stacey I’ll give you 1,000 dollars. You got an ID?”
“No.” Wade laughed.
“Fucker,” he said, nearly sweetly. “Alright Ben, I’ll see you around.”
“I hope not.” Wade laughed, walking past him out of the room.
“You don’t have a say in a manner.” Normally Peter would take this as a threat, but the way he purred it made his stomach twist with butterflies.
.
.
.
“Peter.” Peter did NOT look up from his desk where he was editing a photo of himself (Spiderman), recognizing that voice anywhere. “Petey,” he whined, shoving his hands in front of the monitor so he couldn’t see.
“Deadpool,” he greeted.
“Why didn’t you tell me we were alliteration buddies?” Peter raised a brow. Wade gestured to himself. “Wade Wilson.” Then to Peter. “Peter Parker.”
“Nah, that’s not me, that’s the other photographer.”
“How long are you going to commit to this bit?”
“Not a bit, just my name.”
“Your middle name and your ex-girlfriend’s last name, not much of a fake name.” Peter sighed, rubbing the scar that cut through his eyebrow.
“Deadpool, how do you know that about me?”
“Mercenary, I thought you knew that?” Peter took a deep breath, saving the work he had done and logging off the computer.
“What's your end goal here?”
“To get you to go out on a date with me.” Peter blinked, finding himself a little dumbfounded.
“Me? On a date with you?” Wade nodded, satisfied with the undivided attention Peter was now giving him. “Why?”
“Oh, baby boy, you don’t even know?” Peter raised a brow. “You don’t know you're beautiful.”
“Pool, you can’t quote 1 Direction at me and expect me to swoon. You tried to kill my boss yesterday.”
“Yeah, and most people thank me when I do that. I can and will make you swoon with 1 direction lines!” Peter signed, putting his belongings in his backpack.
“Sorry, I already have a boyfriend.” Wade scoffed.
“Even if I didn't know everything about you I’d know that horse shit, you're terrible at lying.”
“I’m not! And You don’t know everything.”
“Correct, I still don’t know how it’d feel when you ride my face, but that's why I’m trying to take you out!” Peter blushed horribly, hiding his face in the hood of his jacket. “Come on, I’d show you a good time.”
“I’m not into mercenaries.”
“Make an exception.” He grabbed Peter’s bag, hoisting it over his shoulder and elbowing out an arm to guide him. “I’ll show you a good time, you know I will.” Peter hesitated, Wade’s arm inviting him.
“I don’t put out on the first date.”
“Would never expect you to.” Peter sighed, softly gripped his arm, and let Wade lead him out of the building.
.
.
.
Somehow 2 weeks past. They had gone on a date every day, several times a day sometimes. How that happened Peter still doesn’t know. When he finally got his brain to clear enough from the blushing and the swooning he was waking up next to Wade, cuddled into his side.
“Man, I keep getting this nostalgic feeling.” Peter raised his brow, stirring more creamer into his coffee. Wade flipped a pancake while taking a sip of his coffee.
“What d’ya mean?”
“I don’t know,” Wade sighed. “I feel like I’m forgetting something… or something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, It’s been gnawing at me for the last 2 weeks. Like I am supposed to be doing something or going somewhere. But I don’t have a job, paid all my bills, returned all the movies I rented, canceled my free week subscription to Disney Plus, I can’t place my finger on it.”
“Huh.” Peter wasn’t really sure what to add to that. “Super hero biz?”
“Nah, I haven’t heard anything from Spidey….. Spidey…..” Peter watched him anxiously. He still hadn’t told Pool who he was. Maybe he recognized him, but Peter had never shown his face, even the lower half, and he used a voice modification. Unless he recognized him from build alone…. Peter itched his arm, rubbing his thumb over his spinnerette to carefully itch it.
“Dry cleaning?”
“Hmm, I did lose a onesie last we- THERE!” Wade turned around quickly, Peter unsure of his next action. Wade looked around the room, eyes darting across the ceiling. He took a few steps forward, sniffing the air every few steps. He landed in front of Peter.
“What?” Wade grabbed his outer wrist, twisting it so his nose landed on his inner wrist and took a deep inhale.
“Spidey?” Peter’s eyes grew and Wade must have noticed his panic. He slapped a hand over his eyes. “SORRY, SORRY, I didn’t mean to figure it out!” Peter stood still, his brain still analyzing the situation. “Your webs give off a certain scent, I promise I didn’t-”
“THEY SMELL?!” Peter jabbed his wrist to his face, smelling his spinnerette. Wade still had his eyes covered. “Wade, uncover your eyes, you know me already!” Wade peaked through his fingers.
“Webs, I didn’t know you looked like that underneath,” he sighed dreamily. Peter blushed and tried not to freak out over the situation.
“Yeah, well.” They both stared at each other for a few moments.
“Oh my god. SPIDER-MAN IS MY BOYFRIEND!”
“Woah, woah, woah, you never asked to be my boyfriend.” Peter corrected, ever the romantic.
“Baby boy,” Wade whined. He fell to his knees, putting his hands in worship. “Peter baby, please please be my boyfriend. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-”
“Wade, Wade, enough,” he laughed, pulling at Wade’s hands. “Okay, Okay, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“Yippee!”
“Did you seriously just say yippee?”
“What else would you say in this situation?” Wade asked, pulling Peter into a hug and kissing at his neck.
“I don't know, not yippee.” Wade connected their lips.
“This is the yippiest pee I’ve ever had.” Peter groaned in disgust but didn’t stop kissing him, the groan turning into pleasure as Wade licked into his mouth.