just a breakdown

Wade Wilson had his own way of living. A constant comedy, a mask of a joker that hid an ocean of terror. His jokes, his eccentricities, all of that was a barrier, a barricade against the world. He knew Logan understood, but sometimes even Logan had enough. It wasn’t easy living with someone like Wade. But still, after all these years spent running and hiding in the shadows, Logan had almost fallen for the strange duo they formed. Wade brought a little light into his dark existence, and Logan, despite himself, had become Wade’s anchor.

That day, they were going out to relax after a week full of chaos. Logan had suggested a simple outing, a walk, a way to breathe some fresh air. He hadn’t asked for much. He was just tired of staying locked in that apartment all day, and maybe, just maybe, he wanted to go out with Wade, but he didn’t dare ask him on a date.

As they were walking toward the elevator, Logan noticed that Wade seemed hesitant, slightly tense.

“Are you okay?” asked Logan, casting a quick glance at Wade.

Wade forced a quick smile, a grimace that didn’t seem very convincing.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, his voice trembling slightly.

Logan furrowed his brow. He knew Wade well enough to sense that something wasn’t right. But before he could insist, Wade quickly looked away. Logan shrugged it off, but deep down, he knew something was wrong. He knew Wade didn’t like being seen as vulnerable, even by him.

“Maybe you’d prefer to take the stairs, Bub? We can if you’d rather,” Logan suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

But Wade shook his head. His answer seemed spontaneous, almost mechanical.

“No, it’s fine. The elevator is… faster.”

So, they got on the elevator together. The doors closed with a dull sound, and Logan relaxed against the wall. But Wade, on the other hand, remained tense, his hands gripping the rail, his legs slightly bent. He cast furtive glances at the metal walls, as if a part of him was looking for an escape.

Suddenly, a metallic click echoed. The elevator stopped abruptly.

“Shit!” Logan cursed, grumbling about the elevator. “This is just not our day…”

“It’s… it’s fine,” Wade murmured, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at Logan. “It’s just a breakdown, Peanut.”

A silence settled between them. Logan focused on the control panel, watching the blinking numbers aimlessly. He pressed the bell, which connected him to a technician.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, someone will be sent, it should take an hour or two,” the technician’s voice said.

Logan growled, frustrated, and the robotic voice seemed distant to Wade.

Wade could no longer hear anything. His hands were trembling, his breathing becoming more labored. He tried to focus on his feet, on something, anything to keep from breaking down. But panic was already creeping into his veins, like a cold fog wrapping around him. His memories of Francis, of the cage, of the lack of air, the straps that had bound him, the pain… they all came rushing back to the surface. The room seemed to shrink around him, the walls closing in slowly. His knees buckled, and he sank to the floor, unable to stay on his feet. He pulled his legs against his chest, burying his head. Trying to make himself as small as possible. He looked vulnerable, and he hated it.

Logan was too busy talking to the technician to notice. Wade closed his eyes, trying to breathe deeply, to push away the fear that gripped him. But it was useless. His muscles tightened, his heart raced, and his breath became shallow. He felt the invisible walls closing in around him. No matter how hard he fought, he couldn’t stay calm.

“Logan…” he gasped weakly, but his voice was barely audible, drowned out by the panic.

He tried to reach for Logan’s hand, but couldn’t, because Logan hadn’t noticed, so he pulled his hand back. His breath became irregular, almost hysterical. He couldn’t control the wave of terror flooding over him. The room was getting smaller, and his thoughts were spiraling in his mind.

Finally, Logan turned around, alerted by the soft sound of Wade gasping, fighting for every breath. He saw the merc curled up on the floor, his face drenched in sweat. His hands clutched his knees, and his body was trembling uncontrollably.

“Bub? What’s going on?” Logan asked, his eyes filled with confusion and concern.

Wade couldn’t breathe properly anymore. He was gasping for air, each breath an effort. His eyes searched for Logan’s, but they were filled with terror. He wanted to speak, but he couldn’t.

“Bub, look at me,” Logan said softly, his voice reassuring. “Breathe, calm down.”

But Wade shook his head, unable to listen. His memories were flooding back, vivid and invasive, and the fear he was feeling right now was the one he could never forget. Claustrophobia… small, airless rooms, lack of space. He had lived through that in much smaller cages, with chains that kept him from moving, for hours, days… Maybe his mind had become a cage.

Logan gently approached him, his face hard with worry. He crouched down next to Wade, reaching out a hesitant hand, but Wade flinched at the contact, instinctively pulling away.

“Don’t touch me,” Wade said, his voice breaking, tears in his eyes. “I… I’ll get through this on my own. I can do it.”

Logan stopped but didn’t leave. He knew Wade could get through this on his own, but he also knew the panic wouldn’t subside right away. He placed his hand near Wade, barely brushing it, just to let him know he was there.

“Breathe with me, Wade,” Logan whispered. “Inhale, exhale, slowly. You’re not alone, you hear me? You’re here, with me, Logan. You’re not with Francis. He can’t hurt you anymore”

Wade kept his eyes shut, his body trembling uncontrollably.

“I can’t… Logan—I can’t…,” a sob escaped his lips.

“You can do it, Wade, calm down.”

But Logan’s voice was anchored, a thin thread in the storm. Slowly, very slowly, Wade managed to coordinate his breathing, following Logan’s instructions. With each breath, the air seemed a little less suffocating, but it was still a struggle, a fight against the shadows of the past that resurfaced.

When the elevator finally started moving again, after what felt like an eternity, Wade felt drained. He didn’t have the strength to move, but Logan didn’t let him go. He stood up, offering a hand to Wade, who took it hesitantly.

Logan helped him out of the elevator, and they headed toward the front door. The outside sun seemed like an escape, a refuge. Logan led Wade outside, away from the walls of the elevator, to a place where he could breathe. They sat down on a bench.

“You held on,” Logan said, his voice calm but full of pride. “You made it. That’s all that matters.”

Wade looked at him, still trembling, but a faint smile appeared on his face. A fragile smile, but sincere.

“I didn’t… I couldn’t… not at first. But… I’m sorry peanut. I panicked.”

Logan placed a hand on his shoulder, touching him for the first time since the elevator. He knew Wade didn’t like being touched when he was fragile, but this time, he couldn’t help it.

“It’s okay, Wade. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. You’re here now. And so am I.”

The cool breeze blew gently against their faces. The sun was slowly setting behind them, but Wade could see nothing but Logan.