Lunch Break
Steve was rushing out he door an hour later to beat Sam to the cafe, by now his wound was mostly healed, but he still felt the bulk of the bandage with every step. Once he had gotten started with cleaning the kitchen, he kept finding something else to pick up. He had almost gotten too distracted and lost track of time, but he had luckily decided to clean out the oven and noticed the time it displayed. As he was sprinting across the street, he was thinking about how he should adapt Bucky's alarm system.
Sam was already sitting at their usual table when Steve came bursting through the doors. He was casually sipping on a cup of coffee as Steve slipped into the chair across from him.
"You're early"
"You're late"
"Late? I'm right on time"
"And you are always here 10 minutes early, so for you, you're late".
For a moment Steve was offended by that, but the smirk that was forming on Sam's face told him that he was just messing with him.
"Well, I am sorry to have kept you"
"You should be"
"How could I possibly make it up to you?"
"I don't know, but buying my lunch could be start"
"Sam, I always pay"
"Good, then you brought money".
Steve rolled his eyes at his friend, he had been mildly annoyed by Sam's intrusive questions in the last few weeks, but he genuinely enjoys the moment that he gets to joke around with him.
He wasn't sure if Sam would have kept the joke going, but the waitress had interrupted them. Diane was a lovely older lady who had jumped on the opportunity to wait on their table that first time they arrived. She had mentioned that she was a little girl when Steve had gone into the ice and she saw how devastated her parents were. She was so excited to have had the opportunity to meet him and had wished her parents were still alive to know that he made it out of the ice. Sam, of course, had brought it up all the time since.
After Diane had taken their orders, the two fell into a comfortable silence, sipping on their coffees. Although, Steve knew that couldn't last long, Sam would never be able to let an opportunity pass.
"So, how has this week been?"
"Everything is fine Sam. Bucky is going to therapy, I have been doing what I can to help. We are both doing okay"
"That's good to hear man. But, you do know that its okay if things were not fine right?"
This was different than their usually script. Usually, Sam would ask Steve how he was, Steve would say they were fine and give a few details about Bucky, Sam would press him until Steve said something about himself [usually a lie], and then he would spend the rest of the time trying to pretend to be happy.
"Sam, what?"
"You come here every week trying to prove that you are okay, as if it would be a problem if you were not".
"I-", at that moment Diane had returned with their food, which Steve was slowly loosing his appetite for. Sam on the other hand started tearing into his burger like a man who hasn't eaten in days. Steve took that as an opportunity to change the topic.
"Do you even breath when you eat?"
"Hey, why do you think I picked this place? Best Burgers with in walking distance of the tower. Besides, at least I am eating it", Sam gestures toward the plate of food that has been left untouched in front of Steve. In an effort to appease Sam, he takes a few bites of his chicken, but he still is feeling unsettled about Sam's earlier comment. He hopes that he won't, but he is expecting Sam to bring it up again. Sure enough, after he had inhaled over half his sandwich, Sam begins pressing in again.
"You get what I am saying right?"
"I don't know Sam, I have never tried the burgers here"
"Not about the food Steve, which you should definitely try the burger next time, because it's great. I'm talking about you knowing that it's okay if you are not fine"
"Sam, I told you, I'm fine."
"And that's great Steve, but it wouldn't be a problem if you were not fine. You have been through so much in these last few years, and now your best friend is back from the dead, except, he is not all there right now. You are allowed to be anything other than fine."
Steve nodded his head, not sure how he is supposed to responded to that, and Sam is looking at him as if he expects him to crumble at any moment. Clearing his throat he goes back to finishing his lunch. He still has no appetite, but Sam seems hell bent on finding something wrong with him, he does not need to fuel that fire. Steve is aware that his leg has begun to shake, but he ignores it. All he has to do is make in through another 20 minutes or so and then he will be able to escape back to his apartment. Except, Bucky would be returning soon, what would he think if he had come home to find Steve having a break down? How would that be helpful to Bucky if he came home in need and found Steve incapacitated?
Steve did not know how long he was lost in his thoughts, but the sound of his fork scraping the empty plate brought him back to the present. Sam was looking at him strange, and the check had been placed on the table, so it must have been a pretty long time. Steve also noticed that Sam had the check in his hand.
"Hey, I thought I was supposed to be paying?"
"Well you zoned out, figured I could take care of it this time"
"You don't have too do that"
"Hey man, let me get it this time. Other people are aloud to be selfless too ya know", Sam was chuckling to himself as he handed the check off to the waitress. "I even paid in cash, just like you old timer".
"Ha, ha, very funny. I hope you tipped well",
"Oh worried about your girl?"
"Diane is great company, you on the other hand"
"Steve, you wound me!"
Sam did not know that Diane had come up behind him to bring him the receipt. Steve made eye contact with her and gave her a wink.
"I'm sorry Sam, Diane is just so much sweeter to me than you"
"Sweeter? Steve I just bought you lunch!"
The charade might have gone on a bit longer, but Diane started giggling, causing Sam to catch on. Diane handed him the receipt, and placed a kiss on Steve's cheek before heading back to work.
"Fine Steve, maybe you can tell Diane what's wrong", that took all the fun out of it for Steve. Was Sam making a point, or did he really not believe Steve when he said he was okay.
"Sam, I told you I was fine"
"Whatever you say Steve. Look, I gotta run, I'm heading to my mom's for a few days for her birthday. But if you need anything, don't hesitate to call"
"Yeah, sure. Tell your mom I said happy birthday". Steve watched as Sam walked away, something was tightening in his chest. He headed back to the tower, hoping he could get back to the apartment and get himself pulled together before Bucky returns.
He was grateful to find the apartment empty, and quick look at the time told him he had about 15 minutes before Bucky usually got home. After his sessions were over, Bucky told him that he like to sit by himself up on the roof to calm down. He had mentioned that the fresh air felt nice after spending the hour talking about how he was trapped and brainwashed, it helped remind him that he was free, more or less. Steve had smiled at this when Bucky told him, something about them both enjoying the fresh air on the roof top made him feel closer to Bucky. The fact that Bucky didn't know that Steve also spent time up there kept Steve from worrying if he could somehow mess it up.
Lately, Steve was feeling like everything he touched would get messed up. Every conversation he had seemed to end poorly, he felt like the more he tried to help, the more he was making Bucky's recovery harder. He had thought that he was at least successful in fooling Sam into thinking was okay, but if lunch had told him anything, it was that Sam was not buying it. And now, Sam was going to be gone. Steve was surprised by the intense feeling of loneliness that washed over him. What right did he have to feel lonely? Bucky was right there, he lived in a tower that housed at least four other avengers at a time. So what if Sam was going to be gone for a little bit? Besides, he should feel relief that he won't have to pretend around another person, or that he won't be asked if he was okay so much.
Steve's chest was starting to hurt as he made his way toward his bedroom. Something was wrong, but that couldn't be, he shouldn't be able to have any health concerns with serum coursing through his brain. Steve was beginning to struggle to breath, and all he could think about was how would Bucky feel if he comes home to find him like this?