Part 5
As I touch down in Calvin Korkea Street, back at full health, my hair tied back into its usual messy ponytail and my battle suit repaired, I’m greeted with a round of applause by all of the civilians present.
CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP
I checked my phone on the way down, and social media is blowing up, #Cal’sOurPal is trending like crazy.
I think everyone on Earth saw the annihilation of Pumyz. How can you miss a giant icy explosion in the sky?
And there haven’t been any leaks by Pax. He knows he’s lost this round, I’m sure of it, but he’s not done being a pain in my ass yet. He’ll want to get Michelle back, after all.
At least our good reputation, which we worked very hard to build, has survived this whole shitshow.
People seem to respect me more now that they understand that I’m just as flawed as the next guy, but I’m still trying to do the right thing.
They saw my feet of clay, and they don’t think any less of me for it.
“All in a day’s work, folks! But someone else deserves credit for this victory too! Come on, everyone! Give Jeff a round of applause, he’s earned it!”
CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP
The crowd claps and cheers for Jeff, and he bashfully rubs the back of his head.
“Oh, you don’t have to… but thank you…”
I turn to him, standing next to the kid I saved earlier and his mother. There’s an obvious familial resemblance.
Jeff looks happier to see me than he ever has before.
“So you won, huh? Yeah, we saw the explosion-- woah!”
In the blink of an eye, I’m hugging Jeff, tears of joy in my eyes.
“We won! Jeff, thank you so much for coming to the rescue back there. You really do have what it takes to be a ChaotiX member.”
He awkwardly pats my shoulder.
“…This is actually kinda nice… and you’re welcome, Cal. But you’re kinda crushing my ribs, and I already had to eat two Hermit Beans this week…”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
I let go, wipe my tears from my eyes, and turn to the kid I saved, kneeling down so I can speak to him on his level.
“You gonna be okay, kiddo? Sorry about throwing you, but I had to act fast.”
The boy beams at me like he just went on a rollercoaster ride.
“Can you do that again? It was fun.”
“Later, kid. Right now, me and my friend Jeff have to go back to the School, to tell our friends what happened. We’ll be back to help fix up the damage done here, and at Faucheuse Plaza, so you’ll see me again. You can count on it.”
I hold out my fist, offering him a fistbump.
dap
“Thanks for saving me, Mr. Cal.”
“Any time, kid. It’s what I do.”
After standing up straight, I turn back to Jeff.
“We should probably go see if that dome is gone. But first, how did you get through it?”
He grins at me.
“How about we go back to the School first, and I explain there? There are parts I can’t really explain by myself, we’ll need Jack for that.”
“Fair enough.”
I offer him a fistbump too.
“I’ll take you there.”
After a few seconds, Jeff accepts.
dap
And as our fists are touching…
pop
…I teleport out with him.
pop
We appear in the School’s parking lot, immediately looking at the grounds.
Sure enough, the dome is gone, and everyone who was trapped at the School is free, quickly noticing that Jeff and I have returned, alive and well.
So Pax was telling the truth. Killing Pumyz got rid of the dome.
Pax being honest about something? Now THAT’S the biggest shocker of the last two days.
The question is, what would have happened if Pumyz had killed me?
Maybe the dome would have stayed up, and the ChaotiX would be powerless to stop Pumyz from destroying the planet. Pax would probably consider that a win.
Well, we have Jeff to thank for that dire scenario not becoming a reality. Were it not for his timely rescue, Pumyz would have won.
Yeah, ‘cause Jeff bought you the time you needed to turn it around.
I STILL really want to know how exactly he pulled that off.
Well, I think we’ve got a lengthy round of recaps coming, so we’ll get to that.
The moment Jeff and I enter the gates, we’re greeted by a round of applause from the team.
CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP
Marley leaps up into my arms.
“Daddeh! Teww Mawwey dat Jeff nu am yu nyu side-kik…”
“Hey, he did a pretty good job out there. There’s no limit on sidekicks, Mar.”
After hugging him, I put Marley down, and he stays by my side.
Judy, Seth, Dave, Slayer, Piccolo, Snowball, Frost and Mallow are at the front, Victor’s whistling, and Reilly’s using her Woman-Spider form so she can clap three times as hard.
Konba and Duwen are smiling in satisfaction, the Kelmu Force are putting on their best poses, Mark is cheering so hard he’s going hoarse, so are Erwin and Jack, and Bugsey and Pinto have pulled out monochrome bottles of champagne, popping the corks and spraying champagne everywhere.
Leo and his hippie friends have procured various musical instruments, playing their hearts out for me and Jeff.
And our Klyntar members are enduring all of that racket quite well. Toxin is having the hardest time, because they probably don’t know that the Klyntar’s weaknesses are psychosomatic.
I haven’t forgotten about Toxin, and Venom. I think I might know what to do about them.
But I know all of this isn’t just for me.
Everyone is happy to see both of us return alive.
So I grab Jeff’s wrist, holding his hand up like he just won a boxing match.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I couldn’t have won that fight without Jeff!”
He’s blushing, clearly not used to receiving a hero’s welcome.
“Er, well, I just did what any other ChaotiX member would’ve done…”
I smirk at him as I let go of his wrist.
“Dude, you do realize who you saved me from, right? You stood between me and one of the most feared beings in the universe and walked away with your life. I don’t even know how you can walk with those gargantuan balls of adamantium you have. I can hear them clanging.”
That just makes him blush harder.
“I just… knew I wouldn’t feel like a real ChaotiX member if I didn’t do something crazy like that…”
“And now, you really are one of us. You’ve paid your dues and then some.”
That seems to raise his spirits through the roof. Jeff clearly remembers our chat in Faucheuse Tower’s rooftop garden.
“You could say that I went the distance, and earned my place on Mount Olympus with the gods.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing nervously.
“We don’t call ourselves the G-word around here, but yeah, good way to put it.”
Dwayne seems to approve too, I can see him giving Jeff a thumbs-up.
Jeff smiles hopefully.
“…So am I getting my own constellation for this?”
Suddenly, Chaos appears, in a festive red and green version of his usual jester form, his cap and bells jingling.
When he speaks up, his cheerful, flamboyant voice sounds immensely proud.
“That could be arranged! Oh, Jeff, you’ve exceeded all of my expectations by far! I knew you had it in you from the day we met in Detroit!”
He hugs Jeff, and then he hugs me.
“And Cal, dearest Cal, you’ve made me proud once again! I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything about the dome, or Pumyz… my boss said I just had to wait and see whose death brought it down… but Loki, Eris and I were cheering you on from my domain!”
After Chaos is done hugging, he puts his fists on his hips, looking around at the School grounds.
“Boy, those monsters really made a mess around here!”
I look at the main building, still completely wrecked, the windows devoid of glass, the doors still off their hinges.
Even the pool was trashed. Goddamnit, and it wasn’t finished that long ago.
“Yeah, I, uh, kinda made that worse… there’s still that pit in the lobby…”
Pierre walks up to us, beaming with pride as strong as Chaos’. Him, Deston and Victor are still in their Trinity garbs, but with the hoods down and the masks off.
“We can start patching things up later, and hopefully, we’ll be done in time for Christmas.”
He looks at me, tears of joy in his glowing blue eyes.
“But without you, Cal, there wouldn’t be a Christmas this year at all. You truly are the son I always wish I had.”
“Thanks, Doc. I’ve been blessed to have two good fathers. Three if we’re counting Chaos, and more if we’re counting everyone who I’ve trained under. I didn’t make it this far on my own.”
“You’re the fruit of everything the Trinity of Terra worked for. You made it all worth the effort.”
Pierre looks at the statue of himself, still on the ground after one of those monsters (Antibodies, I think Michelle called them) tore it off the fountain.
“Shame about the fountain, though. I hope we can get this place cleaned up in time for the Christmas party.”
Chaos gasps in alarm, putting his gloved hands to his harlequin mask.
“Good heavens, the Christmas party! I almost forgot about that! How can we have a party when the School looks like this?”
Deston walks over too, chuckling.
“I could always host the party at the Sanctum this year. There’s plenty of room.”
But Chaos doesn’t seem satisfied with that outcome.
“Y’know, I think I’ve got the solution to this problem.”
He snaps his fingers.
snap
“That’ll do it.”
And just like that, the School is looking like Pax and Michelle were never here, all of the damage they and their Antibodies did undone. (As well as what I did, like that pit in the lobby.)
The main building, the windows, the training facility, the fountain, the grounds, the pool, everything is fixed in the blink of an eye.
Pierre’s statue stands atop the fountain where it belongs, a stream of water delicately trickling from a silver finger, a Santa hat placed upon the statue’s head.
As a bonus, the main building is fully decorated for the season, tinsel and lights and bigass Christmas trees, the works. We hadn’t gotten around to that yet.
From what we can see through the windows, the interior has been decorated too.
Chaos bows humbly as everyone applauds him.
“You’ll find that everything inside the School is where it should be, intact and spotlessly clean. Faucheuse Plaza and Calvin Korkea Street have been fixed up as well, and I’ve restored the Plaza’s decorations. And made the tree about 25% bigger, just to spite Pumyz for burning it. I even fixed that leaky toilet on the School’s second floor, despite the fact that it wasn’t Pax’s fault.”
I can hear Lou laughing.
“That toilet just wouldn’t stay fixed!”
I smile at Chaos, feeling very grateful for what he just did.
“Thank you. Really, you saved us a ton of effort.”
He pulls a rainbow-colored Santa hat out of his pocket and puts it on over his cap and bells.
“I was going to cover everything with snow too, but I know you usually do that around this time of year, and I always enjoy that little display. I didn’t want to take that from you, Cal.”
I spot Duwen out of the corner of my eye, looking around curiously at the Christmas decorations.
“I… do not understand the purpose of these decorations. I haven’t seen them before.”
I smile at him too.
“That’s because you’ve never seen a proper Earth Christmas before! You and your brothers are all invited to our Christmas party, if you want to come. We can explain all about Christmas, I think the kids back on Tenneb Island will love it.”
“I was meaning to ask what you were all talking about. Is that a common Earth custom? I have not been living on this planet for very long.”
Iku shrugs.
“It’s one of those weird Earthling things, yeah. Krist-mess-- er, Christmas is about peace and goodwill and family and eating food and exchanging gifts and stuff. Last year, Inyako gave me a sweater his mother knitted. He… had to tell her that she was knitting it for a very short Nyah. I didn’t mind, I had to tell my mother to knit a sweater for a very tall Pekka.”
Konba nods.
“Are you familiar with Great Ape Day, Duwen? Christmas is kind of like that. Lots of feasting, and drinking, and some fighting.”
Victor grins.
“And once you try my famous eggnog, you’ll never want any other ‘nog to touch your lips.”
After a few seconds, Duwen smiles.
“You know what? I think I would like to learn more about this Christmas, and try that nog of egg. When on Earth, do as the Earthlings do. I humbly accept your invitation, and I’m sure Merlom will too.”
Merlom looks very eager, the expression on his face like that of a little boy waiting in line at Santa’s workshop.
“I’ve always wanted to celebrate a real Earth Christmas! I’ve never had anyone to give presents to before! I’ll run it by everyone at home later! Cal’s right, Mallu and Lumo will love Christmas!”
Captain Kelmu looks at Michael. Michael Thomas, one of the Kelmu Force’s newer recruits. We know a lot of Michaels, I know.
“So this is what you’ve been talking about all month?”
Michael nods.
“Er, yeah. Man, I’ve been off Earth for so long, me and Rocket skipped a few Christmases. I’ve been missing that.”
Kelmu chuckles.
“Well, the ChaotiX will have to set ten more places at the table, because I would be honored to attend this event.”
He’s the next one to get a smile from me.
“Consider it done. Oh, but what about Scha? I dunno if he’ll be on board with this.”
Duwen grins at me.
“Earth culture is quickly growing on Scha, even though he hates to admit it. I told you that he got addicted to that Pac-Man game, and now he has the top score on all of our arcade cabinets. He’ll come around, Cal.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Did you just call me Cal? So we’ve made that much progress.”
Duwen blushes, and I can see Merlom giving him an encouraging look, silently gesturing for his brother to go ahead and say what he wants to say.
“Well… alright, yes, I do see you as a friend. You have done much for my people despite our former hatred for you, and I loathe to think what my life would be like without you around. You give me something to strive towards, a reason to grow stronger, and a purpose for that strength beyond mere hatred. And you showed me… that choosing a better path is possible, even for my kind. You are the most sublime warrior I have ever met.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. The feeling is mutual, big guy.”
Then he turns to Jeff, suddenly looking apologetic.
“And I was wrong about you, Jeff Robinson, so I must take back what I said at the end of our first meeting: you do seem like a fighter. Perhaps you will never be as strong as Cal, but you are certainly as courageous as him. Despite having no innate power beyond that of the average Earthling, you dared to leave the safety of the barrier and stand against the Incinerator, who even my people feared. I could tell that you were terrified on the inside… but you pushed past your terror and did it anyway.”
Duwen smiles, a genuinely warm smile, as he offers Jeff a handshake.
“And for that, you too have earned my respect.”
Jeff accepts, touched by the compliment.
“Thanks. Maybe we can work together in the field eventually? If you join the ChaotiX?”
“Well, I have been entertaining the possibility of joining. I can see the perks.”
Duwen offers me a handshake next, still smiling.
“I feel as if I have owed you this since we parted ways on New Tenneb, Cal. Perhaps if you had been born a Tennebite, we would have been friends from the beginning.”
I gladly accept. I don’t mind that he shook Jeff’s hand first. I’m happy to let Jeff have that honor.
“It’s never too late to change, if you really want to. Remember: in the ChaotiX, there are only ChaotiX. And you wouldn’t be the first former foe to join the team.”
Alpha, Omega and François give each other knowing looks, as do Voilet and Bleu. The younger Faucheuse brothers and Trota brought in their old ex-Ganglion pals in as support, which is why Pinto is here. I called in as much backup as I could, which wasn’t very wise in hindsight.
The founding five members of the Kelmu Force seem a bit guilty, Kelmu unable to make eye contact with Xanitas.
But we’ve forgiven all of them. We can be merciful, and we’ll show mercy as often as we can.
Not everyone deserves what Oliver got.
Kirk folds his arms, the Shadow Klyntar back in battle suit mode.
“Yes, Cal has a knack for turning enemies into friends, I’ve seen it myself. But we still have loose ends to wrap up. ...And I still need to have a word with Karla…”
Leo steps up, holding an acoustic guitar in his hands. His friends are still playing, and the fluffies present seem to like it.
“So what about us, huh? And Ste-- Toxin?”
I turn to him, smiling reassuringly.
“You’re all welcome to stay at the School until your bus is repaired, like I said yesterday. And after you leave, you’re free to come back to visit whenever you want, just let us know when you’re coming.”
“Man, we might never want to leave. This city is way better than San Francisco.”
“And on that note…”
I kneel down to look at Venom, at Leo’s feet with Toxin.
“As for you two, I have an idea. Venom, you know that Carnage probably bullshitted his way to survival. And you know that when he comes back for Round Four, he’ll strike at you wherever you are. Right now, you stand in the city that’s best equipped to deal with a Carnage attack. I think you also know what I’m trying to say.”
Venom nods, clearly seeing where I’m going with this.
“We stiww gut a sitty of ouw own tu pwo-tek, Caw.”
“We can have people watching San Francisco in shifts, Little V. The ChaotiX can go pretty much anywhere. It’ll be better if you stay in Cetteville, at least until we’ve solved the Carnage problem for good. And while you’re here, you’ll have three other Klyntar hosts helping you train Toxin. Maybe you can all form your own squad.”
“Weww, otay, we see yu point. We wuz finkin abowt guin tu anudda sitty wuns we deawt wif Mish-ew aneeway, an Set-viw AM pwetty nice.”
“If she somehow escapes from the slammer, she’s all yours. What’s your favorite kind of sauce? We’ll make sure to have enough in stock for dunking, just in case.”
Venom grins up at me.
“We wiww git back tu yu awn dat. We gutta fink abowt dis, cuz we can onwy num da bitch WUNS.”
“Alrighty then.”
I turn to Toxin next.
“What do you think about this, Toxin? You aren’t obligated to stay here, but this is the best place for you to get a grip on your new powers.”
They look at Leo with an uncertain expression.
“We nu wiww haf tu say gud-bai tu munstah Wee-oh an him fwends, wite?”
I shake my head with yet another smile. I’m just in a really smiley mood right now, you can probably understand why.
“Of course not! Why do you think I said that they’re free to come back to visit? And they’ll be staying here until their bus is fixed. Long distance friendships are easy to maintain in the ChaotiX.”
Marley nods, smiling just as much as I am.
“An it wiww be nice tu hab yu too awound. Mawwey an Venom nu weawwy git tu hang out a wot.”
Jeff smiles at Venom. I think they met in the rec room yesterday.
“Hey, Venom isn’t that hard to talk to once you get to know him. Shit, sorry, I mean them.”
“Nu swet it.”
Andre cackles.
“That’s right! It’s not ‘cause they’re non-binary, but ‘cause they’re literally two niggas!”
Victor points at him.
“Jar.”
“Yeah yeah, I’ll do it later…”
I hear the sound of a car approaching, so I stand up and turn around, seeing John’s squad car driving back to the School, and I can’t see Michelle in the back seat anymore.
Hopefully, he’s not here to tell us that the bitch was hiding a spare Klyntar up her ass and escaped, or that she ate Hazy when he tried to take her fingerprints.
Hazy? Corporal Hazy Hayes? The guy who smells like cigarettes, cabbage and skin cream, has an elephant’s graveyard of dogends behind his ears, and looks like a shaved baboon? Nah, not even the HUNGRIEST Klyntar would eat him.
I’m still not sure that Corporal Hayes is entirely human. There might be something else in his ancestry. Dwarf? Halfling? Goblin? Gnome? Pictsie? Probably not any elf, he doesn’t have pointy ears…
I mean, he carries around that card to prove his humanity to anyone who asks, signed by Jeremy after hearing evidence from the midwife who delivered Hazy. He wouldn’t have that card if he WASN’T human, right?
But it still only says that “the balance of probability is that Corporal Hayes is a human being”. Perhaps a DNA test is in order.
Yeah, ‘cause Hazy has counterparts in other timelines who don’t really have that option.
John parks and gets out, walking out of the parking lot, across the street and into the grounds. There’s a road crossing there, right between the entrance of the parking lot and the gates.
Parking is free, by the way. We’re not heartless.
Once John has joined our number, he smiles, letting us know he’s not here to give us bad news.
“Michelle’s in a cell, being watched by Constable Carter, and waiting to be shipped back to San Francisco, which is probably where she’ll go to trial. She was wanted for attacking that restaurant owner there, and killing fluffies, so there was already a warrant for her arrest before she lightened-- ha --our door. So what the bloody hell happened here, Cal? I’ve only got bits and pieces of it because I was focusing on getting Michelle to the station, I need the full story.”
I look around.
“You know what I think? We should get some food, and then we can start with the recapping. There’s a lot to cover, John. You heard anything from your boys in blue who were at Faucheuse Tower? I saw ‘em when I went after Pumyz.”
“Ah, so that’s what Hazy was screaming about over his radio. I couldn’t make it out, it was mostly profanity.”
“Didn’t you see me chasing Pumyz over the streets, John?”
“Yeah, and I saw that blue explosion in the sky, like the damn Star of Bethlehem.”
John glances at the Trinity of Terra.
“And look at that, there are three wise men. All we need is a baby Messiah in a manger and we’ve got the world’s weirdest nativity scene.”
Victor grins.
“We brought plenty of murder and frankincense, too.”
John disregards that remark.
“Point is, I’m missing a lot of context, Cal.”
He pulls a cigar out of his pocket, and after he puts it in his mouth, he gives me a meaningful look, so I gladly light it for him with a fingertip flame.
Then he takes a puff of his cigar, taking his time to enjoy that first puff, a common habit of his, so I wait for him to finish.
John told me that his wife is trying to get him to stop smoking, but c’mon, look at the world we live in, the Lumixians only had to study our biology and our diseases for like a week and now they can cure any kind of cancer humans can get like it's just the sniffles. They’ve got this nanomachine treatment that hunts down cancer cells whenever they pop up in the body, and only cancer cells.
The Lumixians kinda had to find a cure for cancer early in their history, because… you know… they live on a planet with three suns… and they have skin, even if it’s no human hue… too much of a good thing and all that… you get the point, yes?
See what Kirk meant about light not automatically being good? I’d like to hear Pax’s opinions on skin cancer. Probably just the cost of doing business to him. An unfortunate side effect of his work, but he doesn’t care enough about humans to do anything about it.
We don’t need him to care, because we care.
As Jeremy once told me: if there is any kind of supreme being, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.
Good words to live by.
He’ll make a fine President, methinks.
Better than the one that the readers are gonna have to put up with for another four years, at any rate. Maaaan, we dodged a bullet on that one!
Let’s not open that orange can of red baseball cap-wearing worms, Niv.
Starting an argument about politics at Christmas is a bit of a cliché.
So yeah, John doesn’t really have anything to worry about if he keeps smoking.
He knows that there are cancers that even Lumixians can’t cure, but those cancers have nothing to do with smoking whatsoever. They’re metaphorical cancers, cancers of the soul.
One of them was here earlier. Pax thinks he’s the cure, but he’s the disease.
No. The Light of Peace is the disease, and Pax-- or rather, Warren is just Patient Zero.
I hope there’s a way to free Warren, and everyone else under the Light’s thrall.
Not all of them are criminals. I think a lot of them came to Pax because they had nowhere else to turn.
And he took advantage of that without any remorse. Just like any other cult leader.
John finishes his lengthy first puff.
“So I do need to know what exactly happened, Cal, and that’s more important than some nosh.”
Time to deploy my secret weapon. For something as small as this, it won’t be so bad.
“You sure, John? I think we can whip up a couple of bacon sandwiches for you, just the way you like them… not a shred of tomato or lettuce, and plenty of brown sauce… Helen never has to know…”
With the promise of sizzling bacon sarnies, his favorite food that his wife won’t let him have anymore either, John gives up.
“…Damnit, Cal, you win. We can eat and talk. Just don’t do that again! I won’t take bribes, not even in pork form!”
“Between you and me, John: I want some of those sandwiches too. Fighting makes Calvin a hungry boy. And I’m not the only one.”
Konba chuckles, gesturing at Xanitas and Trota.
“You had us at bacon sandwiches. And what is this brown sauce you speak of?”
Duwen shrugs.
“My people have had to adjust to Earth cuisine, I suppose I can try one of those sandwiches. I find sandwiches to be a very interesting meal… so easy to eat without cutlery, and so many things you can put in them… I wouldn’t recommend a popped corn and ramen sandwich, though...”
Jeff pats his stomach.
“That bean kinda filled me up, but I could go for a light snack.”
Electra waddles over to him, looking up with worry.
“Jeff?”
“Yeah?”
“Pwomise Ewectwa dat yu wiww NEBA DU SUMFIN DAT CWAY-ZEE AGAIN!!!”
Jeff laughs nervously.
“I can’t make that promise, Electra. I’m a ChaotiX member, and doing crazy shit is in the job description. Keep that in mind, ‘cause you might join the team too.”
He pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket, a phone number written on it.
“And that kid’s mom gave me her phone number, so at least I got something out of this. Before anyone asks, she’s divorced, I learned not to rub another man’s rhubarb a loooong time ago.”
I turn to Jeff.
“Did she give you that while I was fighting Pumyz up in the sky?”
He nods, looking embarrassed.
“Yeah…”
“I hope it works out. You deserve a chance to have some fun.”
“…Thanks.”
“Okay, let’s get to eating and recapping already.”
An hour later, we’ve started an impromptu barbecue on the School grounds, Victor wearing his “KILL THE COOK” apron over his battle suit and grilling up a storm as the head chef like most of our barbecues, tables and chairs on the lawn, and a fireproof tent for people to smoke in, weed or tobacco.
And we’ve brought our powerless fluffies with us, and our kids, anyone affiliated with the ChaotiX, all of us just wanting a moment to unwind with friends and family.
We’ll need to hold a press conference about everything that happened today, I haven’t forgotten what I said to the reporters, but that can wait, and we’ve all earned a brief moment of respite before we get back to the grindstone.
Between mouthfuls of meat, I fill everyone else in on my battle with Pumyz.
“Des, you’ll need to go Down There to make sure he’s really gone…”
When I’m done, they all fill me and John in on what happened in the dome, Jack explaining how he modified Victor’s portal gun to bypass the barrier, with the caveat that they could only send one person through before Pax caught on.
“I think he’s closed that loophole, but I might be able to work around it again if he tries that stunt in the future…”
Pierre explains how Jeff bravely volunteered to be that person, making arguments that impressed even Merlom, who isn’t bad at negotiating and debating himself. If Michelle went up against Merlom in court, Mer wouldn’t even break a sweat.
“I think Mr. Humphries will be in for a surprise if he tries to haunt Jeff…”
So Jeff earned the respect of TWO of the Tennebrys brothers today. Man, his résumé is starting to look pretty impressive.
That just leaves the one who’ll be the hardest to impress.
You don’t think Scha was plotting something on Tenneb Island while his brothers were out, do you?
No, because he hasn’t forgotten what happened the last time he plotted something.
Boy, I wonder how the Tennebites took that broadcast earlier.
Well, they know they’re only welcome on Earth because of me, so… they want to stay on my good side.
And Jeff himself explains how they scavenged some gear from the wrecked School for him before he went through the portal, Pierre applying his fireproofing spray to Jeff’s Power Gloves.
“I’m keeping these on me from now on, in case that golem comes after me again… and I should probably keep one of those beans on me, too… they taste like ass, but I can live with it… better than dying without it…”
The training suits are already fireproof, and maybe Pierre should have sprayed Jeff’s head too. Dunno if that would’ve helped.
They were able to make a portal pretty close to Calvin Korkea Street, but even with those Pegasus Boots, Jeff had to race to save me in time.
And you know what happened next, of course.
Once the recap is over, Jeff downs a bottle of Victor’s home-brewed beer, desperate for a drink after all of that talking. He’s sitting at a table with me, Jack and Chaos, our fluffies on the ground with their own plates.
Right now, Jeff is the hero of the hour. Everyone has been coming to our table to shake his hand, praise him for his bravery, thank him for saving me, and apologize for any negative comments they may have made about him in the past.
Again, I’m happy to let him have this, because it’s nice to let someone else be in the spotlight for a change. I can tell he needs this.
We even invited the kid I saved and his mom, whose names are Charlie and Laurie Davis. I promised that Charlie would see me again, and I’m a man of my word.
I’m gonna give those two a tour later, and Jeff and Electra volunteered to tag along, but I think that’s just an excuse for Jeff to talk to Laurie.
Laurie is a blonde, and you know how I feel about blondes, but Jeff seems to think she’s attractive, she seems to think he’s attractive, and they’re about the same age, so if he goes for it, I say, good for him. Hope he gets laid.
Lord knows how long he’s gone without it.
Apparently, Laurie hasn’t gotten any action either since the divorce, and I overheard her say that was a few months ago, so I think both of them need to blow off some steam.
Jeff would have to try HARD to fuck this one up.
Fortunately, Charlie wasn’t listening when his mom said that. He was distracted by Reilly showing him her Woman-Spider form, and he loved it, because he's one of those boys who loves big hairy creepy-crawlies.
I made the kid’s day with a signed poster and a plushie of me, and I told Suzy that Jeff should get his own merch ASAP, because I think he’s just met the future president of his fanclub too.
We’ll wait until Jeff has his own battle suit before going ahead with that, but FauCorp’s merchandising department can already draw up some preliminary designs, with the grey training suit as a placeholder.
I know the training suits look bad, but that’s intentional! We want new members to look forward to designing their own custom suits. It’s a rite of passage around here. Really makes you feel like you belong.
We’re not just a superhero team, we’re a family, and I fucking mean that.
Judy’s at the next table with Dave, Seth, Andre, Sandra, and all of our own kids and other fluffies. Dave and Slayer are back in normal form, pretty much everyone who can transform is by now.
Marley’s feeling conflicted about which table to sit at, so he keeps going back and forth between Judy’s and mine.
Eira’s at the next table with Ronnie, Keeno and Teach, and the Trinity of Terra (and Scarface) have their own table, with bottles of champagne and a stack of glasses that anyone of drinking age can help themselves to. Our magical members are refilling the bottles when needed with their magic.
And Kirk, Karla and Knuckles have their own table away from the others, a Sound-Blocker on their table, Kirk talking to Karla. They sat down to talk the moment Rosa and Karla arrived with their family and the other Foundation employees.
I can guess what they’re talking about, and Karla seems to be taking it pretty well.
Oh shit, I just realized that all three of their names start with the letter K.
That… is an UNFORTUNATE coincidence.
It’s not like that was intentional.
Ironic as fuck, though.
I can’t tell them to change their names. That’s kind of a sore spot for Kirk. We’ll just have to avoid giving them any cutesy acronyms.
And they’ll have to avoid any ghost-related costumes at our Halloween parties.
A small price to pay for not accidentally looking like a racist, frankly.
I mean, the Lopezes are Hispanic. If Kirk was as bigoted as his father wanted him to be, he wouldn’t be dating Karla, would he?
He's been happy to learn all about their culture, and he’s quickly getting good at speaking Spanish, because us Omegas tend to be fast learners.
Kirk and Erwin both feel like they’re obligated to make up for the stain Hans left on the Stahlberg family’s honor.
So yeah, let’s just… try not to draw any more attention to that unfortunate coincidence.
After finishing his beer, Jeff takes a bite of his burger, waiting until he swallows before saying anything else.
He’s savoring it, because he put some of Victor’s barbecue sauce on the patty, clearly not regretting acting on my recommendation.
And when he swallows, he lets out an exultant sigh, like Pierre said Rhinov did after taking his first bite of his zaru steak.
“So I guess this means I’m ready for the big leagues now, huh? I won’t just be acting as a consultant? And I’m finally gonna get my own custom battle suit? Can’t wait to get out of this thing.”
He gestures at his training suit.
Chaos raises a gloved finger.
“If you still haven’t settled on the design, I have some ideas--”
“I don’t want it to look anything like the sweater, Chaos! And I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can pull off a rainbow-colored battle suit either, I’m not Kyle.”
Kyle’s at a table with Cheech, Dwayne, Simone and Aziz, wearing his tie-dye battle suit with an alien head on the back, laughing his ass off at that remark.
“Hey, Leo and his friends seem to like it!”
Said hippies have a few tables to themselves, grouped together, with Stephen, the Fonda family, and the Fluffy Cartel. Blueberry was pounding the shit out of Antibodies in his Blaukörper.
Leo chimes in, pointing at his school bus in the parking lot, between the Mothership and John’s cop car.
“Of course we do, man! Kyle, you’re alright, dude! See you in the tent later? Tommy’s bringing the good stuff!”
“Pass the doobie to the hero on the right, brother!”
Jeff continues, apparently choosing not to comment on that.
“I might be convinced to go with purple and yellow, if we’re talking about darker shades.”
Jeff looks down at Electra, enjoying some of Victor’s tiny hamburgers for fluffies. They’re easy to chew and swallow without choking.
“I did think about going with gold and silver, like Electra, but that might be a bit too gaudy on me, I remember what you did to my sweater during that bonus round in San Francisco, Chaos… and swapping the colors around might be too much as well… so how about black like Cal’s, with gold and silver lines instead of the rasta rainbows? Throw a bit of white in there too, maybe…”
Valerie overhears that from her own table, which she’s sharing with Konba, Susan, Xavier and their own fluffies.
“I’ll start working on some designs tomorrow, Jeff. Your input is always appreciated.”
Duwen’s sitting at a table with Merlom and Scha, who was persuaded to attend, and is considering our Christmas party invitation.
“Could such a suit be designed in my size?”
Valerie shrugs.
“We can make battle suits in any size, but they’re not mandatory. We have logo patches too.”
“Yes, I see several people wearing those, and one… what appears to be a magical box on lots of little feet…”
The Warriors Four have their own tables, with their families, the Luggage, Rhoobee, Angus’ clan and their fluffies.
Duwen points at Sarul, Taarn and Tom, who have their own table.
“And they have their own solution for that problem, as I saw earlier.”
Klyntar hosts tend to prefer their meat rare, because that’s the most socially acceptable way to satisfy the Klyntar’s hunger for raw, living flesh. Victor can please any palate.
Well, chocolate will do too, and we already keep plenty of that in stock at the School. Not just for them, lots of us love chocolate.
You’ve seen what the Ben & Jerry’s flavor named after me is called, right?
And I’ve seen Jackie sink his pointy teeth into the side of a carton of chocolate milk and drain it dry. He does that a lot, helluva party trick.
He’s here too, the Morris Clan have their own tables with Reggae, Mortis, Sorcie, Merlin, Tiff, Rex, Luna, Fenrir, Branca, Gyll’s kids, and their own families. We also keep NuBlood in stock, for our vampiric members, we’ve got a vending machine in the rec room.
Duwen looks down at his chest. He’s wearing his Tennebite garb instead of his Earth clothes, so his muscular torso is exposed. He’s on the top heavy side, and taller than me.
“I’ll just… have to put that patch on my pants… or my turban…”
I offer a suggestion.
“You could try a tank top. There’s room for a patch, it exposes plenty of muscles, and black ones are very common.”
“I shall keep that in mind, thank you. Though I must say, this is not a bad city to go shirtless in. Very warm for this time of year, if I’m not mistaken. There was a lot of snow when you killed Pumyz, but it melted very quickly.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll show you how we can still have a White Christmas later. Snow is a big part of the season.”
Marley nods.
“Yu wiww wan tu bun-duw up.”
Honestly, I think Duwen might actually be a pretty good ChaotiX member.
I don’t think Duis would be happy to see how his sons are doing, though.
On the magical side of the universe, in the throne room of the New Temple of Darkness, Lord Dehak sits on his throne, his fellow Octovirate members sitting in their black armchairs.
Now, they are seven: Dehak himself, the Hungry Rider, the Many, and Varney Vampire, the remaining founding members of the Octovirate of Darkness who escaped during the Liberation of Drakonia around two years ago. Darksyde Duis, the replacement for the Dark Demon, who has been reabsorbed by his better half, Scott Korkea. And Darksyde Doyle, the replacement for Shaun Radcliffe, who has turned his back on the Octovirate for good.
The only one missing from the throne room is Shadow Calvin, the dark doppelganger of Dehak’s new nemesis, created to replace Erebus the Dark Dragon, another founding member who was slain by Edward von Drachen, just as Edward’s past life slew Erebus in ancient times.
Shadow Calvin has been sealed away deep in the New Temple of Darkness until Dehak is ready to deploy it. That foul creature is driven by a mindless hunger for souls, and only the soul of Calvin Korkea will satisfy that hunger.
And Dehak can’t very well have his creation feeding on the help. The New Order’s recently promoted Senior Alchemist, the ghost of Eli Khzar, could tell his new employer some stories.
Jaws, however, is still stuck in his own consultant position, and doing menial labor when not consulting Dehak, thanks to Dehak’s amulets that allow ghosts to be corporeal in the living world.
In truth, Dehak just wants to keep Jaws occupied with busywork so he doesn’t have time to think about running off after Jeff and Electra too soon.
But the point is, Dehak and his associates only need one more member to complete the Octovirate once more: Umbra, who has been in the ChaotiX’s custody since the Liberation of Drakonia, captured along with Shaun and the Demon.
Of course, they made an attempt to free Umbra from his cell while the ChaotiX were distracted by other events, but the Rider returned empty-handed, as you saw earlier.
Dehak looks none too pleased about the recent events that the Octovirate have witnessed through his cauldron, and he’s drumming his fingers on an armrest.
“So we have lost Pumyz, and the remnants of Octavo power in his shell. This is a setback. And I wasn’t expecting the Robinson buffoon to save the boy… he’s more competent than I thought… a shame we no longer have room for him in the Octovirate…”
Then his expression brightens.
“But we still have the Philosopher’s Stone, so we still gained something out of the ordeal. Sure, we don’t have Umbra either, but we’ll find a way to liberate him from that pesky enchantment keeping him from rejoining the Octovirate, and until then, he’ll be making things harder for the boy. And thanks to Darksyde Gladys, we also have a piece of Carnage, who will be easy to restore with the right materials, and we still have my golem, bound to obey my orders. Now that we have some of Robinson’s teeth, my golem requires a new purpose.”
The Rider holds up a bony finger.
“I just realized something: we could’ve gotten Shaun, he was all alone in Mervin’s tower with their shitrats the whole time. So, uh… why DIDN’T we get him?”
Dehak shakes his head with a sneer.
“Because Shaun has no value to us save his knowledge of how to create Black Bands, which we already possess. He contributed nothing to our side during the Fall of Dehakonia, he failed to merge with even a shite-rodent, and he has turned his back on us, so he has lost his place in the Octovirate, and now he’s just another fool marked for death. Hopefully, Darksyde Doyle will be a superior substitute.”
Darksyde Doyle does a little bow in his armchair.
“It is my honor to serve you, Lord Dehak.”
His blatant brown-nosing quickly puts a smile back on Dehak’s face, although perhaps “black-nosing” might be more apt inside these unhallowed halls. That’s the dominant color in the décor around here, as well as the eerie pale blue of the torches that illuminate this underground complex with anti-light, protecting the New Order from the Light of Peace’s prying eyes.
“And it is my honor to be served. But as I was saying, we have the Philosopher’s Stone, and we have the corporeal ghost of Eli, who knows everything about how to use it. Once we have established a proper alchemical workshop and transmuted some gold, our wealth shall grow exponentially, and so will our options. Randolph and our burgeoning scientific division will have all the funding they need to build a laboratory and work on a way to find the Stones of Octavo, and Lipou… well, he’s been working very hard for us, and his… implements are looking rather well-used. I know what season it is on Earth, a season of giving, and I think a set of shiny new torture devices will make Lipou’s day. Thanks to that gutter trash cad’s foolish sentimentality making it easy to guess where he hid his greatest treasure, all of this and more is available to us. We will effectively have an unlimited budget. It is akin to those… kreddit-cards Umbra once told me about, but with no spending limit, and we never have to pay a single drake back.”
Varney cracks a grin.
“Money makes the worlds go round. Gold seems to be valuable on every world, and in every era with people in it.”
Dehak waggles a rotten finger with a knowing look.
“But it is not only money which that beautiful little red rock offers us, Varney! In time, we could reward our most faithful servants with eternal life… and bind them to eternal servitude. We could raise an army of soldiers that cannot die, that can heal from any injury!”
He laughs, gripping the armrests of his throne.
“And that army wouldn’t even need to be very big! They could win against any other army by attrition, by fighting on and on and on until the enemy is old and weak, and their defenses have crumbled! Perhaps we could even get worlds to kneel before us for a chance to sip that sweet Elixir of Life, to taste the Panacea that cures all ills. We could have the entire cosmos eating out of the palms of our hands, gentlemen.”
The Many raises a hoof, the gestalt entity of numerous fluffy and woolly souls currently hovering over Varney’s chair.
“Um…”
“And out of your hoof, Many.”
“Fank yu.”
Dehak notices an angry look on Darksyde Duis’ face, turning to him with a concerned expression.
“What troubles you, friend? Did my words not bring joy to your blackened heart?”
Darksyde Duis grinds his teeth, gripping the armrests of his armchair very hard.
“It’s what I saw in that cauldron. Duwen, fighting side by side with the Godslayer and his friends. Have my sons turned traitor? And Merlom… I thought I’d never see that wretch again… I bet he’s behind this… should have just killed him as a baby…”
Dehak waves a hand in a nonchalant way.
“Do not fret, Darksyde Duis. Your sons can be brought back to the right side. They can become like you, and the rest of the Tennebites who were devoured by our employer. It’s all too easy to make them see the darkness.”
Darksyde Duis puts a finger on the mark of the Devourer on his forehead. Eight dots and eight squiggly lines, around a circle, triangles around the inside of the circle.
“Yes, I am well aware of that.”
If you weren’t already aware, that mark brands him as a Darksyde, an embodiment of inner darkness, but the true Duis, King of Old Tenneb, older brother of King Ternis of New Tenneb, and father of Scha, Duwen, and Merlom, was already so in touch with his own inner darkness that the transformation was only really physical.
But still, he is a child of the Devourer now, like everyone else on Old Tenneb. He is bound to their will, and Dehak’s, for the lich has the power to command the Devourer’s spawn.
Darksyde Duis couldn’t leave if he wanted to.
Back on the scientific side of the universe, Pax stands in the lobby of the Peacemakers’ branch in Boise, Idaho, wearing his white robe, a pensive look on his bearded face, holding something behind his back.
Everything is white in the building, there aren’t even any shadows, for this is a place where there is no darkness.
Pax is the only one here. He has ordered all Peacemakers to go to their quarters and wait for him. And he didn’t mean just the ones in Boise.
All of his Peacemakers live in the branches, beacons of order with the purity of an ant colony, and the beauty of a flawless pearl.
If that sounds familiar to you, no more needs to be said about what goes on inside these halls.
And these buildings have much more hallways than their exteriors suggest. Pax needs room for a lot of people. He has Peacemakers all over the globe.
The locations of each branch are chosen for very specific reasons. They are places where it is easiest for the Light of Peace to extend their reach into reality, and ensnare humans to enlighten.
And as Calvin told those reporters earlier, this is the flagship branch of the Peacemakers, or rather, the current incarnation of the cult that forms around the Light’s main puppet in every timeline they attempt to enlighten.
In every run, the inevitable cult has a different name. The Children of Light, the Bringers of Peace, the Order of the Photon, Heiwana Kagayaki. There’s a pattern to it, as you can see.
But their goal always remains the same: bring about the conditions that are needed for the Light of Peace to shine upon all, and persuade everyone else to join them, go along with the plan, and voluntarily surrender their free will.
Of course, the Light would put it differently. They’re certain that sooner or later, they’ll finally figure out why humanity is so defiant that they have to be enlightened by force in every timeline, and by extension, how to remove that factor from play.
If you were given an exact number of how many timelines they have forcibly enlightened, you’d realize why they’re so set in their ways, why they refuse to compromise, and why they are such a threat to the multiverse.
Even if the Light of Peace and the Devourer survive until the end of all things, they still won’t understand. They are as bad as each other.
And the lot upon which the flagship branch of the Peacemakers stands is where the latest of the wheel’s countless turns began.
Years ago, before Calvin was born, this was the site of the house occupied by one Warren Schwarz, the body now known as Father Lucian Pax. Warren was a reclusive old man, with no friends and no family willing to drive from out of town to visit him, exactly the kind of person who slips through the cracks, and is deemed in need of the Light’s special treatment.
It was here that Warren became Pax, and the Light of Peace’s campaign to enlighten Timeline-1989 started, fresh off their umpteenth failed attempt to convince humanity to accept enlightenment willingly.
And it was here that the Light established their first foothold in this reality, ready to apply the lessons learned from last time to a brand new timeline, but still not comprehending the most important lessons of all.
In the last timeline the Light invaded, they started their campaign in 1960s San Francisco, taking the body of a renowned guru, thinking that they’d easily gain traction with the locals.
That was one of the few timelines where Calvin wasn’t the one who exposed the Light. They had the misfortune to choose a timeline where Mika Korkea moved to San Francisco instead of Cetteville, and developed the powers that his favorite grandson usually develops.
That version of Mika fought valiantly against the guru after revealing him as a puppet of a sinister cosmic being, but ultimately fell in battle, just like every version of his grandson who has faced an avatar of the Light, save one.
And then the Light of Peace shined down upon all in that timeline, and that was that. Party’s over, time to find the next party.
So they abandoned their guru puppet to become just another person paralyzed by mindless bliss, and extended their reach into another timeline, drawn by a lost soul in need at just the right place and time.
The Light of Peace doesn’t choose the same person to be their primary vessel in every timeline. Groups like the One Man Army would notice the pattern.
While Pax is still upset about the hippies turning on him when they learned of his true nature from Mika, he does still have an affection for San Francisco, though his opinions on hippie culture are mixed. He’s not really a fan of tie-dye.
(You can probably guess what his favorite color is.)
So yes, the Light of Peace exists beyond conventional time and space, Pax wasn’t lying about that to Calvin. They can begin their campaign in any point of space or time they want.
But no matter where or when in a given timeline the Light of Peace chooses to start their campaign, it always leads to the same result:
Calvin defying them, exposing them, and forcing their hand. Whether he has powers or not, whether he’s a robot or a vampire or even a fluffy, Calvin always turns on the Light in whatever puppet they choose. And if he doesn’t, one of his relatives will. It’s in their blood, apparently.
But the Light of Peace knows that someone out there is plotting to purge the multiverse of Calvins entirely. To erase his entire family from existence.
And that big-brained fluffy and his associates are playing right into the Light’s hands. For the second time, that meddling trio of old men from an age that never was are unwittingly aiding the Light of Peace.
So Pax knows what his next move has to be.
He and his Peacemakers need to lay low for a while, and let someone else handle the problem for them.
Pax sighs reluctantly.
“Oh well. The hard way it is, then. Yet again. Poor Michelle… she’s counting on me to save her. But the question is…”
He holds up the object he had behind his back.
A jar with a white lid and transparent glass, containing a quivering blob of white slime the size of a man’s fist.
“With her out of the equation, who will be my next Anti-Venom? I need someone better than Michelle to wield All-White. Someone who will last longer than five minutes against Calvin and his friends.”
Pax chuckles to himself.
“And those idiots are sitting around, having a barbecue.”
FLASH
The entire building vanishes in a pillar of white light, taking Pax and every Peacemaker inside with it, leaving behind an empty lot.
And all across the globe, identical pillars are rising up at every other branch.