the love that i've sought, can never be mine
“Hey, I think you might wanna see something,” Rocket called from the now open door of the quiet room, and his eyes drifted to the twin glow of Mantis’s antennae.
The empath looked up from Peter’s sleeping form, and her hand pulled back from his forehead.
“Is everything okay? Nebula said she would get some ‘killers of pain’. She is not back yet?” Mantis asked softly, and her tone was downcast as it could be. She could ease her brother’s pain temporarily, but in exchange, it left her feeling desolate and incomplete when she felt the sweat on his skin. As if she was back to where she started, as a helpless larva.
“Uh…okay as in, we’re all alive? ‘Cause if that’s what okay is, then I guess so,” Rocket grimaced, his striped tail swishing behind him. She could already sense the emotions that rolled off him like waves, but too convoluted to pick out in her stress.
“Rocket. I’m not even touching you, and I can sense your feelings.” Mantis scowled. “Tell me what is happening.” She winced, her face twitching in revulsion at her snap.
The racoon hesitated, before she saw his mouth open a little bit.
“It’s Gamora. She’s…awake, and I don’t know if she’s back-back, but she recognised me. I have no idea what to do, but I told her I’d get the humie for her.” He held out his hand, gesturing to the man passed out on the bed. “D’you think it’s safe..?”
Mantis gazed back at Peter, having to tear her eyes away when she eventually looked back to her friend.
“I cannot keep him here for much longer.” She revealed, closing her eyes. “He yearns for her, even in his sleep.” Her eyes fixed on Rocket, and she gave a shaky nod, her palm moving to his shoulder to wake him.
The human stirred, his face scrunching in discomfort as he came back to consciousness. She looked away in guilt, couldn’t bear to hear the dejected groan of what, upon awakening Peter must’ve thought was a world without the light of Gamora in it.
Mantis didn’t want to be selfish. But the only thing her brother looked forward to was her, and never any of them. She loved the two of them with all of her being. But was it too much to want simple recognition from someone who you cared about…loved?
Mantis stood up without warning, setting her jaw as she left the spare room, making a beeline for the small medical bay.
The former assassin was sitting with her legs off the cot, picking at her nails quietly as her back faced the door. She didn’t notice Mantis coming in, or didn’t care enough to turn around. The empath bit her lip so hard it drew blood, and she couldn’t help the enraged sob that came from the back of her throat, having been kept in for too long.
Gamora whirled around, her eyes wide in alarm as tears fell from her brown eyes. She’d noticed her.
Mantis let free a long, wordless shriek of anger, slamming the other woman into the wall by her throat.
Watched the perfect face contort into not only one of confusion, but of fear as well.
Liked the switch between weak and strong. She puffed out ragged breaths, feeling the narrow of her eyes into a hard glare that went as far as it could go.
“You,” She hissed out, and it was so unlike her, the pure hatred that ran through her veins, simmered through her lean form, made her raise her free fist to the part-cyborg’s face, lingering in front of just below the woman’s nose.
But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do this, this was her friend, a family member–
She released the hold on Gamora’s throat, and let her drop the few inches to the floor of the room before Gamora struck her across the face, a stricken look on her face as Mantis fell to her knees, spluttering a miserable-sounding cry.
All of the Guardians burst into the medical bay, and stopped short to scan the scene. Peter, of course, rushed to Gamora, cradling her face and bringing her down to sit back on the cot. Groot extended the tendrils of his arms to wrap around the green skin of her forearm, and she couldn’t look anymore, willing her neck to turn her head away from this, to make it stop, just stop…
And then Nebula’s hard stare swam into her vision, and she felt the weight of the metal hand on her shoulder.
“Mant, I--”
“I just want to be accepted for who I am! Loved!” She sobbed out, exhausted as she curled in on herself, biting down on the skin of her lip again, and let the rivulets of blood trickle down her mouth. “Do not say anything to me, I know you hate me, and I’m just the… just the…disgusting bug thing!” Mantis whipped around, her glare on Peter. “And you,” she heaved another breath, getting to her feet unsteadily, feeling Nebula’s grip on her shoulder tighten, the cyborg’s other hand steady on Mantis’s chest to hold her back.
“You were never there for us! But we had to be there for you and clean up after you! You didn’t think about any of our feelings, and we tore ourselves apart because you weren’t there!” She screamed out, writhing against Nebula’s hold. “All you care about is Gamora, Gamora, Gamora,” she mimicked Peter’s deeper voice mockingly as she struggled again, her legs wobbling.
“Drax, help me out here,” Nebula commanded gruffly, her voice shaking through the tough exterior.
“She is not incorrect.” Drax lowered his gaze, before he held Mantis back obligingly. “Quill gives more attention to Gamora than he gives to his own blood relative.” He remarked, giving Peter a disapproving shake of his head.
Mantis stilled, her eyes on Drax, wide with fear.
“I’m sorry—blood relative?” Peter echoed, standing up to face Drax and Nebula. “Are you…does this mean that Mantis is my sister?” He stared, his mouth parted in shock.
The empath nodded with visible effort, her lip stinging as she pressed her teeth into it, shame the only thing she could feel.
“Ego was my father, too.” She confessed, feeling the teardrops work down her chin slowly.
“Mantis, that’s…I’m so sorry, it didn’t even occur to me what else that nutcase was hiding,” He exhaled, taking her hand cautiously. “I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been.”
It was genuine as it could’ve been, she sensed, and her eyes closed in pain. The good, relieved kind, this time.
And the six hands that rested on her from all sides resonated with that same feeling.