Peter
The world is spinning.
Lights are too bright, footsteps are too loud, and even the sound of his own breathing feels like it is screaming in his head.
Peter doesn’t connect that he is having a sensory overload until Tony physically pulls him away from the Avengers. He practically drags him to a spare room as soon as they arrive to the tower. The lights are turned down and the curtains are closed, making the world a little more tolerable.
He still can’t catch his breath. He hears the cars on the street and the bird that flies past the tower. He hears the mother yelling at the little boy and the truck driver that blares the horn. He hears more footsteps and the door creaking open.
Peter opens his eyes and immediately squeezes them shut when the hallway blinds his vision. It reminds him of how striking the stage lights were.
None of it matters, because he catches a glimpse of the only thing that is important.
It’s May.
Peter sits up and keeps his eyes pressed shut. He feels his arms shaking as he extends them out for May, who wastes no time sinking into bed and carding her fingers through his hair. The touch is painful, and he feels nails scrape through his scalp like they are knives.
For anyone else, he would ask them to stop. For May, he only holds on tighter. Despite the pain, it’s comforting. It’s May.
The past few hours have been a disaster. Even now, he thinks about the mother with the head wound. The mother who is dead. The girl who is forced to grow up without a parent and the husband who now has to call himself a widower.
“I love you,” Peter whispers into May’s lap. He doesn’t even know how he had gotten there. His words can barely be heard, but May listens all the same. She keeps her tone at the same level.
“I love you baby.”
Peter thinks of each family who mourns. Their pale bodies and dark bags under their eyes.
He thinks of Ben and the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The way he always laughed from the chest, full and hearty.
When he closes his own eyes, he can see the way Ben looked in his casket. At the time, Peter tried to kiss his forehead before they buried him. He broke down after feeling how icy his skin was.
Grief follows Peter like his own shadow. Now it will haunt the families in the same way.
It’s the last thought he has before darkness swallows him whole. It’s hard to tell if Peter falls asleep or if he slams into unconsciousness. Either way, Peter welcomes the oblivion.
- - -
It is a heartbreaking feeling when Peter wakes up alone.
Thankfully, the world is no longer crushing him. The only pain he feels is not having May by his side. He sees a note on the nightstand and recognizes May’s handwriting immediately.
He picks it up, letting out a breath when it tells him that she had to leave for work. Then, Peter finds his phone to see a handful of texts from Ned and MJ. Ned is freaking out about his TV appearance and MJ calls him a loser and winner at the same time. Even after everything, it makes Peter smile.
The only reason why Peter gets out of bed is because he is thirsty. He doesn’t know what time of day it is, though it must not be too late because the sun is shining. As soon as he opens the door, he hears voices yelling. It stops him in his tracks.
“No.”
He recognizes Tony’s voice immediately. The tone makes him cower even when it is not directed to him. It doesn’t take long to figure out who the anger is dedicated for.
“You know it’s the best option we have, Bucky and I will be with him the entire time,” Steve answers coolly.
“Just like last time, right? Good try- he’s not going on that mission.”
“Tony… his instincts are incredible, it’s not like anything I have ever seen before. You saw the way he knew that laser was coming. I don’t even know how he did it.”
It is only then that Peter connects that they are talking about him. He listens closer as Steve continues on.
“What I do know is that we need him if we want to get close to these things.”
“Find a new plan. You’re not changing my answer.”
Steve seems to consider this for a moment.
“You baby him,” Steve decides like it is a matter of fact.
“He is a baby.”
“He’s young, I’ll give you that. But he’s strong too. I saw him in the battle last month. He lacks some technique but the kid has-”
“Kid, exactly- he’s a kid. He’s not ready to go on missions. He’s not even an Avenger.”
“He is everything of an Avenger but in name. He’s ready, whether you want to admit it or not. And plus, we’re not gonna be around forever… This is a good opportunity to ease him into everything.”
“Oh yes, the flying lasers are a great warm-up. When they blow his head off, we can call it training.“
“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“No, no- I’m making sure it doesn’t happen. You’re not taking him.”
Another pause. Even from rooms away, Peter can feel how tense the silence is. When Steve responds, there is barely concealed impatience.
“I’m not sure if that’s your decision to make. If I ask Peter, his answer may be different.”
“Kids can’t give consent.”
“Tony-”
“Find a new plan.”
After that, there is stomping and a loud door slam. It doesn’t matter, because it’s all Peter needed to hear.
After all this time, Tony still doesn’t trust him.
The realization crushes him in a way that he didn’t expect. Peter feels blistering hot rage that rises into his chest. He doesn’t even know what the mission is, but he knows that it could help save lives. Even with so much at stake, Peter is still not enough for Tony.
Peter feels his skin prickling and his eyes burning with tears. This time, it is all from his anger. The walls feel like they are closing in.
His body moves without much thought. He rushes to his room and throws on his Spider-Man suit. Then, he climbs out the nearest window.
He needs out of the tower.
He’s swinging as fast as he can, and the world tilts with each motion. His brain is shut off and his body works on autopilot until he lands to the ground and changes out of his suit. Peter takes one step after another until he finds what he didn’t even know he was looking for.
He sinks to the ground until he is sitting criss-crossed next to Ben’s grave. There are wilted flowers from the last time he and May visited. Suddenly, he’s mortified for coming empty-handed.
“I’m sorry,” Peter whispers. The apology is for so much more than even he realizes.
Peter sits there for a while. He doesn’t talk or cry like he has in the past. Instead, he stares blankly at the grave of Ben Parker. He wonders if his uncle would be proud of him.
It’s evening time when Peter hears someone land behind him. It’s gotten colder with the sun going down, but Peter barely notices.
“You can’t just leave without telling someone.”
Peter turns just in time to see Tony stepping out of the Iron Man suit. His voice is tight and his expression is unreadable as he looks down at Peter.
It takes one look at Tony for all of his anger to return. He is up on his feet in an instance so they are at eye level.
“That’s funny, I didn’t realize I needed a babysitter,” Peter practically spits out the words, emphasizing the word baby.
Tony is confused for only a moment.
“You heard my conversation with Cap.”
Tony doesn’t phrase it as a question, though Peter nods anyway. He steels himself for the fight that has been brewing inside him for hours.
“I’m going on that mission.”
It’s unsurprising when Tony’s eyes darken. Peter expected the challenge.
“No you’re not.”
“Why not? Mr. Rogers said it himself, I’m basically an Avenger. I can handle it.”
Peter can tell that Tony is trying to hold his temper. He lets out a controlled sigh.
“I know you can handle it, I’ve never questioned that. But it isn’t your responsibility.”
Responsibility.
The word rings in Peter’s ears. It reminds him of the advice that Ben had once given him.
“People could die. You expect me to twiddle my thumbs when I have the power to do something?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I expect you to do. You’re not going on that mission.”
“But why?”
Peter is screaming now. He knows he sounds like a temperamental teenager, but he doesn’t care. Tony matches his energy.
“Need I remind you that it was you who declined being an Avenger. What happened to staying on the ground and helping the little guy?”
“This is helping the little guy.”
“It’s not, it’s above you and you know it. Or did that stupid trophy go straight to your head?”
The words sting at Peter’s heart. He clenches his jaw and glares with new fury.
“Everyone believes in me but you.”
Tony crosses his arms, though Peter can tell that the fight is starting to get to him too. Still, his next sentence is steady.
“They don’t know you like I do. You’re going to go out there and get yourself killed because you think it’s your moral obligation to. I’m sorry you’re upset, but that’s not happening under my watch.”
Peter is seeing red. He hates how composed Tony is all while he is tearing apart.
“You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not Ben.”
Finally, Tony looks stricken at the comment. The selfish, loathing side of Peter feels satisfied by the reaction.
“Kid, I’m not trying to be your uncle.”
Peter doubles down, “good, cause you’re not.”
Tony only then takes a step forward until they are face to face.
“You really think your uncle would want you on that mission? Putting yourself in danger like that.”
“You’ve never even met him-”
“You’re right, but I do know your aunt. If I can’t ground you then she will.”
Peter takes a step back, “you wouldn’t.”
Tony observes Peter and the way his fists are clenched. He looks down to see Ben Parker’s grave. When their eyes meet again, Tony’s expression leaves no more room for debate.
“You’re done.”
Peter hates how Tony says it like it’s final. He turns away and sits on the grass until he is facing Ben’s grave once more.
“Leave.”
Peter doesn’t even recognize himself when he says it. He sounds cruel, hurt. Tony must notice this as well.
“Peter…”
“I said leave.”
No words are shared after that. Both of them realize that they need separated before more statements are spoken that they don’t truly mean.
Peter doesn’t turn around when he feels something wrap around his shoulders. He looks down to see Tony’s jacket now resting on his body. Peter loves and hates how warm it is against the chilled breeze.
Peter waits until he no longer hears the Iron Man suit before wrapping his arms fully into the jacket. He tucks it to his chest and holds on tight.
Hours later, Peter begins to regret his attitude towards Tony. The only reason why he doesn’t apologize is because he is still hurt.
In hindsight, it is one of his biggest regrets. Of course Parker Luck has to interfere with what happens next.