"I'm pregnant."
Steve whipped his head around, a deer in headlights hates to see him coming.
"You're...what?" He uttered, intelligently.
"I'm pregnant," Tony repeated.
"Pregnant," he stopped chopping the carrots to give Tony his full attention, "with a...baby?"
"No with emotions. What else would I be pregnant with, baby?" Tony rolled his eyes and walked over to finish the carrots. Sam and his love for these damn carrots.
"But I- we- I used the condom! I thought you said you made them durable enough for 10 super soldiers to wear it in a row and not burst it!" Steve's panic really set in as he started pacing up and down.
"It is! maybe you just need to fuck a little less vigorously? You really wear me out, Steve," Tony almost chopped his finger off yelling at his husband.
"You've never complained before! Oh my gosh, Tony, we're not prepared for a baby we're both still being called frequently to battle, the tower isn't baby proofed we would need somewhere to live! What if it's twins, Tony, you said it yourself, I fuck too vigorously! Oh my gosh you have two babies cooking up in there and we still have zero baby proofed houses. What about kindergarten, Tony! Most parents get their kids on the waiting list before even thinking about getting pregnant, Tony, our children are gonna grow up without an education and then they're gonna have to resort to war like me, is that what we want for our babies! We can't do this- Oh shit..."
This whole time, all Tony could do is stare wide-eyed at his husband, not because this is the first time he's ever heard him speak that much in one sitting, but also because of the sheer and utter panic laced in between his words.
He could only watch as his husband hit the floor as he lost his breath from the rap he just spewed.
He stood up, knife still in hand, and walked over to where Steve was sprawled.
"Uh, baby?" He poked Steve's shoulder with the tip of his shoe.
And of course his husband's best friend decided to join the party at this point in time.
"Tony, you got anymore carrots left? Sammy wants a carrot salad-" Bucky stopped at the feet of his best friend.
He looked at the knife in Tony's hands.
He dropped to his knees near Steve's head. "You killed him!" he screeched.
"Bucky what-"
"I knew you'd be the one to do it! Oh, God, Steve! Stevie, please!"
The bitch had the nerve to let out actual tears.
Just then, Sam came rushing in.
"What the fuck is happening!" Sam stared at his husband on the floor with one of his oldest friends, who was currently knocked out, tongue lolling out of his mouth.
"Tony killed Steve with a knife! He has it in his hands he wiped the blood off before I came in!" Bucky cradled Steve's head into his lap, tears actually fucking falling down his face...
"Um, Tony?" Sam turned to Tony, the only sane person in the room other than himself at the moment.
"First off, Bucky, shut the fuck up, he's not dead get off the fucking floor," Tony addressed Bucky as he walked over to the kitchen sink to grab a glass of water. He turned to Sam. "Second of all, I gave Steve some news that caused him to pass out that's all!". He turns back to Bucky. "I did not kill my husband."
Tony threw the glass of water on Steve's face. He jerked and sat up, head bumping into Bucky's on the way up. They both groaned in pain.
"Oh.." Bucky rubbed his forehead as he stood up. He helped Steve stand up while their husbands looked on in disbelief. These were the fools they settled down with.
"What happened?" Steve asked as he sat down.
"Yeah uh...what did you say that caused him to pass out?" Bucky had the decency to look ashamed at accusing his best friend's husband of killing him.
"I told him that I was pregnant," Tony crossed his arms over his chest, as both Sam and Bucky gasped.
It was like a flip switched.
"You're pregnant?!" Bucky boomed as he ran up to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him off the ground. "Tony, that's amazing oh my God I'm gonna be an uncle?"
"I'm so happy for you guys! How far along are you?!" Sam wrapped his arms around Tony's waist, a lot gentler than his husband.
"I'm only seven weeks along. Almost two months," Tony cracked a smile at his friends' excitement.
"Wait you're pregnant?!"
Here they go again...
"Steve, baby, remember when I told you that a couple minutes ago then you went on a rant about how we might have uneducated kids and that we didn't baby proof the tower even though we are millionaires and can easily buy a house and make it baby safe in the nine months that we would have before I give birth? Remember that, sweetie?" Tony said, a little too sweetly, as he walked over to run his fingers through his husband's hair.
"Oh...I'm sorry, I just got so nervous. What if I'm a terrible father? Tony, I can't do this," Steve's panic started rising again.
"Hey, are you kidding me?" Bucky pulled a chair up to where Steve and Tony were and wrapped his arm around Steve. Tony stepped back to let Bucky work his magic. He might be a dumbass but he loves the hell out of Steve and knows how to calm him down. Maybe he's a little useful after all.
"Bucky-"
"No, Stevie, shut up I'm speaking now," Bucky chided.
Steve clamps his mouth shut.
"Remember all the times you watched over me while I slept when I couldn't keep going on our night-watch rotations in the enemy camps? The many times I got shot and you didn't hesitate to rip the bullet out of me so I can heal properly, even when you said it gives you severe nightmares? When I asked my fella out for the first time and he laughed in my face and broke my heart because he thought I was joking? And you comforted me and told me not to give up?"
"Hey-" Sam started.
Bucky turned to him, "Yes, babydoll, I do forgive you. Just tryna calm Stevie down right now. I love you."
"I love you too," Sam smiled, like a lovesick dog.
"Oh brother..." Tony rolled his eyes. A perpetual action in his present company.
"Tony, please. This is between me and my husband, and me and my brother," Bucky threw his way before turning back to Steve.
Tony smiled gently. Always in the mood for his and Bucky's play fighting.
"My point is, buddy, you're an amazing caretaker. You love unconditionally and wholeheartedly. You love Tony to pieces and you treat him with all the love and respect he deserves. Well what you think he deserves. I personally believe-"
"Bucky..." Steve warns. He loves the friendship that his husband and his best friend shares but he has a bit of possessiveness when people imply anything negative about Tony. Even jokingly.
"Stevie, you're going to be a great father. I know that you and Tony are going to raise the most adorable, smartest, most coddled, most spoiled and most protected child in the galaxy. And the kid's gonna have a super soldier, an archer, a literal Norse god and the rest of the avengers as aunts and uncles. Nothing will ever go wrong with them. Ok? You good now?" Bucky patted Steve's shoulder gently, understanding that Steve's fear of becoming a father is genuine.
"Yeah. Yeah, that helps a lot. Thanks, Buck." Steve pulls him in for a hug.
Bucky turns to Tony as he hears him sniffle.
"Are you...crying, Macaroni Tony?" Bucky stands up with a small smile, walking over to Tony. He pulls him into a hug.
"No...You're just so stupid that it makes me cry. And I'm pregnant!" Tony's voice was muffled in Bucky's neck, as he wrapped his arms around him.
"Yeah, yeah sure," Bucky said pulling back and wiping Tony's tears for him.
Sam and Steve smiled at them. They've come a long way.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna work on fucking a baby into my husband," He said with a wide smile, grabbing the carrots knowing Sam would want them.
Sam's smile dropped as he slapped him on the back of his head. "Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Ow!"
"No decorum at all. Get the fuck outta here," Tony said, laughing at them as Sam dragged his man out of the room, munching on a carrot. Maybe Sam is pregnant.
Bucky stopped one more time before leaving, "Seriously though, guys. Congratulations." He gave a watery smile. He was so proud of how far Steve has come. From talking down on himself, almost throwing his life away in the army because he thought no one would want a psychologically battered and bruised war hero. Now here he was standing with the man of his dreams. A man that loved every part of him, wholeheartedly.
"Now who's the crybaby," Steve teased him, eyes just as watery.
"Oh shut up, punk," Bucky threw his middle finger up as Sam waved one last time. And then they were gone.
"I can't wait to have this baby with you, Tony. I can't believe I get to have this life, with the one person I thought I could never have. And now you're granting me a family. I love the rest of the team with everything in me and they are my found family but this...this will be my family. Thank you, Tony. Thank you."
Tony had tears streaming down his face by the end of Steve's second rant.
"I love you so much, Steve, I'm happy I can be and provide that family that you want."
Steve smiled and took his husband by the waist, foreheads together as they swayed lightly to no music. Eyes filled with tears and hearts bursting with love and excitement. Ready to start this new journey together.