I would say I love you but saying it out loud is hard, so I won't say it at all

My dear Peter,after all we've been through I thought you were going to show up on my birthday. I build you a new suit which I intended to give you after the dinner, I never expected from you to bring me a gift because your smile would be more than enough. FRIDAY can't find you on any cameras and Spider-Man hasn't been active for almost two months, and now I think I may understand why you haven't paid me a visit. I don't imagine you'll ever read this letter or even know it exists, but I still have the need to write it and hide it in a place no one would find. Everything is good again. There's no need for the greatest supehero this world has, yet there is a father missing his son. I bought the house you showed me months ago - the one by the lake, far away from the noise that hurt your ears. You always said you wanted to live there. But now, I find I can’t live like this without you, and you can’t live like this with me. I miss you, I will always miss you. I’m so sorry for everything that happened to you. I know fighting the darkness inside you is exhausting, and giving up must have seemed easier. But I also know you’re a good man. Peter, oh Peter.

The first chapter is short because it's mostly introductions—I want you guys to see what you can find here. I've read some stories about this topic, but no fic has ever filled the void inside my chest, so I decided to write one myself. I’m not sure when other chapters will be posted (full schedule and all).English isn’t my first language. I use a ton of websites to correct/improve my writing, but my eyesight isn’t great, so please feel free to point out any mistakes!If you notice any references to Beautiful Boy, BoJack Horseman, Euphoria, obviously other Spider-Man movies, maybe Arcane, or song lyrics... that's intentional.In the notes, I’ll try to credit every source I use (and there are many).So, love you guys! I hope you’ll love this book. Comment if you hate it or adore it—I’ll take anything.P.S. Tony & Peter are my main focus here. I’m not sure about other relationships yet—I love Tony/Pepper as much as Tony/Steve, and Peter/MJ as much as Peter/Harley. If that’s confusing, don’t worry; I’m confused too.