In my heart is a Christmas tree farm

"God, this is ridiculous."

He pushed past an overly big Santa Claus figure on the side walk, hurrying down the hustling streets of Hudson. People were streaming up and down the big main streets as well as the small alleys, trying to get as much of an impression of the picturesque city as they could. To Scott, though, it felt like he was trying to swim against the current, even though there was a fair amount of tourists heading in the same direction as him.

The thing was, he wasn't a tourist.

Not anymore, at least. But the rest of Hudson's population either knew when to spend their time at home during the festive season or just collectively agreed to head out of town until the first wave of tourists died down. But to Scott, neither of these were much of an option. And so, he pulled the wine-red scarf he was wearing tighter around himself, trying to protect himself from the early December cold.

The yellow, red, green and other vibrantly colorful lights were flickering around him, stretching across the facades of the enormous shopping and company buildings. Decorations were hung up everywhere and the classical christmas songs could be heard through every open door of any store down the endless street. Scott's mood had been floored ever since the TV channels started to play silly christmas advertisements again, pestering parents' brains to throw out more and more money for toys their children would spend half a year enjoying and then crave for something new, something more exciting.

And the longer he spent in the glowing streets, the deeper his mood digged itself into some frozen mole he came to label as his hate for Christmas. Even though hate was a strong word, Scott Summers had come to associate the holiday with it.

How else would you react when you come home on christmas eve, spending the whole day organising the perfect evening for you, your then-girlfriend and your son, setting multiple things into motion just to get a table at the favorite restaurant of your child until you walk in on her cheating on you. In your apartment, more specifically in your bedroom with one of your best friends since university.

Bad, is the only right answer here and that was exactly how Scott felt. Bad, wrecked, alone. And so full of hatred for every damned santa clause figure waving their inflatable hand in his direction.

It had been a year since his ex-girlfriend, Jean Grey, had fallen into bed with one of his best friends, Hank McCoy. It wasn't the actual act of cheating which had him boiling at just the thought of the two. Not even the fact that Jean hadn't been in love with him anymore by the time this happened. He knew all about her feelings for Hank.

What got to him, was Jean breaking their promise. It was her going against what they had decided together just a few weeks prior — what was supposed to be best for their son. And she just threw all of it out of the window and betrayed the last of Scott's trust in a room not that far away from the room where their son was playing with toy cars.

By the time it happened Jean and him had already been falling out of love with each other for a long time.

So he shouldn't mind.

But they had a child.

Scott wasn't one to complain about a lot of things in life, especially when it concerned other people's happiness. But he was certain he would never shut up about this. Jean wasn't a bad person by any means and Scott couldn't fault her for wanting to live her life to the fullest and revel in the years of youth she still had. He couldn't fault her for that, but he could be mad about her breaking their promise.

They had only ever promised each other things when they were really important and while Scott was old enough to have grown out of the magic a promise had after it was made, it still hurt because it was their one special thing, even as friends. And that was what they had decided to be, friends.

It was around one and a half years ago when he and Jean had sat down together and discussed their situation. They had long stopped trying to hold up the facade of the perfect couple. In fact, they hadn't even hugged each other in multiple months. They both knew they grew less and less attached to each other and a small part of Scott had already threatened this day would come when Jean first told him she was pregnant.

He was 22, she was 21. He didn't want to throw every young parent into the same pot, but for them it had certainly been to early. Way too early, a bitter chuckle escaped him at the memory of Jean's glowing eyes while she was holding the positive pregnancy test up in front of her. The two red stripes on the white background told the whole story and Scott's world had rotated 180 degrees in just a few seconds.

He hadn't planned to be a father at the age of 23 and, evidently, wasn't ready at all. He was stuck in the middle of university, of becoming a teacher. He had been studying Math and English literature for barely three years, knowing that studying teaching would take him three more years at least. He wasn't made to be a father and certainly not in a position in life to learn how to be a father.

Scott's life zeroed down to Nathan. Everything came after: spending time with friends, studying, working part-time jobs. Nathan came to be his and Jean's number one priority, especially with his later developing handicap. Nathan was completely blind in the right eye by the time he turned four years old. The doctors told them that it most likely originated from a non-inherited birth defect which had been overlooked right after.

And so, Scott had to give up almost all of his lifetime to nurse Nathan, trying to be the best father he could possibly be. It was around the time where they got the full diagnosis of Nathan staying partially blind for the rest of his life that his and Jean's relationship started to come short. Or develop backwards.

They started to clash way too often about the proper way to handle Nathan's condition. Jean thought he shouldn't be around other kids and refused to send him to a kindergarten, thinking Nathan would be left out. Scott didn't agree, arguing that it would be even more important with Nathan's condition to be around other children his age, making friends to not adopt the mindset of being isolated because he's different.

The more often their fights occurred, the worse they got - often they wouldn't talk with each other for the rest of the evening, only sitting down to make another attempt the next day. Just to come to the same conclusion over and over again.

Scott had been tired. He had been so tired for such a long time. He knew his and Jean's relationship wasn't fixable. He knew, and he also knew it would be better for Nathan if they split instead of trying to fuel the pretence of a perfect little family. Nathan would grow up and at a certain point he would realise just how fake and wrong everything about them was.

Scott knew how it felt and he would have hell freeze over before he would let his own son go through the same fairytale his parents tried to keep him in his whole life. The breaking point had split their family dynamics so hard, Scott was no longer talking to his father and only sometimes contacted his mother.

It had been bad, and Scott didn't want any of this mess for Nathan.

So, he and Jean sat down when they realised pretending wouldn't fix anything and talked. They talked about their dying love, about their crumbling relationship and how both of them knew that whatever they once had wasn't enough to keep this up. Jean couldn't imagine spending the rest of her life at Scott's side, not with each of their opinions about parenting being the complete opposites. She also didn't know how she was supposed to care for a heavily handicapped child when it came to Nathan growing up, realising how difficult his life would be until he got used to living with only one functioning eye.

She was scared of telling Nathan the truth, of not being able to care properly for him. Scott couldn't fault her for any of her fears, given he had been struggling with the same exact thoughts. The only problem was, Jean seemed less inclined to stick to a major part of parenting. She was ready to leave most of it to Scott, still provide financial support and visit Nathan on a regular basis but not take most of the parenthood part.

And that's where the first cracks had started to form. Scott could understand her insecurities but he couldn't understand her pulling out like she did, thinking financial support and the occasional visit was enough for Nathan. He wanted Nathan to have a mother growing up, a mother that was around. Not one who couldn't face her fears and pull through the hardship of facing her own son like Scott did. He was left caring and sticking his neck out to protect Nathan's innocence as long as he could but also gently guide him into realising he wasn't like the other children and would never be.

But things were still good. Scott tried to talk to Jean occasionally, carefully breaking through to her and soothing some of her worries. It took weeks, no, months of work to get through the initial wall of struggles and feelings.

And just when he thought they had overcome the worst, there was Hank.

Hank had been one of his best friends ever since he started university. The man had been so open towards him right from the start, approaching him and being open about his own passions. Scott had spent so much time with Hank, it wasn't until Jean dropped the bomb of pregnancy that he and Hank had to step on the breaks in their growing friendship. Scott had to be there for Nathan more and more. But Hank had always been understanding, supporting even. He helped take care of Nathan, acting as if he was his uncle or something. It was adorable and one of the small things providing Scott with hope in the early stages of parenting.

Hank had been with them through all of it. And, of course, Scott wasn't blind. He had seen the way Hank started to look at Jean after they broke the news to him that they split. The only reason they stayed together was so Nathan didn't have to deal with the image of one of his parents suddenly coming home with a new partner. They decided to split in earnest for Nathan's sake as soon as Scott had an apartment he could move into, taking Nathan with him and only after their official split indulge in the possibility of a new partner.

So no, he couldn't fault Hank for falling in love with Jean either. And Hank's and Jean's growing relationship had never been a problem to him - on the contrary even - he had been supportive of them.

Until he wasn't. Until he walked in on Christmas eve, something he would rather not have seen. Especially with the knowledge that Nathan had been just a few rooms away and could have gone and searched for his mother at any given time.

Scott had been mad at both of them, had encapsulated himself and Nathan which, obviously, had left Nathan confused. Him and Jean had multiple fallouts over that night after. She kept defending her actions while Scott kept reminding her they had made the decision to wait until he was out of their shared apartment together.

He was set to move out two weeks later, almost immediately after New Year's. And Scott's limit had been breached, all the time he spent in an apartment filled to the brim with negative tension, all the evenings he had spent looking for apartments not too far away from New York so Jean could always come and see Nathan. He had spent so many hours of arranging everything and Jean had gone and broken the one thing he had asked of her in return.

His and Jean's relationship got even worse and the possibility of staying friends minimised to zero percent. Him and Hank also had a fallout with Hank accusing Scott of not letting Jean live her life accordingly, caging her in with the one thing that tied them together still: Nathan. Scott had been angry, had told Hank that he was the one who knew exactly what they had settled on for Nathan's sake and he still overstepped that line.

So Scott had moved out earlier, staying in a hotel with Nathan. The whole planning and thinking how to carefully ease Nathan into his parents splitting had been for nothing. The amount of times Nathan had cried or asked questions about why his mom and dad didn't like each other haunted Scott still.

The one thing he tried to protect his son from had hit them full force and he couldn't help but label it his greatest regret in life.

Hank's and Jean's new, blossoming romance built so far, Jean came back with a lawyer to gain custody for Nathan over Scott. Scott would of course not have it and they went to court over it.

The case had been long and gruelling, Scott spent so many sleepless nights in his new apartment, he could probably name every crack or every imperfection along the walls of his bedroom. Jean's confidence over winning had been so strong, Scott actually started to lose faith a few weeks into the case. He knew Jean's position in life looked much more secure as his own, having Hank with her which would provide Nathan with a father figure. But what turned the court case around in the end was Nathan's own decision. He had been asked by the jury who he would rather stay with while Scott and Jean waited outside and Nathan's anwers had been Scott.

He was fairly certain he wouldn't have gotten the custody rights if Nathan hadn't been drawn to him so much more than he was drawn to Jean.

Scott had been able to take Nathan with him, move about into a smaller city just two hours outside of New York City, called Hudson.

"Look where you're going!" Scott's mind snapped back, a heavy shoulder bumping against his, causing his body to ricochet a few steps back.

A man, at least a head taller than himself, stood in front of him, glaring down at him angrily. There was a woman right next to him, their fingers intertwined. She was also staring at Scott, not afraid to show her discontent about Scott just aimlessly walking into her partner.

"I'm sorry, sir - it was my fault." His voice was pitched just a tad too high, the apology coming out strained. "I wasn't paying attention."

The man eyed him, clearly not buying anything he said but also not looking for trouble. With a last displeased huff, the couple kept moving, continuing their way down the street. Scott's eyes followed them, watching their silhouette disappear in between bright winter jackets.

He turned, sidestepping a child that clung to his father's hand. He kept hurrying down the street, crossing his arms in front of his chest to try and make himself as small as he possibly could.

Hudson. It's where they had been living for almost a year now - Nathan was settling in pretty well and even Scott had found a job rather quickly. Highschool teachers were always welcome, especially with how much the number of registrations for teaching courses at universities had dropped in recent years. Young people no longer wanted to be stuck in school and certainly didn't want to deal with the younger, upcoming generation.

But Scott did and it had earned him a secure teaching position at a local highschool with an amazing salary - enough to provide for both, Nathan and him.

Nathan was able to go to school now, too. Jean no longer in the way of their son connecting with other children his age. And, to Scott's immense relief, everything worked out. Nathan wasn't singled out or picked on. His classmates had taken him right in, happy to welcome a new kid in their group and even helped Nathan along whenever he had trouble to complete an exercise due to his handicap.

Speaking of, Scott had found a therapist specialised on children under the age of 10. Nathan loved going there and the woman he was seeing twice a week helped him come to terms with his disability and showed him how much he could still do just like other children could. She taught and showed him that he was not different in a negative sense and could always adapt to his surroundings and the people who were with him. It was something Scott couldn't show him, couldn't tell him with full conviction since he didn't know how to even approach the topic properly, but he had gotten help even in that regard as Nathan's therapist offered some sessions with both of them together or Scott alone. Just to get him used to on how to handle Nathan's partial blindness.

Scott could not be more proud of his son and his physical as well as mental strength to push through all the changes. And that's why, on the 1st of December, he found himself rallying down the tourist-filled streets of Hudson to a Christmas tree lot. He wanted for Nathan to have an amazing Christmas in their new apartment, something he could enjoy after all the troubles they went through this year.

So he thought: why not start off with getting a Christmas tree?

He'd looked through different advertisements online as well as in the paper - even his neighbours offered their advice. What he gathered was the location of a middle-sized lot, not one of the biggest in town but also not one of the smallest. It was respectable, had a good reputation and wasn't located too far away from Scott's apartment. It was a small flat stuck somewhere between downtown and the outskirts of town, in a smaller alley which connected to the main street.

Not much, but Nathan loved it. And they could reach almost anything in town without a car, which was a big plus point in Scott's eyes.

As he maneuvered through the crowd of people, Scott was able to get a glimpse of the bright, neon lights, making up the sign of the tree lot. It was a bright green christmas tree with a big glowing arrow underneath it, trying to guide helpless visitors to the right entrance.

Scott managed to reach the gate, a small ironing bent in a half-circle. Red fairy lights were tied around the plain, dark greyish material to make it look more appealing. Scott couldn't help but raise a sceptical eyebrow at the made up entrance but decided to throw any prejudice the outer appearance might suggest away.

He needed a Christmas tree and he'd been told to come here. So he was here, wrapped up in his winter jacket and a soft scarf, fighting off the cold for his son's sake.

Taking a deep breath of dry winter air, he stepped inside. The whole lot was surrounded by what seemed to be a chain link fence - not very appealing but enough to create a safe space cleared of aimless tourists.

His eyes darted around the make-shift lot, taking in the whole forest of trees in front of him.

He had never been keen on following every Christmas tradition, often convinced that some things were just useless or over the top. As a child he loved having a Christmas tree and even more loved the times when he and his brother would decorate it together. It meant spending time with Alex and also bringing a bit of magic into their otherwise polished and perfect and boring house.

He loved it until his mother told him all about his father cheating on her for years and of having built a whole second life with another woman. He'd been so angry, so full of hatred.. all his memories with his father in the picture had been tinged with negativity.

It was Jean's job to bring the Christmas spirit into their dull university lives and the most effort she had put into that category was a small, plastic tree in the corner of their shared living room. It was everything Nathan had ever known and Scott wanted to change that.

But as he stood there, surrounded by a sea of evergreens, Scott shifted his weight from foot to foot, peering between the trees with a thoughtful expression, weighting his options. He had no idea where or how to start.

Apparently Scott wasn't the only one to recognise the lost expression on his face. The faint squeak of boots breaking the crust of snow behind him, approaching him, alerted him of someone else's presence. The sound was sharp, drawing closer with each step as Scott prepared for some employee to show up and coax him into leaving his money for some overexpensive tree.

"You lost or just clueless?" It was the voice of a man, rough and gravelly, slightly strained by the cold air surrounding them. His voice had the deep, jagged quality of a distant thunderstorm, low and rumbling as if years of smoke and silence had worn it into something raw.

Scott turned, his gaze locking onto a tall figure just a few feet away from him. The stranger was incredibly tall, towering over Scott ever so slightly. His shoulders were broad, blocking Scott's view from whatever lay behind him and, even through the thick layers of clothing, Scott was able to spot the well-defined muscles, probably by lifting and carrying trees all day long.

The man standing in front of him looked like he'd been carved out of stone - like an old statue of a beast taken out of greek mythology. His face was hard, all sharp angles and edges, like he's been molded by some cruel sculptor who forgot to soften the lines. Scars litter his pale but olive-toned skin, each telling an own story and bear witness to endless hours spent outside. The jaw is squared off, strong, and set with a stubbornness that screams defiance.

Scott's eyes locked onto the ones of the man opposite him; bright, innocent blue meeting dark, dangerous hazel. There was a mistrust, a kind of alertness in his eyes Scott couldn't seem to catch. The way the, presumably, older man's eyes narrowed, he was seizing Scott up too, his gaze travelling up and down, following every curve and line of Scott's more slender and smaller frame.

His counterparts' hair was dark, thick, and wild, sticking out all over the place like it's been through a war on its own. The only attempt of styling that could be spotted were the dark brown, almost black, strands leading up to unmistakable cat ears on each side of his head. The wild hair was accompanied by equally thick sideburns, framing the side of his face and ending in a weathered looking beard. Either the man hadn't shaved in quite some time or it only took a few days worth of growth to give him that perpetual five o'clock shadow.

Logan.

The small sign stapled to his working jacket read the man's name in bold, easy black letters. Scott's mind immediately raced, trying to see if he could connect the name to anyone, if he had ever heard it anywhere before, but the only conclusion he reached was that he had never met the man before.

He was pretty sure he would remember meeting him, anyways.

When his eyes darted back up, it wasn't until the hazel eyes met his again, this time with an amused glint behind those dark orbs, that he realised he had been staring. And not only staring, he had been drinking the man's appearance in. For a whole minute minimum.

Scott could feel a flush climb up his neck, crawling all the way into his cheeks. He cleared his throat, turning completely so he could face Logan head on. "Oh, uhm.. yeah. Yeah- I," he cleared his throat a second time, making the taller man's lips twitch ever so slightly, "I'm looking for a Christmas tree."

One of the man's eyebrows hiked up, an almost comical smile appearing on his lips now.

"Yeah, well, that much is obvious. You just look like a damsel in distress picking one." Logan's eyes darted around over the rows of trees. "Planning to cut one down, or you need help picking a pre-cut?"

Scott tried his best to ignore the teasing remark, swallowing down whatever comeback he had riding on top of his tongue. He could feel his cheeks burn even hotter though, especially with how Logan's low voice seemed to embrace him whole.

He shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure what to look for. I don't usually concern myself with..", he gestured around in a sweeping motion, meaning to encapsulate the rows of evergreens around them, "this. Don't you have any suggestions?"

Logan, who's eyes were back on Scott, that amused glint only intensifying the longer their conversation dragged on, snorted. "Suggestions?" Logan shook his head, the right edge of his lips pulling up into a small grin. "Slim, you've gotta know what kind of tree you want. You might be seconds away from picking a cactus in some gift shop for all I know."

Scott's jaw snapped shut, tightening, his teeth grinding against each other in an irritated manner. How did the man in front of him even sell one tree with his informal behaviour? This couldn't be good for the business but something about the man drew Scott in still. He let the rude remark slide, averting his gaze and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

He didn't care that he looked like Nathan when he was peeved. The older man's comment hit a bit too close to Scott's ego, even though he knew it was his own fault for standing there, unsure on how to pick a goddamn Christmas tree.

It wasn't like the whole thing was particularly hard or some rocket science, but the constant reminder of this being for Nathan kept pressuring him in overthinking what kind of tree Nathan would love. Small or big? Thin or broad? He had no clue.

"I just need a tree that will make my son happy. It's his first christmas after his mother and I-", Scott stopped himself abruptly, the words dying in his throat.

The broken confession hung heavily in the air between them and the amused glint disappeared from Logan's eyes. The dull wall of sobering seriousness and a faint glow of pity replaced the prior sparkle. But pity was the last thing Scott wanted, so he tried to ignore the way Logan looked at him now.

There was an awkward silence, one Scott didn't know how to break to find a way back to formality. He hadn't meant to overshare, the words had just slipped out in between the teasing comments - a way to defend himself for not knowing what he was doing. He was, after all, still new to the whole single-parenting shtick too.

He cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to another. "Anyways," his eyes found Logan's again, like an invisible string tying them together. "His mother usually took care of it and now I'm left with it so..", he trailed off again. God, he usually didn't find himself at such a loss of words, unsure how to navigate a situation. He wasn't even sure why he was so troubled by this. Logan was a stranger who would hopefully sell him one of these trees and then he would never see him again anyways. No big deal.h

But Scott didn't have to finish his sentence as Logan clearly got the memo and took over, stirring them back on the right track. He took a step closer to one of the rather large trees, his fingers running over the dark green needles. "Alright, let's see..", for a small moment he looked like he was contemplating something before starting to walk. Scott followed him, his arms uncrossing as he fell into step behind Logan.

"You'd want something that'll last through the season, not one that drops needles fast. Look for full branches. And don't get a tree that's too tall unless you wanna spend all day trimming it, especially not in flats or apartments in the city." Scott listened intently, soaking up everything Logan had to say. His voice was hypnotic, the rasp lulling you into listening, even though you had no idea what he was trying to tell you.

"How do I know it's healthy enough to last through the season?" He squeezed past a couple with two children who were looking at a group of different trees to be able to keep up with Logan.

The man turned his head, stopping next to one of the smaller trees. "For one, we wouldn't sell you trees that won't make it past one week. No tree lot should, otherwise I would think twice about getting any tree there. And second..", Logan reached back, taking a gentle hold on Scott's wrist, lifting his smaller hand to one of the branches. "Look for one that's firm, not all floppy. It should fight you a bit when you try to bend the branches."

He pressured Scott's hold on the branch a little so the wood bend, creaking soundly. But it didn't give and Scott was aware of the pressure he would have to put on it to cause it to bend fully. "If it doesn't, might as well get a fake one."

Scott could feel the heat radiating from Logan's skin seep into his own, cold skin. Logan's hand felt rough, scarred by the physical work of lifting and cutting down trees and whatever else he was doing for a living during the other, non-holiday times of the year.

As they stood there, Scott allowed himself to wonder what it would feel like to have Logan's full attention, to be seen by him. How it would feel like to be in his close proximity all the time, how his hands would feel in Scott's, how his arms would feel wrapped around him-

-and he ended the train of thoughts right there.

It had been around two years since he last saw someone and it showed.

Logan noticed Scott spacing out but chose to not say anything, waiting for the younger man to process the information he had just given him. Scott's eyes were a bit distant, lost in the dark curtain of needles in front of him.

Scott cleared his throat, something he had to do ridiculously often tonight. "Right.. firm. Anything else I should know?"

Logan let go of Scott's wrist, the connection between them breaking as he started walking again and Scott had to hurry to keep up with him. The snow crunched beneath their feet, filling the small spaces of silence between occasional conversation.

"Not really. I mean, personally, I like to assign trees to people according to their personality or the image they give of themselves." His head turned once more, glancing at Scott over his shoulder. "I don't tell them, but they usually click with the trees I show them."

Scott's lips twitched into an amused smile. He doubted anyone would realize the tree they were assigned to was based on their personality traits - so, of course, they would just blindly follow someone's advice.

"Do they really?" And yeah, maybe he was teasing the older man just a little now. But he couldn't help it, there was just something natural about it.

Logan nodded, stopping in the middle of the path, his right hand extended to point towards one of the trees off to the side. "Yup. This one's a classic. Good size, full of character. Perfect for someone who knows what they want, but doesn't need to be the center of attention."

The tree's branches were thick and filled with needles. It's height was admirable but not too high to force someone's attention on it.

Scott nodded, unable to hold his curiosity in. "Sounds promising. And which one would you assign me?"

Logan turned at that, his eyes suddenly drilled on Scott like he was the most interesting thing in the world. The man's hazel orbs trailed up and down Scott's body and god forbid, he wasn't even trying to hide his interest. He was openly checking Scott out, but not with lust burning in his heated gaze, no.. Logan's eyes were peeling back Scott's layers, studying Scott as though he were a puzzle waiting to be solved, something he longed to understand — every piece of him.

A blush crept up Scott's neck, all the way up to his face, conquering the stinging, cold night air around them bravely.

"Mhm - well, you don't look like the type to go for drama. More like the 'quiet and strong' sort." Logan's eyes found their way back to Scott's, tilting his head slightly. "But I could be wrong."

Scott's lips thinned for a moment, his teeth pulling his bottom lip in as he tried to hide the smile that was threatening break his pretence of not being impressed. Logan's gaze flickered down, following the action before flickering back up and Scott needed to try thatmuch harder to not get flustered by the taller man's obvious interest.

A knowing smile spread across Logan's face.

"Am I right?"

Scott shook his head, no longer being able to hold back the soft smile. "You might be. But if I'm picking out a tree, especially to make my son happy, I don't want it to be too quiet. It needs a little personality."

Logan nodded, a confident spark in his eyes as he turned, searching. It took a second but he seemed to find what he was looking for, spotting a tree on their left side. He motioned towards it.

"Then this one's got your name written all over it. A bit lopsided and imperfect, but it's got heart. Just like you — takes a little while to warm up, but once it does, it's impossible to ignore, adapting well and not afraid to share its worth." Logan's eyes were back on him, aware of every twitch of lips, furrow of brows, change of emotion.

Scott could feel his breath hitch in his throat, the air around him suddenly much thicker and prominent than it had been before. His senses were hyperaware of every breath he breathed in, a small white cloud forming in front of his face whenever he exhaled.

"Is that your sales pitch, or are you just trying to sell me on your charm?" His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.

Logan stepped closer towards him, bridging the distance between them until he was invading Scott's personal space. Scott was sure he could feel the warmth emanating from Logan, enveloping him in its embrace, making him feel secure.

"Both, actually. It can be your pick though." Logan's voice dropped even lower - a dangerous lullaby, drawing Scott in. He had to lean his head back to be able to hold eye contact with the taller man but Logan kept leaning in until his head was next to Scott's.

"I'll leave the hard sell to someone else." Logan's head was bowed so far, his lips close enough to Scott's ear so his warm breath tickled Scott's cold skin. A shiver ran up his spine. "I just help people find what they need.. even if they don't always know what that is yet."

Something told Scott that there was something more to Logan's words than just some simple sales pitch. It made his legs weak in a way he hadn't felt in a long time, the kind of impact he thought he left behind with his early teenage years. But the other man seemed to dig his way straight through his defenses.

Scott cleared his throat. "Well, if you're so good at reading people, what kind of tree would you recommend for me?"

Logan leaned back, his eyes immediately finding Scott's again. His left hand lifted without breaking eye contact, pointing to a tree right behind Logan. It was big, not too big, but just enough to make its presence known. The evergreen's branches were thinner than the one's of the tree a few moments ago, but so full of dark green needles, glowing in the soft yellowish light of the lamps set up all around the tree lot. It was elegant, not demanding attention but radiating a certain kind of confidence.

Scott followed Logan's lead, taking the tree in. "This one - it's strong, steady, and has just enough charm to stand out. Perfect for someone who might not admit they like the spotlight, but sure as hell deserve it."

A short silence followed Logan's words. It wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary.. it gave Scott time to think, to take the other man's words in.

Logan's voice seemed to touch on something secretly personal. Scott couldn't think of anyone who had been able to capture his essence so quickly, ever. In a strange way, it impressed him. It was as if Logan had a knack for reading people, dissecting them on first glance; or maybe Scott was just an open book, unaware of how transparent he truly was. Unaware of how much he needed someone to truly see him.

A strange sense of longing bubbled up in him, the need to stay as long as he could. To get to know the man who called himself Logan, carried and sold trees and, seemingly, didn't care about how his rugged looks might leave an impact on others, better.

But he also couldn't make Anne, Nathan's nanny, wait too long. He was already running late and he didn't want her to lose too much time from her own studies in school.

"I'll take the tree."

Logan took a step back, smiling down at Scott like he knew something Scott didn't. Like he cracked a safe to some jackpot - some exceptional win.

"Alright," Logan turned, making his way over towards the tree with Scott following close behind. He pulled a small paper sign, with a red ribbon threaded through, from his pocket. A pen followed just a second later as he stopped in front of the tree. "I'll need your full name and contact information then. Assuming you're not equipped to take it with you right this instant."

Scott couldn't help but raise a sceptical eyebrow, taking the sign and pen from Logan's hand, their fingers brushing against each other softly. A small shock went through Scott, painfully aware of just how much the small touch affected him.

"What counts as contact information?" He scribbled his name down in neat handwriting, one that his students often criticised to be unreadable. A critique Scott wasn't going to take when most of his students' scribble was even worse.

Logan's eyes were drilled on his name, memorising it already. A mischievous smirk spread across his features. "All I need is your email so we can sort out pickup times and payment methods," there was a brief pause as Logan turned his next words over in his head, finally settling on what to say, "but I'd happily take your number too, if you're offering."

Scott couldn't help the laugh erupting from his insides, the sound a light, calming melody - like a heavy weight had been lifted he didn't know he was carrying around with him. "Does this work on every customer who looks lost when picking a tree?"

Logan was staring, looking a little awestruck at Scott's reaction. He shrugged, trying to school his face back to an expression close to neutral. "Haven't really tried this on anyone until now so.. I wouldn't know, would I?"

His only answer was a thoughtful hum as he decided to take the leap and scribble his number on the back of the sign, trying to ignore Logan's burning gaze on him. "I guess not."

Finishing the combination of digits with a 2, Scott straightened back up, handing both, the pen and the sign back to Logan who eagerly took it. If Scott would allow his thoughts to scatter far enough, he'd almost find it adorable how much effort Logan was putting in to get him wrapped up in this.

As soon as the sign was out of Scott's hand, he started taking small steps backwards, putting more and more distance between himself and Logan. His hands rose to adjust his scarf, wrapping it tighter around himself as the cold wind started to chase goosebumps up and down his, from the cold, pale reddish skin.

"I'll expect to hear from you soon then."

Logan's eyes followed him every step of the way and it was then that Scott could see his tense, calculating posture softening. His brows weren't drawn together anymore and his gaze no longer hooded, like he was waiting for something to jump him. The alertness had vanished, leaving room for the kind of comfort Scott craved for in life. Something he also wished for Nathan, another presence besides himself for Nathan to grow up with.

"Wouldn't want to waste such a pretty tree. You might want to come back and show your son the tree - you know, make sure it's what he imagined, too." It was an offer, not a demand. Logan's voice wasn't rough or pressuring when he spoke, it was gentle and inviting.

Scott smiled, turning around. Logan disappeared from his view but he could still feel the older man's eyes burning on his back.

"Goodnight Logan."

He made his way towards the bend iron with the red chain of lights wrapped around, the one he had entered through earlier. He could hear the laughter of children echo through the serene night air, reminding him of Nathan, waiting for him at home.

Home.

"Goodnight Scott."

❝❞

[5th December]

It had been five days since Scott went and picked a tree at the local Christmas tree lot. He hadn't told Nathan yet, wanting to maybe take Logan up on his offer and bring his son along to the lot so he could see the tree himself. But he didn't want to load it all on Nathan at once, he had already promised him that they would see to getting an appropriate amount of Christmas decorations in the next few weeks.

Their apartment, while homey and comfy, still lacked a bit of personality, the kind of presence building over a longer stretch of time to make the space feel lived in. And until then, Scott was stuck with coming up with ideas to tint their flat in bright, glowing colors. Nathan loved the idea and had started to draw pictures of potential decoration articles he wanted or saw around in a store somewhere.

Scott loved seeing his son so passionate about something after trying to inspire Nathan to anything again after breaking up with Jean. It had been a hard few months but they had pulled through.

Scott's aversion to Christmas made it harder for him to even think about decorations, especially when the only ones available were far too pricey. With his modest income and the need to pay rent on their apartment, spending a lot was simply not an option, no matter how much we loved Nathan. He still had so much other components in their life he needed to afford, meaning decorations just came short.

To his relief, Logan had texted him the day after his visit to the tree lot, immediately providing the details of his tree: its number, dimensions, and cost. Logan also pointed out that the lot didn't offer delivery; customers were expected to pick up their trees on their own account, which posed a challenge for Scott since he didn't own a car and had never found time to get his license between studying for university and caring for his child.

But he decided to push that particular problem aside for now, thinking he could always come up with a solution for it, anyways.

Currently his mind was taken up by something else.

He had told Logan about the decorations problem, concluding if Logan was selling trees, he would most likely have an advice on tree decorations, tree stands, and other small details for his flat to spare. And the other man didn't disappoint at all; on the contrary. He had offered Scott to take him out to drive around town so Scott could look at different decorations outdoors, maybe gathering some inspiration for his own living room or hallway. Plus, Logan told him he knew some small stores that sold Christmas decor for a more than acceptable price.

So, yeah, Scott was technically going on.. a date. At least that's what Anne told him when he called her to ask if she could look over Nathan for the evening.

Scott still felt the heat of his blush in his cheeks when he thought about her teasing giggle and that it was about time he found someone else in the city to talk to, not only the nanny of his son. He couldn't deny that she had a point but he also didn't want to label what he and Logan were doing was a date.

Sure, Logan had flirted with him, clearly trying to get through the walls Scott had built around himself after the whole mess he called his past relationship. But wasn't that what most people were after? The thrill of trying to crack the shell of someone who's hard to get, just to carry it around like they won an award after? Like it was some kind of competition?

Logan didn't exactly strike him as the type who would take advantage of people in such a way, especially after he had seen the look of regret and anger flash behind Scott's eyes when the topic of Nathan's mother had come up. The older man knew he was a single dad and Scott strongly believed that Logan wouldn't abuse his vulnerability like this, even though everything inside of him told him otherwise and to not get too close.

All that and he hadn't even started on naming the reasons why people are overwhelmed when starting to date a single parent, often not fit for the empty spot as the kid's second parent.

"Have a great evening, Mr. Summers. And don't worry about getting back too quickly, I've got enough time to spare for Nathan." Scott turned, shrugging his jacket on as his eyes landed on Anne. She stood between his living room and the hallway, leaning casually against the door frame, a knowing smile tugging at her lips.

Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, her hip propped out in a confident stance. Her long, brown hair streaked with red strands was pulled back in a messy bun, the black framed glasses sitting low on the bridge of her nose. "You should enjoy your evening."

He smiled back at her, hoping to show how thankful he was. She spent most of her free time looking and caring for Nathan whenever Scott had important meetings or had to stay longer at work due to some student causing trouble. "Thank you Anne, I really appreciate it. We won't be too long."

Anne shrugged, tilting her head in a nonchalant manner, that made single loose strand fall across her face. "Even if, you should make the most of it. I haven't seen anyone capture your interest besides Nathan - and he would agree with me when it comes to you finding someone to make you happy again."

Scott opened his mouth, about to argue: something weak like it wasn't how it looked or that Logan was just helping him to make Christmas as enjoyable as possible for his son. But the response died on his tongue when the shrill sound of his doorbell ringing broke through the quiet.

He'd like to deny the way his heart skipped a beat at the sound, but even the catch in his breath was clear evidence that this wasn't just casual. Who would go out of their way to help someone like him balance the overwhelming sense of how to plan Christmas on his own if they didn't think Scott was worth a shot?

"Looks like your ride's here." The tone of Anne's voice changed drastically as the words left her mouth and Scott was quick to catch onto the implication.

It took him all the control he had over his body to keep the blush down, sending a sarcastic glare the girl's way. The only response he got was an innocent smile and a soft good luck, Mr. Summers, like this was about to be something more than it should be; and he was out of the door. His wallet and phone rested secured in the pocket of his light brown jacket, his collar pulled up to shield him against whatever number of degrees would hit him as soon as he stepped outside. With a slight skip in his step, he took the stairs, hurrying down three sets of stairs until he stood in the small lobby of his apartment complex.

Readjusting his clothing and throwing another glance at the slim mirror next to a communal wardrobe, because he totally didn't care what image he would give to Logan, he took another deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. This was just someone trying to help him, Logan taking him to see Christmas decorations.

Nothing big.

He didn't believe himself.

He stepped out of the building, the cold December air embracing him with open arms. Looking up, he saw a truck parked on his side of the street. It was large, weathered, and had the look of a vehicle that had been through a few tough battles. But what caught his attention most was the figure leaning against it - Logan, his arms crossed over his chest. He wore dark blue jeans held by a heavy belt, layered clothing, a white shirt, a wine-red flannel, and a durable, worn leather jacket that clung to his muscular body.

The only reason Scott didn't stop in his tracks to stare was because Logan's eyes were already on him. The taller man pushed himself off of the car, a soft smile on his lips as his eyes shamelessly took Scott in whole.

Trying to maintain a sense of professionalism, Scott walked up to Logan, his shoes crunching against the crust of snow on the sidewalk. The man's eyes followed every movement of him, only rising far enough to indulge in eye contact when Scott stopped right in front of him.

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, Scott tried to smile a not-so-telling smile that wouldn't give him and his nerves away. He was sure it looked more like a grimace than an actual smile but Logan didn't seem to mind at all. "Hi."

Logan gave a court nod, his left hand shifting to rest on the handle of the passenger door. "Hey yourself."

His voice was just as soft and welcoming as Scott remembered it from the tree lot, but there was an underlying, teasing tone accompanying it. Logan pulled the door to the passenger side open, holding it wide open for Scott to settle inside. Sticking his hand out with his palm open and turned up, he glanced at Scott again, an almost playful glint in his eyes now. "Ready to have your narrow world blown away by some festive decoration?" 

Scott chuckled, nodding, while trying to not show how much the gesture affected him as he lifted his hand and embedded it in Logan's outstretched palm. Long, warm fingers wrapped around his thinner ones, rough skin tickling his soft one.

Logan guided him into his car, gently clicking the door closed after Scott had settled in. He rounded the truck, entering the driver's side and fastly closing the door after him to keep the cold out. Scott could tell that the heater had been running before Logan arrived, probably to have the interior of the car a pleasant temperature to spend some time in.

"So, are we going anywhere specific, or..?" Scott trailed off, the question hanging loosely in the air between them. The atmosphere was relaxed, nothing felt pressured or forced as Logan cranked up the motor, a soft rumble filling small spaces of silence.

Pulling out into the deserted traffic in Scott's alley, he shook his head, reaching back into a grey duffle bag positioned on the backseat. "Nah, was planning on just driving around for a bit to give you an idea of what decorations could look like and then show you a store I've visited in the past."

His hand came back into view, this time holding a dark thermo bottle. He held it out for Scott to take, which he did, before rounding a corner to pull back onto main street and drive them down the road for some time. As soon as he was on a straight route again he reached back once more, fishing for something else in the old duffle bag. He retrieved a cup, handing it over to Scott, too.

Scott took it without hesitation, now holding a thermo bottle and a pattern less cup in his hands. He glanced at Logan with a quizzical look, not sure what he was supposed to do with the objects. "What is it?"

Logan glanced over at him, too, but his eyes flickered back onto the road immediately, careful to not get them into an accident with the slippery roads.

"Hot apple cider but without alcohol. We had extra after finishing today's shift and I thought you might want some", his sentence broke and Scott turned to him fully now, seeing a kind of hesitation behind his hazel orbs. And then; "But you don't have to."

The words were added quickly, like Logan had just thought about the possibility that Scott wasn't reading as much into this as he was and maybe crept out by Logan doing too much for a simple meeting to drive around town and look at a few Christmas lights along the way. Scott smiled, his heart warming at the small gesture.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." He uncapped the thermo bottle carefully, aware of the occasional bumps in the road. He didn't want to spill anything by accident, knowing it would be nightmarish to clean it out of Logan's truck later. Keeping his hands as steady as he could he filled some of the hot brew into the cup, filling it just a sip over halfway. Resting the mug in his lap he made sure to secure the thermo bottle closed again before resting it on the ground, holding it in a standing position between his feet.

He could tell Logan was watching him, gazing at him as he lifted the cup to his lips to blow at the cider in order to not burn himself while drinking it.

"You might want to keep your eyes on the road, romeo." There was a stutter in Logan's driving as the words left Scott's lips, but he caught himself again quickly, his eyes drilled on the snowy road and the cars in front of them.

"You might want to refrain from glowing brighter than the damn decorations over some _apple cider_, then."

Scott choked on the first sip of warm cider he was about the take, his hand flying up to wipe at his mouth while small coughs wrecked his body, the burn down his throat leading him on. "I am not."

A low chuckle escaped Logan's throat, the sound sending goosebumps down Scott's arms. "Mm, keep telling yourself that, but you should actually look out of the window to see the things you're here for."

A hot blush colored Scott's cheeks as he turned his head towards the window and away from Logan's teasing gaze, taking in the bright lights along the facades of shops, houses or apartment complexes as they made their way down the main street and through some smaller alleys and residential areas.

Scott was able to spot some things he could imagine for his and Nathan's flat, knowing Nathan would l_ove the bright and colorful lights. He had always been all over everything colorful and shiny - drawn to it like a moth to a flame. And he had always loved Christmas, the movies, the music, the baked goods, the snow in winter - he even adored learning poems to present to his parents, now Scott, and coming up with creative gift ideas for not only his family but his friends too.

He really wanted to get this right for Nathan, to see his bright blue eyes sparkle with happiness.

He blinked, his eyes drying out a bit from all the staring at glowing lights. After driving for a good twenty minutes at least, Scott cleared his throat, reviving it from its resting state.

"I've lived in two major cities, and I swear, I never realized how much people go all out with Christmas lights. It's like a secret competition or something, who's decoration shines the brightest." His hands were still holding the, now, empty cup, resting in his lap as he turned his head back to Logan.

Logan hadn't said much for the past twenty minutes, only pointing to some house front he thought that Scott might find interesting every now and then. "Well, you've got to appreciate the effort. Not everyone's got the guts to hang lights that are bright enough to be seen from space or blind some unassuming astronauts - but the group effort is impeccable."

Scott grinned as he reached down for the thermo bottle again, filling the cup with some more apple cider. "So you're telling me I should've gone for something like that myself, huh?"

It was easy to fall into conversation with Logan. The jokes and the banter came naturally but he knew from the tree lot that Logan could also stomach some heavier or awkward topics and not immediately end the conversation when something weird and out of context came up. He wanted to know Scott's story and something about his burning interest got Scott hooked like if on autopilot. He felt drawn to the other man in a way he hadn't felt in a long time, or ever. And Logan? He had no problem with stretches of silence in between them, kept a relaxing and pleasant atmosphere and didn't force himself onto Scott. He took a step at a time, following Scott's minimising boundaries at his pace.

Maybe Anne was right, Scott thought, maybe I should let myself indulge in this.

A throaty laugh erupted from the man besides him, an amused smirk tugging at his lips now. "No, no. You strike me as more of a minimalist, which is nothing bad per se - it just means you can still find joy in the little things and don't need an extravagant scene for it."

Scott pursed his lips, his brows drawing together in a calculating manner. "Your point, plus, a minimalistic approach is much more efficient. Saves me time, money and a lot of nerves."

The teasing smirk splitting Logan's face lost a bit of it's edge as his features softened. They were driving down a small alley now, much further on the outskirts of town than Scott had ever been and at least half an hour away from Scott's apartment. Logan was taking his foot off the accelerator, slowing the vehicle down until they came to a stop on the sidewalk in front of a store, tucked away in an old, come down building.

Logan killed the engine, the soft rumble of the motor cutting off immediately. "Maybe, but you could use a little color in your life. You look like you've been wandering through a winter wonderland stained in a vivid grey."

Scott's heart stuttered at Logan's words, a shiver racing up his spine. The words seemed to take all the air out of his system, like a freezing hand wrapping around his throat, cutting off any chance of breathing.

"Ever thought about the possibility of your son not wanting any grand gestures, big trees or bright decorations to have an amazing Christmas? Maybe he just needs his dad; happy, unbothered, relaxed for once - something he wasn't able to see in you ever since..", Logan trailed off but he didn't need to finish his sentence. The message was clear, so clear it almost felt like an uppercut hitting him full force.

Scott opened his mouth, attempting to respond, say something, anything. But he didn't know what to say, no words, no sound would leave his lips as he stared at Logan, wide eyed.

Logan held his gaze, never breaking the small connection they seemed to find over something simple as eye contact. It was like a life line to Scott, the way Logan seemed so confident, so sure of what he was saying. And he didn't fault Scott, never told him he was doing something wrong, just pointing out what Scott thought was his perfect plan for a perfect Christmas.

Scott was the first to look away, his eyes finding the store Logan had stopped in front of. The interior looked like some magic wand shop pulled out of a Harry Potter movie, dark, weathered wood but elegant nevertheless. He cleared his throat while taking in the different decoration components filling the shelves, reflecting the soft yellow glow of the big, old overhead lamps.

"I cannot give him that without putting up a facade and I don't want to lie to him. So material aspects as counterweight have to do that job for me." His voice was small, but he refused to let it break.

There was a small silence, the first awkward silence.

He hadn't planned on the conversation drifting in this particular direction, hadn't anticipated to lay his emotions down on a plate like this - but here he was, opening up to a stranger he met a few days ago and who had somehow managed to pull him into his orbit.

He could hear the rustling of clothes and the soft creak of the seat to his left. Then the driver's door clicked open, cold air rushing in through the opening and surrounding him in a matter of seconds as he could hear Logan shift to get out of the car. The door fell shut behind him as he rounded the car a second time that night, opening up Scott's door.

There was a reassuring glint in his eyes as he offered Scott his hand again. "In that case, you're lucky I'm an expert at making Christmas magical.. just follow my lead."

Scott looked up at Logan, the switch in mood and topic drawing all the tension out of his body again in a quick fashion. He took Logan's hand, letting the taller man help him out of the car before closing the door behind him, locking the truck. Neither of them immediately let go of the other's hand, and so Logan started walking towards the entrance of the small shop, pushing the glass door open, pulling Scott after him.

The small bell above the door jingled gently as they entered the narrow room, dust motes swirling in the air, prompting a faint urge to sneeze from Scott. The room's cozy warmth surrounded them, with the familiar smells of wood, books, and tea settling comfortably in the space. Scott's eyes locked onto all the different decoration articles - lights, string lights in various colors and styles; ornaments, classic baubles, glass ornaments, or personalized decorations a variety of shapes, sizes, and designs, from stars to snowflakes, angels, and animals. On another shelf in a far corner he could spot tree toppers, in the form of stars and angels, and ribbons - wide or thin, multicolored or just in the classical green and red.

"Logan!" Scott dropped Logan's hand out of reflex as soon as he heard a voice approaching. He turned in time to see a young woman approach them, her hair pulled up in a ponytail with a prominent white streak and wearing elegant white gloves. "It's been a while since you've been here - how have you been?"

Logan and the young woman embraced, the girl wrapping her arms around Logan in a crushing hug. Scott took a step back to give them room, suddenly feeling a little bit awkward.

Logan ruffled the girl's hair as soon as they pulled apart, messing up her perfect style of hair. But she didn't seem to mind one bit, beaming up at the taller man. "I'm good, kid. What about you? The whole thing still running?" He gestured around the room and Scott guessed he was talking about the shop.

The girl nodded, her ponytail bouncing up and down with the movement, a big grin plastered across her face. "Yeah, it's still good. But Remy thinks we might have to close the shop in downtown, given the bigger stores are just overpowering us there."

Logan nodded in understanding while Scott was waiting off to the side, still lost. The girl's eyes - Scott had no idea who she was, nor had he ever seen her anywhere before - swept over to him, narrowing. She clearly had no idea who he was either and was just as confused about his presence in the room. Her confusion helped him relax a little but he turned his own gaze to Logan, looking at him a little helpless and in need for guidance. 

"Right - you two don't know each other yet. Marie, this is Scott. Scott, this is Marie." One of Logan's hands came to rest on Marie's left shoulder, the gesture reminding him if a proud dad who was showing his achieving daughter off. "She's like a little sister to me, I've known her for years."

Marie skipped over to him, showing a welcoming smile but there was something in her eyes, something that told Scott she was totally aware of what Logan was up to and they weren't subtle at all. He shook her extended hand, trying to play it cool even though it must have been painfully obvious to the girl what Logan's plans were.

"Nice to meet you. Logan hasn't brought anyone here, ever. You must be someone special?" The last part was phrased more as a question when Scott pulled his hand back. The way her voice softened in a knowing manner at the word special had his stomach fluttering, just like that stupid description of having butterflies in your stomach when in love. Or interested in someone. It's a metaphor he'd never quiet understood in all of his years studying literature. But then again, he had never been remotely close to relating to said feeling but now.. he understood the term much better.

"Kid." Logan's voice was deep, a warning growl hiking his throat from the depth of his lungs. It wasn't mean or meant to scare someone, just a simple warning for the girl to take it down a notch.

The girl - Marie - rolled her eyes, her bright expression never wavering. "Yeah, yeah. But you should really try and settle down, you know. You're getting old." She took a few steps back so she was next to Logan again, her eyes, however, remained on Scott as if he was some kind of puzzle.

It was Logan's moment to roll his eyes, his knuckles drumming against the solid wood of the counter, each tap echoing like the ticking of a clock, signifying their dwindling time. "Right. Whatever. I'm here to scrape together some Christmas decoration for Scotty over there - something simple, easy. But it should still be bright enough to make a kid happy." His eyes had wandered towards the same shelves Scott had been eyeing earlier. "Think you can help us with that?"

Marie's eyes lit up at the older man's words, visible excitement bubbling up inside of her as she made her way around the counter and towards the huge shelf, her eyes scanning the rows of decor articles thoughtfully. "Of course I can! Come on over here, I'm sure I got the perfect something for you.."

She rose to the tips of her toes, stretching her arm to reach for a box higher up. Logan was by her side in a matter of seconds, helping her lift the box down. He carried it over towards the counter while Marie was stuck grabbing another few objects from the vast shelves, skipping back over to them after.

She set down a collection of battery-powered candles, a small box filled with wooden ornaments depicting tiny but loving scenes, like a snowball fight or an elf wrapping presents, a red ribbon to adorn the elegant branches, and a whimsical tree topper - a star with a monocle and top hat - perfect to accommodate Nathan's playful side, and one of her most distinctive pieces.

"It's elegant, the wood blends comfort and natural aspects and," she tapped the tree topper carefully, a small smile playing around her lips, "something to give the tree a bit more character and life. Kids need the additional push sometimes to be able to unfold their fantasies or dream worlds."

She looked back up at Scott, who's gaze was sweeping over all the articles. He got stuck on the wooden ornaments, the classical touch in their manufacturing period unmistakable. It reminded Scott of the ornaments he used to decorate the tree with when he was younger, the kind of elegant his parents would approve of to have Alex and him have a little fun.

Without even realising it, he looked up, his eyes searching and finding Logan's who had been taking in the decorations as well, now back to gazing at Scott. He made it look like the most natural thing in the world, like they hadn't just met a few days ago.

Logan gave him a small, reassuring nod. Scott nodded, too, his eyes finding the wooden ornaments once more.

Jean had always told him to stop being stuck in the past all the time. To look forward, to wrench himself free of the hold his parents' influence had on him. To make new memories, ones worth lasting.

Taking a deep breath he nodded once more, this time as a heads up to himself, turning his attention to Marie who was looking at him, waiting. "I'll take it."

She was beaming at him, hurrying behind the counter to excitedly tap the keys of the old cash register. While she was adding up the prices of the different articles on a thin piece of paper, scribbling numbers down, Scott reached for his wallet in the pocket of his coat, sending prayers that he had enough money in cash with him.

A hand on his arm halted him, his eyes quickly shifting to the person beside him. Logan's larger hand was wrapped around his arm, a firm yet gentle grip preventing him from reaching for his wallet. Instead, the older man pulled out his own, a worn and slightly frayed wallet.

"I got it." There was no room left for argument in Logan's voice and when Scott opened his mouth, the look Logan shot him was enough to shut him right back up, his jaw snapping shut.

"Thank you, this wasn't necessary." He watched Logan hand Marie the money, a peaceful expression settling on his face. Scott's voice was barely above a whisper, the kind of soft used when afraid to break a delicate moment.

But Logan only shook his head, his hands loading the decorations into the cardboard box the set of candles were in. After saying their goodbyes, Logan led him back out to his truck. Neither of them spoke a word while Logan put the box onto the backseat, Scott claiming his place on the passenger's seat again, like this was his place to begin with.

Jean was right, his eyes were drilled on the rear view mirror, watching Logan push the grey duffle bag to the side to make room for the box filled with festive decoration. Something about the view was so domestic, Scott's heart hammered in his chest.

He should've tried the whole making new memories thing way sooner if this was what those memories would look like.

❝❞

[9th december]

"Where are we going?" The little hand in Scott's palm was restless, constantly tugging as though eager to explore every corner, to observe everything in sight. Nathan had always been the curious type, eager to examine and touch anything he could, even offering the most outlandish explanations for things as simple as boiling water. Scott loved his son and wouldn't trade him for any price in this world, but every parent knew that watching over an overly curious child was a hell of an exercise. 

"We're almost there, honey. You see the sign over there? The red glowing one? That's where we're heading." Scott's grip around Nathan's fingers tightened, trying hard to keep him by his side when the streets around them were buzzing with life.

Four days had gone by since Scott had been out with Logan, driving around town, talking and buying Christmas decorations. Or rather being gifted Christmas decoration as Logan had insisted on paying for the articles. The older man had driven him home in a comfortable silence, only occasional comments breaking the peace in the vast space of the truck. The only real conversation they had was when they said their goodbyes, Logan dropping Scott off at his apartment again.

He had offered to bring the cardboard box up so Scott wouldn't need to carry everything on his own, but Scott had just waved him off, telling him it's fine. The thing Logan was able to convince him of was to take the thermo bottle of hot apple cider with him and drink the rest or share it with Nathan, given the lack of alcohol in it. Some part of Scott thought this had been a part of an elaborate plan, the cider without the alcohol so he could keep some for Nathan, the excuse about it being leftovers from their shift at the tree lot just a way to justify his actions. And then the thermo bottle.

Scott knew he had some sense of obligation to return it to the older man, given it wasn't his to keep. So he would have to seek him out again, leading to another meeting. And while he didn't want to think about it too much, not like when Anne had teased him about looking more relaxed than he had in months after Logan returned him, he couldn't help but entertain the thought of Logan doing it deliberately. As an excuse for them to see each other again.

So, after checking in with Logan to be sure he was working today, Scott took him up on the offer he made the first time they met - taking Nathan to go see the tree he'd picked out.

That was what he was doing right now.

"What is there?" A short silence and another tug at Scott's hand. "Why are we going there?"

He tried his hardest not to laugh at Nathan's curiosity as he neared the tree lot, the familiar red chain light glowing in warm welcome. "You'll see when we get there. Let me just.."

But just as he entered the lot, his eyes scanning the scene to see if he could spot Logan and his attention drifting just a tad too far off, Nathan let out an excited little squeak before worming his hand out of Scott's grip and storming off, disappearing in the sea of evergreens. Scott stared after him for a moment, a feeling of dread washing over him before he set of, trying to hang onto the soft of footsteps crunching in the snow to follow his son.

"Nathan! Nathan slow down!", but his attempts to call his son back were in vain. Nathan's small body fit through the trees and branches much easier than Scott's taller and leaner form.

Just when an ice cold panic started to bubble up inside him, he rounded another tree, calling out again. "Nath-", but the name fell short on his lips as he caught the scene in front of him.

Nathan, standing beside the tree, eagerly tested the strength of a low-hanging branch, his blue eyes glowing with enthusiasm. Logan crouched beside him, his hand gently holding the branch's tip to ensure it didn't snap back toward Nathan's face. Scott's heart fluttered at the scene, the dread that had been weighing on him lifting, replaced by a soothing warmth.

Something about the scene in front of him looked so right, it struck an emotion buried deep inside of him.

He made his way over, the soft layer of snow giving away under the weight of his shoes. "This one is strong!" Nathan's excited voice carried through the cold air, a white cloud forming in front of him with every word. Logan's lips were curled into a soft grin, his hand slowly guiding the branch back up after Nathan let go, ensuring his safety. 

"It is. It's not very old, so that's why. Barely six years old." His eyes found Scott as he approached, content in the way Scott's shoulders had slumped in relief. The playful grin softened into a smile. He turned his head back to Nathan, nudging him gently to get his attention back. "I think your dad's been looking for you."

Nathan's head snapped around, the excited glint never leaving his eyes as he spotted Scott who came to a stop next to them. "Dad, the tree is as old as me and it's so strong already!" He reached out to grasp Scott's hand and guide it towards one of the lower branches, using his hold on Scott's palm to pressure it slightly. "Look!"

Scott chuckled, his hand pushing the branch down the same way it had the first time, when Logan explained to him how he could determine the health and hold of the tree with the method. "I can tell, very durable." His son wasn't even listening though, too fascinated by the evergreen in front of him. He ran his small fingers all over the branches, plucking a few needles to examine them more closely and take in the scent of pine tree.

Logan straightened himself back up as he watched Nathan's fascination over something simple as a pine tree people bought for the short period of festivity. He was back to towering over Scott, tilting his head slightly so he could look at him. It was always the same routine, Logan's eyes trailing up and down his body, drinking in his whole appearance, the edges of his lips tugged up at all times. Scott had yet to see the older man frown or look unhappy in his presence and, judging by Logan's character, this most likely meant he wasn't just an every day encounter to the other man.

"So you took me up on my offer, huh?" Logan's voice was just as gravelly as the other times Scott had met him, always padding around in the lowest registers. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was back to wearing the lot's trademark work jacket, the logo of whoever was powering it stitched right over where Logan's heart would be. He stood closer to Scott than he had to, their shoulders just an inch away from touching.

"Wouldn't want to have him miss out on this," he nodded towards Nathan who was still taken up the tree and the other, slightly crooked one, right next to it. "Besides, I still got this." He lifted his left hand, shaking the empty thermo bottle for emphasis as if it would explain everything. "Can't just keep something that's not mine."

He held the thermo bottle out to Logan. But the man didn't take it, simply staring at it for a second before shrugging, turning his gaze back onto Nathan. "It's yours if you want it. I have a dozen of these lying around at home anyways. Outdoors job, you know."

He sounded so nonchalant as he said it but Scott was certain he had seen a short crack in the man's facade, an amused glint in his eyes. He nodded, awkwardly dropping his hand back to his side now that he kind of made a fool of himself. "Right. Uhm.. thank you?" He didn't want it to come out as a question but it did and he had to fight the urge to smack himself right after. He was acting like a teenager in front of their first crush, unsure about every little thing, like the other person would truly care or notice.

But then again, Logan didn't seem to mind at all, a warm smile on his lips as he glanced at Scott from the corner of his eyes. "You're welcome, darling."

The thermos clattered loudly against the asphalt, easily cracking the thin blanket of snow beneath it, its sharp sound cutting through the cold, causing Scott to flinch at his own sudden move. His hand had released it instinctively, and he felt heat rise to his cheeks as Nathan turned to look at him with a puzzled expression. All Scott could do was mumble an apology before quickly bending down to retrieve the object, ignoring the wide smirk Logan tried to suppress, but didn't quite manage to, breaking out on his face.

Darling.

Jesus.

He cleared his throat, acting like nothing had happened and Logan's words hadn't just wrecked him in a way he couldn't even explain. The blush wouldn't go, so he pulled his collar up in the hopes of at least covering his flushing neck. "How- how did you know he's my son?"

It was a weak, no, pathetic attempt at changing the topic and getting the conversation back on track. Scott knew, but he was thankful when Logan didn't prod further and just went along, shrugging once more as his gaze settled back on Nathan. "He's got your eyes and your nose. Wasn't exactly a hard guess." Another glance at Scott before that knowing smile crept onto his face again. "And your smile."

Scott nodded, trying not to think about the implications of Logan memorising certain aspects of his look too hard. The last line also didn't help in washing the color off his cheeks but rather intensified it again. Suddenly the air around him didn't seem as cold anymore and his jacket was way too warm for the occasion.

Could he get a grip?

Luckily, Nathan either had a 6th sense or was just naturally meant to be his saviour, because he turned around in that exact moment, beaming up at Scott with the kind of happiness he hadn't seen in his eyes for a long few months. He could feel his heart melt in his chest, the urge to pull his son in and crush him in a bear hug way too alluring.

"Do we get a tree too, dad?" Even if Scott hadn't yet picked a tree or had been planning on getting one, the raw hope and longing in Nathan's voice would have been enough to crumble his resolves.

Before he could say anything, though, Logan stepped forward, leaning down so he could lower his voice in a playful manner for just Nathan to hear. "Your dad was here a few days ago to pick and secure one for you two already. Wanna go and look at it?"

Nathan's eyes seemed to glow even brighter, it that was even possible. His nod was enthusiastic and his steps were accompanied by a slight skip as both, he and Scott, followed Logan through the labyrinth of evergreens. Scott didn't know how Logan knew his way around the lot - besides the signs pointing towards the exit every small alley they walked down and every turn they took looked almost the same to Scott.

It took them a minute to make their way past the crowds of people being led around to look at the different trees. There were much more people than the day Scott had been here, the smaller spaces between the trees a little crowded. He took Nathan's smaller hand again, keeping him close to his side as they padded after Logan. The man's stride was confident and relaxed, nothing of the hooded and alert tension left Scott had faced that first day.

They stopped in front of the tree Scott had picked - or rather Logan had picked for him - and he noticed the sign being different than the one he'd scribbled his contact information on a week prior. The sign and the ribbon itself were the same, the red and white fabric blending well against the dark green needles. But the handwriting was different. The sign still had Scott's full name and Email scribbled across it but it wasn't Scott's handwriting. With a small glance at the other man, he knew. Logan was already looking at him, that predatory and kind of challenging look on his face, knowing Scott had realised the swap.

He repeated the movement of pulling his lower lip back with his teeth, this time more to provoke the taller man. The way Logan's gaze immediately dropped to track the movement told Scott everything - it was clear from his reaction that Scott had come out on top this time.

His focus shifted back to Nathan who had been silent, staring at the tree in awe. Scott could feel his nerves build up, his pulse rising in an unexplainable fear. He hadn't planned on the possibility of Nathan not liking the tree. He had just assumed that Nathan would love the possibility of a tree. The words were out before he could stop them.

"If you don't like it, we can always pick another tree. I'm sure Logan can show us some other amazing-", he was cut off by Nathan turning around. Scott had crouched down while starting to spill out his worries, trying to be in eye level with Nathan. But the boy didn't stop a second to listen to what Scott had to say, throwing his arms around his father's neck and pulling him into a rather strong embrace.

Scott froze for a second, hesitating only for a moment before wrapping his arms around his son, burying his face in Nathan's shoulder. Something in him loosened, a tight knot restraining the sense of peace and happiness he had longed for ever since the heavy fallout with Jean. Since he got so close to only seeing his son every few weeks or only on the weekends in total if his son hadn't told the judge he wanted to stay with his father. If Nathan hadn't picked him.

No matter how often he had messed up in parenting, in taking care of a child he had been too young to even have in his life. Nathan had never disliked anything, never ignored any effort Scott made but had always loved and adored whatever Scott had to offer.

Scott could feel tears prick in his eyes, a heavy lump forming in his throat as Nathan's arms tightened around his neck.

"It's perfect dad, I love it." His words were muffled by the fabric of Scott's coat but Scott heard them loud and clear. "Thank you."

The softness in Nathan's voice hit deep and it took every single ounce of control he had to not let the tears fall. In that moment he forgot all about the court case, about his worries of providing Nathan with the best Christmas imaginable - he even forgot Logan's presence next to them, silent but there. A quiet additional comfort Scott hadn't realised he needed, but was thankful to have.

As they pulled apart, Scott lowered his head, quickly wiping the tears away so Nathan wouldn't see. His blue eyes were on the tree again, that excited glint being the base of Scott's entire happiness. "Does this mean we get to decorate it too?"

A broken chuckle escaped Scott's lips as he tried to hold himself together.

He nodded, a content smile making its way onto his face. "Yes. Yes, this means we get to decorate it too." His son's eyes were back on him for just a second before they swept up to Logan. The taller man was still standing next to them but had taken a step back, giving them space to enjoy their small father-son moment together. His arms were still crossed over his chest but as Scott met his eyes, he could see just how much Logan cared.

"Will you be there too? Help us decorate the tree?"

And just like that, the bubble burst. Scott choked on the air he was about to breath in, his cheeks flushing all over again at Nathan's simple and innocent question. Both of Logan's eyebrows shot up, hiking up his forehead almost all the way to the begin of his hairline, his eyes widening in surprise. They stared at Nathan, confusion etched across both their faces. Still, Nathan's eyes gleamed with excitement, that same hopeful tone in his voice accompanied by an almost desperate look.

Both men were too stunned to speak, Logan's mouth slightly open, as though he was about to say something but couldn't find the right words. His hazel eyes locked onto Scott's blue ones and he could tell how unsure Logan was. He didn't know what to say either, not wanting to deny Nathan blankly but also not wanting to make this awkward for Logan who had been nothing but kind and patient to them.

Logan's gaze softened, his voice much smaller and more quiet than Scott had experienced it until now. "If your dad is okay with it too, I- I think I could arrange an evening off."

Scott's heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of Logan, in their apartment, decorating the Christmas tree with them. How did he even get here?

Nathan turned to him now, his hands holding onto Scott's shoulder in his crouching position. "Can he come dad? Please." Other than Nathan's pleading, Scott found himself wanting to have Logan around too, the easy and relaxed atmosphere the man brought with him, his undeniable chemistry with Nathan and.. whatever it is he was doing to Scott.

Scott took a deep breath of cold winter air, sobering his brain. He nodded, his head tilted to look up at Logan. "We'd love to have you." A pause, filled with an excited noise by Nathan. "If it's really okay for you."

He didn't have to add the last part, the look on Logan's face told him that Logan was, in fact, very okay with spending one of his evening off of work with them. The older man grinned down at him, that teasing an mischievous look etched back onto his face in an instant.

"I could do this Saturday." He gave a court nod in the direction of the tree. "This would even come in by delivery then."

Scott's smile widened at the remark - Logan had probably realised Scott didn't own a car, even if it was just based on the lack of space for parking in his small street. He straightened himself back up, his knees feeling a bit weak after crouching for such a long amount of time.

His hand naturally found Nathan's, who was smiling up at Logan like this was the best Christmas gift he could have gotten - and it wasn't even Christmas yet.

"Saturday it is, then."

❝❞

[14th december]

Oh, golden boy, don't act like you were kind

You were mine, but you were awful every time

So don't tell them what you told me

Don't hold me like you know me

I would rather burn forever

But you should know that I died slow

Running through the halls of your haunted home

And the toughest part is that we both know

What to happened to you

Why you're out on your own

Merry Christmas, please don't call

Scott could hear the soft sounds of the Christmas playlist Anne had made for Nathan and him echoing in the background as he shuffled cookies he had spent all afternoon making with Nathan into neat boxes to store away. The soft tick of the old clock hanging above the kitchen door reminded him of their plans tonight and the visitor they were expecting in just a bit.

Logan had texted him, telling Scott that he should make room for the tree in his living room beforehand or should pick a spot where he wanted the tree to go, making sure the furniture in it's reach was pushed aside so the mess would be easier to clean up faster. He had also pre-checked the height of their flat, providing Logan with all the information he needed so he could cut it, adjusting the height.

Logan's shift at the lot ended at 6pm, so he would be at their apartment around fifteen minutes later. Scott spent his day contemplating if he should cook dinner and offer Logan to stay over and eat dinner with them afterwards. For once, because Logan had no obligation doing this. He didn't have to deliver the tree in favor of Scott not owning a car, he didn't have to spend the night with the two of them, decorating a tree while listening to some makeshift Christmas playlist. But he did and Nathan was beyond excited.

Second, Scott could no longer run from the bubbly feeling in his chest whenever he thought of the rugged lumberjack. Nathan had asked him a few days ago if Logan would be spending Christmas and New Year's with them too - completely taken up by him. The worst or most embarrassing moment had been Anne, telling him about how Nathan excitedly chatted about the guy his dad liked all evening. As if Scott were carrying around a sign to reveal all his secrets.

So this dinner idea wasn't just to return the favor, but in his own interest as well, even though he would never admit it out loud. The excuse was perfect and he wasn't afraid to take it.

The shrill sound of their doorbell cut through the pleasant ambiance, announcing the arrival of the person they had both been excitedly waiting for all day - their excitement based on different reasons though.

He set the box down he had been holding, trying to find an open space in the cupboard to store it. He closed said cupboard, heading out of the kitchen just to find Nathan rushing to the door, leaving his place at the table where he had been busy painting a picture for Logan the past hour. To say his son was obsessed with Logan would probably be an understatement, but the other man just seemed to have a talent when it came to handling kids.

"Dad! The door!" Nathan was bouncing eagerly next to the door to their apartment - the blinking white light indicating someone had rung it.

Scott easily made his way over, a small smile playing at the edge of his lips. "I know, honey, I heard. Why don't you go and get the picture you were painting for him just now until he's up all the stairs?"

Nathan nodded, storming off to go and get the present he had been preparing for Logan. Scott leaned forward, pushing the button to activate the speaker. "Hello?" The building wasn't modern enough to have a camera built into the bell so you could check beforehand who was trying to get inside. It was a feature Scott missed, one he had in his old apartment in New York City.

"It's Logan."

The familiar gruff voice sounded strained, the faint crackling sound of the speaker distorting it. But Scott was sure that, by now, he would be able to recognise that voice anywhere. He pushed another button, this time to open up the door to the apartment complex as a whole. Scott had texted Logan their level as well as their apartment number beforehand, in case he wanted to know how far up he'd have to carry the tree.

"Do you need any help?" He could hear the door being pushed open through the old speaker, the feedback making it sound strange. The next thing he heard was rustling, almost a kind of scratching noise and then silence.

For a short moment he stared at the wall in front of him in confusion. Then he heard more rustling.

"Nah, I got it. Going to be up in a bit." After Logan finished his sentence, there was the sound of the front door clicking closed. Scott pushed the button for the speaker again, deactivating it.

Scott stood by the door, feeling oddly out of place as he waited for Logan to ascend the three flights of stairs. Logan had assured him he was fine on his own, so he didn't push it. Nathan came back, holding the drawing, his eyes alight with pride. Scott could see him buzzing with excitement and could tell he would sleep amazing after spending all that pent up energy on decorating the tree and talking to Logan about whatever came to his mind.

The knock sounding against the door pulled Scott back out of the depth of his mind, his attention suddenly on the white coated door. He didn't hesitate pulling the door open to Logan, dressed in similar layers as he had been when they were out to view the Christmas light, the heavy leather jacket clinging to his broad shoulders. Their tree stood next to him, wrapped up in a thin layer of plastic in the pattern of fish nets, making the tree transportable. Logan's large hands were holding the pine tree up, keeping it from toppling over as his eyes met Scott's.

"I hope you two are up for some work, because this lady had me worried when I saw your staircase." There was a playful grin tugging at Logan's lips as Scott opened the door wider and stepped back, making room for Logan to walk in.

He complied, lifting the tree off of the ground and tilting it so he could carry it through the open door carefully, entering the apartment. "No, but seriously- who makes a staircase this small. How do you not topple down those stairs?"

Nathan followed Logan along, showing him where they wanted to put the tree. Scott had set up a tree stand a few days ago after Logan told him where he could get one for a good price and one that would survive a few more festive seasons.

After lowering the tree into position, Logan gave the height one last check, pleased with the result. He ushered Nathan a few steps back and carefully lifted the tree into the stand. Logan leaned his head back and tilted it in Scott's direction, a few strands of hair falling across his face. "Could you come here and check that it's straight for a sec?"

He made his way over quickly, taking the angle of the tree in from two sides before helping Logan adjust it slightly and then hold it in place while the taller man crouched down to click the stand close. He gave a court nod and Scott, a bit hesitant, let go of the strong, upturned branches, stepping away. The stand did its job, holding the tree up.

"You know, the answer to your question would be the elevator, but its broken and they won't fix until after the holidays." Logan straightened back up, throwing Logan a no-shit-sherlock look before taking the angle of the tree in himself, nodding approvingly over the result.

"Then I guess all of you are left with broken bones over Christmas eve - besides the kid though."

Scott shook his head, watching Nathan bounce around the tree and examine it all over again. "You could've said something and I would've come down to help you carry it up."

Logan's eyes began to wander, looking around the room he stood in now. The living room was a warm, inviting sanctuary, bathed in the soft, golden glow of table lamps and the flickering flames from small candles scattered around the room. A plush couch and a comfortable armchair with overstuffed cushions were arranged around a low coffee table, stacked with books, Nathan's pens and a half-drunk mug of hot chocolate. The scent of candles mixed with the faint aroma of fresh pine, created an atmosphere that felt both timeless and comforting.

"I'm carrying these trees around eight to nine hours a day, a few steps won't kill me." Logan's eyes found their way back to Scott, a comfortable easy settling between them. "The only thing you could help me with is telling me if your neighbours are going to have my head for parking out front or if I should move the truck to avoid beheading."

The snort escaping Scott even caught Nathan's attention again, who had been circling the tree in awe for the better part of their small banter. "They won't mind, none of us own a car anyways. Pretty sure you've noticed the parking situation."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Logan looked like he was about to say something more when a small tug at his jacket caught his attention. Looking down he saw Nathan, looking sheepish and even a bit shy now that all the attention was on him.

But Logan had no trouble sensing Nathan's slight unease and crouched down to his level, his hands coming ro rest on Nathan's side. It was meant to be a soothing touch, help Nathan relax for whatever reason he was nervous for now. It was Scott's time to stare in awe now, watching as Nathan's nerves seemed to easily deflate just at the small gesture alone. "What's up, buddy?"

Nathan looked up at Scott, like seeking permission or reassurance that he wasn't making a fool out of himself. Scott only smiled, nodding in what he hoped was an encouraging way.

Nathan turned his head back to Logan who was waiting patiently, a curious glint in his eyes. The six year old boy held out the sheet of paper he'd stolen from Scott's documents - just a plain white paper to be able to draw on. Logan shifted his left arm to take the extended gift from Nathan, holding it off to the side and into the natural light streaming in through the big windows. "I made this for you. Since you helped my dad with the tree and made him smile again."

Logan's eyes widened a bit as he took in Nathan's drawing. It was the tree lot, a lot of dark green and dark blue in the background for the sea of evergreens and the dark nightsky. In the foreground were three people, two adults and one child. Neither Scott nor Logan had to guess who was supposed to be in the picture and Scott could feel his nerves bubbling up again. This was like a family drawing you hung up on your wall or kept it years after your kid grew up for memories' sake.

And made him smile again.

The last part hit him the hardest. He knew he hadn't been consistent with it, but he had always tried to keep the facade up that everything was okay. He didn't want Nathan to worry about him, he knew his son was amazing on picking up on the small mood changes in people - it had played such a big part in keeping his and Jean's breakup a secret for so long.

And damn him, he could feel tears gathering in his eyes again. Nathan was just so open and forward about things, always speaking what was on his mind and sometimes those were things Scott wasn't yet equipped to think about. Like how Nathan always drew his blind eye in pictures as a black void. Like there was nothing to begin with. In the beginning Scott had stressed about it, trying to conjure a way up to help Nathan, to try and change his view on things.

Nathan's therapist had then told him it was a natural reaction. Everyone worked through trauma in a different way. Nathan had grown up partially blind his whole life to it wasn't an issue of getting used to it - more like learning to life regularly with it. And how to cope with it as soon as he saw that, around other kids his age, he was the only one different. But him depicting a void as his eye didn't mean anything bad per se, is what she told him. It's just that Nathan didn't know it in any other way. While he could see his reflection in the mirror and see that there was a second eye, it didn't equal what he felt, what he imagined when picturing himself.

And Scott had learned that it was okay.

Logan scanned the picture, taking it all in. There was a soft smile on his lips and Scott thought he could even spot Logan's eyes getting a little glossy. To Scott's own surprise, Logan didn't stare too long at the black point in the middle of the page. He just turned back to Nathan, ruffling through the boy's hair, making him giggle.

"It's amazing, thank you for this." Nathan just shook his head like it was nothing. Like this wasn't a bit too serious for Scott - just drawing a picture of the three of them like they were a family already. "I'll definitely make sure to hang it up in my flat when I get back." 

Nathan nodded happily, seemingly glad he drew and gave Logan the picture. He then turned back to Scott, his eyes never stopped glowing. "Can we go and decorate the tree now?"

Scott chuckled, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the clear evidence of him getting emotional. "Of course we can. Go and get the chair from your room." He didn't need to finish the sentence before Nathan was off, storming down the hallway to his room.

After Nathan left the room, Scott turned to pick up the large cardboard box from the coffee table, setting it down next to the tree. Logan rose from his crouch and stepped closer to him, a quiet, comforting presence beside Scott. "I didn't want to ask you when you were in the lot the other day, but..", Logan lifted the picture Nathan drew for him so Scott could see the drawing better. "His right eye- is he, you know, blind?"

Scott's head turned automatically to see if Nathan was still in his room or in the hallway yet. When he wasn't able to spot his son, he turned back to Logan, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He wanted to avoid this as long as he could - people never stuck around when it got complicated and he was worried Logan would pull back, distancing himself after hearing about Nathan's handicap. 

"Yeah, he's-", Scott's voice broke slightly and he took a second to clear his throat. Logan didn't press him, just waited until Scott felt comfortable enough to continue. "He's partially blind. It's a non-inherited birth defect the doctors didn't acknowledge in time."

Scott paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "He doesn't struggle with it too much, not yet at least. The worst part for him is that the other children are normal when he's not. I tried to tell him that his condition doesn't deem him not normal but he's not quiet there yet to trust in that." He pushed his lips together, forming a thin line. "He's in therapy - learning how to live with it like any other child. The constant pressure on one eye often leads to him having migraines, sometimes dizziness when he's concentrating too hard to focus his vision on something. The doctors also say that my mother's severe eye condition of temporary blindness and then ending with a highly reduced vision could hit him too."

A warm, big hand was placed on his back, a reassuring presence he didn't know he needed. He took a shaky breath, his eyes flickering back down the hall where Nathan was still in his room, probably searching for something. "I didn't suffer from it and the specialist we talked to is pretty sure the condition always skips a generation, so.. it would be Nathan's struggle. And I can't help him, I can't protect him from it and he's already not seeing the world like everyone else. This will only take even more from him."

His voice broke on the last part and now Logan's arm was around his back, pulling him in. His hands came up to cover his face while additional resting his head on Logan's shoulder, the older man's free hand rubbing soothing circles on his back while the arm of the hand he still held the picture in loosely wrapped around Scott's body, keeping him close.

They stood like this for a moment, Scott secure and save in Logan's arms. He could hear the rustling noises coming from Nathan's room, indicating that he was searching for something, while his dad couldn't hold it together, even with Nathan just being a short distance away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Logan's voice was close, so close, his warm breath tickling the skin of Scott's ear. His voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough to steady Scott's messy thoughts as he worked to get his fast breathing under control. "But you should know that whatever happens to Nathan in the future, he's got the best father to face this with."

Scott lifted his head with Logan pushing him away far enough to be able to properly look at him. There was nothing but raw sincerity in Logan's eyes. He meant every word and Scott didn't know how to react to something so big, so important. The words settled deep inside his heart, like a small motor to keep him going when he might lose the energy to do so.

He was on the brink of expressing his gratitude, the sound of fast-moving footsteps down the hallway interrupting him pre-sentence. He turned to find Nathan approaching, practically bouncing with enthusiasm. In his hands, he held five small, hand-crafted ornaments - colorful paper cut-outs, each one bursting with bright shades.

Nathan didn't have time to read the room, his excitement overwhelming any logic. "I made these with Anne the other day, as a surprise!" Both his hands were stretched out, the chair he brought along forgotten behind him, with his palms turned up to show the small ornaments off to them.

Scott bent over, reaching out to take one of the self-made ornaments out of Nathan's hands. "These are incredible, honey - they'll definitely look amazing on the tree." Nathan was beaming again, even the smallest praise making all the effort he put in worth it.

Scot motioned at the tree, "So how about we start? We don't want to take too long, otherwise dinner's going to fall flat."

He didn't mean it, but it was enough of a push to get Nathan in motion, skipping over to the cardboard box to pull out the different decoration articles. Logan was grinning as he followed Nathan, helping him empty the box so they could look at what they had and then systematically start decorating the tree.

For at least twenty minutes they let Nathan look through all the different decorations Scott and Logan had taken back from Marie's shop with them. He turned the ornaments im his hand, ran his hands over the tree topper and worked a logical system out in his head with what they should start and what should come last. Neither Logan nor Scott said anything, just watching him.

When Jean was in charge of their Christmas decoration, she used to get a cheap fake tree to put up in their apartment, decoration already coming along so Nathan never had the privilege of actually decorating one. The only few times he got to participate in the tradition was in kindergarten or pre-school, when the teachers would gather all the kids to decorate the tree they had gotten together.

Just watching Nathan's lit up face already made the whole hustle worth it.

He carried the candles over, handing them to Logan and Scott to scatter them all over the tree. They did, managing the higher branches while Nathan took care of the lower branches.

"This part's always tricky." Logan's voice broke the small silence following Nathan's directions. He nodded to the decoration spread over the floor, reaching up to put a battery-powered candle on one of the higher branches. "Too much, and it looks like the tree got attacked by a glitter bomb. Too little, and it's just sad.

Scott grinned, securing one of the candles on a higher branch himself. "Well, I trust you've got an expert eye. I mean, this whole 'decorating a tree' thing might be a little out of my league."

Logan's shoulder brushed against his in passing, the taller man sidestepping Scott to shift to the other side of the tree, reaching up to branches not even Scott could reach. "Oh, I have my moments. But that's why I'm here anyways." His gaze travelled over to Nathan, who, after securing the few candles he could, went back to sorting through the ornaments he was about to hang on the tree. "Besides, I think you've got it covered. Nathan looks like he's a fan of your 'skills'."

Scott's eyes followed Logan's, landing on his son, too, a fond expression on his face. "He's pretty into this. I think this helped him to finally enjoy casual things again. Like the ornaments he did with Anne? He was obsessed with crafting before he moved and then suddenly stopped."

He turned back to Logan, meeting the older man's eyes. "I mean, I cannot fault him. After the whole mess of last year, it's nice to see him excited about something again."

There was a sympathetic look in Logan's eyes, a kind of understanding Scott hadn't expected. "I get it. The holidays can be.. tricky. Especially with family."

And couldn't Scott relate to that. 

"Yeah, it's a little hard to make everything perfect when the world's just been upside down. But I want him to have the best Christmas. The kind of Christmas he deserves." His eyes were back on Nathan, watching him seperate the ornaments he wanted to put on the tree from the one's he didn't want up there.

The warm breath caressing the soft skin of his neck made a shiver race down his spine, butterflies practically clawing at his ribs to be set free. He could feel Logan's warmth emanating from the man's body, so close to his now after having stepped closer. "I think you're doing a pretty great job so far. It's not just about the tree or the decorations, you know. It's about the feeling. And it looks like you've got that nailed down."

The words soothed Scott. This might be the first time he actually let himself believe in it. No amount of material goods could replace this. Them being together, the time they spent with each other - the effort he put in to make Nathan smile. Logan was right and Scott loved that he was starting to see it too.

He turned his head, his face only inches away from Logan's. Taking a step to the side he tried to put some respectable distance between them again, unsure of how far he wanted to jump. "Thank you. This- this means a lot. I didn't know how to do this at first, it's been a lot of trial and error I guess."

Logan's posture changed, his muscles growing a bit tense again, but not in a bad way. It was in a way, Scott had come to realise, for Logan to change the atmosphere. Whenever it got too serious or too dark he would try and stir the conversation in a different direction again with a sarcastic remark or a slight joke, easy and not offending. Scott thought it was a charming trade, making Logan who he was.

"And now you've got me here to help with the 'error' part." He handed Scott his last candle, nodding in the direction of an open branch to Scott's left side. Their fingers brushed against each other lightly, a small wave of warmth rushing through Scott at the contact. Somehow Logan's words seemed to hold a deeper meaning than he let on, even though he was clearly trying to tease Scott.

His words felt like a promise, one Scott didn't know how to interpret yet.

After Scott placed the last candle in silence, Logan leaned in a bit, his voice lowering enough so Nathan would surely hear nothing of what he was saying. "I do have one question though."

Scott stared at him, waiting.

Logan looked a little self-conscious but took the leap in the end, clearing his throat. "Who's Anne? Not that I want to intrude, but.."

He couldn't help himself, the laugh erupting from his throat was unstoppable. Nathan's head turned, confusing about what he missed written all across his face. Logan raised an eyebrow at the reaction, averting his gaze awkwardly, trying to get away from the situation in some way. But Scott's melodic laughter filled the space, eventually also cracking Nathan up, even though he didn't know what his dad was laughing about.

It took Scott a few moments to catch himself, the amusement still evident in his voice as he pulled his lower lip in with his teeth again, trying to stop his lips from tugging into a full on teasing smile. "Are you jealous?"

"No-", Logan's voice was louder than he had planned on, resulting in snapping his jaw shut. A soft laugh bubbled up from Scott as he caught Logan's reaction, the way his defensive tone said everything that words couldn't express. "I was just curious."

"Uh-huh." Scott's tone was unserious, his expression not helping. The bright smile splitting his face transfered to Logan, the taller man's lips tugging up in a small smile too.

"Scott-"

"Anne is Nathan's nanny - kind of." He raised his right hand to wipe at the small amount of tears welling up through the laughter. "She's a student at the school I'm working at and offered to look after Nathan when I can't after I had to bring him along to a late afternoon class once." He bumped his shoulder against Logan's in a playful manner. "No competition to worry about."

Scott immediately regretted his choice of words as soon as they slipped out. Logan's eyebrow quirked upward in surprise, and a mischievous, almost predatory grin spread across his face, his teeth briefly visible as he studied Scott, clearly savoring the moment.

"That so?"

Scott felt his face flush, Logan's scrutinising gaze making him feel trapped in the situation with no way out. "Just- don't say anything."

His voice was strained with embarrassment and the color of his face helped underline that assumption.

Bolting to save him, Nathan's voice broke through their small moment, his hand tugging at Scott's shirt. Both, Logan's and Scott's attention immediately shifted to the small boy. "Can we put the ornaments on next?"

He took a deep breath, ruffling his son's hair. "Of course. Why don't you go ahead and do that with Logan while I go and prepare dinner? Only if Logan wants to stay for dinner, that is."

Logan's eyes softened, the amused glint disappearing, replaced by something more delicate. Something domestic, making Scott's heart ache. "I'd love to."

Scott was a bit in awe over how easily their conversations flowed and their chemistry built. It seemed natural, like neither of them had to force anything on the other to make it work. "Okay."

He cleared his throat, getting rid of the slight stutter in his voice. "Okay- uhm.. I guess I can't go wrong with simple Pasta?" Nathan had detached himself from Scott, hurrying over to grab the ornaments he had so carefully picked out, ready to start the real fun of the decorating process with Logan.

Logan nodded, following Nathan to the tree, his head turned back and tilted so he could keep talking to Scott while moving away. "Everything's fine. I'm not a picky eater."

Nodding, Scott turned away, throwing one last glance at the overly domestic scene Logan and Nathan made by decorating the dark green pine tree in the middle of Scott's living room together, before making his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner for them.

Of course he isn't. 

【...】

Dinner was easy enough - Scott used up one of the packs of Pasta they still had at home, stirring up a tomato-curry sauce he knew Nathan loved. As he sat the table, Logan and Nathan were almost finished with the tree, only adding the final touches. The candles were lit, the ribbon woven through the thick brachens of the tree had the characteristics of an elegant coat and the wooden, as well as Nathan's self-made, ornaments gave it character. The whole tree seemed to give their whole living room a bit more character, finally a bit of Christmas magic filling their flat.

Scott watched Logan lift Nathan up by his sides, holding him up so he could place the unique tree topper on the evergreen's crown. Smiling, he placed three plates down, each one accompanied by the cutlery needed for the food.

After gathering the wrappings of the decorations and putting them back into the cardboard box, Logan stored it away in one of the commodes in the hallway, while Nathan went to wash his hands.

Scott made it a point to slide a napkin into Nathan's shirt, ensuring it covered his torso, knowing any food spill would be a nightmare to clean off white fabric. And with the white shirt Nathan was wearing, he didn't want to take any chances.

Dinner had passed ina mix of comfortable, short silence and an animated conversation between Nathan and Logan. Nathan was determined to extract every bit of knowledge about Logan's occupation. How long does it take to chop down a tree and get it ready to move? How do you carry so many trees? Do you go to different places in the woods or stay in one spot? How do you know what kind of trees they are?

Scott was pretty sure he now possessed enough knowledge about lumberjacks and woodwork for a whole lifetime. But Nathan had never been happier and Logan had been so patient with him, answering all his questions. When they thought the charade of Nathan's string of questions was over, Logan mentioned he was additionally occupying a part-time job at a local mechanic store, fixing cars, bikes and any vehicles that came in, broken.

And Nathan's mouth had started working again, blubbering constantly, like a small motor they couldn't turn off. Neither of them minded though, Logan even told him he thought it was quiet adorable when Nathan had gone off to change for bed and brush his teeth. Logan had to stay, though, because the small boy wanted to say his goodbyes and goodnight to Logan.

So, Logan stuck around after dinner to help Scott clean up. He took on the bulk of the work: washing and drying dishes, putting them away, wiping the counters, and handling the trash. Scott was given the simple task of packing up the leftovers for the fridge, with Logan insisting he would handle most of the cleaning himself. It didn't feel right to have their guest take on most of the cleaning, anything at all, really. But Logan was being persistent, convinced Scott had enough to do as it was.

After they finished in the kitchen, Nathan was ready for bed. He was brave enough to hug Logan goodbye, the older man gladly embracing him. His strong arms wrapped around Nathan in a delicate way, like he was afraid he'd break him if he squeezed too much. Nathan had wrapped his own arms around Logan's neck without any hesitation, telling him he would he really, really happy if he came to visit them again soon.

Scott walked with him, easing Nathan into bed. He tenderly swept a few loose hairs away from Nathan's face and kissed his forehead softly. After flicking on the nightlight next to the door for reassurance, Scott left the room and headed back towards Logan, who was waiting by the door, leaning against the door frame from outside the apartment.

Scott stood in front of him, the cooler air from the communal hallways streaming into his pleasantly warm apartment. He wrapped his arms around himself, a few goosebumps forming on his exposed skin.

"So.. this is it then." He stood in front of Logan, his voice soft and quiet. There was barely an arms length between them, the air thick with tension.

Saying goodbye to Logan felt strangely surreal. They'd always had a quiet promise between them after their last encounters, a reason to think they'd meet again. But now, there was no clear reason - except, well, there was something. And thinking about it made Scott's heart beat a little faster, full of anxious anticipation.

Logan nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Yeah, guess this is it." But neither hearing the words out of his own mouth nor from Logan felt right to Scott. Like this shouldn't be how.. whatever this was between them ended. Like this is something worth fighting for, something worth risking the possibility of rejection for.

The silence stretched on between them, pushing the inevitable further and further back, like they could avoid it if they just waited long enough. But Logan seemed to have enough as he breathed in and out deeply, Scott watching as his well-trained chest puffed up and deflated again. A rueful, regretting smile tugged at Logan's lips as he gave a court not, turning around.

"Goodnight, Scott."

And no, no, no. This wasn't how things were supposed to go and Scott didn't want to see him go just like that. Maybe he had thought of himself as a fool in the beginning, leaving his number on the back of a sign at the tree lot for one of the employees to save it and text him later on. This could be pulled out of the script of a bad Christmas rom-com everyone like to watch anyways, just for the happy ending aspect. And Scott wanted that happy ending, for himself and Nathan.

"Logan, wait." His voice was raw, the kind of raw that told Logan everything before Scott even got to say another word. The other man stopped dead in his tracks by the first vocal sound of his name - spinning around halfway to look at Scott, an eyebrow raised in silent question. But the way Logan seemed to have waited for Scott to say something, anything. It let him believe Logan was just as desperate for this as he was.

"I'm glad you came. Nathan likes you. A lot. And, well...", his words trailed off again, the end of the sentence lost in the, now, heavy silence between them. Scott could feel his heart pounding in his chest, almost leaping up his throat. "I- I do too."

Logan's eyes flicked down to Scott's lips, making his heart stumble in his chest. His expression stayed calm, nothing close to disgust or anger or any of the other nightmarish scenarios Scott had come up with all day long. On the contrary - if anything, Logan looked like he was about to claim his prey, seconds away from devouring Scott whole. But something held him back, keeping his rooted to the ground, an immovable object.

"That so?" And, yeah, Scott's heart flipped at the raw desire in Logan's voice. His eyes followed Logan's example, landing on the other man's lips. He thought he might choke on the air around him, his brain abandoning his lungs, leaving Scott to manage his breathing manually.

"Careful there darling, you might start making me feel special."

Logan was still close enough, one step and he could reach out, grabbing Scott's waist to pull him in close, crashing their lips together. Scott was sure if Logan kept staring at his slightly parted lips like he did, he would gladly fold, not fighting the other man one bit.

But Logan didn't move - decidedly cutting the moment short with dragging his eyes back up until they locked onto Scott's bright blue eyes. The movement seemed forced, like it hurt Logan to walk away from a potential kiss he could go and get right now. His eyes stayed drilled on Scott's though, the eye contact more intense than before.

Scott couldn't handle the tension building and building, his heart rate steadily increasing in his ribcage. He felt like he was about to burst and so that's exactly what happened, his brain short circuiting and his mouth was running before he could stop it.

"Do you want to join us for Christmas? Like, Christmas eve or Christmas day? - whatever you'd like." The tension between them deflated just slightly after Scott's words, an invisible barrier up between them neither of them was ready to breach in right this moment.

Logan didn't even need to think about the anwer, nodding. "If you'll have me."

And, once again, Scott didn't think Logan was just talking about them spending Christmas eve together, a further implication hidden behind his words.

"Of course I'll have you." Scott's voice was back to being quiet and soft again. The words barely more than a whisper but to Logan it was more than enough. A content smile made its way up his face and settled onto his lips, his eyes still on Scott.

There was one moment more of hesitation, neither of them moving. In the distance, Scott could hear the low hum of car engines, with Main Street still buzzing with evening traffic. His mind, however, was racing just as fast-thoughts speeding by at a hundred miles per hour, desperately trying to make sense of everything currently unfolding in front of him.

Eventually, Logan was the first to break the silence, his voice low, quiet but still gravelly and raspy. "Do me a favor until then, though."

Scott nodded eagerly before he even knew what the favor was, making Logan's lips twitch in that trade mark manner. Maybe he was easy, maybe his resolves crumbled a bit too fast around Logan - but he'd stopped carring.

"Think about this - us. Sit down and think it through and think about it long and hard. Because I'm dying to hold onto this."

Logan's eyes were so sincere, so offering. Scott thought he understood the saying of eyes being the windows to every person's soul, now. Logan's were blown wide open, no pretence.

"Hold onto you."

❝❞

[24th december]

Hold onto you.

The time until Christmas Eve seemed to stretch on forever. It had only been ten days since they decorated the tree and Logan had agreed to join them, but Scott's restless thoughts made it feel like so much longer. He couldn't stop thinking about Logan's words and the implication behind them. He knew he wanted this, wanted someone in his life permanently and someone Nathan got along with too. That might have been his number one criteria and Logan excelled at it, like some sports man at his olympic discipline.

Nathan adored him, couldn't stop talking about Logan and bug Scott with the question when Logan would visit them again. Or when they would visit him at the tree lot again.

But they decided to not see each other until Christmas eve, apart from occasional text messages swapped between them they also refrained from contacting one another. Logan had texted to assure Scott this isn't about distancing from one another but to give Scott time to think. And he had gotten plenty of it.

He had replayed the thought of Logan as his life partner countless times in his mind, and every time he came up empty, unable to find any reason not to give dating a chance. He knew about Nathan's condition and still wanted to stay, he was aware of Scott's struggles and the potential complications ahead, yet he hadn't backed away. Logan wasn't taking this lightly, putting effort into Scott's happiness from the start when he didn't know a single thing about him, other than being a lost man in a tree lot. And, yes, he might be eight years older than Scott, but age gaps like theirs weren't unheard of - eight years were totally respectable in society and even if not, Scott couldn't care less.

He didn't feel like him and Logan were on total different pages due to their difference in age, on the contrary even. Their chemistry burned bright, not bright and dangerous enough to burn them but rather to spend them warmth and security in life.

Scott had thought about it plenty and had come to the same conclusion over and over again. He wanted to try this with Logan - if only starting slow. One step at a time, and if they needed to, baby steps.

But he wanted this. And Nathan wanted this too, he could tell.

So when it was finally, finally, Christmas eve - Scott couldn't remember any time in his life he had anticipated this day as much as now - Logan was there, in front of their apartment door. His hair was the same mess as always, the slight cat ears fighting against the weathered conditions. He was wearing his same layered clothes, a white shirt with a flannel above, the sleeves of it rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearms.

Scott seemed to develop a strange attraction towards flannels ever since he met Logan. Something just fit about the whole look, like this was meant to be Logan.

As soon as Scott opened the door, Logan's gaze naturally met his. He was taken aback when Logan, with a grin, revealed he had a gift for Nathan. A modestly sized box, wrapped in bright red paper and tied with a glowing yellow-golden ribbon, was held in his hand. They put it under the tree for the young boy to open up with the rest of the presents the next day. Scott had gotten two gifts for Nathan and Anne had made one too, a self-knitted puppet.

Neither of them said anything, deliberately waiting until after dinner and when Nathan was off to bed to talk about what Logan had tasked Scott to do.

Dinner was more of an improvisation than an actual plan to Scott, he and Nathan didn't have anything traditional to go with and he had no idea if Logan would have certain expectations. So he back paddled in time a little, trying hard to remember what his grandmother used to do for Christmas eve. He couldn't get the whole receipt back together but the main aspects were there, accompanied by a few extras he thought would fit.

It ended up being a vibrant spread of modern flavors, with a roasted lamb taking center stage, its tender meat surrounded by bowls of roasted fingerling potatoes and glazed carrots. Next to it was a fresh kale salad, tossed with pomegranate seeds and citrus dressing. The air was filled with the mingling scents of garlic and rosemary, and the flickering glow of candles reflected off sleek, minimalist tableware. Everything mixed together created an easygoing and festive atmosphere and no one seemed to mind the fall off tradition too much.

Dessert were the cookies he and Nathan had been baking together throughout December, a simple addition to an extensive evening.

The night drew to a close with the only tradition Scott and Nathan could bring to the table - sitting down together to watch one of their beloved Christmas movies. The three of them curled up on the couch, letting Nathan choose the film, his excitement palpable despite the late hour. It had been a long day, especially with Logan getting off his shift late after delivering a few last-minute Christmas trees, but Scott didn't mind. Nathan was wide-eyed and full of energy, and tonight felt like an exception to the usual rules.

By the time the movie was nearing its end, Scott's attention had shifted to Nathan, now asleep in his lap, his head resting gently on Scott's thigh. The clock had already passed eleven, and it wasn't surprising that Nathan had succumbed to sleep after such a burst of energy. Scott's eyes met Logan's, who was smiling contentedly at the peaceful scene.

He gestured to Nathan, as if Logan didn't know what he would be talking about anyways, needing something to do with his hands. "I think he's out for the night. He's been so excited about tomorrow.. Christmas really does have a way of making everything magical, huh?"

His eyes darted around the room: the lights, the decorations, the Christmas tree. Just for weeks ago he wouldn't have been able to imagine any of this, that he was going to be able to provide Nathan with this. He had spent so much time wondering about how to pull Nathan back from the hole his breakup with Jean and the court case over their custody right left - he would have never thought it could be this natural.

A low chuckle drew from Logan's throat, his elbow resting on the back of the couch, his hand supporting his head. His body was turned in their direction and a domestic glint filled his hazel eyes. "Yeah, it's pretty special." His eyes wandered up from Nathan's sleeping form to Scott's eyes. "But it's only so special as we make it. He's lucky to have you."

The smile edging onto his face was sincere as Scott's gaze wandered back down to his son. Single strands of hair covered his face, his breathing slow and rhythmic. "I'm lucky to have him. You know, I- I never really knew what this kind of... warmth felt like until I had Nathan. Never knew I could love someone as much as I love and care about him."

Logan let his arm drop, leaning back on the couch a little, his eyes still on Scott. Shifting Nathan in his arms carefully, trying hard not to stir him awake but needing to move him so he could carry him back to bed, he stared back, his and Logan's eyes locked together. "I can see that. You two make a pretty good team."

Scott smiled at Logan, thankful for the sincerity in his voice, the words effortless but full of meaning. He hoisted Nathan up, resting him on his hip while propping his head up against his shoulder. In a few quick strides he was down the hallway, opening the door to Nathan's room. The bright green walls reflected the little light streaming in through the window, making the room seem alight even in complete darkness. He sidestepped a few of Nathan's toys, setting him down on the soft mattress. 

Pulling back the covers he adjusted his hold on Nathan, turning him so he could put him down on his back. His son stirred, but only enough to turn on his side and pulling his stuffed animal into his arms. Scott smiled at the gesture, drawing the soft blankets up over Nathan's delicate form, making sure to tug him in properly. Supporting his own weight with his right arm, he leaned down placing a loving kiss in the middle of Nathan's forehead, reaching out with his other hand to brush the loose strands out of his face.

"Goodnight, honey. Have sweet dreams." His voice was soft, a whisper in the quiet of Nathan's room.

Standing upright, Scott took a final, lingering look at his son, relishing in the tranquility of the scene. He then moved quietly down the hallway to where Logan sat on the couch, his head resting against the back of the cushions, eyes shut in calm contemplation. Hearing Scott's footsteps approach, Logan's eyes fluttered open, and he watched as Scott sat down beside him, much closer this time, their thighs nearly brushing together.

They locked eyes for a long, quiet moment, both of them drawn into the depth of the other's stare. The emotional weight of everything that had happened over the past weeks settled in the space between them, rich with meaning. Scott had rehearsed what he wanted to say, crafted each sentence with precision. But now, sitting so close to Logan, feeling his warmth, the words seemed to evaporate.

"Logan, I-", he stopped himself, his voice raw and scratchy. Uncomfortable. "I've been thinking about this. About everything." Another pause filled with anticipation over his next words. He cleared his throat. "Us."

Logan's gaze was fixed on him, the quiet between them stretching for a moment before he inhaled deeply, his chest rising with the breath, and exhaled just as heavily, nodding in quiet understanding. "Yeah, me too."

Scott kept blubbering, fearing he would lose all the courage he had mustered up so bravely. "I didn't exactly plan for any of this. When we first met.. I wasn't expecting anything. You know, just trying to get through life with Nathan and figuring out how to be a dad again. But then... you were there. And I guess I wasn't expecting you to-", he hesitated a second, hoping his next words wouldn't sound too offending, pushing a button in Logan. "-to stick around."

Logan's lips twisted into a bitter smile, his eyes flickering with a hint of regret as he glanced down at his lap, watching his own knuckles flex beneath the rough skin of his hands. "I usually don't."

Scott could hear the hurt of past wounds ringing so clearly in Logan's voice, but he didn't say anything, giving the older man a chance to sort his feelings out.

Logan's eyes found his again, this time with a certainty, like he had made a decision he was set on following through with on all costs. "Stick around, I mean. But stubbornness can be pretty contagious and someone's definitely been worth my while."

A flutter ran through Scott's chest, heat flooding him as Logan's words settled in, softening him, melting him from the inside out. It felt like Logan's words had wrapped around him, offering a sense of security that no physical distance could ever take away.

"You've been here for Nathan, for me. You've been here in a way that made me realise - I've been needing someone in my life. Someone like you, bringing me stability and comfort without asking for anything im return."

The smile on Logan's face dimmed, feeling the shift in Scott's mood. He could tell where this was going and that Scott needed a little guidance to get them there. He leaned forward, their thighs brushing as he closed the distance between them. Draping his arm over the back of the couch, his muscles coiled with the option of drawing Scott in even closer, he caught the sharp intake of Scott's breath, the space between them suddenly electric with proximity.

"I didn't plan on going anywhere - didn't want to leave, which is very rare for me." An ironic chuckle accompanied the last part of Logan's words, as if he couldn't believe his own emotions. "I usually don't make it longer than a week and that's already generous. I-", there was a small pause, the hand not resting over the back of the couch running through his hair before pushing down over his thigh, a slight scratching noise against the heavy denim.

"I'm not good at the whole settling down thing and build a life you want to stick around for. And honestly when you first walked into the tree lot I didn't think this would blossom into something more than a casual flirt. But it did and..", he swallowed, hard, his Adam's apple moving heavily. "Scott, for the first time I didn't feel the need to run, to get away as fast as I can. I found myself wanting to stay. With you and Nathan."

Scott stared, his eyes widening a bit. Logan met his gaze again, no teasing, no hooded glint or any walls pulled up to protect himself. Just raw and open emotion, the potential fear to be scarred by Scott's rejection for life, something he locked away in a far drawer in his head.

"I've been wanting to see where this could go... with you. If you'll have me."

Scott nodded, slowly at first, Logan's words still needing some time to process, to sink in. The more time he got to turn Logan's words over in his head, the more confident his nods got. He lifted his hands, taking Logan's free hand into his. He traced his fingers along the roughened skin, feeling a thrill at the way Logan's breath caught, the subtle tremor that ran through his strong hands. Without a word, he entwined their fingers, the sudden, overwhelming desire to be held by Logan surging through him.

"I don't know what it's going to look like, how long it will take for us to build this and I really don't want to mess this up, but-", he lifted his head again from where he had been staring at their intertwined fingers, his face inches from Logan - both of them leaning in, trying to be as close to the other as possible. "I want to see where this goes, too. I'll have you, Logan, and with it every side, every layer or every branch you carry with you."

The soft, amused chuckle was worth the snark remark about Logan's job, the way they met. Scott's lips tugged into a smile, the weight of the moment lifting off of their shoulders as Logan's arm, the one that had been resting on the back of the couch, was pulled back, his left hand cupping Scott's face in his hand.

And then, Logan's lips met his, gentle yet purposeful. 

The kiss was full of yearning, as though they had both been aching to surrender to this magnetic pull for some time - the longing clear in how Logan's lips pressed against his. They kissed, their movements syncing, growing closer, as if they couldn't get enough of each other.

Logan's lips were rough, cracked from standing outside in the cold for weeks while selling Christmas trees, far from the softness Scott's own lips provided. His thumb caressed Scott's cheek gently, anchoring his head in place. As Logan tilted his head, their lips melded even more perfectly, two sides of fundamental contradiction blending together, not so different as they might seem on first glace. Scott's free hand came up and, in lack of any use, gripped Logan's shirt, anchoring him in return.

Logan's sideburns grazed his skin, and his nose brushed against Scott's with each movement, nudging him softly. The kiss was anything but perfect but to Scott, there was no better way to be drawn into Logan's embrace, to feel the other man close and pour all his feelings onto a silver plate, Scott's to take.

It was Logan who broke their lip lock first, Scott following his lips, a bit dazed by the dizzying effect of the kiss. The other man didn't pull away though, tilting his head so Logan could press their foreheads together. They were both breathing hard, trying to get their breathing under control.

The kiss hadn't been overly passionate, but the rush of emotion was enough to have Scott breathless and clinging to Logan's shirt desperately.

One of Logan's arms wrapped around his body, drawing him in nearer, their foreheads still pressed together, eyes closed. Savoring the moment. Logan's hand still cupped Scott's face, his thumb now tracing across Scott's bottom lip, pulling at it slightly.

Sitting close like this, wrapped up in each other's proximity sent a wave of comfort through Scott - something he wanted to hold onto with all his might. He could easily picture himself taking the plunge, stepping into the unknown, and seeing where this might lead. There was something about them - about this - that made him want to let it grow, to give it space to flourish and see what might come from the foundation they were laying together.

The steady rhythm of their breaths was interrupted by the faint chime from the electric clock on the wall near the hallway. It was a sound Scott had brought along with him from his New York apartment - a subtle alert he used to mark the passing of each hour for Nathan. Though they didn't necessarily need it anymore, it had become a practical piece to keep it around.

The soft exhale from Logan punctuated the sound, his lips pulling up into a content smile.

"Merry Christmas, Scott."

And, yeah - there really was something magical about Christmas. The slight skip in Scott's pulse accompanied his words, his eyes fluttering open to look at the man in front of him, the man who had casually entered his life and brought so much hope and love along with him.

"Merry Christmas, Logan."

❝❞